"The Sober Life" sucks...
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Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
Originally Posted by SoberRunner 
Excellent response!! Thank you for that. I'll have to reflect on everything you said, again, but what resonated the most was "I think that as long as we seek only pleasurable things, we'll always remain dissatisfied and prone to excess and destruction."
That is definitely my problem... I'm somewhat of an adrenaline junkie so I tend to seek excitement in everything that I do. And, if it's not exciting or fun--I usually do not do it...for a long period of time. Which, as I type / look at what I just said is totally unrealistic.
Lol @ gas money and legs. Um, I'm aware I have legs but I'm in a rural area--the closest grocery store is about 5 miles away!! Also, we do not have sidewalks and I don't know about you, but I'd rather not run in wooded areas when I can hear random animals rustlin' about.
Also, thank you for those ideas. They're great! But, like I said, right now I do not have gas money so there is no way for me to get to any of those places on a regular basis. Yes, technically, I could walk 8+ miles to the library--through the wooded area--but that ain't gonna happen!! Would you do that? Ha! Probably not.
Lastly, there are no people my age around here and no one is really "out 'n about" in the neighborhood, unless they're driving to and from work. I only plan on being here a few more months so I'll just have to suck it up. And, hopefully, I'll find a job soon and that'll take up most of the day.
That is definitely my problem... I'm somewhat of an adrenaline junkie so I tend to seek excitement in everything that I do. And, if it's not exciting or fun--I usually do not do it...for a long period of time. Which, as I type / look at what I just said is totally unrealistic.
Lol @ gas money and legs. Um, I'm aware I have legs but I'm in a rural area--the closest grocery store is about 5 miles away!! Also, we do not have sidewalks and I don't know about you, but I'd rather not run in wooded areas when I can hear random animals rustlin' about.
Also, thank you for those ideas. They're great! But, like I said, right now I do not have gas money so there is no way for me to get to any of those places on a regular basis. Yes, technically, I could walk 8+ miles to the library--through the wooded area--but that ain't gonna happen!! Would you do that? Ha! Probably not.
Lastly, there are no people my age around here and no one is really "out 'n about" in the neighborhood, unless they're driving to and from work. I only plan on being here a few more months so I'll just have to suck it up. And, hopefully, I'll find a job soon and that'll take up most of the day.
8 miles to the library? Would I do that? Let's see... I'm bored, unemployed, feeling isolated, wishing there were something more to it..... I love nature, love the woods, love to run and to walk....
Yes. Yes, I would.
Also, I run in wooded areas all the time... running trails and fields and backroads and highway shoulders is just fine.... NO EXCUSES GET OUT THERE!!!
We can always find reasons not to embrace and enjoy our current circumstances to the fullest.... sometimes it's easier to find those reasons than at other times.... but let's not fool ourselves into believing those are legitimate excuses not to embrace and love our lives because...
#SOBERLIFEROCKS!!!
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Join Date: Jun 2015
Posts: 147
I agree with time2rise. I think after many years of abuse our brain chemistry has changed and it takes time for it to recover. I remember how much joy drinking brought me. But just the other day I found it strange that alcohol and staring at a TV brought me such joy. I just try to hold on. I reason that I tried the drinking path for many years and that didn't turn out so well, so I'm going to try the sober path, now. I'll trudge along just like I trudged previously except now i won't be hungover as much
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Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Aberdeen SD
Posts: 180
I'm confused about the meaning of happiness too. I do know this. Happiness doesn't need a 'reason' and can't be 'achieved'. To have a reason to be happy (drink) invites trouble. I know people who have worked for material gain all their life, got it, and are still unhappy. The search for happiness seems to make one unhappy.
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Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 3,293
Originally Posted by SoberRunner
I feel like I've done a lot to attempt to be happy... I used to go to random places just to get out of the house and meet new people, even if I had to go solo; I signed up to take a class; I've moved to (and explored) new cities; I've signed up for adult sports leagues; I've tried new hobbies; I've tried to start fitness groups at my new job; Etc...
I've tried a lot of things but all of those attempts have been a dead end. I've found most people to be really flaky in our adult life, or too busy w/ their spouses and/or children to (significantly) invest in meeting new people. So, after about 3 years of trying, I just gave up...and ended up drinking b/c "bar people" were the only friendly people I could find.
I've tried a lot of things but all of those attempts have been a dead end. I've found most people to be really flaky in our adult life, or too busy w/ their spouses and/or children to (significantly) invest in meeting new people. So, after about 3 years of trying, I just gave up...and ended up drinking b/c "bar people" were the only friendly people I could find.
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Folks....let's not turn this into a personal argument thread. Please keep your comments constructive and on topic. There is no one "textbook" answer to attaining sobriety...and fighting over who is "right" helps no one.
