Angie247

Thank you amp, that's very good advice. I'm going to try tomorrow to do something to try to break out of this funk. I really wish that I had not volunteered to work overtime tomorrow but a little extra money is what I really need. I'm not feeling like I quite fit in anywhere right now so I'm going to take a little break from the internet. I'm not going to drink, just going to try to get over this mood. 5 months 2 weeks sober tomorrow and I'm not giving it up. Take care everyone.

gleefan

Hi Angie - I'm sorry you're struggling. I struggled a ton when I stopped drinking to figure out who I was and what I wanted to do. I kept waiting for something to change, and eventually saw that nothing would change until I did. That is a lesson that I continue to work on to this day.

Yesterday my spirits were kind of sagging from feeling resentful of my busy schedule. Last night I didn't want to go to AA. I had plenty of energy and time to go, I just didn't want to go. My sponsor was expecting me - and it felt like another commitment, which added to my resentment. When I get stressed I isolate.

I went even though I didn't want to. An hour of listening to other alcoholics talk about how they constructively manage their challenges gave me a couple of tips on managing mine. It lifted my spirits so much. I didn't feel so alone.

You have a whole new you to discover in sobriety, Angie, and share with the world around you.

Soberpotamus

Hi Angie, I hope you are doing ok.

Fitting in is something I've never been good at myself, so I know the feeling.

You do fit in here though, so I hope you hang around.

Angie247

Thank you Gleefan and Soberpotamus. My break wasn't that long. I guess I am a moody dork. Work has become somewhat trying. I am sitting in between the 2 biggest gossips but also the two biggest favorites of the boss. There were three of them and she probably thinks she is still apart of their group but they've been gossiping about her badly when she isn't around but still whispering with her. All the gossiping and talking plus people have been coming to me telling me what they are saying about me and honestly, I haven't been giving them much to go on and what they came up with was sad. They wondered why I was starting on the "wrong" paperwork. Well, I had finished the other paperwork so I start on the next set, if they wondered what I was doing then they could have asked me but decided to make it out like I didn't know what I was doing. We all make mistakes but that wasn't one and I feel like they are reaching to have something bad to say about people. I'm 39 years old and had to put up with this crap in high school and I've had my fill of the stress. Spent some time this evening filling out paperwork for other jobs. No desire to drink, I'm exhausted by the end of the day and I don't really think about alcohol that much the last few days.

Angie247

Today I was asked how many months pregnant I was by a new coworker. *face palm* Still got some beer weight to lose. I'm trying not to let it affect how I think of this coworker because I wasn't thinking too kindly of her for the rest of the day,

Soberpotamus

Oh my gosh, Angie. Sounds like a co-worker who's being a rude a**hole. Seriously, ignore

SwimKim12

Hey Angie, hang in there! Your work environment sounds horrible. I am impressed by your ability to keep focused on your work and not get wrapped up in the gossip, even if it's about you! Sending lots of good thoughts your way

amp123

Really good you're not being tempted to drink! Huge positive! Looking for a healthier environment to work in sounds like an excellent idea!

SwimKim12

I love your new picture, Angie

Angie247

Thank you all so much! Swimkim, thank you! I was having some fun playing with the Batman mask that I ordered for Halloween. Was going to wear it to work on Halloween since we can this year but the email came and said no masks, lol. I can still wear my Keep Calm and Call Batman shirt though, haha.

I worked overtime 4 out of 5 days this week and that will be nice on the paycheck, I've been up since 5:00am and I'm quite tired. Happy to say that I will have my son the whole weekend because his dad had off Thursday and Friday instead. No serious thoughts of drinking. Sometimes I get a bit sad that I can't drink again. I mean I know what will happen if I do and I can't ever let that happen but I miss when I wasn't an alcoholic and could drink like a normal person. Those days are long gone. I think thoughts like this are pretty normal but they are just that, thoughts and I'm not going to try to see if I can drink again in moderation. That would just set me up to that sad life I had before. Alcohol led to me horrible things and I want no part of it even if sometimes I miss how it was before I let it take its grip on me. It's a little lonely tonight but I'm looking forward to seeing my baby boy tomorrow. Everyone have a great weekend!!

