Class of October 2015 Part 2
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Ky
Posts: 2,043
Needtostopthis, I'm sorry. I read you've told your husband to make sure you don't drink? It's your problem why is he responsible for making sure you don't do it? Is he making you drink? I apologize just asking the tough questions. Sobriety is all about you. Starts and ends with you. You are accountable for you. Not your husband or anyone else. To me it sounds like another excuse. You can't blame someone else for your drinking. The key is all you. Just my thoughts.
You're not being tough on yourself. It's hard for everyone. You're not alone look at all these people on SR. You have to fight for you.
You're not being tough on yourself. It's hard for everyone. You're not alone look at all these people on SR. You have to fight for you.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Ky
Posts: 2,043
Needtostopthis, you need to tell him if he loves you he will stop enabling you. He won't offer it, mention it, go get it, nothing. You need to tell him to rejoice with you when you get another day sober, but other than that he needs to stop enabling you.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Ky
Posts: 2,043
Being a recovering alcoholic isn't just about stopping drinking. It a conscious effort to dedicate 24 hours at a time to not drink but you have to work on it all day. It is an addiction but not so wishy washy that it so easy to say "oops I messed up". Everyday you find coping skills to get you through the day, through the craving, through the triggers. It's about learning to live a different life. You can't be sober still living in your old drunk life. You have to change things and it starts with YOU. You can do it but you have to want it so bad that nothing will stop you from being sober and working on your recovery.
I just want to help you succeed. Listen to the people here they are right. I don't go to AA but I do work the steps. The first one is t only about knowing you're an all phobic and your life is unmanageable. You have to accept it and quit trying to prove you can make that fact different.
I just want to help you succeed. Listen to the people here they are right. I don't go to AA but I do work the steps. The first one is t only about knowing you're an all phobic and your life is unmanageable. You have to accept it and quit trying to prove you can make that fact different.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: US
Posts: 5,095
Hi Needtostopthis
Have you looked into codependent enabling? I believe you and your husband are in this dance and unless one partner steps out, the dance will continue. I'm not minimizing how hard this is but at some point you'll have to take a seat rather than engage in a lose lose dance.
Have you looked into codependent enabling? I believe you and your husband are in this dance and unless one partner steps out, the dance will continue. I'm not minimizing how hard this is but at some point you'll have to take a seat rather than engage in a lose lose dance.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2015
Location: Horse Country
Posts: 202
Just checking in and wishing everyone a lovely Saturday.
I'm back on day one. I drank a moderate amount the past three evenings. Not sure why- I'm working on that. I was doing pretty well the first three days and I pretty much just gave up. I wasn't even craving.
One major thing I did accomplish was getting honest with my husband- despite his occasional grumble about my wine he is very much in denial about the extent of my problem. I tried to get him to see how serious this is becoming. We talked for two hours and I think I'm really ready. I need him to support me and I need someone to be accountable to. I also had a talk with my adult daughter.
All I can say right now is that I won't drink today.
I'm back on day one. I drank a moderate amount the past three evenings. Not sure why- I'm working on that. I was doing pretty well the first three days and I pretty much just gave up. I wasn't even craving.
One major thing I did accomplish was getting honest with my husband- despite his occasional grumble about my wine he is very much in denial about the extent of my problem. I tried to get him to see how serious this is becoming. We talked for two hours and I think I'm really ready. I need him to support me and I need someone to be accountable to. I also had a talk with my adult daughter.
All I can say right now is that I won't drink today.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: East Coast
Posts: 1,134
Good luck, Jane8 - you sound like you have your resolve. You can do this!!
I'm on Day 7. One week. Woke up with a cold - I knew I was fighting something yesterday because I felt run down. It's not wonderful, but I will be fine and get through it and it's NOTHING compared to how badly I used to feel with my hangovers. People like us have been to hell and back in a way others can't understand!
