"The Sober Life" sucks...
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Thailand
Posts: 824
Agree with Scott - life full stop can be boring - whether you are drunk or sober.
Sounds a cliche but happiness comes from within, or certainly in my case contentment- as soon as you put these things at the mercy of external forces then it can be tricky.
Sounds a cliche but happiness comes from within, or certainly in my case contentment- as soon as you put these things at the mercy of external forces then it can be tricky.
30 Days & Under Club
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Join Date: Apr 2015
Location: The Southeast, USA
Posts: 828
Originally Posted by Time2Rise 
Have you talked with your doctor SoberRunner? Perhaps you're suffering from a form of mild-depression? Would you consider therapy or medication?.
Originally Posted by RedManc7
Agree with Scott - life full stop can be boring - whether you are drunk or sober. Sounds a cliche but happiness comes from within, or certainly in my case contentment- as soon as you put these things at the mercy of external forces then it can be tricky.
D♭7♭9♯9♯11♭13
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 336
My opinion is most people who abuse alcohol do so because life sucks for x, y or z reason(s). When you're clean, you're forced to deal with x, y or z on its own terms. People used to ask me why I ran 50 miles a week, and I'd say because it makes life suck less. That's kind of how I feel about being sober. Pounding booze hard everyday is exhausting and tough on the body.
As for boredom, I have plenty to do, but sometimes I don't like to do it.
As for boredom, I have plenty to do, but sometimes I don't like to do it.
30 Days & Under Club
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Join Date: Apr 2015
Location: The Southeast, USA
Posts: 828
Originally Posted by dcg
My opinion is most people who abuse alcohol do so because life sucks for x, y or z reason(s). When you're clean, you're forced to deal with x, y or z on its own terms. People used to ask me why I ran 50 miles a week, and I'd say because it makes life suck less.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: NC
Posts: 1,737
I agree with Scott, and would add that my life began to change when I stopped seeking happiness and fulfillment "out there" - it's apparently an inside job. When I began to bring happiness and gratitude to the table, people seemed to react differently and the world seemed to operate differently. For us, I think it's second nature to always want more, which leads to perpetual dissatisfaction.
Don't get me wrong, I have bad days too, and I like to joke sometimes that I guess I just don't like people, but any day on this side of the sod is gob-smacking miracle. I try to remind myself that.
Don't get me wrong, I have bad days too, and I like to joke sometimes that I guess I just don't like people, but any day on this side of the sod is gob-smacking miracle. I try to remind myself that.
30 Days & Under Club
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Join Date: Apr 2015
Location: The Southeast, USA
Posts: 828
Originally Posted by Eddiebuckle
I agree with Scott, and would add that my life began to change when I stopped seeking happiness and fulfillment "out there" - it's apparently an inside job. When I began to bring happiness and gratitude to the table, people seemed to react differently and the world seemed to operate differently.
Eh, who knows... Maybe "most" is just me, but I guess this topic is for another forum, huh?
I like this link though: http://www.motivationalmemo.com/the-...-to-happiness/
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 172
Originally Posted by SoberRunner
... but so does "The Drinking Life".
Either way, I'm not happy. Did I miss the memo!?
Either way, I'm not happy. Did I miss the memo!?
The good news or bad news depending upon how you look at it is that a heavy or moderate drinking won't be miserable not drinking. Only the dry alcoholic doing nothing to treat alcoholism will be miserable when alcohol is removed so you may have just answered a difficult question for yourself that many refuse to accept until it's too late.
Stay clean, treat the alcoholism and you can then enjoy life. The other options for an alcoholic are extremely bleak.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 172
Originally Posted by dcg
My opinion is most people who abuse alcohol do so because life sucks for x, y or z reason(s). When you're clean, you're forced to deal with x, y or z on its own terms. People used to ask me why I ran 50 miles a week, and I'd say because it makes life suck less. That's kind of how I feel about being sober. Pounding booze hard everyday is exhausting and tough on the body.
As for boredom, I have plenty to do, but sometimes I don't like to do it.
As for boredom, I have plenty to do, but sometimes I don't like to do it.
An alcoholic drinks to get relief or a sense of ease and comfort. Nothing has to be wrong in an alcoholics life for an alcoholic to drink because the alcoholic mind makes one believe something is wrong even when everything is alright.
Catch and Release
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: Crazy Canuck
Posts: 441
Hi Soberrunner:
I'm in a very similar situation as you - moved to a new place, completely alone and finding it difficult to break into the community and find new friends. I'm middle aged so my age group are very entrenched in their families and being newly single too I am sometimes very lonely sitting in my house in the evenings.
