Finally Done

Old 05-04-2015, 11:38 AM
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Finally Done

I canít take it anymore. All the red flags have been there as to my drinking. And Iíve continued to sail right by all the warnings. Iíve read some of the posts in regard to the losses people have experienced from drinkingÖ.family, jobs, reputation, etcÖÖ. If I ever needed an incentive to stop it would be that.

Iím sick of what Iím doing to my wife, my family, and my church. I have spent years concealing a drinking problem that unfortunately became public (to family and a few other people) last year when I was hospitalized with a BAC of over 3. I have a great job, a great family and am well respected in my community and church and I continue to flirt with disaster. I could safely keep and preserve all of those things if I could only stop. Most people around me would be shocked to know the real truth. My motivation to quit is measuring the loss of what could happen if I donít quit.

My wife assumes that Iím not drinking and Iíve been successful in hiding that from her. Iím tired of living a lie and just want to be done. How can such an irrational idiotic behavior jeopardize my entire life (rhetorical question)?

Iím in my early 50ís and have drinking for close to 35 years. It became heavy in my early 20ís and kind of settled down until the last few years. Iím rarely (if ever) intoxicated in public or at social events. My habit is to secretly drink while sitting around the house with the family. 99% of the time I concealed that without them ever knowing. But in recent times that has increased to the point where my wife and adult daughter have found me in a state of drunken stupor. Donít know what possesses me to want to wreck an enjoyable time with family by draining Ĺ a bottle of Vodka but Iíve been doing that for a while.

Iím hoping that by coming clean on the SR forum will provide a deeper foundation to my desire and day 1 (May 4 2015) resolution to stay sober. Your prayers and support are greatly coveted.

Iíve been reading the boards for a while but I thought it was time to make my first post.
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Old 05-04-2015, 11:46 AM
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Welcome and well done on taking the big step of writing it all down,

Like you I can't understand why I drink and jeopardise everything I have. But while I have to work out my triggers, I am only have enough energy (physically and emotionally) at the moment to work on a day at a time.

Good luck with your journey
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Old 05-04-2015, 11:47 AM
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Welcome to the Forum Thirdwave!!
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Old 05-04-2015, 11:48 AM
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Do your best
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Hello & Welcome ThirdWave nice to meet you sending prayers thoughts & well wishes we'l support you all the way

Have you thought about a plan ? youl find a sticky right at the top of this section you can print it off its very helpful & useful
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Old 05-04-2015, 12:05 PM
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Hi there TW, welcome to SR. You will find a lot of help and support here. Keep posting, you might find it helps.
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Old 05-04-2015, 12:11 PM
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Welcome to SR Thirdwave.
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Old 05-04-2015, 12:17 PM
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Welcome Thirdwave.

This is no easy job but so worth it! You'll have your own self worth and self respect back as well. Go for it!
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Old 05-04-2015, 12:28 PM
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Welcome to SR, Thirdwave. I am really glad that you are here with us. My situation was very similar to yours when I joined SR, except that, by then, my drinking habit had already led to divorce. I have been sober since the day that I joined SR, 22 months ago. I wish the same for you. It can be done. And if I can get sober, anyone can.

Good luck. I hope you will post often and let us know how you are doing.
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Old 05-04-2015, 01:13 PM
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Welcome Thirdwave. Great group with a ton of unconditional support here at SR.

I was able to hide my alcohol consumption from my wife, kids and close family / friends for years; at least the level of my consumption. Spent 20+ years drinking heavily but functioning at the same time. Things progressively got worse until I was drinking in the mornings and at work.

I couldn't do that any more, it was ruining me from the inside out.

Good job on making the decision to quit. Now comes the hard part but the part that will give you your life back... the commitment.

You can do this. Reading as many threads and posts as possible and posting often has helped me stay sober.

Lean on this community as much as you need.

Best wishes.
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Old 05-04-2015, 01:17 PM
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You came to a safe, supportive, amazing place. Welcome.
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Old 05-04-2015, 01:38 PM
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You guys are all awesome. Thank you for the kind welcome and support
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Old 05-04-2015, 03:32 PM
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Lets git ir done.
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Old 05-04-2015, 03:44 PM
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"Donít know what possesses me to want to wreck an enjoyable time with family by draining Ĺ a bottle of Vodka but Iíve been doing that for a while. "

Yeah.... I did this too. Just like you; in secret. Mostly hidden from the awareness of those in my life close to me and definitely from those not in my immediate family.

Why? What possessed me? Well, in part an inner grief. In part living a life carrying around emotional baggage I wasn't dealing with. In part just the stress of day-to-day living.... but at the end of the day, those were all just the contributing factors that were accelerating the base issue; Alcohol as an Escape. Addiction as a long-time coping strategy.

It took me a couple years of actually facing up to it to finally come to terms with accepting that sobriety was a better choice for me. Now, over a year on, I am living that truth. Sober is SO much better.

It can be tough in your shoes. I was in them too.... lots of things support your addictive belief that 'it's not that bad'. You still have a job, a family, a supportive community..... but don't fall victim to 'it's not that bad'. Listen to your Soul's own wisdom. That's what's telling you 'it's not that bad' is NOT GOOD ENOUGH.

We have a precious limited time on this physical liferide.... it sounds to me like you're ready to wake up and make the joyous, wonderful, blessed, cherished MOST of it.

Good for you!! Embrace that voice! Let it guide you! Ask it to show you just how GREAT it can be. Avoiding it getting worse is a good motivation - but I have found that discovering how incredibly great it can be is the motivation that has kept me on the path.

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Old 05-04-2015, 03:49 PM
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Welcome to SR, Thirdwave; glad you found us. There is a better way to live; your May 4, 2015 resolution shows that you have found it!!!!!
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Old 05-04-2015, 04:04 PM
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Your story is similar to mine. And I came to a similar conclusion as you in terms of what I was risking: my job, my family, my sanity. Sounds like you're in the right frame of mind to get sober. I'd urge you to come up with a plan and work it as diligently as you did your secret.
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Old 05-04-2015, 04:41 PM
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Welcome Thirdwave.
You are among friends, congratulations on your first day of sobriety!
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Old 05-04-2015, 05:04 PM
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It's great to meet you Thirdwave! We're here to encourage you as you take this huge step. You're never alone - someone's always around to listen and understand.

I drank 30 yrs. I had convinced myself that life would be uneventful & unfun without it. Yet I had turned myself into a numb & foggy bore. I was so afraid to let go of it, but in the end it brought me nothing but misery & anxiety. It feels wonderful to be free of it - we know you can do it.
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Old 05-04-2015, 05:14 PM
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I'm glad you've decided to get sober for good and I hope the support here can help you achieve that goal.
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Old 05-04-2015, 05:48 PM
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off to a meeting. Welcome Thirdwave I dig this forum. In early 2000 I was "trolled" to tears in a recovery chat room. I don't see that happening here.
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Old 05-05-2015, 08:13 AM
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How are you doing today, Thirdwave? Day 2?
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