Some of it is learning how to use tools to effectively cope without drugs or alcohol. It is also a learning process for many, including myself.
While I agree we have to take personal responsibility for decisions and choices we make when it comes to drugs and alcohol, if a person relapses, it's not going to help them to pile on more guilt and shame.Sometimes just getting some support after a relapse is critical in feeling like you can move forward.
I dunno. I think the community does a fairly good job in having a balance of people that have different perspectives (a combination of kindness and tough love), especially if the person has been around for awhile.