So I slept for 12 hours straight. I was exhausted. I had a lot of dreams and they were somewhat laced with anxiety provoking situations. In one dream, I blew my sobriety (don't remember drinking, but remember feeling drunk and saying, oh, I blew it!) I then woke up in a tent in the middle of no where in some rural area. I guess I had passed out there. When I woke up, my wallet and credit cards were all gone. Talk about stress! I know those situations happen when people drink - I've had similar situations - though never waking up in a tent and not knowing how I got there
Anyway, I'm soooooooo glad it was just a dream. Everything's fine this morning. Day 7 - going to take my dog for a walk.
I'm on Day 7. One week. Woke up with a cold - I knew I was fighting something yesterday because I felt run down. It's not wonderful, but I will be fine and get through it and it's NOTHING compared to how badly I used to feel with my hangovers. People like us have been to hell and back in a way others can't understand!
So I slept for 12 hours straight. I was exhausted. I had a lot of dreams and they were somewhat laced with anxiety provoking situations. In one dream, I blew my sobriety (don't remember drinking, but remember feeling drunk and saying, oh, I blew it!) I then woke up in a tent in the middle of no where in some rural area. I guess I had passed out there. When I woke up, my wallet and credit cards were all gone. Talk about stress! I know those situations happen when people drink - I've had similar situations - though never waking up in a tent and not knowing how I got there
Anyway, I'm soooooooo glad it was just a dream. Everything's fine this morning. Day 7 - going to take my dog for a walk.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 193
I wish I had advice for everyone dealing with family members who aren't supportive. I might not have mentioned, but that time my sister came over for a visit, she drank some of the wine that was here (this was one of the shared bottles - there are magnums on the shelf and it's just for dinners or whenever).
For the whole visit, she was eyeing the bottle (ok maybe I did say this) and I kept saying no.....that's not fair if you drink....but eventually I caved and was like "ok sure, go ahead" because the alternative of her asking a lot felt like more of a hassle. So she had only one large glass, got a bit giggly, and that was it (I don't know how she does that). Anyway this was just before my relapse after 8 days?
Anyway, what I'm trying to say is she's not as supportive because she doesn't know how bad my problem is. I think she thinks it's like when I say I'm giving up sugar, or wheat, or something else. Also, because since the last time I said I wasn't drinking, I drank a couple more times.... so to her, that is me not being serious about my decision. So...........I guess in order for her to understand, I would have to be very honest about how much of a problem this is. And that is scary.
Actually, talking about dreams, in my dream last night....it was all about rehab and inpatient centres. For the whole dream I was thinking about going to one, and in the end, you know what my decision was? To finally decide to enter inpatient treatment, for my EATING DISORDER. Yeah. I felt more comfortable finally telling my dear mum and everyone else that I was going to inpatient for my ED......but still was keeping my alcohol problem a secret. Going to rehab for that would be shameful, and embarrassing. In fact, I've been through at least three pre-rehab groups....and at the end, decided not to go IP but to just stay out, working on it with therapists.
At the end of the third (or fourth?) group, I finally decided to be more honest. But that meant making a FB post and telling everyone that I had decided to quit drinking, for good. But I think I said it was mainly for health. I can't remember if I had an actual reason, really. But that was SCARY. I did it on the morning of my last group. I had also texted the one friend who did know about my problem, and told her I was going to make the post, asked for advice, and asked if she could post something on it just in case no one else did. Just some encouragement.
Anyway, a few family members did get a bit worried and asked some questions, but I chickened out and at that point didn't fully disclose. To one family member I just said when I was stressed, I drank more and that wasn't good. And my mum - aaaahhh....she messaged me asking about it. She was sooooo worried so I panicked and really downplayed it. I said I felt it could become a problem so I was quitting now, before it became a problem....just that lately some of my habits weren't as good, and that my health was important too, blah blah. (My dad was an alcoholic so she worries a lot about her children becoming one too...)
Anyway!!! That was the first step. But maybe I have to be more honest. And of course, tell my roommates that I don't drink anymore. My god, do I have to do that.... there was a time in the past where I did quit for awhile - but basically, if they asked if I wanted a drink, I'd say no. That was it. And then they all started to think I was pregnant, lol. Like that's the only reason I'd ever stop drinking, apparently!
Anyway enough rambling. That's what my journal is supposed to be for.
