I'm so sorry, Suzie
(Is there a Mr. SQ17?)
I am like you. I internalize until it hurts too much and then I share it and it hurts even more to admit it.
Are your kids young? I assume so as you put them to bed. Know that as they grow, they will appreciate you more and celebrate Mothers Day the way you would really like it. No consultation for today but give yourself an extra pat that you didn't drink. We're all proud of you!!