Angie247

I'm going to have to lay off drinking so many diet mountain dews. I've drank about 4 of them today and I'm not feeling so well right now. I am done for the night and I'll drink maybe one tomorrow and then try to get myself off of them totally. I bought a big pack of bottled water and I'm going to try to drink 80% water this week. Feeling really off now so I'm going to drink some water.

Getting close to my 6 month mark. Happy about that. Cravings are so much more manageable.

Soberwolf

Your doing amazing Angie

gleefan

Great message and just the encouragement I needed to read today. Thanks for sharing your story with us, Angie!

Angie247

My boss was fired today. It was shocking but not that surprising. She was fired because of so many complaints towards her. She hired me 8 years ago, and was a pretty great boss most of the time. There were a few occasions that she went overboard but there were so many times I was hungover and not a good, productive employee. When people went to complain a couple weeks ago about her, I wouldn't do it even though I was encouraged by some coworkers to do so. I'm very sad tonight and I'm going to miss her. She actually came to work today, sent us an email at 6:55 about the workflow and schedule like she usually does and said if we needed anything to just let her know. By the time I went in at my regular shift at 8:30, we were in a meeting where leadership told us that she was no longer working with us. They had already let the 7:00am crew know about an hour earlier. I kind of want to drink but it's not intense thankfully. I wouldn't drink anyway but I'm glad the urge isn't strong. I am friends with someone my former boss is close to and I want to send a message thanking her for everything. I just don't know when to do it because I know today was a shock and she didn't take it well. Maybe she needs space but a lot of people want her to know how much we will miss her. Her husband had been wanting her to retire and she doesn't have to worry about money. This is a rough one to take. It's weird because I had a lot of respect for her but I never felt like I could go to her about anything if that makes sense. She would tell certain employees things that other employees that told her and I never felt like i could truly trust her, not with issues so I stayed quiet. We will see who our new boss is. I just hope my old boss is doing okay tonight.

SwimKim12

Hey Angie, I'm really sorry to hear about your boss. We have really high employee turnover and it always hurts my heart when someone I am close to leaves (even more so when they are told to leave). I think it's a great idea to reach out and send a message telling her thank you. I know she will appreciate it and it may help you feel better as well. Hang in there!

Angie247

I'll be 6 months sober on Tuesday. I'm amazed that I've been able to do it. Why are the thoughts of alcohol coming up more and more though? They went away for several weeks, at least the strong cravings. My mind keeps telling me to just give it up. Blah!!

Upwardspiral

You're doing great Angie! The pesky voice will fade away again if you keep ignoring it.
I'm only 3 months along but I feel you, two weeks ago I was good but I'm struggling right now. We gotta hang in there for the long haul! ((Hugs))

Soberpotamus

Do you use urge surfing, Angie? There's a whole thread, several probably, on using this technique. It really works well. I'm on my phone or I would post a link.

Sometimes if the urges are strong and frequent, it can be because you are afraid of them or squelching them. Instead of pushing them down, you can let yourself feel them fully, and see them exactly for what they are - just thoughts, nothing more. They don't mean you'll act on them.

They tend to lessen the more you deny them, the more times you say no.

It will get better. Don't give up now. You're doing great

First year is hardest (for lots of us anyway).

Angie247

I will check out the links on Urge Surfing, Soberpotamus. I checked them out before but it was a while back. Thank you for reminding me. Feeling better today. Two months from tomorrow, my son and I will be on a plane going to see family back home. I'm very excited. I want to say I'll celebrate my 8th month of sobriety there but let's just take this one day at a time. Focusing on not being as sad as I have been, and that means keeping busy. Another thing I did on Friday was ask if I could sit at a different station and that was to get away from three of the most negative people in the office. They were constantly gossiping and talking crap about everyone and I know they have talked about me. One was being snippy and sarcastic when I would talk so I just stopped talking unless necessary and still was met with a sarcastic response. I think I'll be so much happier not being around so much negativity. We have a new manager and eventually their behavior will have to be addressed because the old manager ignored it. Now, I sit next to a usually very cheerful woman. It will be a lot better. I can't believe how much I let those woman affect me. Not dreading work as badly tomorrow but I'm still nervous with the new manager even though she has been nothing but nice.

Soberpotamus

Oh, this sounds like a really good thing, moving away from those gossips! So happy for you Maybe this will lift your moods considerably, Angie.