For the whole visit, she was eyeing the bottle (ok maybe I did say this) and I kept saying no.....that's not fair if you drink....but eventually I caved and was like "ok sure, go ahead" because the alternative of her asking a lot felt like more of a hassle. So she had only one large glass, got a bit giggly, and that was it (I don't know how she does that). Anyway this was just before my relapse after 8 days?
Anyway, what I'm trying to say is she's not as supportive because she doesn't know how bad my problem is. I think she thinks it's like when I say I'm giving up sugar, or wheat, or something else. Also, because since the last time I said I wasn't drinking, I drank a couple more times.... so to her, that is me not being serious about my decision. So...........I guess in order for her to understand, I would have to be very honest about how much of a problem this is. And that is scary.
Actually, talking about dreams, in my dream last night....it was all about rehab and inpatient centres. For the whole dream I was thinking about going to one, and in the end, you know what my decision was? To finally decide to enter inpatient treatment, for my EATING DISORDER. Yeah. I felt more comfortable finally telling my dear mum and everyone else that I was going to inpatient for my ED......but still was keeping my alcohol problem a secret. Going to rehab for that would be shameful, and embarrassing. In fact, I've been through at least three pre-rehab groups....and at the end, decided not to go IP but to just stay out, working on it with therapists.
At the end of the third (or fourth?) group, I finally decided to be more honest. But that meant making a FB post and telling everyone that I had decided to quit drinking, for good. But I think I said it was mainly for health. I can't remember if I had an actual reason, really. But that was SCARY. I did it on the morning of my last group. I had also texted the one friend who did know about my problem, and told her I was going to make the post, asked for advice, and asked if she could post something on it just in case no one else did. Just some encouragement.
Anyway, a few family members did get a bit worried and asked some questions, but I chickened out and at that point didn't fully disclose. To one family member I just said when I was stressed, I drank more and that wasn't good. And my mum - aaaahhh....she messaged me asking about it. She was sooooo worried so I panicked and really downplayed it. I said I felt it could become a problem so I was quitting now, before it became a problem....just that lately some of my habits weren't as good, and that my health was important too, blah blah. (My dad was an alcoholic so she worries a lot about her children becoming one too...)
Anyway!!! That was the first step. But maybe I have to be more honest. And of course, tell my roommates that I don't drink anymore. My god, do I have to do that.... there was a time in the past where I did quit for awhile - but basically, if they asked if I wanted a drink, I'd say no. That was it. And then they all started to think I was pregnant, lol. Like that's the only reason I'd ever stop drinking, apparently!
Anyway enough rambling. That's what my journal is supposed to be for.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Ky
Posts: 2,043
My personal experience. we all have those family members who aren't supportive. Be kind, cordial, and move on. Sometimes it's the hardest choices to make but just like we can't make people like us or love us, we can't make them accept us either..good change or bad. It's another aspect of you have to take care of you. You have to forgive yourself so you can move on. Some people will be on board, some people just won't. It's ok. Accept it and move on.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Ky
Posts: 2,043
Hang in there guys...I swear it does get better and things will change...you will get through this. Give yourself a chance to be the you you were meant to be!
One minute at a time if you have to, get through it today. The days add up!
One minute at a time if you have to, get through it today. The days add up!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Ky
Posts: 2,043
Layali, yes the more people you tell the more accountable you have to be for yourself. It helped me and still helps me. I am brutally honest about it (except in the case it could jeopardize or harm another person).
Member
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 193
It's a long, lonely, bored, depressed (on and off) Saturday for me.... was going to have a visitor, now not until tomorrow. I'm so gross and going outside is scary (and now it is freeeezing here!)
Trying to not be addicted to FB. Trying to go even two hours without it, at a time, is painful. Sad, huh???? About this time last year, I actually quit FB for a month. I guess it's like a drug to me.... I'm going to try to taper off computer stuff a lot....I post here a lot, but that is important to me. But even that - I need to learn how to slowly get out of my head, off the computer, and out into the "real" world.....
Well. Once I do that I know I'll be in my head too, but in a better, different way. Already I can tell a shift. There is less 'avoiding' by using the net, and more 'confronting' what is going on in me. I like that. I don't want to be so dependant on it....
