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Am I expecting too much?

Old 05-10-2015, 03:28 PM
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Question Am I expecting too much?

No one called, emailed, texted or otherwise contacted me today to see how I might be feeling on this Mother's Day. I have a HUGE extended family...no one. No friends...nada.

I am feeling rather lonely and angry at the moment. I know people here care... and I appreciate that... but what about my friends and family? They know how close I was to my mom.

Full disclosure - did buy some wine today, but I haven't opened it.

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Old 05-10-2015, 03:30 PM
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Dump it. It won't help beyond the first couple gulps, and you'll compound the frustration and disappointment.
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Old 05-10-2015, 03:39 PM
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No, you're not expecting too much. Very sorry that happened to you. Everybody in my family knew how close I was to my mother, but didn't get any calls, but then again, I wasn't expecting any. That wine isn't going to change anything. Why pay a price for others' insensitivity. Remember, your sobriety come first, always. John
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Old 05-10-2015, 03:41 PM
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ArtFriend throw that wine out right now. You know where it will take you.
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Old 05-10-2015, 03:42 PM
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Please dump it now, art friend. Don't give others your power-that's what drinking over others is . I'm sorry about today. My day is awful too but let's just Be Sober. Tomorrow's another gift, you don't want to wake up knowing you drank. Just dump it all right now.
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Old 05-10-2015, 03:42 PM
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It's a busy, busy world we live in. And the day has many hours left in it.

Please don't use this as an excuse to drink....honor your mom by dumping out what you have.
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Old 05-10-2015, 03:43 PM
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H,A,L,T

You know the acronym ?

Sometimes to get the things we want we have to express those needs to people .
When i got sober i wondered why i didn't then have normal relationships with those people important in my life ..

What i realised is that i'd been drunk for so long that not being in touch and non-comunication was the "normal" for me because i was drunk and absent most of my life .

It might take some time and some diligent work to change the way things are but people soon get used to the "new normal" .

I think it will take some time and some work, there are no magic answers in that bottle , only a temporary trip away from the anxiety and hurt that alcohol caused and will cause again if you let it .

Bestwishes, big inter-web hug, m
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Old 05-10-2015, 03:45 PM
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Why not reach out to your loved ones versus expecting them to reach out to you? Sometimes it is difficult to know how to approach a loved one on a day where they may be going through a lot. They may be unsure whether to contact you or leave you alone.
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Old 05-10-2015, 03:45 PM
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I think it's human to have expectations. They aren't always met. When this leads to resentment, that's bad. When unmet expectations and the resentments they cause lead to drinking...that's horrible.

Do you know of anyone who'd appreciate a call from you? Then surprise them. And if they expected it, so much the better.
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Old 05-10-2015, 03:49 PM
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I think Carl's idea is great - why not give someone else a call Art?
You may make someone else's day and feel a little better in the process

Dump the wine - it's a cul de sac of despair and resentment.

D
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Old 05-10-2015, 03:57 PM
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Oh I'm sorry that you feel lonely.
If it helps, my brother is the absolute worst in the world for remembering birthdays, Mothers Day, Fathers Day and all the other stuff.
Sometimes my mom will say to me "you'd think your brother would call his mother on her birthday".
So I e-mail him saying "call mom".
Then I get a message back saying "thanks for the heads-up".
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Old 05-10-2015, 03:57 PM
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OK...my bad for opening this can of worms. I expect others to be as sensitive as I am and that is my mistake. But there is a bigger issue here. I have ALWAYS been the one who calls...reaches out etc. I am tired of it. Sure, I could call under some pretext about something else. But I won't call to hint around and ask them why they did not call me. Hell no. I have some pride. I can see that people are busy, blah blah blah... but they have never called.... not last year or the year before. So this is a pattern. I am just more aware this time because I am sober. Like I said...I have 28 cousins (just on my mom's side) and I don't know how many second and third cousins.

Just sux that is all.

I gave the wine to my neighbor, unopened.
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Old 05-10-2015, 03:58 PM
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Yes, we do care about you ArtFriend. I'm glad you wanted to talk about this. People can be disappointing, but nothing's worth your sobriety/sanity.
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Old 05-10-2015, 04:00 PM
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We were posting at the same time - glad you gave the stuff away.
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Old 05-10-2015, 04:05 PM
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Originally Posted by ArtFriend View Post
OK...my bad for opening this can of worms. I expect others to be as sensitive as I am and that is my mistake. But there is a bigger issue here. I have ALWAYS been the one who calls...reaches out etc. I am tired of it. Sure, I could call under some pretext about something else. But I won't call to hint around and ask them why they did not call me. Hell no. I have some pride. I can see that people are busy, blah blah blah... but they have never called.... not last year or the year before. So this is a pattern. I am just more aware this time because I am sober. Like I said...I have 28 cousins (just on my mom's side) and I don't know how many second and third cousins.

Just sux that is all.

I gave the wine to my neighbor, unopened.
I'm glad you gave the wine away

do you think you're the 'go to gal' at least in part expecting something back Art?

I'm not criticising - I was like that too for most of my life.

It pretty much ensures a lasting resentment tho?

D
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Old 05-10-2015, 04:12 PM
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I'm really sorry, AF. Mother's Day can be an emotional time for women.

I think Dee is right. Expectations have a way of biting us in the butt. I was a people-pleaser for many years and everyone could count on me all the time. I didn't even fully realize that I expected the same in return and was usually disappointed when it didn't happen.
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Old 05-10-2015, 04:18 PM
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I have four girls. Got an email from the youngest. I am going to call my oldest after her kids go to bed and have a nice chat.

I'm not upset they didn't call. They call me other times and that's good enough for me.

Resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die.
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Old 05-10-2015, 04:23 PM
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Originally Posted by ArtFriend View Post

They know how close I was to my mom.

Full disclosure - did buy some wine today, but I haven't opened it.
Well, you don't mention being a mother yourself ??

Are we just looking for a reason to drink here ? If so ??? We can always find a reason if, we wish to deceive ourselves ?

MM
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Old 05-10-2015, 04:26 PM
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Originally Posted by Dee74 View Post
I'm glad you gave the wine away

do you think you're the 'go to gal' at least in part expecting something back Art?

I'm not criticising - I was like that too for most of my life.

It pretty much ensures a lasting resentment tho?

D
I think you hit the nail on the head. I have always subjugated my needs and thought of others first. I did it willingly, hoping that I could make a difference and I really never thought about myself...until the past few years. And yes...it causes resentment when others are too self involved or think I am "just fine". No one can read between the lines? I am too proud to ask for help (except for online forums like this where no one knows who I am). I drop "clues" every so often... but no one picks it up. Damn. I am not a martyr...altho I am beginning to sound like one.

Dee - so how did you overcome this?
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Old 05-10-2015, 04:35 PM
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Originally Posted by Mountainmanbob View Post
Well, you don't mention being a mother yourself ??
I don't have any children MM.
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