Eshgham

Still 38. Four days off. Lots of spare time. Just got rejected for a job that I was really interested in.

Damn.

I'm going to spend a lot of time in the gym.

I'm not tempted to drink at the moment, but my vices roll into each other. If I stay at home eating crappy food, masturbating, watching junk on TV to change my brain chemistry I'm much more likely to say **** it and have a drink.

What can I do? Stay busy & find ways to alter my brain that don't result in cravings/negative side effects. Exercise is great. Meditation works OK. Sex with a loved one is good, but not an option for me right now.

I'm open to suggestions if anyone's out there reading!

Dee74

Sorry about the job.

as for the other stuff...It's like the old joke -

' Doc, it hurts when I do this'...
'so? don't do that.'

Have you thought of volunteering in your community at all Eshgham?
Good way to keep productive useful and out of the house...not to mention your own head.

D

Eshgham

Thanks Dee. Volunteering is a good idea.

Day 39. Still early days but it feels kind of surreal, the past month and a bit have flown by. Just going to stay the course. Plenty of exercise, focus on saving money, building a future.

Eshgham

Very early, but what the hey. IN for Day 40.

10 past my original mark, & I have no plans on stopping. Next milestone will be 50 days, & that's what I'm determined to reach. Still taking it one day at a time, moment by moment.

Eshgham

Day 41

Nothing to report really. Feeling pretty stable. I don't know exactly how long I went about 18 months ago, I think it was high 30's ... this must be a personal record. Booya!

Eshgham

Day 42.

Just moving forward, slowly but steadily.

I haven't been to a bar/club since I started, which has made things easier. Initially I thought I'd have to plan for it eventually, but at this stage I don't miss them at all. I'm happy doing my own thing, focusing on goals that are important to me. Going to bars just to be social only ruins my momentum and routine. There are plenty of other places to hang out with people and have fun.

JanieJ

You're doing so great, Esh. 42 days, fantastic , woo hoo !!

DickySix

This is such a good read, Thankyou.

Tomorrow marks 18 days, and to be honest I have been all over the shop.

Did you end up staying with your partner? mine left me as soon as I got sober which was strange. The reason we broke up was because I drank. hmmm. I think the relationship has had too much drama over the years. Time to start rebuilding a new life

Eshgham

Thanks Jane, I noticed that you've made a great start too and have completed 30 days. Let's keep it going!

Cheers mate. I was a bit all over the place around days 11 - 15, your feelings will probably even out if you hang in there, they have for me.

We're broken up but still talk most days ... I think we enjoy each other's company too much to just throw absolutely everything away.

Best of luck. At some point you'll have to decide if the drama and stress is worth it. Although I didn't take this advice, it's probably best not to make any big decisions in the early stages.

Day 43.

Eshgham

Can't sleep, but we've ticked over into another day & I feel like getting in.

Had a great time at work, busy but my mind was up to it. I was fresh, focused and on top of it all. I haven't felt that way in a long time. I don't want to get ahead of myself, but these small victories are enjoyable and sweet - especially since only a week ago I was down on myself for my small failures.

Day 44.

Eshgham

In for Day 45.

I feel really, really good 95% of the time.

But, every now and then I'll get a flash of anxiety. My stomach will sink, I'll feel butterflies and negative thoughts intrude. This isn't the real you, you're a fraud, your confidence isn't real, you can't keep this up, you will go back to drinking.

Whatever. They soon pass, and I'm back on track. Just gotta stay mindful. One day at a time, moment by moment.

Dee74

This is the real you. Believe it Eshgham

D

Eshgham

Thanks Dee, your posts are always so encouraging and helpful.

Day 46. Still laying the foundations, but the days are adding up nicely.

Eshgham

Day 47. All g

Eshgham

So we've ticked over into Day 48.

Just a note that I'm feeling restless, bored and tempted. Spent an hour hearing about my failings as a partner/person from my ex. That was painful. & no work = a long, lonely night. Body is aching. I'm craving something to change my mental state. Deep breaths. It's not so bad. It will pass. It's really not so bad. I think since starting to write this I've already evened out a bit.

And there's no way I'm stopping so close to the 50 mark!

snowbunting

That doesn't sound like a fun experience, Eshgham. Good for you for writing it out and shaking that temptation off - you're nearly at 50 days, that's huge, you can't stop now! Keep at it, I'm impressed

Eshgham

Thanks SB, just putting my feelings out there help definitely helps ... especially since it's not something I usually do in day to day life.

Once again I'm getting in early. I want to post my updates whenever I can ... it's pretty satisfying. Day 49. Looking forward to tomorrow when I'll raise the bat for a 50.

Eshgham

Boom. 50 is on the board. Everything in my life is better. At work, socially, athletically ... I'm really glad I decided to do this challenge.

& I don't want to stop. Onward to day 51.

Magellan

Great Job, I joined this site about the same time you started your 50 days, how time flies.
Keep it going. I've had some pitfalls but I've racked up a number of sober days, I'm 40 sober to 20 not and my not sober days aren't nearly as bad and I've learned what pushes me so hopefully now I am in a good way to just keep it going. Before this I was basically drinking every night.
Thanks for the inspiration

Eshgham

Thanks Magellan.

Congrats on your sober days. Every single one helps, and assists in generating some momentum.

Today was an average day. It's bed time, I'm not tired ... conditions are perfect to pour a glass and watch sport for a few hours. But the desire to drink just isn't there. Although it's early days I think my body is changing.

Still remaining vigilant though and going day by day, moment by moment. Day 51.