OMG I just had a funny thought. "Why don't I find a support group for computer/net addicts!" It's funny because I meant, find an online site like this one, for that....ahahahahahaha. But really, I do have a problem. I've even had docs orders in the past, to taper down the computer usage (and get out walking every day). As I decreased my comp usage I was supposed to increase the walking times...
The only thing is getting out walking is scary for me. No motivation to get "presentable" looking, lots of anxiety, and....lots of cold!!! But I will do something.
I hope others Saturdays are looking much better, more eventful - and for all the right reasons!
Trying to not be addicted to FB. Trying to go even two hours without it, at a time, is painful. Sad, huh???? About this time last year, I actually quit FB for a month. I guess it's like a drug to me.... I'm going to try to taper off computer stuff a lot....I post here a lot, but that is important to me. But even that - I need to learn how to slowly get out of my head, off the computer, and out into the "real" world.....
Well. Once I do that I know I'll be in my head too, but in a better, different way. Already I can tell a shift. There is less 'avoiding' by using the net, and more 'confronting' what is going on in me. I like that. I don't want to be so dependant on it....
OMG I just had a funny thought. "Why don't I find a support group for computer/net addicts!" It's funny because I meant, find an online site like this one, for that....ahahahahahaha. But really, I do have a problem. I've even had docs orders in the past, to taper down the computer usage (and get out walking every day). As I decreased my comp usage I was supposed to increase the walking times...
The only thing is getting out walking is scary for me. No motivation to get "presentable" looking, lots of anxiety, and....lots of cold!!! But I will do something.
I hope others Saturdays are looking much better, more eventful - and for all the right reasons!
Professional zombie fighter
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Texas
Posts: 341
Oh my god Layali, that thing about computer addiction or whatever--I did the exact same thing just YESTERDAY. I was driving and thought to myself, "Man, I spend hours each day researching stuff online, and I use it to procrastinate.
"Could that be internet addiction? ...
"... Hm. I should research this online."
Then I burst out laughing at my own thoughts like a madwoman.
For me I concluded that I'm gonna call it old fashioned procrastination and stop that ****, instead of calling it an internet addiction.
(And I mean, the stuff I'm researching is legit stuff that I need to know about because I've never educated myself on being a healthy adult human before so I'm catching up: Cooking stuff, health insurance stuff, how to PROPERLY do laundry, injury prevention when running ... The history of curry ... Okay maybe they last one I just researched for fun :p ) So I figure loving Internet time is okay for me so long as I do what I need to do first. (And SR counts as need to do.)
But maybe I'm deluding myself ... XD
"Could that be internet addiction? ...
"... Hm. I should research this online."
Then I burst out laughing at my own thoughts like a madwoman.
For me I concluded that I'm gonna call it old fashioned procrastination and stop that ****, instead of calling it an internet addiction.
(And I mean, the stuff I'm researching is legit stuff that I need to know about because I've never educated myself on being a healthy adult human before so I'm catching up: Cooking stuff, health insurance stuff, how to PROPERLY do laundry, injury prevention when running ... The history of curry ... Okay maybe they last one I just researched for fun :p ) So I figure loving Internet time is okay for me so long as I do what I need to do first. (And SR counts as need to do.)
But maybe I'm deluding myself ... XD
Professional zombie fighter
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Texas
Posts: 341
Anyway, Saturday! Taking care of some stuff today, then going to eat Indian food and attend one of those interactive Rocky Horror Picture Shows in the evening. Excite! Haven't seen it in years.
Life feels simple today. It's mostly good. I'm still thinking about horror movies, though.
I made a chart. I listed the reasons I enjoyed getting drunk while watching my horror movies. Then for each reason, I listed a few alternative things I could do that could achieve that purpose.
