SoberLeigh

You deserve a much better way of living - much, much better, Aiko.

The 'promises' of drugs and alcohol are fleeting, empty and deceitful. The promises you can find within you, Aiko, are true and rewarding.

Make a list of your 'goodness', Aiko.

From what I know of you, I can start that list:

Intelligent
Well-Educated
Successful
Creative
Artistic
Sensitive
Caring
Friendly

Those traits and strengths are a resoundingly strong foundation from which to build your sober and clean life. You have already experienced it. Reach for its promise, honesty, authenticity and permanency.

Aiko

Thank you! I am speachless!
I think all the tine of my faults!

Tonight a friend is picking me up!!!
I do not know if am able to control...
We are having dinner... But what I want is go and have a good laugh stoned!

What ever happens Iam stopping cos can not go back to the mouse wheel...

Will do Promise!!!!
Lots of Love XO

Aiko

Just to let u know I did not do a thing today and just flushed the last ones... And did not get anything tonight and was with soneone...loaded
And I feel better I am awake
I need to retake my life and
can not go arround half gone dizzy, could not walk or drive well, work half brain gone.

Thank you for helping me by heart, I know I am a hiperactive nightmare...!

Can not thank you enough for helping me when I fall and I can share my addiction + madness!!!

I am starting again from.zero
But I feel better now!

Lots of LV and Hugs XO

Gilmer

That is wonderful, Aiko!

SoberLeigh

I am so very, very proud of you, Aiko.

Add strong and determined and courageous to your list!!!!!

We may be miles and oceans apart but we care about you.

trachemys

Yay, you! I'm so happy you flushed the drugs.

Aiko, come here when tempted. Talk to us.

Venecia

I'd like to offer a suggestion, Aiko.

Print out SoberLeigh's post above (#61). Make a few copies -- keep them handy so you can read what she wrote wherever you are. She said everything I wanted to, and beautifully.

You have so much good in you and you deserve to enjoy life, sweet lady.

DitzyDandelion

Well done on getting rid of them and I really wish you good luck with this. I really hope you get there as I am sure you CAN do it.

SoberLeigh

Just checking-in; how are you, Aiko?

Bellamiaa

I was wondering about you today, Aiko. How are you?

ReadyAtLast

I remember you Aiko and hope you are doing well. Maybe some outside help might be a good idea. Most of us can't do it alone

Aiko

I can not last more than two days.....
I drove again tonight half gone...

On Saturday.... I actually graded friends to a house I new ...sunday evening woke upppppppppppppppp

and tonight again ... and got more free again... soon will be paying for it....
meds a mess again...

my doc .... now and then a Text ... when are you coming to see me???
and I joke but I do not go... cos I know I will have to stop!
but I am not drinking at all nor Benzo...

then on Friday the moons are aligning....
Birthday of a mate.... they are going to drag me...................
andddddddddddddd el CUBANOOOOO god... if you knew himmmmmm
Especially women.....................

want to take us the best bla bla bla Club in Puerto Blabla
they will be all rich arrogant people, sniffing, drunks, dealing.... crooks, prostitutes, Mafia, you name it...
and he wants to take us thereeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee????
I know I just will drink coca cola and dance...
but i know my self... as soon as I see movement...
I want some... I will not even know what thejssjlfleijfk silgattttt it really is?¿?¿

Next will get sick will regret... all over again...

I only can think of on solution... will think about it!!!!

Soberwolf

ScottFromWI

Sorry to hear that Aiko. I hope you can make the choice to get out of that lifestyle and start taking care of yourself. As you know only bad things will happen. You know how to be sober as you've done it in the past.

Aiko

I know if I say take me to Malaga, they will do it ASAP...

´1.
but they are talking of a day centre...
the 3rd and last treatment...
I do not like those words together at alllllllllll...
they think I am not capable of take care of myself???
well not now obviously... but when I wake up yes..
.
2-
She Fdlskdjfkañsj changed my prescriptions doc..... and I tend to get very aggressive!!!
I am not comfortable .......... talk to a brand new estranger..... DEFENSIVE MODE!