I have joined a community activity which brings me a lot of joy and I just got myself a new job. Things are starting to look up for me, but a couple of weeks ago, I was very depressed and found myself breaking into tears. I was at the gym working out - looked into the mirror and didn't like what I saw reflected. I saw this middle aged, lonely woman and I had to get out of there. Sat in my car and cried...why?
But the thought of picking up again...NEVER. Despite the loneliness and missing my family, to face that being hungover would truly be unbearable. I've come so far in the last 8 months and I have to keep in mind all that I've accomplished and faced without alcohol. Sure, I'm bored sometimes but why would I want to replace that boredom with being hungover? You remember hangovers, don't you? They suck ass.
I'm starting to get back into activities that I once found deep pleasure in. Sobriety and happiness are a journey and some days will be filled with wonder and some days despair, but at least, for me, none will be filled with hangovers.
Chin up!
CF
I'm in a very similar situation as you - moved to a new place, completely alone and finding it difficult to break into the community and find new friends. I'm middle aged so my age group are very entrenched in their families and being newly single too I am sometimes very lonely sitting in my house in the evenings.
I have joined a community activity which brings me a lot of joy and I just got myself a new job. Things are starting to look up for me, but a couple of weeks ago, I was very depressed and found myself breaking into tears. I was at the gym working out - looked into the mirror and didn't like what I saw reflected. I saw this middle aged, lonely woman and I had to get out of there. Sat in my car and cried...why?
But the thought of picking up again...NEVER. Despite the loneliness and missing my family, to face that being hungover would truly be unbearable. I've come so far in the last 8 months and I have to keep in mind all that I've accomplished and faced without alcohol. Sure, I'm bored sometimes but why would I want to replace that boredom with being hungover? You remember hangovers, don't you? They suck ass.
I'm starting to get back into activities that I once found deep pleasure in. Sobriety and happiness are a journey and some days will be filled with wonder and some days despair, but at least, for me, none will be filled with hangovers.
Chin up!
CF
Trudgin
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 6,348
Originally Posted by SoberRunner
... but so does "The Drinking Life".
Either way, I'm not happy. Did I miss the memo!?
Either way, I'm not happy. Did I miss the memo!?
My joy today comes from the thought - it is in giving that we receive.......
keep working!
Thanks for the post - you're not alone........
30 Days & Under Club
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Join Date: Apr 2015
Location: The Southeast, USA
Posts: 828
Originally Posted by FreeOwl
Have you been running? I find it hard to be too bummed when I'm running! Hang in there!
Hang in there!
Originally Posted by jd1639
SoberRunner, you might find the web site livingsobersucks.com interesting.
Originally Posted by Pacoloco
Sober life is not boring, LIFE IS.
Originally Posted by Calicofish
Hi Soberrunner: I'm in a very similar situation as you - moved to a new place, completely alone and finding it difficult to break into the community and find new friends. I'm middle aged so my age group are very entrenched in their families and being newly single too I am sometimes very lonely sitting in my house in the evenings. I have joined a community activity which brings me a lot of joy and I just got myself a new job.
Originally Posted by Fly N Buy
The memo I finally got was entitled = "It's not all about me". When I began to comprehend that drinking was highly selfish, got sober and made a decision to put others first - I began not just sobriety but recovery.
EndGame
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 4,677
There's a big difference between doing something because we're happy to do it, and doing something because we expect that it will make us happy. The one requires self-awareness, work, and perseverance, the other is simply a game of chance which The House rarely loses.
Doing things we'd otherwise not want to do is part of the deal we sign when we commit to getting sober. Few of us get this in early sobriety. "I can't go to AA because..." "AVRT doesn't resonate with me." "I don't have time to go to treatment." "How is talking to someone (a therapist) about my problems going to change anything?" "I get anxious around other people, so I have to do this on my own." "No one will understand me." "People are judging me." "I don't like doctors." At the same time, we admit to all kinds of repulsive, illegal and destructive behaviors while we were drinking, invoking "It's not/wasn't the real me" as a poor substitute for personal responsibility.
You got it right in one of your posts by suggesting that so many more people don't stay sober than those who do because they give up too early in the process. If everything got better on its own as a result of just putting down the drink, more or even most of us, would stay sober for the long run. Either that or we'd find something else to complain about in order to support our drinking.
I needed to learn how to live again following a three-year relapse without having had a drink for twenty five years, during which time I'd lived a life beyond my very active imagination. Some of us never learned to live the first time around, having forestalled sobriety well into our adult years.