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Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
Originally Posted by RogerD
I agree with time2rise. I think after many years of abuse our brain chemistry has changed and it takes time for it to recover. I remember how much joy drinking brought me. But just the other day I found it strange that alcohol and staring at a TV brought me such joy. I just try to hold on. I reason that I tried the drinking path for many years and that didn't turn out so well, so I'm going to try the sober path, now. I'll trudge along just like I trudged previously except now i won't be hungover as much
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Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 172
Originally Posted by thomas11
I agree. I think sometimes we think the next time we drink it will be different and fun and interesting....and its not. Its the same ole crap. That mindset has helped me quite a bit. So, logically I decided to try something different. So far so good.
Lol, once mine progressed to the point where those GABA pathways were blown wide open due the the amount of my consumption, I immediately became a daily 24/7 blackout drinker as soon as alcohol entere my system. What a ****** existence and playing Russian roulette with my life and the lives of those around me.
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Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
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Back to SoberRunner and her situation:
SoberRunner, let me just say I hear you. When I retrace my steps, it's pretty clear that the drinking in my life escalated to alcoholism when I moved to the metro where I now live. It was exceedingly difficult to make friends. (And my origins are rural so I know that presents difficulties all of their own.) Above and beyond, I've been laid off so I know what it feels like to have that level of uncertainty injected into your life.
What I can tell you is hold on to hope and keep sobriety as your No. 1 focus. I wish I could have a do-over in which I had many of the wise souls of SR to help me get on a better path. There are people here whose observations are gospel to me -- when they speak, I listen. (Debates are just background noise. This is about you.)
We don't get do-overs but we do get to chart our own futures. I know this is a hard time for you. I really do. Stay close to SR and chart your future with sobriety. I am convinced the rest of the pieces will fall into place for you.
SoberRunner, let me just say I hear you. When I retrace my steps, it's pretty clear that the drinking in my life escalated to alcoholism when I moved to the metro where I now live. It was exceedingly difficult to make friends. (And my origins are rural so I know that presents difficulties all of their own.) Above and beyond, I've been laid off so I know what it feels like to have that level of uncertainty injected into your life.
What I can tell you is hold on to hope and keep sobriety as your No. 1 focus. I wish I could have a do-over in which I had many of the wise souls of SR to help me get on a better path. There are people here whose observations are gospel to me -- when they speak, I listen. (Debates are just background noise. This is about you.)
We don't get do-overs but we do get to chart our own futures. I know this is a hard time for you. I really do. Stay close to SR and chart your future with sobriety. I am convinced the rest of the pieces will fall into place for you.
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Join Date: Apr 2015
Location: The Southeast, USA
Posts: 828
Originally Posted by Roxyblues
A heavy drinker can moderate or quit on their own for sustained periods of time, an alcoholic cannot. Perhaps the OP is a true alcoholic suffering from the effects of untreated alcoholism.
Originally Posted by FreeOwl
8 miles to the library? Would I do that? Let's see... I'm bored, unemployed, feeling isolated, wishing there were something more to it..... I love nature, love the woods, love to run and to walk.... Yes. Yes, I would. Also, I run in wooded areas all the time... running trails and fields and backroads and highway shoulders is just fine.... NO EXCUSES GET OUT THERE!!! We can always find reasons not to embrace and enjoy our current circumstances to the fullest.... sometimes it's easier to find those reasons than at other times.... but let's not fool ourselves into believing those are legitimate excuses not to embrace and love our lives because... #SOBERLIFEROCKS!!!
Originally Posted by 2muchpain
I think it might be helpful for some people to re-read this post. It might help to get this thread back on track. It is pretty obvious SR has tried many things to improve his/her quality of life. The question I have for Sober Runner is why haven't any of these things worked? Answering that might give some light as to why the bar scene seems to tempting. John
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Join Date: Sep 2014
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I think sobriety magnifies how dependent we are on others for our mood. I hate relying on anyone other than myself, I hate being dependent on others, so this was kind of hard to accept for me. But I *need* people ... good friends, good times otherwise I'll feel down.
When I was drinking, loneliness never bothered me because the alcohol masked it. I didn't realize it at the time - I'd tell myself you don't need anyone, you rely on yourself. But in retrospect it's clear that I was kidding myself.
So, when I feel down in sobriety I think it's usually from being isolated for too long - not just from people, because you can feel lonely while being surrounded by others ... but more specifically from laughter, good conversation or some kind of thrilling goal oriented activity.
Unfortunately if the problem is finding people, nothing I've said is really helpful ... I agree that this is the hard part, but it is possible.
When I was drinking, loneliness never bothered me because the alcohol masked it. I didn't realize it at the time - I'd tell myself you don't need anyone, you rely on yourself. But in retrospect it's clear that I was kidding myself.