3..... I am too tired seriously................... I work far too many hours..... and I burned out...
Yesterday Meeting for Confrontations Square table...
God... I got boslsolsoslsoslsoslslsoslso
I told him he was a C???K .... but take it as a compliment not everybody can be a C???.................. in front of all the BOSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!
I left winner of the fight!
Another arch enemy.... GREAT!
But the respect of many... Now move chess piece Darling!!!
God If he finds the blogggggggggggggg

Really I just want ... Rest...In... Peace...
V
I always fight ............

this is the madness taking over you SEE!!!



I end up living in cou -cou land late at work everyday...
can not work... cos my head is blocked...
half sleep...

Now I start thinking of bad stuffffff going round...
my head can not deal with them...

Tomorrow my painting class wants to meet up for dinner...
I will not go... two will notice... not good.
I have not even gone to do my painting for the exposition
gooooooooooooooodddddddddd
only got one I did at beginning of the year....
and I am not helping at all with the exposition.........................
they are upset surely or they want to do my head in""""!!"""""!""""···"···"····

I know this is going to get worse... not do it on my own..
gets harder each time!!!


I will have to make a couple of phone calls...
this is starting to get out of hand !!!
I am scared====???? tyred=??¿¿??

and I am under pressure at work, I can not crak, ..... can not disappear ...fffffffssdsjjfskfdjdskkkkkkkkkssssssssssssskfld ajl can not start a detox...
I am going to have a Rowwwww at the Docs...
my job or my health................
This the real reason............
REASON NUMBER 1


I always... press the ground to curve the river my way...........
will have to remember tomorrow
that I have to phoneeeeeeeeeeeeee
Only conditions NO DAY CENTER""!"·!"·!"·!"!·"1

Dee74

Hi Aiko

I dunno...does a day centre sound really that bad?

if you're burnt out and cussing out your boss maybe it's time for a break anyway?
You need a proper detox too right?

It's about you being safe and getting well again, not anyone passing judgement on you as a person.

D

Aiko

I cannnn't I have to do ot by myself!!!!
Have to make a deal half way..

My last holiday was a detox 1,5 year ago...
And since non-stop...
Starting to crack!!!!!!!!!!!!!

wpainterw

Aiko: It sounds like you are in a very dangerous situation and desperately need some help, both professional and from other substance abusers who have had some success with starting on sobriety. As for detox, this could be very dangerous if you try to do it yourself. You need help to get off the merry go round and stay off. The choice is yours. Will you choose to go on this way and end up really miserable.? There is a way for you to get out of this and be really happy. In any event, stay on this website. You have a lot of friends here who are concerned about you. Don't let them down!

W.

wpainterw

Alko:

P.S. With all due respect I severely doubt that you can do it all by yourself or "make a deal half way". There is no half way. And at this point you are fighting the cruel realities of chemistry and physiology. You are on a merry go round that never stops and will keep speeding up. And every horse you ride on that carousel is your enemy. The only way you can survive in the long run is to get off and for that you need help. "Require help" is the better word. I seem to recall posting a message to you awhile back. It sounds like things have gotten worse for you. (My last post to you on an earlier thread was on Nov./1/2013. You were saying then that you'd be all right, that you could do it all by yourself. You're still saying that. And you're definitely not all right. Sounds like you're worse now than then) I'm praying for you and I think others are too. All the best.

W.

wpainterw

Alko: I wanted to edit my previous message to you but my time ran out. What I wanted to say was that I went through the postings you made back in the Fall of 2013, nearly two years ago. Back then you said that you only wanted us to believe in you, believe that you could do what you said you'd do and you said that this was not happening. If we didn't "believe" in you back then, and don't "believe" in you now, then why are we posting now, why am I posting now, why did i have trouble sleeping last night because of what is going on with you? The truth is that we don;t believe in what you are doing to yourself. We believe that you can get yourself out of this jam but that it's up to you. No one else can do it. It's up to you. There is no "half way". And unless you do that it's going to get a lot worse. We know because we're been there. Right where you are now. We'll help you but unless you help yourself it's not going to happen.

W.