I sacrificed about sixteen years of my life to drinking, not counting the time it took me to get things together after each of the two times I got sober and the people I brought down with me. And for what? A couple of years of hard work hardly seemed to me like a high price to pay in order to live a much better and more meaningful life.
We do whatever it takes to stay sober long enough and to build a life worth living, and we find our way.
Doing things we'd otherwise not want to do is part of the deal we sign when we commit to getting sober. Few of us get this in early sobriety. "I can't go to AA because..." "AVRT doesn't resonate with me." "I don't have time to go to treatment." "How is talking to someone (a therapist) about my problems going to change anything?" "I get anxious around other people, so I have to do this on my own." "No one will understand me." "People are judging me." "I don't like doctors." At the same time, we admit to all kinds of repulsive, illegal and destructive behaviors while we were drinking, invoking "It's not/wasn't the real me" as a poor substitute for personal responsibility.
You got it right in one of your posts by suggesting that so many more people don't stay sober than those who do because they give up too early in the process. If everything got better on its own as a result of just putting down the drink, more or even most of us, would stay sober for the long run. Either that or we'd find something else to complain about in order to support our drinking.
I needed to learn how to live again following a three-year relapse without having had a drink for twenty five years, during which time I'd lived a life beyond my very active imagination. Some of us never learned to live the first time around, having forestalled sobriety well into our adult years.
I sacrificed about sixteen years of my life to drinking, not counting the time it took me to get things together after each of the two times I got sober and the people I brought down with me. And for what? A couple of years of hard work hardly seemed to me like a high price to pay in order to live a much better and more meaningful life.
We do whatever it takes to stay sober long enough and to build a life worth living, and we find our way.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: milwaukee wi
Posts: 3,574
Hi Sober Runner... Life is crap from the time we are born to this minute we are lied to... do this and be good do this and life will be grand.. don't do this for it will mess up your life.. Listen to people older then you they have the right answers.. be nice and the world will work better for you.. Crap Crap and more do do..... and I am not ranting...
be happy get married have children and your hubby will take good care of you and the children wil grow up have families and it wil be just peachy keen.. lie lie lie.. be down.. I think part of my day to day is the last of the morphine they had to pump into me a weekago... all I am doing is crying. the tears won't stop. have eaten my way thro 4 big halloween sugar cookies and 2 glasses of milk..
be happy what the h double toothpicks for ..
hubby's 61st birthday today. got him to pick a restraunt for party.. his Mom and Dad will pay for it.. right it is a dress up for adults... his son was not coming or bringing the only grand kids.. seems now we needed the room bigger as Justin decieded to come.. and then called back 2 hours later Dad not bringing the kids bringing new girl friend.. ***** **** nasty female.. sorry you can delete this if you need.. no one knew of the problem until just now.. Happy kids and Beans Iam just red with delight... the white gloves are being knoted into a ball.. So I called Anne... Justins wife of 15 years.. we don't get to see them much at all. 2 christmas's and I have some video's of her and the kids so its not empty photos we are looking at... laughter and smiles and telling the real Grand Dad Ed what the gift does.. and a little one of me and the 2 girls... Monroe and Amiraa they are so special to my heart.. happy people I am in tears.... seems Anne had no idea that Justin was planning to divorce her.. I dropped the bomb.. so he is mad at Ed Ed was jumping up and down at me... a nd this old lady clown was walking around work going the kids will be at the party we can take their birthday gifts that we never got to give with us.. wrong wrong wrong... happy what for ....
sorry I do so look forward to the end of the year 2015 it has been just to hard.. for this old lady clown... ok kiddo think your life is crap.. live in your sons house for a roof.. have a hubby that is now off morphine for only 6 weeks and my right kidney is killing me slowly and I make 10.92 per hour for 27.5 hours a week and pay the bills. life you are born raised and have the chance to do something with your life MAYBE.. and then you get sick and die.... whoopie do.... do I feel better.. not another cookie . ekekkeke the orange sugar is making me loopy.. sorry all prayers kiddo your life is only what you and only you make of it.. keep trying why because you only really fail when you stop trying.. love ardy
be happy get married have children and your hubby will take good care of you and the children wil grow up have families and it wil be just peachy keen.. lie lie lie.. be down.. I think part of my day to day is the last of the morphine they had to pump into me a weekago... all I am doing is crying. the tears won't stop. have eaten my way thro 4 big halloween sugar cookies and 2 glasses of milk..
be happy what the h double toothpicks for ..
