Main causes of relapse after significant sobriety?
Cause no harm
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Missouri
Posts: 596
This is one of the greatest threads I have read on SR. This should be mandatory reading for anyone assuming responsibility for their sobriety. My hat's off to you all for providing such powerful witness to the reality of maintaining a foothold against addiction. Well played!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 343
I still remember: I know how it feels to wake up without any recollection of last night's events, fearing what I might have done. I remember being in near panic mode until I bought a week-end's worth of liquor. I remember the shame, the frustration that I had broken another promise to myself, that I had become unlovable. I believe what others have told me: It is easier to stay sober than it is to get sober. I swore I would stop so many times but didn't , so I am convinced there are no guarantees that I would get sober again. I have an investment in sobriety. I've known what sobriety can bring, and I'm not willing to risk losing that for one episode of questionable "pleasure" I might seek in a drink. After 26 years, I still know I cannot handle just one.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: California
Posts: 2,693
Relapse happens when someone tries to apply logic to an illogical situation.
Logically, someone can drink once a year. Right? Why couldn't they? Logically this could happen. A human being could drink once a year.
The problem is addiction is not logical. Far from it.
It's an all or nothing game.
Logically, someone can drink once a year. Right? Why couldn't they? Logically this could happen. A human being could drink once a year.
The problem is addiction is not logical. Far from it.
It's an all or nothing game.
Member
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 14,934
I had 5 1/2 years once, and got complacent.
I thought that I could have a beer with a nice steak dinner in a restaurant. Of course I could. The problem was I continued the party the next day with more beer. And soon vodka joined the party and it was off to the races.
I thought that I could have a beer with a nice steak dinner in a restaurant. Of course I could. The problem was I continued the party the next day with more beer. And soon vodka joined the party and it was off to the races.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: FLAAADAH
Posts: 793
Never, Never, Ever...Forget.
After 13 years of sobriety, I had just nailed the last shingle onto my newly built garage. I was so glad it was over and done. It was late in the day. It was hot and I was tired...Then...my AV popped into my mind...after 13 years of not hearing a peep out of the little "B"... It said...
..."This calls for a celebration" !
That was 16 years ago. I'am still drinking.
The AV may go "Dormant"...but it never, EVER goes away. Never forget that. I wont.
DD
..."This calls for a celebration" !
That was 16 years ago. I'am still drinking.
The AV may go "Dormant"...but it never, EVER goes away. Never forget that. I wont.
DD
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Posts: 1,374
Originally Posted by DuhDave 
After 13 years of sobriety, I had just nailed the last shingle onto my newly built garage. I was so glad it was over and done. It was late in the day. It was hot and I was tired...Then...my AV popped into my mind...after 13 years of not hearing a peep out of the little "B"... It said...
..."This calls for a celebration" !
That was 16 years ago. I'am still drinking.
The AV may go "Dormant"...but it never, EVER goes away. Never forget that. I wont.
DD
..."This calls for a celebration" !
That was 16 years ago. I'am still drinking.
The AV may go "Dormant"...but it never, EVER goes away. Never forget that. I wont.
DD
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
Very good thread indeed.
I haven't drank again.....yet...since I wanted to get sober and became willing to do whatever it took.
However, I have heard the experience of others from between 30 days and 26 years. Some of the things I've heard:
got complacent.
stopped praying.
Stopped going to meetings.
Stopped talking t my sponsor and others in recovery.
Stopped helping others.
Let old behaviors come back in.
Let old faces back in my life.
Started hanging at wet places.
Harbored a resentment.
I use their experiences to help me stays over.
One thing I keep in mind:the man with 26 years sober who drank again was only out for about a month. He said it wasn't like he picked up where he left off. It was like he never stopped.
I haven't drank again.....yet...since I wanted to get sober and became willing to do whatever it took.
However, I have heard the experience of others from between 30 days and 26 years. Some of the things I've heard:
got complacent.
stopped praying.
Stopped going to meetings.
Stopped talking t my sponsor and others in recovery.
Stopped helping others.
Let old behaviors come back in.