I'm going to write out my chart here even though no one will read it because space in this thread is free :p
So--
Reason:
Let's my body and brain know it's time to relax
Alternatives:
Ice cream
Acquire a super comfy, special chair
Wear terrible terrible soft sweat pants
Rearrange bedroom so my laptop is presented optimally to me when I watch
Reason:
Helps me focus
Alternatives:
Someone watching with me
Plan to write a User Review on Rotten Tomatoes after it's over, and take notes accordingly
Be sober longer because I think I lack concentration thanks to paws
Reason:
A sense of occasion
Alternatives:
Someone watching with me
Ice cream
If it's new, participating in the online Twitter and/or other social media conversations about it
Plan to write a User Review on Rotten Tomatoes after it's over, and take notes accordingly
So, in conclusion, the optimal way to watch a horror movie sober would be:
With someone else
Eating ice cream
In a comfy new chair
In terrible soft sweat pants
With my laptop set up to be optimally presented
But I have no one to watch with me. So what I CAN do to make sure I have something from each category is:
Eating ice cream (and decaf coffee once I finish my reasonably sized amount of ice cream)
In a comfy new chair
In terrible soft sweat pants
With my laptop set up to be optimally presented
With a note pad so I can write a user review after after on Rotten Tomatoes
That sounds great to me. I'm thinking of testing it out soon.
I need to go get a new chair, and make sure I know how to post on rotten tomatoes. To do list!
Also, I have to say: Writing out this chart and coming up with a new plan for watching the movies sort of exposed to me how absolutely fallacious it is to suggest that alcohol is the only way to achieve certain desired ends. Yet that's what my brain seems to be screaming about whenever it laments the permanent loss of alcohol. It's so obvious, when I look at this chart, that the brain only screams about that because I'm addicted. It's incredibly irrational to think, even for a second, that alcohol is the only way to feel relaxed, focused, and celebratory.
Life feels simple today. It's mostly good. I'm still thinking about horror movies, though.
I made a chart. I listed the reasons I enjoyed getting drunk while watching my horror movies. Then for each reason, I listed a few alternative things I could do that could achieve that purpose.
I'm going to write out my chart here even though no one will read it because space in this thread is free :p
So--
Reason:
Let's my body and brain know it's time to relax
Alternatives:
Ice cream
Acquire a super comfy, special chair
Wear terrible terrible soft sweat pants
Rearrange bedroom so my laptop is presented optimally to me when I watch
Reason:
Helps me focus
Alternatives:
Someone watching with me
Plan to write a User Review on Rotten Tomatoes after it's over, and take notes accordingly
Be sober longer because I think I lack concentration thanks to paws
Reason:
A sense of occasion
Alternatives:
Someone watching with me
Ice cream
If it's new, participating in the online Twitter and/or other social media conversations about it
Plan to write a User Review on Rotten Tomatoes after it's over, and take notes accordingly
So, in conclusion, the optimal way to watch a horror movie sober would be:
With someone else
Eating ice cream
In a comfy new chair
In terrible soft sweat pants
With my laptop set up to be optimally presented
But I have no one to watch with me. So what I CAN do to make sure I have something from each category is:
Eating ice cream (and decaf coffee once I finish my reasonably sized amount of ice cream)
In a comfy new chair
In terrible soft sweat pants
With my laptop set up to be optimally presented
With a note pad so I can write a user review after after on Rotten Tomatoes
That sounds great to me. I'm thinking of testing it out soon.
I need to go get a new chair, and make sure I know how to post on rotten tomatoes. To do list!
Also, I have to say: Writing out this chart and coming up with a new plan for watching the movies sort of exposed to me how absolutely fallacious it is to suggest that alcohol is the only way to achieve certain desired ends. Yet that's what my brain seems to be screaming about whenever it laments the permanent loss of alcohol. It's so obvious, when I look at this chart, that the brain only screams about that because I'm addicted. It's incredibly irrational to think, even for a second, that alcohol is the only way to feel relaxed, focused, and celebratory.
Last edited by helpimalive; 10-17-2015 at 12:58 PM. Reason: Forgot to mention a thing
Member
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: East Coast
Posts: 1,134
Layali, Facebook is a addiction for me as well. I'm trying to go cold turkey with it. Have deactivated and will be permanently deleted on Oct. 25 as long as I don't log in before then. I'm like a maniac on there - don't know what takes over me, but I know it's 'unhealthy' for me, triggers me to drink (when I see all sorts of folks out partying and having fun all the time), and has been a vehicle for me to release thoughts while drinking. It's a bad association for me and I'm trying to let it go!