hubby's 61st birthday today. got him to pick a restraunt for party.. his Mom and Dad will pay for it.. right it is a dress up for adults... his son was not coming or bringing the only grand kids.. seems now we needed the room bigger as Justin decieded to come.. and then called back 2 hours later Dad not bringing the kids bringing new girl friend.. ***** **** nasty female.. sorry you can delete this if you need.. no one knew of the problem until just now.. Happy kids and Beans Iam just red with delight... the white gloves are being knoted into a ball.. So I called Anne... Justins wife of 15 years.. we don't get to see them much at all. 2 christmas's and I have some video's of her and the kids so its not empty photos we are looking at... laughter and smiles and telling the real Grand Dad Ed what the gift does.. and a little one of me and the 2 girls... Monroe and Amiraa they are so special to my heart.. happy people I am in tears.... seems Anne had no idea that Justin was planning to divorce her.. I dropped the bomb.. so he is mad at Ed Ed was jumping up and down at me... a nd this old lady clown was walking around work going the kids will be at the party we can take their birthday gifts that we never got to give with us.. wrong wrong wrong... happy what for ....
sorry I do so look forward to the end of the year 2015 it has been just to hard.. for this old lady clown... ok kiddo think your life is crap.. live in your sons house for a roof.. have a hubby that is now off morphine for only 6 weeks and my right kidney is killing me slowly and I make 10.92 per hour for 27.5 hours a week and pay the bills. life you are born raised and have the chance to do something with your life MAYBE.. and then you get sick and die.... whoopie do.... do I feel better.. not another cookie . ekekkeke the orange sugar is making me loopy.. sorry all prayers kiddo your life is only what you and only you make of it.. keep trying why because you only really fail when you stop trying.. love ardy
Member
Join Date: Oct 2015
Posts: 2,393
EndGame &FlynBuy bringing some toughness and clarity! I agree heartily and am grateful for the comments. This is the only way anyone finds meaning, not just alcoholics.
But someone raised the possibility of depression. Long term inability to feel positive anticipation and joy/happiness is practically the definition of depression. I absolutely had to have medical assistance with my depression. If we are sober for awhile, and not beginning to experience happiness and joy in simple things, we should go to a doctor capable of evaluating depression and/or anxiety.
But someone raised the possibility of depression. Long term inability to feel positive anticipation and joy/happiness is practically the definition of depression. I absolutely had to have medical assistance with my depression. If we are sober for awhile, and not beginning to experience happiness and joy in simple things, we should go to a doctor capable of evaluating depression and/or anxiety.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: milwaukee wi
Posts: 3,574
that is so very true BixBees.. true. true true....
Originally Posted by BixBees505
EndGame &FlynBuy bringing some toughness and clarity! I agree heartily and am grateful for the comments. This is the only way anyone finds meaning, not just alcoholics.
But someone raised the possibility of depression. Long term inability to feel positive anticipation and joy/happiness is practically the definition of depression. I absolutely had to have medical assistance with my depression. If we are sober for awhile, and not beginning to experience happiness and joy in simple things, we should go to a doctor capable of evaluating depression and/or anxiety.
But someone raised the possibility of depression. Long term inability to feel positive anticipation and joy/happiness is practically the definition of depression. I absolutely had to have medical assistance with my depression. If we are sober for awhile, and not beginning to experience happiness and joy in simple things, we should go to a doctor capable of evaluating depression and/or anxiety.
30 Days & Under Club
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2015
Location: The Southeast, USA
Posts: 828
Originally Posted by EndGameNYC
There's a big difference between doing something because we're happy to do it, and doing something because we expect that it will make us happy. The one requires self-awareness, work, and perseverance, the other is simply a game of chance which The House rarely loses.
Originally Posted by BixBees505
...Long term inability to feel positive anticipation and joy/happiness is practically the definition of depression. I absolutely had to have medical assistance with my depression. If we are sober for awhile, and not beginning to experience happiness and joy in simple things, we should go to a doctor capable of evaluating depression and/or anxiety.
I mean, I don't walk around looking sad--and most of my friends would never know I was unhappy b/c I always try to look on the brightside--but I've tried many careers/jobs in hopes of them fulfilling me like sports did, and none of them do. I think my main problem is my inability to feel like I have a purpose in life a do meaningful work. I'm not sure why I can't be happy working any job and just making a paycheck; a lot of people do that but I'm just not wired that way. I wish I were! Life would be much easier and I think I would be much happier. Also, I wouldn't be a "job hopper" which tends to get old (and somewhat embarrasing because you don't know what you want to do with your life) once you hit your 30's.
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