30 Days Sober Log
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Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 481
Thanks all, & thanks Yacine! That definitely gives me extra motivation to keep going.
My thinking is less black/white now. I have the same opinions, but they aren't generating feelings that push me to act impulsively. I'm not sure what's changed though. Just time ... a few conversations made me think that I can have success dating while staying sober, and a few good nights sleep. I still feel like too much of a spectator in life, but that's being chipped away at bit by it. I take far more initiative than 7.5 months ago, & my consistency is much better too. It will be a long process.
Day 225
My thinking is less black/white now. I have the same opinions, but they aren't generating feelings that push me to act impulsively. I'm not sure what's changed though. Just time ... a few conversations made me think that I can have success dating while staying sober, and a few good nights sleep. I still feel like too much of a spectator in life, but that's being chipped away at bit by it. I take far more initiative than 7.5 months ago, & my consistency is much better too. It will be a long process.
Day 225
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Just another thought ...
When I started lifting weights, progress was quick, then very slow. At first the basics were enough to make gains. But, after that I was stuck. For about 1.5 years I didn't make much progress. However, after that I began training much smarter. In the next 6 months I made more progress than ever.
Of course, I wish I had just tained smart from the start. But I understand that back then I just didn't have anywhere near the knowledge I have now. It took me a year & a half of trial/error, reading, research etc etc to find what worked for me. Then things really took off.
Maybe sobriety will be the same. At first rapid progress, then a real grind - a long process of slow development, trial/error and knowledge acquisition. Hopefully, with time something will click - I'll figure out a smarter way to navigate through sobriety and see my progress take off again.
When I started lifting weights, progress was quick, then very slow. At first the basics were enough to make gains. But, after that I was stuck. For about 1.5 years I didn't make much progress. However, after that I began training much smarter. In the next 6 months I made more progress than ever.
Of course, I wish I had just tained smart from the start. But I understand that back then I just didn't have anywhere near the knowledge I have now. It took me a year & a half of trial/error, reading, research etc etc to find what worked for me. Then things really took off.
Maybe sobriety will be the same. At first rapid progress, then a real grind - a long process of slow development, trial/error and knowledge acquisition. Hopefully, with time something will click - I'll figure out a smarter way to navigate through sobriety and see my progress take off again.
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Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 481
Yep, it's never ending 
227. I need to either improve my social skills, or stop giving a ****. I hate how I feel when I have to deal with acquaintances, I hate how they affect my behavior, why can't I just not care? If it's someone I know it's easy to have banter (at the gym for example) and just go back to concentrating. If it's someone I don't really know I begin to feel self conscious. I hate the relationships that straddle the line between stranger and acquaintance. I want to be genuinely friendly, or if I don't feel like talking at least a jerk. Both are better than being a self conscious pus**y.
/vent
227. I need to either improve my social skills, or stop giving a ****. I hate how I feel when I have to deal with acquaintances, I hate how they affect my behavior, why can't I just not care? If it's someone I know it's easy to have banter (at the gym for example) and just go back to concentrating. If it's someone I don't really know I begin to feel self conscious. I hate the relationships that straddle the line between stranger and acquaintance. I want to be genuinely friendly, or if I don't feel like talking at least a jerk. Both are better than being a self conscious pus**y.
/vent
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Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 611
I think a lot of us struggle with social situations, not really got any advice apart from try not over think it....If you've got nothing to say to someone you hardly know don't say anything I'm sure they'll get over it. I do understand what you mean about that awkward feeling though.
You're doing good by the way, make sure you don't let these little things derail what is now nearly 8 months of sobriety. A lot of people will have been following this thread from the start and will be so happy to see someone not just talking about doing it but actually dealing with it and coping with those daily stresses without picking up....it gives us all hope.
You're doing good by the way, make sure you don't let these little things derail what is now nearly 8 months of sobriety. A lot of people will have been following this thread from the start and will be so happy to see someone not just talking about doing it but actually dealing with it and coping with those daily stresses without picking up....it gives us all hope.
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Join Date: Sep 2014
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Originally Posted by MarathonMan 
I think a lot of us struggle with social situations, not really got any advice apart from try not over think it....If you've got nothing to say to someone you hardly know don't say anything I'm sure they'll get over it. I do understand what you mean about that awkward feeling though.
You're doing good by the way, make sure you don't let these little things derail what is now nearly 8 months of sobriety. A lot of people will have been following this thread from the start and will be so happy to see someone not just talking about doing it but actually dealing with it and coping with those daily stresses without picking up....it gives us all hope.
You're doing good by the way, make sure you don't let these little things derail what is now nearly 8 months of sobriety. A lot of people will have been following this thread from the start and will be so happy to see someone not just talking about doing it but actually dealing with it and coping with those daily stresses without picking up....it gives us all hope.
