30 Days Sober Log
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 481
Day 11. First time I've felt crap.
My routine is out the window - I've had to change my sleeping patterns for work.
I woke up today feeling so lazy. I don't feel like coffee, I feel like throwing up. I haven't eaten properly in the past 2 days.
The positive is that this isn't a feeling that will lead to a relapse. I know those feelings well. I'm not agitated or nervous, just blahh. Alcohol would make me throw up straight away. I'm gonna get dressed, go to work and on the way find some nutritious food - I need it badly.
My routine is out the window - I've had to change my sleeping patterns for work.
I woke up today feeling so lazy. I don't feel like coffee, I feel like throwing up. I haven't eaten properly in the past 2 days.
The positive is that this isn't a feeling that will lead to a relapse. I know those feelings well. I'm not agitated or nervous, just blahh. Alcohol would make me throw up straight away. I'm gonna get dressed, go to work and on the way find some nutritious food - I need it badly.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 636
Keep going eshgham,
Im day 5 and be honest i feel great. Get yourself a high protein breakfast and drink lots of water. I also weight lift and im usually up at 3:30, 4 AM so i know the negative effects liquor has on the body. Just keep pushing and take it one day at a time.
Im day 5 and be honest i feel great. Get yourself a high protein breakfast and drink lots of water. I also weight lift and im usually up at 3:30, 4 AM so i know the negative effects liquor has on the body. Just keep pushing and take it one day at a time.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 481
*Potential trigger*
A little early again, but I wanna get in now. Day 14, feeling pretty good but starting to crave. I need to fall asleep soon or I'll be a zombie for work ... I've been awake all night. I went for a run, had a feed, played some games but now I really just wanna sit on the couch, pour a big glass of bourbon with ice & watch the golf. I'm gonna eat some more instead and maybe treat myself to a coke.
A little early again, but I wanna get in now. Day 14, feeling pretty good but starting to crave. I need to fall asleep soon or I'll be a zombie for work ... I've been awake all night. I went for a run, had a feed, played some games but now I really just wanna sit on the couch, pour a big glass of bourbon with ice & watch the golf. I'm gonna eat some more instead and maybe treat myself to a coke.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
Posting here is the right thing to do Eshgham.
Remember what bought you here - read your old posts if you have to - go help someone else here even?
Keep recovery fresh in your mind...there are no answers back the way you came.
D
Remember what bought you here - read your old posts if you have to - go help someone else here even?
Keep recovery fresh in your mind...there are no answers back the way you came.
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 481
Thanks Dee.
Still Day 14. Trouble sleeping. I feel like writing something so here I am.
I feel like there's no answers. I'm unsure about my relationship. If I were to end it, it would end my validation. I think loving yourself unconditionally is delusional. Self esteem and confidence comes from without, not from within. It comes from being accomplished, being loved. From being a great lover, being a provider, feeling needed, having talent ... All in all, having value. To have self esteem without it requires a serious amount of ignorance and self delusion. Tricking yourself. I can't do that. The feeling of confidence and esteem from achievement, compared to just existing are like night and day.
I try to find esteem from romantic relationships, friendships and hobbies. Take the first one away, and you take away a big part of myself. And hurting her like that is painful to me because it's painful to her.
On the other hand, she drives me crazy. My feelings fluctuate. She's too demanding, I'm not emotionally available. We're opposites. I'm not as attracted to her as when we first met. I feel blunt. I hope that by continuing to nurture the relationship it will grow into something greater, but do they ever?
Without her is no better anyway. Without her is alcohol and women that are less caring, less beautiful. But they're different. Exciting. This is the most tempting path, but the worst one of all. More quick highs that only leave you feeling worse.
Still Day 14. Trouble sleeping. I feel like writing something so here I am.
I feel like there's no answers. I'm unsure about my relationship. If I were to end it, it would end my validation. I think loving yourself unconditionally is delusional. Self esteem and confidence comes from without, not from within. It comes from being accomplished, being loved. From being a great lover, being a provider, feeling needed, having talent ... All in all, having value. To have self esteem without it requires a serious amount of ignorance and self delusion. Tricking yourself. I can't do that. The feeling of confidence and esteem from achievement, compared to just existing are like night and day.
I try to find esteem from romantic relationships, friendships and hobbies. Take the first one away, and you take away a big part of myself. And hurting her like that is painful to me because it's painful to her.
On the other hand, she drives me crazy. My feelings fluctuate. She's too demanding, I'm not emotionally available. We're opposites. I'm not as attracted to her as when we first met. I feel blunt. I hope that by continuing to nurture the relationship it will grow into something greater, but do they ever?
Without her is no better anyway. Without her is alcohol and women that are less caring, less beautiful. But they're different. Exciting. This is the most tempting path, but the worst one of all. More quick highs that only leave you feeling worse.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
2 weeks is great - congratulations 
I'd caution you about making any momentous lifr changing decisions rioght now...it took me a good three months before I knew who sober me was, let alone what that sober me wanted.
Before I got to that point of equilibrium again I was several different Dees each day. That's not a good basis to be making big decisions on.
You may find, like I did, that more and more you find internal validation rather than external?
D
I'd caution you about making any momentous lifr changing decisions rioght now...it took me a good three months before I knew who sober me was, let alone what that sober me wanted.
Before I got to that point of equilibrium again I was several different Dees each day. That's not a good basis to be making big decisions on.
You may find, like I did, that more and more you find internal validation rather than external?
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 481
"Before I got to that point of equilibrium again I was several different Dees each day"
Thanks, that definitely resonated with me. Nice post.
The first 10 days were so easy. It feels strange to be struggling. I decided to take a day off work. I really need to just RELAX.
Day 15.
Thanks, that definitely resonated with me. Nice post.
The first 10 days were so easy. It feels strange to be struggling. I decided to take a day off work. I really need to just RELAX.
Day 15.
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