Let old faces back in my life.
Started hanging at wet places.
Harbored a resentment.
I use their experiences to help me stays over.
One thing I keep in mind:the man with 26 years sober who drank again was only out for about a month. He said it wasn't like he picked up where he left off. It was like he never stopped.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: canada
Posts: 7,242
but I wonder how a person who has been strong for such a long time might suddenly throw it all away? What makes the difference between someone who is sober for 5 years before relapsing, and someone who is sober forever?
i'm thinking one of the differences between those two people is that the second one isn't relying on strength. if she were, eventually there would be a weak moment.
her sobriety doesn't depend on being strong.
i'm thinking one of the differences between those two people is that the second one isn't relying on strength. if she were, eventually there would be a weak moment.
her sobriety doesn't depend on being strong.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Bklyn. NY
Posts: 1,859
I don't know why people drink after having years of sobriety. I'm sober almost 31 years though, and I have a pretty good idea why I haven't.
In no particular order:
- I never underestimated the power of alcohol.
- I never considered myself cured from alcoholism.
- I never felt like I knew all there was to know.
- I remain open minded.
- I remain willing.
- I accept that I'm not perfect. That didn't happen overnight.
- I'm always looking to grow and learn new things.
- I've taken tons of suggestions from others, even when I didn't completely agree, or like it.
- I've learned to accept and deal with all my feelings and never medicate them in any way.
- I've learned how to deal with anxiety, and overcome panic. I've learned that through the rooms of AA, lots of therapy, and lots of books.
- I've incorporated the 12 steps in my life since the day I got sober, learning something new about them all the time.
- I changed my diet significantly over time, into one that nurtures and strengthens my mind and body as opposed to beat them down.
- I found exercise I enjoyed and stuck with an exercise program for 30 years.
- I believe that this is a physical, mental, spiritual, and social problem. I addressed all 4 areas, and continue to.
- I reach out and do my best to help other alcoholics.
- I help others as much as I can in other areas of my life.
- I do some volunteer work.
- I continually work at being as honest as I can with myself, and others.
- I pray to the god of my understanding, which I'm beginning to consider my higher self (never mattered to me whether my HP was within me, or outside of me).
- I go to AA meetings. Not as much as I used to, but I keep my connection.
- I never got complacent about alcohol, remembering something my sponsor told me early on. Not drinking was clearly a life and death matter when I first got sober. Feeling better after months or years will not change that, only make me forget it. Drinking alcohol will never NOT be a life and death matter for me.
- I never picked up a drink, no matter how I felt or what was going on.
In no particular order:
- I never underestimated the power of alcohol.
- I never considered myself cured from alcoholism.
- I never felt like I knew all there was to know.
- I remain open minded.
- I remain willing.
- I accept that I'm not perfect. That didn't happen overnight.
- I'm always looking to grow and learn new things.
- I've taken tons of suggestions from others, even when I didn't completely agree, or like it.
- I've learned to accept and deal with all my feelings and never medicate them in any way.
- I've learned how to deal with anxiety, and overcome panic. I've learned that through the rooms of AA, lots of therapy, and lots of books.
- I've incorporated the 12 steps in my life since the day I got sober, learning something new about them all the time.
- I changed my diet significantly over time, into one that nurtures and strengthens my mind and body as opposed to beat them down.
- I found exercise I enjoyed and stuck with an exercise program for 30 years.
- I believe that this is a physical, mental, spiritual, and social problem. I addressed all 4 areas, and continue to.
- I reach out and do my best to help other alcoholics.
- I help others as much as I can in other areas of my life.
- I do some volunteer work.
- I continually work at being as honest as I can with myself, and others.
- I pray to the god of my understanding, which I'm beginning to consider my higher self (never mattered to me whether my HP was within me, or outside of me).
- I go to AA meetings. Not as much as I used to, but I keep my connection.
- I never got complacent about alcohol, remembering something my sponsor told me early on. Not drinking was clearly a life and death matter when I first got sober. Feeling better after months or years will not change that, only make me forget it. Drinking alcohol will never NOT be a life and death matter for me.