Unfortunately I'm posting again because I'm struggling. I'm becoming obsessed by my limitations. I feel like there's so much I want to do, but will never be able to. My body is limited by it's structure. Segment lengths, socket depth ... I understand now why I've never been able to perform certain movements no matter how much I practice and stretch. When the problem is bone structure nothing can be done. I don't know what to do with myself. Maybe I should just forget any kind of performance related goals I had and just focus on bodybuilding.
When I think about all the limitations my body has that aren't visible to the eye, I start thinking about the brain. How much can hard work really do? I've always known that people aren't created equal, but part of me feels that with hard work fairly significant improvements can be made. At the moment it feels like they can't. We're stuck with what we have, potential is severely limited. I feel trapped. ****. Apologies to any readers.
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Hey Dee, thanks for asking the question.
I really hate Winter, & I think the cold is making things trickier. This will sound ridiculous but fashion is harder to get right when it's cold. I have no fashion sense, but in the Spring/Summer it's easy. In Winter it takes some thought. There's layering, more accessories, stuff needs to be ironed, I need a much bigger selection of clean clothing to be fully ready/warm, & getting dressed/undressed is an effort ... my boots are a real pain in the ass just to get on.
I'm mentioning this because unless I have work, some days it feels easier to just never get started. Cold, miserable, I'm injured, & there's nothing to wear except gym gear ... I just feel like staying inside wearing sweatpants and a jumper, only going out if necessary. When this happens my day never really begins. But if I'm dressed and ready for action, there's a shift in mentality, & I WANT to get out there and do stuff. So, I think dressing well is something I shouldn't just view as superficial ******** - it's something that can help me become motivated. So, I should plan my days better - and make sure I have an outfit ready to get into when I wake up, so I can make the mental shift from laziness to action.
I've also had a side business idea which I think could be profitable, so I'm starting to feel motivated again. Since I can't stretch/workout at the moment, this seems like a good chance to get stuck in. And I know that once I start doing it every day, bit my bit it will progress, and working on it will become part of my lifestyle. But first I need to build it into my routine. Now is as good a time a ever.
I've also done some more reading, & I think the problems I have could be muscular rather than bone structure - so I have a glimmer of hope again that I can make some improvements there.
I really hate Winter, & I think the cold is making things trickier. This will sound ridiculous but fashion is harder to get right when it's cold. I have no fashion sense, but in the Spring/Summer it's easy. In Winter it takes some thought. There's layering, more accessories, stuff needs to be ironed, I need a much bigger selection of clean clothing to be fully ready/warm, & getting dressed/undressed is an effort ... my boots are a real pain in the ass just to get on.
I'm mentioning this because unless I have work, some days it feels easier to just never get started. Cold, miserable, I'm injured, & there's nothing to wear except gym gear ... I just feel like staying inside wearing sweatpants and a jumper, only going out if necessary. When this happens my day never really begins. But if I'm dressed and ready for action, there's a shift in mentality, & I WANT to get out there and do stuff. So, I think dressing well is something I shouldn't just view as superficial ******** - it's something that can help me become motivated. So, I should plan my days better - and make sure I have an outfit ready to get into when I wake up, so I can make the mental shift from laziness to action.
I've also had a side business idea which I think could be profitable, so I'm starting to feel motivated again. Since I can't stretch/workout at the moment, this seems like a good chance to get stuck in. And I know that once I start doing it every day, bit my bit it will progress, and working on it will become part of my lifestyle. But first I need to build it into my routine. Now is as good a time a ever.
I've also done some more reading, & I think the problems I have could be muscular rather than bone structure - so I have a glimmer of hope again that I can make some improvements there.
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Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 481
Day 241, over the 8 month mark. I'm feeling good again - & excited, because the more I think about my idea the more I think I can pull it off. I have a lot to learn about website design, how banking/online payments work in the country I'm targeting, marketing & a whole heap of other stuff ... but the risk & start up costs are low, & it gives me something other than the gym to focus my energy toward. I've purchased the domain name, so away we go.
Even though the last couple of weeks have kinda sucked, they were nothing compared to when I was drinking. I'm kind of forgetting how awful hangovers were, & how much time I wasted feeling like ****. How every time I'd take a step forward in life, drinking would just take me a step back, & I'd be back to where I began. I could never generate the consistency required to achieve anything.
I said that recently I'd taken two steps back ... if I can get this idea off the ground, it could be the 3 steps forward I've been hoping for.
Even though the last couple of weeks have kinda sucked, they were nothing compared to when I was drinking. I'm kind of forgetting how awful hangovers were, & how much time I wasted feeling like ****. How every time I'd take a step forward in life, drinking would just take me a step back, & I'd be back to where I began. I could never generate the consistency required to achieve anything.
I said that recently I'd taken two steps back ... if I can get this idea off the ground, it could be the 3 steps forward I've been hoping for.
