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Personal responsibility.

Old 04-30-2015, 03:53 AM
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Personal responsibility.

I don't know if this is part of healing. But I'm reading so many poor me stories here. It's like no one wants to accept that they did it to themselves. We need to start taking the bull by the horns. When did we become so complacent. ? Are we really that weak? I'm not.
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Old 04-30-2015, 03:57 AM
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I know I did it to myself. Doesn't mean I don't want to know why I did it to myself. Not everyone's journey is the same. If I were to turn into a hateful sober person I would want to know why as well.
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Old 04-30-2015, 04:01 AM
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I think I'm getting angry. Because I should've seen this coming. Why did I allow this.
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Old 04-30-2015, 04:03 AM
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I'd be careful about passing judgement on people based on one or two posts ESD.

What might like like the 'poor me's' to you or me might be someones first attempt at getting their story out and down in one place, for example?

None of us can really know what someone else is going through, or what point of their journey they are on.

Let's remember we're all on the same side

'Always be kind, for everyone is fighting a hard battle.' Plato.

whats making you angry?

D
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Old 04-30-2015, 04:14 AM
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I have to say, I don't agree. I think it's somewhat the equivalent of blaming a soldier or paramedic for having PTSD, and telling them to suck it up. Obviously, totally different situations, but same concept.

That's just not right on a dozen different levels.
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Old 04-30-2015, 04:17 AM
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Originally Posted by ESD907 View Post
I think I'm getting angry. Because I should've seen this coming. Why did I allow this.
Hey there ESD, something bothering you? I for one am glad to have come to find this forum. I would rather put my story down here than be where I was three weeks ago.
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Old 04-30-2015, 05:00 AM
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My perspective is that opening up about our problem is part of fixing and healing our emotional wounds. I know I tried to cover my issues up through brute force for years which just led to worse problems.
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Old 04-30-2015, 05:01 AM
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Remember this is also the "Newcomers" section, a lot of people are speaking here for the first time.
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Old 04-30-2015, 05:02 AM
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Maybe put it this way... do you have any idea how many tears are shed while people are writing their "poor me" stories? Probably more than you realize.

And you know something? It's scientifically proven that crying is one of the best emotional releases we have for ourselves, and is extremely healthy. So while you may see "poor me" stories, I see people healing themselves.
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Old 04-30-2015, 05:07 AM
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You've been through a heck of a lot, ESD907 and I just want to send you love and hugs
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Old 04-30-2015, 05:09 AM
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Originally Posted by ESD907 View Post
I don't know if this is part of healing. But I'm reading so many poor me stories here. It's like no one wants to accept that they did it to themselves. We need to start taking the bull by the horns. When did we become so complacent. ? Are we really that weak? I'm not.
I don't think anyone "did it to themselves". Why would you CHOOSE to become an addict? Sure, we chose to drink or use, but beyond that I don't think choice was available.

And who is complacent? Many people here on SR are fighting tooth and nail (including me) to establish and maintain sobriety. It takes a fair amount of strength and determination to do that.
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Old 04-30-2015, 05:45 AM
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Many times I've been working in my woodshop, had the work piece slip because I didn't properly secure it, and jabbed some sharp tool or other into my hand. I acknowledged responsibility for it happening and felt pretty bad for myself at the same time. The two are not mutually exclusive.
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Old 04-30-2015, 05:50 AM
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Personally, I am not ashamed to say that
the reason I am here is because I was weak
and had a "poor me story".
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Old 04-30-2015, 05:50 AM
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I do not see them as poor me posts, I see them as people saying, "This is what I am going through right now, and I am strong enough to ask for support and help." I am only on day 11, and I have sat down bawling to post on here, and after I felt like I got it out, and I also got great advice that helped me to look at things differently after. I hope people keep doing posts such as the "poor me posts" because that means they are opening up, and trying to let people in.
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Old 04-30-2015, 06:18 AM
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I think it is part of the healing process and, hopefully at some point you heal to the point where you start to take responsibility for your actions. As other people have pointed out though, everyone's journey is different. The goal is to heal physically, emotionally and, become the best form of ourselves.
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Old 04-30-2015, 06:30 AM
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Some of it is learning how to use tools to effectively cope without drugs or alcohol. It is also a learning process for many, including myself.
While I agree we have to take personal responsibility for decisions and choices we make when it comes to drugs and alcohol, if a person relapses, it's not going to help them to pile on more guilt and shame.Sometimes just getting some support after a relapse is critical in feeling like you can move forward.

I dunno. I think the community does a fairly good job in having a balance of people that have different perspectives (a combination of kindness and tough love), especially if the person has been around for awhile.
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Old 04-30-2015, 06:33 AM
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Back in my early recovery i used to feel frustration at people because they didn't get it and they all needed to get real and get serious LoL

With time i've come to appreciate that we are all in different places on the recovery journey , or still in the fight.
My frustration with them more often than not serves them no good purpose and points to where i maybe need to work on my acceptance of being unable to change or fix others .

All i can do is share what i learned, what i experienced and how i'd maybe deal with a situation .

Keep on ESD

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Old 04-30-2015, 06:49 AM
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I get triggered sometimes by this site. It has always surrounded an issue I need to deal with. Most of the time it was something that was done to me and I need to take back what I lost. Sometimes it is something I can't admit about myself. Either way it can be an opportunity for you to move forward.
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Old 04-30-2015, 06:54 AM
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I have posted a few poor me stories. I know at the time the grief and anguish had gotten to a point that I thought I would explode or even do harm to myself. SR provided a safety valve to open up and let some of that emotion out. To know that others cared about my struggles brought a measure of healing.

We do not know everyone's story. I'm of the opinion that alcoholism is a symptom of other mental health issues so it should not be surprising that many here struggle with life. Most of us have never learned how to deal with life on life's terms and the poor me stories are just the tip of the ice berg.

I will call people on using their problems as an excuse to drink but when someone is hurting it is difficult to see the forest through the trees.
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Old 04-30-2015, 06:59 AM
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My thought is this : Once they post here, no matter how they word it, they are taking personal responsibility. They are opening up, on a public forum and saying, " I have a problem". My god, that is huge. The accounting of wrongs done comes. The owning up and amends comes. But to take that first step of telling their story and saying"What do I do now?" Should never be discounted.

One of my first posts asked "how much of this is me and how much is the alcohol? What do I take blame for and who am I amid all of this?"

It's a process. Not everyone gets there the same way or with the same timeline. But we're all fighting to get there.
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