Unfortunately, pain and escape from problems are many times not the reason I used alcohol. I many times just wanted to feel the pleasure of the drink. Sitting on the deck at night listening to the night sounds, watching a storm throw its thunderheads high in the atmosphere, listening and watching a campfire—all these things and more were enhanced by the beta endorphin release from the alcohol. Of course one can enjoy these things without alcohol, but there is no question they were enhanced. At least in the beginning, until the excess intake blurred the sensations with intoxication. And that is where it always went. But those initial moments when the drug kicked in are what still lingers in the confines of my addiction. That is the difficult part for me to battle. I do it, but it is a huge struggle.