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Old 05-05-2015, 08:59 AM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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Welcome to SR, stime. I'm going to say don't think about going to a meeting. Just go to a meeting. it was the first time for everyone at one point. We understand.

Keep coming back.
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Old 05-05-2015, 09:26 AM
  # 22 (permalink)  
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Hey stime, doc wants me to come in get blood pressure check weekly, see about the with drawl, etc. Also we found meetings daily. I just have to find a therapist. How are you? Mentally I'm beat up. But hey we have to keep all the great advice we're given on SR in mind. One minute, one hour, one day at a time.
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Old 05-05-2015, 09:50 AM
  # 23 (permalink)  
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Lesly, That all makes sense (blood pressure etc) and is probably wise. Bet it's nice to get that under your belt, at least. I hear you about mental stuff. I can get sad quickly if I think of all the times coming up where I'll have to be strong and say no thank you and of all the times I've done stupid, bad and hurtful things to people I love. They should help cancel one another out but they don't. And I'm slightly bummed that I didn't wake up feeling better than I do or that I didn't sleep better when it's this hard to stay away it seems like there should be pay off sooner when you don't drink and I thought the physical symptoms would go away quicker. Obviously it took me longer to get here then three days and it's going to take me longer to get healthy but still.
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Old 05-05-2015, 09:53 AM
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Don't worry, your symptoms will start to subside and it will make all the difference.

The sadness still comes and goes, but I wake up each day feeling a little better and not having to worry about what I did the day/night before, and that's making everything just a little bit easier...

The first day without the mind fog was a big one for me. Seeing everything clearly for the first time in god knows long... it was a good day.
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Old 05-05-2015, 09:54 AM
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Thanks, Ruby2. I know you're right. Just a lot to swallow but your right everyone has a first time and that was helpful and I know I need to be accountable so I don't talk myself into the idea that I really can drink later like I have a thousand times...
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Old 05-05-2015, 01:11 PM
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I went to a meeting! People were nice, helpful, concerned and supportive like they are here on SR. That was a huge step for me and honestly, part of me still doesn't want to be "one of those people" but I got the blue book and the 24 hours a day book and we'll see. I got a "dedication chip" too. I'm exhausted
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Old 05-05-2015, 01:47 PM
  # 27 (permalink)  
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Well done - hang on in there - I am!
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Old 05-05-2015, 02:32 PM
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Good for you!
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Old 05-05-2015, 02:43 PM
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stime I went to one too!

Glad we both sucked it up.
I don't think I'll be super into it, but it really did help today. I also got a phone list and a book. Good to know there are people out there who will show up and physically stop me from drinking if I need it

They also called me out a bunch of times (in a good way, everyone said welcome individually, etc.) , which I actually really liked. I went there because I felt I needed some face to face accountability, and I sure got what I needed!
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Old 05-05-2015, 05:47 PM
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Good for you! Congrads. I'm not sure I'm super into either but it was good for today and I'll think about what I need tomorrow tomorrow. So tired tonight.
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Old 05-06-2015, 05:48 AM
  # 31 (permalink)  
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Starting day 4 with a meeting under my belt and I'm having some insights this morning. I have been resistant to the AA model but two things pop out to me already. I am only resistant to saying I'm an alcoholic because on some level I've always wanted to figure out how to be a normal drinker. I'm not a normal drinker. I'm an alcoholic. I dread events where I know there will be drinking because I'm so afraid of what I'm going to do/how I'm going to embarrass myself and my family. Because once I get to drinking there is no telling what will happen but I can never just not start no matter how many times I rehearse just saying no thank you and not drinking thus? I really am powerless over alcohol. I hate everything about the sound of that but I get why it's valuable. This is a serious life threatening thing for me and is going to take some big guns to stay sober. That's just a fact that I've proven to myself many a time. I need support, a plan, tools and a zero tolerance policy for ever taking another drink again and it's still going to be hard. Recovery is what I do now. And from what I've been reading (I've been reading a ton of recovery literature) I'm going to be doing it for the rest of my life. This isn't something I fix and move on. That's a little disheartening but It's more hopeful and comforting than the alternative--being out of control, scared, depressed, regretful, embarrassed and physical sick all the time.
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Old 05-06-2015, 09:15 AM
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Hey stime, you got a lot out of two meetings! I was scared to go but I know i'll need some major help this weekend. Some face to face time. Thanks.
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Old 05-06-2015, 09:29 AM
  # 33 (permalink)  
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Hello, I could have wrote this! I'm new too, this is me trying a new way, I too wonder if I really have a problem at times, I go for days (usually one or two until the sense of dread is lifted and I feel what I did wasn't bad - in fact it usually isn't too bad, I find that drinking effects too many areas of my life though, there is the foreboding sense of dread that comes with or without a monster headache the day after (with or without justification,) there is the non productivity, the tiredness, the silly plans I agree to whilst drinking, bad business decisions, bad influences that I have invited into my life (that I may or may not have kissed,) guilt is a big one (and more than likely I have nothing to feel guilty for - it seems to mess with my serotonin,) .. I want to change, I've been trying for a while, I feel awful the day after I drink - mentally awful, but this seems to get forgotten so fast. I think (hope,) that I can participate in a community with people that feel the same outside of "the norm," maybe find encouragement, maybe give some encouragement then maybe I can succeed in this. I hope so - I hope you find it too x (do people put kisses on here I didn't check lol)
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Old 05-06-2015, 10:06 AM
  # 34 (permalink)  
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Scantysolstice--are you a reader? I ask because I'm reading books like Im eating chocolate (which is to say I'm doing a fair amount of both Lol) about women like me--people who's drinking was making them feel bad and do things they weren't proud of but that maybe seemed fine to outsiders...like they were "party girls" or "liked their wine" they talk about how much better their lives are now without booze and how they really were alcoholics even if it wasn't what people or they thought/want to see. I find it encouraging to see myself in these women bc it makes it seem really worth it to quit and stop justifying. My current one is called "unwasted: my lush sobriety" but I finished "high bottom: letting go of Vodka and Chardonnay" last night and thought it was helpful too . Good luck and stay in touch
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Old 05-08-2015, 05:23 AM
  # 35 (permalink)  
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Saturday night will be a week since the last time I got drunk. That seems crazy because this week feels like a lifetime in some ways. I think that is partly because I have turned a corner in my mind about drinking. That doesn't mean I don't anticipate temptation or that it's going to be hard--on the contrary--it's a b and probably always will be but I do know I've made booze into an absolute total redline for myself mentally like a life threatening allergy. It will kill me if I touch it. That a little dramatic but it is true too. I was killing myself and risking my life and health with my drinking and by wising up to that fact I feel like a whole new life (that includes a lot of actively protecting my sobriety) has started.
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