- I never picked up a drink, no matter how I felt or what was going on.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 9,029
Thank you everyone for sharing. I have a year and some months and while I've been fairly comfortable in sobriety, I've gotten a little lax. Today has been a horrible day and if I hadn't made myself do what I didn't want to at all which was ask for help, I'd have been drunk by now.
I forget the pain of drinking. I forget that it only makes the problems and pain of the day worse. I forget that drinking at a problem isn't the solution. I forget that extreme anger is not my friend. It's the friend of the little voice that wants me to drink.
Thanks for the reminders. I need them today.
I forget the pain of drinking. I forget that it only makes the problems and pain of the day worse. I forget that drinking at a problem isn't the solution. I forget that extreme anger is not my friend. It's the friend of the little voice that wants me to drink.
Thanks for the reminders. I need them today.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 4,860
Ruby, I'm glad you checked in. You are so dependably a source of support and wisdom here. Our world here on SR is here for you. (And we'll always be here to remind you that drinking only worsens a horrible day.)
Bad times don't last.
Take good care and know a lot of folks have your back.
Bad times don't last.
Take good care and know a lot of folks have your back.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: New England
Posts: 1,926
Originally Posted by MIRecovery
Alcohol has a life time to wait for our one moment of weakness. SLIP = Sobriety Loses Its Priority. For me that is why I continue with AA. I see new people who's life is falling apart. I talk to people who started drinking again after years of sobriety, I see people with long term sobriety and the great life they have. People who drink again are the ones who forget the hell they left
Alcoholism is an obsession of the mind and an allergy of the body. Without a program of recovery I WILL drink again. I need to go to meetings to see what happens to people who stop going to meetings. I've seen lots of people relapse and die. So sad.
Into the Void
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: California
Posts: 931
Great thread, everyone. The AV reminds me of that stock character in horror movies - the psychopath in prison who is doing pushups and working out all day just waiting for his eventual release and chance to wreak havoc on his enemy....
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: C.C. Ma.
Posts: 3,697
This is a great topic and even after a lot of sober years I still need to hear/see the reasons for relapsing.
My first sponsor said that mankind has a great tendency to forget the pain we went through. Take childbirth for example of pain that’s endured, what would the population be if women reacted with NO MORE because of the pain?
To me a very important slogan hanging on the walls at AA meetings is “REMEMBER WHEN.”
BE WELL
My first sponsor said that mankind has a great tendency to forget the pain we went through. Take childbirth for example of pain that’s endured, what would the population be if women reacted with NO MORE because of the pain?
To me a very important slogan hanging on the walls at AA meetings is “REMEMBER WHEN.”
BE WELL
Cause no harm
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Missouri
Posts: 596
Unfortunately, pain and escape from problems are many times not the reason I used alcohol. I many times just wanted to feel the pleasure of the drink. Sitting on the deck at night listening to the night sounds, watching a storm throw its thunderheads high in the atmosphere, listening and watching a campfire—all these things and more were enhanced by the beta endorphin release from the alcohol. Of course one can enjoy these things without alcohol, but there is no question they were enhanced. At least in the beginning, until the excess intake blurred the sensations with intoxication. And that is where it always went. But those initial moments when the drug kicked in are what still lingers in the confines of my addiction. That is the difficult part for me to battle. I do it, but it is a huge struggle.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Posts: 1,374
Originally Posted by Fluffer
Great thread, everyone. The AV reminds me of that stock character in horror movies - the psychopath in prison who is doing pushups and working out all day just waiting for his eventual release and chance to wreak havoc on his enemy....
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 596
I just got lazy at around 6 months, started taking sobriety for granted and slipped around 7 months. Didn't slip again for another 6 weeks after that so I told myself it was no big deal and I could do it a few times a year with no worries. It's gotten incrementally worse and I know where it could eventually head back to, I just can't have it in my life at all is the truth of it.
I would say taking sobriety for granted and getting lazy about it cost me.
I would say taking sobriety for granted and getting lazy about it cost me.
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