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Having thoughts that I could drink again...

Old 05-02-2015, 09:42 PM
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Having thoughts that I could drink again...

Hi... Grace, here...

I am almost 4 months sober now, and in the past few weeks, I have been having the random thought that I can drink "responsibly" even though I never been "responsible" with my drinking in my life. It usually comes when I am overwhelmed at work, and I start to think I can stop and buy a bottle "to unwind" on my way home.

All it has taken was a trip back in time tonight to my first post on SR to know where this was headed. For the moment, I had forgotten that my alcoholism is a progressive and fatal disease. When I read my own words, I felt again all of the pain and suffering I felt then. It was so clear how awful my life had become and how desperate I was to get sober.

The answer to the question "Why do we drink again?" is always, "Because we think we can."

Thank you for being here.

Grace




01-11-2015, 02:46 PM
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Old 05-02-2015, 09:44 PM
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Welcome back Grace - I am really glad you thought this through and revisited your old posts.

It can be a real eye opener, I know

Congrats on 4 months - that's huge

D
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Old 05-02-2015, 10:00 PM
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Great job Grace. You should be proud. I am and I don't even know you
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Old 05-02-2015, 10:11 PM
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Let me rephrase that. I don't know YOU, but I know your struggle, as we all know one another's struggle. The decision you made is something to be proud of, and the steps you took were spot on. Here's to a sober life and happiness
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Old 05-02-2015, 11:32 PM
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Hi Grace, I'm so glad you didn't drink. My story is very similar to yours. I am a wife, mother, nurse, and was a high functioning closet vodka drinker. After 7 years of sobriety I also lapsed and it has taken me nearly 2 years to get back to this point....114 days sober. I thought I could drink normally too. But oh was I wrong. And you will be too. Read your post daily if you have to, it is sad even for me to read because it was my life.

Take good care!
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Old 05-02-2015, 11:37 PM
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Good job grace recognising your av and taking positive action

Congrats on 4 months
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Old 05-03-2015, 07:01 AM
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I'm glad you posted this Grace because it's a good reminder. I've had stupid thoughts that I could handle drinking again. That's the biggest lie I tell myself. That, and that I'll look good in a bikini again some day

What support do you have? Knowing that work stress is a trigger maybe log on to SR. before you leave for the day? Call someone in real life?

Well done on not drinking. Congratulations on four months. And thank you.
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Old 05-03-2015, 07:27 AM
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Thank you for posting this today especially . I have only 4 days under my belt but feeling so energetic was thinking that I can handle drinking. I know I can't and it's my AV ... But coming here an reading experiences such as yours is very motivational to stick to no drinking resolve.
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Old 05-03-2015, 07:57 AM
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Thanks for this reminder. I too thought I could moderate and of course in the beginning I could, but that quickly spiraled out of control. I must add the "you cannot moderate" to my list of why I don't drink.

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Old 05-03-2015, 11:04 AM
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For me my mind would try to sell me this fairytale too, and I would keep believing it, the never ending merry-go-round would continue many times before I finally drew a line in the sand.

I think this is the real addiction side of alcohol, no matter how crazy something sounds we buy it hook line and sinker, people even drink themselves to death despite knowing the dangers, it's madness, but the dark reality of alcohol addiction.

Keep pushing through Grace, use the support here when you need to!!
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Old 05-03-2015, 04:57 PM
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Thanks so much to all of you for the suggestions and encouragement.

I am thinking that stopping at a park close to my house for a walk on my way home from work would be a good way to "unwind" after a stressful day. Also, logging in to SR before I leave for the day, thank you Ruby2!

While I have developed some good f2f support, in my heart, I feel that SR is my true home. I know that being able to post honestly on SR is what got me sober, and the support here is what helped me through those first terrible weeks.... and now over this....

That has been my experience anyway..... and, as Alphaomega said here on SR, "I don't have to be right, I just have to be sober."

Much love and thanks,
Grace
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Old 05-03-2015, 05:03 PM
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4 months is awesome! Keep it up!
Thoughts are just that - we don't have to act on them.

Glad you're here
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Old 05-03-2015, 11:09 PM
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Congratulations on your sobriety!! Great work. Good for you for coming back to SR to get support. Clearly you are working your steps... that is so excellent. When the road gets tough sometimes one step at a time is all we can do. Sometimes even one day at a time can be too much.
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