HelpI'mAlive, you really thought that process through. I admire your clear headed thinking!
I'm doing just fine today. Cleared off my dining room table of papers from the week, did filing and now about to do bills. My Mom came over and we went through all the winter coats in the closets and figured out what to donate and what to keep and what we may need to shop for. My kids grow every year, except for me and my 16 year old daughter who stopped growing
After bills, I will pick up some yummy comfort food dinner (since I have a cold), watch a movie and read my Kindle. And snuggle with my dog. I'm happy
HelpI'mAlive, you really thought that process through. I admire your clear headed thinking!
I'm doing just fine today. Cleared off my dining room table of papers from the week, did filing and now about to do bills. My Mom came over and we went through all the winter coats in the closets and figured out what to donate and what to keep and what we may need to shop for. My kids grow every year, except for me and my 16 year old daughter who stopped growing
After bills, I will pick up some yummy comfort food dinner (since I have a cold), watch a movie and read my Kindle. And snuggle with my dog. I'm happy
Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 1,292
It's Sunday morning here and the start of a new week. I never drink/drank at the start of the week, it was never a habit , so my cravings are non-existent. Yesterday as I went to the gym at 7:30 I was so happy and felt so healthy. I passed a police car, and stared almost willing them to pull me over. I wanted to be breathalysed. My self-esteem is sky-rocketing.
As I lay in bed this morning just prior to getting up I had a fleeting but strong sense that I might just make it this time. I'll be honest here and state that I have had this image of me drinking with my inlaws on New Years Eve. Strangely enough last New Years Eve I didn't drink as I was too hungover from the previous night. Recently I've been thinking there is a good chance I won't. I know it will come down to a decision, a fork in the road, and I have to prepare myself to make the right decision. I remember in 2009 when I drank after reaching 100 days. The wine tasted chemically and I woke up slightly hungover but massively disappointed at blowing it. I want to avoid this.
Today the weather here is beautiful and I know I'm in for an easy few days regarding sobriety. A week today I will have reached 50 days, half way to 100. I am really looking forward to next Sunday and this milestone.
As I lay in bed this morning just prior to getting up I had a fleeting but strong sense that I might just make it this time. I'll be honest here and state that I have had this image of me drinking with my inlaws on New Years Eve. Strangely enough last New Years Eve I didn't drink as I was too hungover from the previous night. Recently I've been thinking there is a good chance I won't. I know it will come down to a decision, a fork in the road, and I have to prepare myself to make the right decision. I remember in 2009 when I drank after reaching 100 days. The wine tasted chemically and I woke up slightly hungover but massively disappointed at blowing it. I want to avoid this.
Today the weather here is beautiful and I know I'm in for an easy few days regarding sobriety. A week today I will have reached 50 days, half way to 100. I am really looking forward to next Sunday and this milestone.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Canada
Posts: 7,837
Hello!
Just checking in, starting a month long diet tomorrow, no sugar, gluten, dairy, caffeine or anything processed. Should be delightful.....
Happy sat night! Making a stew in the slow cooker, gonna write my pen pal, watch a movie and hopefully get a good night sleep.
Xoxo
Just checking in, starting a month long diet tomorrow, no sugar, gluten, dairy, caffeine or anything processed. Should be delightful.....
Happy sat night! Making a stew in the slow cooker, gonna write my pen pal, watch a movie and hopefully get a good night sleep.
Xoxo
Member
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: East Coast
Posts: 1,134
My cold is making me feel crappy!! I hope I can get a lot of sleep tonight.
Just watched the movie Flight. I thought it was very compelling!
Zero cravings this Saturday night, in fact really zero since I last drank. I'm admittedly baffled about this, but very happy. One day at a time, I'll keep plugging away...
Just watched the movie Flight. I thought it was very compelling!
Zero cravings this Saturday night, in fact really zero since I last drank. I'm admittedly baffled about this, but very happy. One day at a time, I'll keep plugging away...
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