Anna

I am glad to hear you got through Day 4, Ghostface. I know I couldn't have managed to get through a vacation you described when I was newly sober. It would not have worked for me. It often takes lifestyle changes for us to remain sober and that includes people and places where alcohol is being served. Do you have a plan for how you can stay sober while on this upcoming vacation?

GhostFace

I have till mid December to figure this out.
I'll be gone for 2 weeks in a small caribean island were alot of drinking takes place. It's going to be real hard. For now I have books on sobriety but I don't know if that will be enough

SoberLeigh

Good job on Day 4, ghostface?

Have you ever looked into AVRT?

GhostFace

Yes, I too the crash course a few weeks back. Maybe I should look more deeper into it. From what I read, it makes perfect sense

JD

Hey ghostface, mid Dec is not that far away. Staying sober is pretty serious stuff. That roughly 6 week time frame can be pretty dangerous. You're feeling pretty good about things and it's easy to let your guard down. Any chance of bowing out of the vacation? It's going to be pretty rough with all that family peer pressure to drink.

GhostFace

Yes, I had the same family members over on Sunday here in the states trying to get me to drink but I kindly declined. I know it going to be tough and I still have desire to drink but I know that my sobriety comes first. Last time I was out there, I made a fool of myself and I do not want to re live that moment so I will keep that in mind.

GhostFace

Good morning,

Today I'm getting ready to tackle day six. I don't know if it's cause of my early recovery, but at night right before I got to sleep, I go through anxiety. I even checked my heart last night as I though it stop beating.

I have my day planned out to keep busy and to avoid triggers that might cause me to re lapse. I wish you all a blessed day.

OpenTuning

Hi GF,

It's great to read how seriously you're now taking this, and the effort you're putting in.

Just wondering, since you're dedicating time to reading, if you've looked at Allen Carr's Easy Way to Control Alcohol? It feels like you're reaching the point where you fully understand how alcohol brings no benefits to you, but could perhaps use some extra persuading. It sounds like it's very, very difficult for you to avoid situations where people are drinking and the best defence against that is to genuinely not want a drink. Rather than relying on iron willpower to avoid something you desperately want.

One thing I'm puzzled about, you were saying how your family are asking what's wrong and how you should drink to cheer up. But your first post talks about your DUIs, and you've just been court mandated to go on a drink driving awareness course. Are they really that insensitive that they can't see any reason why you might now want to get sober? Or do they not know what happened? To get through Christmas, if avoiding the holiday isn't an option, could you perhaps talk about what happened and say it's really had an impact on you and you're taking a break from booze because of that? For now they don't need to know you're actually planning for this break to be permanent. Use this as a way to hopefully avoid family members actively pushing you to drink. Who knows, one or two of them might even support you in this and try and help you through the holiday. Are there any family members you're particularly close to who you would feel comfortable talking to about what's really going on? Every extra bit of support will help.

GhostFace

They do know what happened, I believe the problem is me. I'm a very serious person that barely smiles so you would think I'm angry or not enjoying myself but that how i am. Drinking made me loosen up, and it used to help interact with others. This is something I have to re-learn again. I've been abusing substances for about 15 years now so alot of people don't know the real me, just the outgoing drunk talkative me but when I'm sober I'm real shy, anti social.

I'm fine with a few drinks but I know that a few drinks turn into 2 to 3 bottles of scotch whiskey. Then I turn to a mess, I can barely walk, my words are slurred, I react on emotions and let's not forget the 12 hour hangover the next day since I don't eat when I drink.

OpenTuning

Reading that, I really think that Allen Carr book could be useful. He has a whole section about the supposed social benefits of alcohol. I found it a real eye opener. The first step to re-learning how to interact with people sober is possibly to realise alcohol wasn't really doing what you thought it was doing.

OpenTuning

By the way, my natural relaxed facial expression is also very serious, the corners of my mouth point slightly downwards. My wife of 19 years will still ask me what's wrong when I'm actually enjoying myself. It's a pain to have to actively put a suitable expression on my face just so people don't think the cat just died

Soberwolf

Your awesome Ghost

GhostFace

This is my mid day check in as I'm almost leaving work. Going home to me is a trigger as I used to drop my bags and head straight to the liquor store for some beers or a bottle of scotch, drink and then wake up with a massive headache. The day was going fine until I texted a lady friend.

I meet this individual on my drunk days doing things only a drunk man is proud of. We kind of built a relationship and I liked this girl alot and she claims she likes me but we only meet up when I'm drunk.

Any how we got into a light argument and I just stop responding to her. I know that she will trigger me to drink as I only want to be with her when I'm drunk so I have to cut ties. I like her but I don't approve of her line of work and I only entertained her when I'm drunk. Now that I'm not drinking, I can't associate myself with her.

Deep down I feel bad, and it felt good to show and have interest in somebody even if she was just using me for my money.

I don't think I owe her an explanation so I just burned that boat. She text me a few times but I just deleted her number. This is something that is hard for me to do but I know that I have to let go of toxic people not just for sobriety but for aspect that will improve in my life.

Am I wrong for this?

On The Road

Hey GhostFace - do whatever you have to do to stay sober tonight (and repeat tomorrow). Cutting ties with people who threaten your sobriety is often necessary (and hard). Stick with it.

GhostFace

It's time to wrap up day 6. I hit my workout, scratched all my task on my to-do list and now Im watching "Leaving Las Vegas."

For the past 3 days i feel empty, like their is a void in my life. Nothing is fulfilling, Im sort of like a robot going through the same thing over and over from work, go home and repeat. Life has been an endless routine for me and alcohol was my escape. Now im facing reality and my head is exhausted with the thought of not drinking again and anticipating when i will get to drink again. It's almost like im toturing or depriving myself from a from this substance even thoe i know its poison smh. The Allen Car book has been helping me and i get excited when he mentions that alcohol is giving you false illusion of courage and confidence and there is a easy way to but as much as i want to believe, im not 100% sold. I cant wait to see his plan as im half way through the book.

Im depressed and scared at the same time. Scared of drinking and scared of sobriety. Im sure these are the early stages and i have to accept and make some drastic changes.

It's not easy but im sure it's going to be worth it!

JD

Just work through the emotions knowing they'll be different tomorrow. They'll be all over the place for awhile. That's pretty typical in early sobriety.

Dee74

Early recovery really is all about those highs and lows.

Try not to worry too much about the lows - just keep doing the right thing...this is nowhere near as good as it gets GF

D

GhostFace

Top of morning ready for day 6. Last night I was going through the motions. I had to erase some numbers and kindly declined company from one of my friends as I wanted to be alone. I'm know my triggers and for the early stages, I want to avoid them.

Have a blessed day!

Soberwolf

Good job Ghost

OpenTuning

Well done GF, you're doing great.

With the Allen Carr book, keep in mind nothing he says or writes will convince your AV. That will keep hammering on at you that you don't have a problem, and life will be so much better if you keep feeding it alcohol. It sounds weird to talk about there being two different parts of your brain saying and thinking different things, but it's all part of the joys of kicking a drug out of your life. The trick is just to identify that every time you hear yourself questioning your decision to quit, that's coming from the primitive inner part of your brain. And you don't have to listen to it.

One interesting experience for me was thinking how before I quit drinking I used to wonder how I enjoyed myself as a kid, hanging out with friends drinking root beer floats instead of alcohol. Where was the fun in that? And now I know. Because I'm now hanging out with friends, not drinking alcohol, and having fun. I genuinely now know alcohol doesn't do the things I used to think it did.