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Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 7,908
Congrats on 241 days! It sure sounds like you're on the right track to me.
And I'd say one of the good things about SR is the ability to look back at my old posts and remind myself of where I was to compare with where I am now.
And I'd say one of the good things about SR is the ability to look back at my old posts and remind myself of where I was to compare with where I am now.
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Posts: 481
Welp, time to raise the bat again.
The further along I get, the further I realize I have to go. I'm happy with the progress I've made, but the mind quickly gets used to the new "normal" and starts wanting more.
I don't mind. This is better than just giving up and not playing the game of life at all.
I really, really love waking up sober and fresh. Even if I still have problems, that deep sleep & "healthy" feeling when I wake makes it all more than worth it.
Day 251.
The further along I get, the further I realize I have to go. I'm happy with the progress I've made, but the mind quickly gets used to the new "normal" and starts wanting more.
I don't mind. This is better than just giving up and not playing the game of life at all.
I really, really love waking up sober and fresh. Even if I still have problems, that deep sleep & "healthy" feeling when I wake makes it all more than worth it.
Day 251.
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Day 268.
Recently I started using my spreadsheet again. It's like magic how it seems to motivate me. Somehow the act of recording my behavior & ticking things off at the end of the day ["Gym", "meditate", "work on business"] just works. I think it's something I should try & do for the rest of my life, it's really that effective.
I had a dream last night. I was at a bar, & ordered a beer. As the bartender brought it back, I asked for a coke as well. I ended up leaving the beer & walking away with the coke. It's stupid but I felt proud of my subconscious for making the right choice
Recently I started using my spreadsheet again. It's like magic how it seems to motivate me. Somehow the act of recording my behavior & ticking things off at the end of the day ["Gym", "meditate", "work on business"] just works. I think it's something I should try & do for the rest of my life, it's really that effective.
I had a dream last night. I was at a bar, & ordered a beer. As the bartender brought it back, I asked for a coke as well. I ended up leaving the beer & walking away with the coke. It's stupid but I felt proud of my subconscious for making the right choice
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Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: Brooklyn, NY
Posts: 196
Originally Posted by Eshgham
Day 241, over the 8 month mark. I'm feeling good again - & excited, because the more I think about my idea the more I think I can pull it off. I have a lot to learn about website design, how banking/online payments work in the country I'm targeting, marketing & a whole heap of other stuff ... but the risk & start up costs are low, & it gives me something other than the gym to focus my energy toward. I've purchased the domain name, so away we go.
Even though the last couple of weeks have kinda sucked, they were nothing compared to when I was drinking. I'm kind of forgetting how awful hangovers were, & how much time I wasted feeling like ****. How every time I'd take a step forward in life, drinking would just take me a step back, & I'd be back to where I began. I could never generate the consistency required to achieve anything.
I said that recently I'd taken two steps back ... if I can get this idea off the ground, it could be the 3 steps forward I've been hoping for.
Even though the last couple of weeks have kinda sucked, they were nothing compared to when I was drinking. I'm kind of forgetting how awful hangovers were, & how much time I wasted feeling like ****. How every time I'd take a step forward in life, drinking would just take me a step back, & I'd be back to where I began. I could never generate the consistency required to achieve anything.
I said that recently I'd taken two steps back ... if I can get this idea off the ground, it could be the 3 steps forward I've been hoping for.
What you've said really resonated with me, with alot of great projects I've begun lack of focus, inconsistency, and some bouts with alcohol and has always derailed my progress and the cycle has become perpetual. I would love to have you be a soundboard of sorts as I embark on this journey once again. If posting in your thread is an issue I will begin my own... just wanted permission before I began.
Again congrats on 8 months and going my friend.
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Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: Brooklyn, NY
Posts: 196
Originally Posted by Eshgham
Day 268.
Recently I started using my spreadsheet again. It's like magic how it seems to motivate me. Somehow the act of recording my behavior & ticking things off at the end of the day ["Gym", "meditate", "work on business"] just works. I think it's something I should try & do for the rest of my life, it's really that effective.
I had a dream last night. I was at a bar, & ordered a beer. As the bartender brought it back, I asked for a coke as well. I ended up leaving the beer & walking away with the coke. It's stupid but I felt proud of my subconscious for making the right choice
Recently I started using my spreadsheet again. It's like magic how it seems to motivate me. Somehow the act of recording my behavior & ticking things off at the end of the day ["Gym", "meditate", "work on business"] just works. I think it's something I should try & do for the rest of my life, it's really that effective.
I had a dream last night. I was at a bar, & ordered a beer. As the bartender brought it back, I asked for a coke as well. I ended up leaving the beer & walking away with the coke. It's stupid but I felt proud of my subconscious for making the right choice
Thanks for sharing on the dream, it shows your growth that even your subconscious is making different choices now. Great.
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