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Nothing for Mothers Day

Old 05-10-2015, 07:37 PM
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Nothing for Mothers Day

Feeling very low right now.

Kept it together all day, put the kids to bed and started crying.

I got nothing for Mothers Day today. It is making me cry even harder to have to write that sentence.

I know it's truly not about the cards or flowers or dinners but I really would have liked some recognition for all I do, all I have sacrificed, all I have been working so hard on making better.....even an offer to help with laundry or the dishes would have been nice.

I won't drink over it, but this feels worse than a hangover...
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Old 05-10-2015, 07:51 PM
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Sorry to hear that, you did not drink though and that is great. I hope you realize you are still important and worthwhile to us here on SR.
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Old 05-10-2015, 08:00 PM
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I'm so sorry, Suzie
(Is there a Mr. SQ17?)

I am like you. I internalize until it hurts too much and then I share it and it hurts even more to admit it.
Are your kids young? I assume so as you put them to bed. Know that as they grow, they will appreciate you more and celebrate Mothers Day the way you would really like it. No consultation for today but give yourself an extra pat that you didn't drink. We're all proud of you!!
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Old 05-10-2015, 08:19 PM
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Sorry you didn't get recognized for Mothers Day. But you did abstain so that was great! All mothers are like Super woman!
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Old 05-10-2015, 08:36 PM
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I'm sorry you are hurting. That stinks. I've come to the conclusion that truly only other mothers understand. It's hard and thankless sometimes but I know you're working hard. Happy mother's day! Great job not drinking.
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Old 05-10-2015, 09:06 PM
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Happy mothers day to all the ladies rockin it. I am amazed by my friends who have kids , it's a 24 hour job thats for sure.
Congrats on stayin sober another day ,
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Old 05-10-2015, 09:09 PM
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Happy mother's day, suzieq!! I know how much you do...it hurts bad not to have any recognition. I don't know how old your kids are, but they will thank you and send you flowers when they get older. Be proud of yourself for all you do, dear.
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Old 05-10-2015, 09:49 PM
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Little kids have no idea and yours sound quite small. A good friend of mine has five kids who range from teens to pre- schoolers and she insists that her kids do something for her for Mothers Day and her birthday. She reminds them how much she does for them and that she expects them to make an effort for her on those days. I personally think it's brilliant. Congrats on your sober time by the way and sorry you are hurting (( hugs))
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Old 05-10-2015, 09:54 PM
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Originally Posted by Ruby2 View Post
I've come to the conclusion that truly only other mothers understand.
Women are talented and like all talented people, we appear to do what we do effortlessly. Well, some of us. I often times sprint to my local coffee shop in my sweats, which double as pajamas, pillow marks on my face and without having brushed my teeth. Just crossing my fingers that I do not run into anyone I know. Seriously, it takes a lot to be at home. I agree with Ruby. Other Mothers know this.

That other cliché, "if you want something done right you have to do it yourself" has often held true for me for these holidays. This is why I bought my first little Mother's Day present 3 weeks ago.

Recognition and generally feeling appreciated is really important. Maybe a "Mother's Day - Redo Day" could be announced? Or a "I'm Sleeping in Today in Honor of Me Day." My SO really does need me to clue him in on what is important to me at the time. When my kids are old enough, I will explain the importance of recognizing someone's effort and hard work - mine, specifically.

You did not drink! Nice job taking care of yourself. All of us here know how hard you are working. Keep it up. You are so important. So valuable.

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Old 05-10-2015, 09:55 PM
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Happy Mothers Day from me too Suzie

D
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Old 05-10-2015, 09:58 PM
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I just had my birthday and aside from my partner, SR was the only other message. It doesn't mean anything. My kids are around 20, they have busy lives, and just like I did, they forget sometimes. It's no big deal. The stuff I do for them is out of love. It is unconditional and requires no recognition.

This is an attitude that has come from sobriety of course. In the self centred world in which I used to live, I didn't do anything without some kind of reward in mind. Its called self seeking, placing expectations on how people will react to something I have done... they should be happy, grateful, pleased blah blah, and if no appreciation was forthcoming, a nice festering resentment was the result.

The road to resentment is paved with expectation, and resentment is bad news for alcoholics.
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Old 05-11-2015, 12:14 AM
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Originally Posted by Gottalife View Post
I just had my birthday and aside from my partner, SR was the only other message. It doesn't mean anything. My kids are around 20, they have busy lives, and just like I did, they forget sometimes. It's no big deal. The stuff I do for them is out of love. It is unconditional and requires no recognition.

This is an attitude that has come from sobriety of course. In the self centred world in which I used to live, I didn't do anything without some kind of reward in mind. Its called self seeking, placing expectations on how people will react to something I have done... they should be happy, grateful, pleased blah blah, and if no appreciation was forthcoming, a nice festering resentment was the result.

The road to resentment is paved with expectation, and resentment is bad news for alcoholics.
Not sure I agree with above post, there is nothing wrong with expecting your kids to recognize you on mothers day and I'm not surprised the OP is sad, people live for their kids all year and should rightly feel saddened when that can't be acknowledged one day of the year, it's nothing to do with resentment just feeling a bit down that you are taken for granted.

Maybe for Christmas you should buy your kids a calender with your birthday marked into it. It would not be acceptable for me to forget my parents birthday and I would rightly expect to be held to account over it.
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Old 05-11-2015, 12:52 AM
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Happy Mothers Day Suzie
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Old 05-11-2015, 01:37 AM
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Happy Mother's Day! I expect it was oversight, not malice, behind the lack of recognition. I had to work all day and night and didn't even have a short break to call my mom. She knows how my job is and is used to it, and my other siblings spent the day with her, but I still feel bad.

Maybe bring it up with your family. Don't accuse but just state in a calm and nonjudgemental way that it hurt your feelings to not even get a card. See what they say.
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Old 05-11-2015, 06:07 AM
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Happy mothers day Suzie
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Old 05-11-2015, 06:11 AM
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Happy belated mothers' day, Suzie!
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Old 05-11-2015, 07:25 AM
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(((HUGS)))) So often we are so busy taking care of others that they don't realize that we need a bit of taking care of as well. It's not self-seeking or selfish in any way. It is nice to know that you are doing so much and that they find a way to say "Thank you"

Thank you are two of the most powerful words that can ever be said. It can be the difference between continuing on so completely worn out, burnt out and finding that extra oomph to continue on.

You are doing great. Managing sobriety, a family, and your own self-care is an incredible feat. It may not mean much coming from those of us here on SR who aren't in your immediate life, but Thank you for what you do and you are valuable.
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Old 05-11-2015, 09:26 AM
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That stinks!!!

Consider voicing your feelings in a calm, rational way - perhaps. I do not have any idea of your family dynamics or history, but that really painful for you.

Sorry

Happy belated Mother's Day!!!!!
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Old 05-11-2015, 09:37 AM
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(((SweetSuzieQ); I am sorry that your Mother's Day turned out that way.

You did what is truly noble; you honored your children by caring for them AND you honored yourself - your self-worth, your value - by not drinking.

A belated happy Mother's Day to you.
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