So, when I feel down in sobriety I think it's usually from being isolated for too long - not just from people, because you can feel lonely while being surrounded by others ... but more specifically from laughter, good conversation or some kind of thrilling goal oriented activity.
Unfortunately if the problem is finding people, nothing I've said is really helpful ... I agree that this is the hard part, but it is possible.
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Join Date: Apr 2015
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Originally Posted by Eshgham
I think sobriety magnifies how dependent we are on others for our mood. I hate relying on anyone other than myself, I hate being dependent on others, so this was kind of hard to accept for me. But I *need* people ... good friends, good times otherwise I'll feel down.
So, when I feel down in sobriety I think it's usually from being isolated for too long - not just from people, because you can feel lonely while being surrounded by others ... but more specifically from laughter, good conversation or some kind of thrilling goal oriented activity.
So, when I feel down in sobriety I think it's usually from being isolated for too long - not just from people, because you can feel lonely while being surrounded by others ... but more specifically from laughter, good conversation or some kind of thrilling goal oriented activity.
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Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 172
Originally Posted by Eshgham
I think sobriety magnifies how dependent we are on others for our mood. I hate relying on anyone other than myself, I hate being dependent on others, so this was kind of hard to accept for me. But I *need* people ... good friends, good times otherwise I'll feel down.
When I was drinking, loneliness never bothered me because the alcohol masked it. I didn't realize it at the time - I'd tell myself you don't need anyone, you rely on yourself. But in retrospect it's clear that I was kidding myself.
So, when I feel down in sobriety I think it's usually from being isolated for too long - not just from people, because you can feel lonely while being surrounded by others ... but more specifically from laughter, good conversation or some kind of thrilling goal oriented activity.
Unfortunately if the problem is finding people, nothing I've said is really helpful ... I agree that this is the hard part, but it is possible.
When I was drinking, loneliness never bothered me because the alcohol masked it. I didn't realize it at the time - I'd tell myself you don't need anyone, you rely on yourself. But in retrospect it's clear that I was kidding myself.
So, when I feel down in sobriety I think it's usually from being isolated for too long - not just from people, because you can feel lonely while being surrounded by others ... but more specifically from laughter, good conversation or some kind of thrilling goal oriented activity.
Unfortunately if the problem is finding people, nothing I've said is really helpful ... I agree that this is the hard part, but it is possible.
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Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 3,293
Originally Posted by Roxyblues
Good insight. Totally relate. Alcoholics are egomaniacs with an inferiority complex. Ego compensates for deep lying feeling of inferiority. Not a good combination in social settings. Seems like when we learn to take the focus off ourselves and place it on others we begin to build meaningful relationships. Not easy though as this stuff is deeply engrained. I also don't mind the isolation when I am getting trashed or popping pain killers.
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Location: The Southeast, USA
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UPDATE: I just got home from directing a tutoring session and noticed, this is the happiest I've been since I've moved here (e.g. approx 1 month)!
I'm really good at math (and love working with kids!) so I took some advice from this thread and tried to do something to help someone else (instead of trying to think of things to do that I consider "fun"). I posted an ad online offering my tutoring services and asked for a small fee, seeing as I'm unemployed. My fee is probably more than half the fee math tutors are charging in the area, but I decided I wanted to help kids whose parents can't afford $50+/hr tutoring sessions. That can get expensive!!
Anyway, I just got home and was talking to a friend and instantly thought, "Wow! You're kind of excited SR! Wssup w/ all of the smiles!?" My response to tutoring was unexpected; it was just the only thing I could think of that I could (instsntly) do to help someone else.
So, I just wanted to say, THANK YOU SR for helping me get the focus off of my wants/desire and realize happiness comes from unselfishness and helping others...and, it comes from within; although, the latter is still a work in progress. I'm still trying to wrap my mind around that one. Lol. *see my response to EddieBuckle on Pg 2 if you're confused*
I'm really good at math (and love working with kids!) so I took some advice from this thread and tried to do something to help someone else (instead of trying to think of things to do that I consider "fun"). I posted an ad online offering my tutoring services and asked for a small fee, seeing as I'm unemployed. My fee is probably more than half the fee math tutors are charging in the area, but I decided I wanted to help kids whose parents can't afford $50+/hr tutoring sessions. That can get expensive!!
Anyway, I just got home and was talking to a friend and instantly thought, "Wow! You're kind of excited SR! Wssup w/ all of the smiles!?" My response to tutoring was unexpected; it was just the only thing I could think of that I could (instsntly) do to help someone else.
So, I just wanted to say, THANK YOU SR for helping me get the focus off of my wants/desire and realize happiness comes from unselfishness and helping others...and, it comes from within; although, the latter is still a work in progress. I'm still trying to wrap my mind around that one. Lol. *see my response to EddieBuckle on Pg 2 if you're confused*
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