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Old 06-16-2014, 05:55 AM
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New here

Hello, I don't really know what I'm suppose to write here but I'm 24 and have struggled immensely with alcoholism since I was about 16 but in the last 4 years is really when I've gone downhill. I'm the kind of person that can't drink a beer without drinking all of them or going to get more and I'm uncomfortable in social settings so I basically used alcohol to stay social. At it's worst I would have to force myself to down a tall can just to help settle my horrible anxiety. I haven't drank in a week and even before that I would just drink a couple beers or a bottle of wine at night but I just can't afford to drink at all anymore (mentally, physically and financially) I'm a mother of an awesome little 10 month old boy and I don't want him to grow up with a loser as a mom. Any support would be much appreciated, I've quit for a couple weeks before but I don't want to slip this time. Also, I was able to quit drinking through my whole unexpected pregnancy so I should if I could quit for him then, I should be able to do the same now.

Last edited by eliza24; 06-16-2014 at 05:59 AM. Reason: Wanted to add a few things
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Old 06-16-2014, 05:59 AM
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Welcome Eliza24!

Congrats on staying sober for a week, what a great start to a new life!

As for what to do here - read and write. Ask questions. Share your story. Read the responses. If you think it fits and helps you, then use it! This is a great place to learn how to live sober.

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Old 06-16-2014, 06:08 AM
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Hi,

I am new too! I want the same as you.... for my kids not to grow up with a ****** mum. Coz I had that growing up!

WE CAN DO THIS! X
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Old 06-16-2014, 06:11 AM
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Thank you very much!. I hope I'm replying in the correct spot. I'll definitely help you however I can so we can both meet our goal!.
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Old 06-16-2014, 06:23 AM
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Oh, also... Is there a specific way to fill out the "about me" sequence? It seems to stay idle and not do anything when I try to click edit profile.
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Old 06-16-2014, 06:27 AM
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Girlintrouble14 I read your little info portion and I do agree we are a lot alike in the way we drink. I can quit for days but when I start I can't stop. I love the act of drinking and the buzz but I always end up feeling so anxious and stupid in e morning, even if I don't do anything wrong. My go to mistake is texting or calling people because I've recently moved out of state so my few friends are all back home. I worry that everyone thinks I'm a complete mess since I don't talk to anyone unless I've been drinking. My fiancÚ has been with me for years and has been so great but I honestly can't believe he still cares after seeing how ridiculous I've been in the past.
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Old 06-16-2014, 06:37 AM
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Welcome to you both...I'm actually relatively new here myself and have found it a great place for inspiration and support. I can share a little of my experience with you and that is much to the same as you eliza24...I could never just have one of anything! I could quit for a short time on my own, but inevitably I ALWAYS picked back up and each time was worse and worse! After numerous DUIs , legal, health and relationship problems ALL caused from alcohol I decided to try AA. I had tried AA and NA when I was younger, but just wasn't ready. This time I was!

I've been sober now with the help of God and AA for 43 days and that's a miracle for me!I'm a real proponent of not playing around with this disease. I've watch too many of my friends and family die from addiction. In my opinion complete abstinence is the only way for me to find serenity and be the Father my children need and the man I need to be. My suggestions are to find an AA meeting ASAP and at least give it a few tries! It took me a bit to find the group that I actually fit in, but I never left a meeting without learning something. Also, stay connected here and don't be afraid to ask for help!

Wishing you both great success!
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Old 06-16-2014, 06:47 AM
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Ultradad, thank you so much for sharing!. That really IS a miracle!. I'm absolutely positive besides the pregnancy factor that I have never gone that long without drinking, good for you!. I've been very lucky in the sense that I've never even had a parking ticket let alone a DUI and there were a few times I really deserved one. I went to AA once with my mom, she also struggled and actually passed away a year ago from liver failure. It wasn't the right group for me, probably because the person speaking that night was an ex boyfriends mother who I had formally spent a few drunken nights with. That was years ago, I believe I would definitely benefit from a meeting, now. I do struggle with anxiety quite a bit and I've heard that AA can sometimes be a bit culty and overwhelming, I believe in God 100% so it being based on that would not bother me at all! but you do personally agree that it's overwhelming for someone a bit socially awkward?
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Old 06-16-2014, 06:48 AM
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Originally Posted by eliza24 View Post
Girlintrouble14 I read your little info portion and I do agree we are a lot alike in the way we drink. I can quit for days but when I start I can't stop. I love the act of drinking and the buzz but I always end up feeling so anxious and stupid in e morning, even if I don't do anything wrong. My go to mistake is texting or calling people because I've recently moved out of state so my few friends are all back home. I worry that everyone thinks I'm a complete mess since I don't talk to anyone unless I've been drinking. My fiancÚ has been with me for years and has been so great but I honestly can't believe he still cares after seeing how ridiculous I've been in the past.
I'm the same! I cannot believe my hubby still wants to be with me. I don't deserve him.

I also do the "drink + dial" fail a lot! I cringe at the thought, the next morning.

And yes... I love the thought of having sociable drinks. I love the hit of the first glass of wine etc. I love the laughter and silliness with being "tipsy".

It's the drunkness that inevitably comes EVERY time that I despise. And I despise myself because of it. x
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Old 06-16-2014, 06:57 AM
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eliza24,

I have been to a few that were a bit overwhelming, but at this point it really doesn't matter we have to fight and do whatever necessary to get and stay sober. I was just like you, if I wen't anywhere socially I had to have at least a drink or two, but now I find the meetings a safe haven and it's strange, but for the first time in my life it's like 'I fit in' I'm finally a part of and can be myself and feel normal...

And yeah, ex-boyfriends mother...that would be totally awkward : ) Look up the schedule for meetings in your area and try different ones, I promise you'll know when you know and you'll never be the same. AA teaches me that this disease is, in fact, a spiritual issue...this means different things to different people, but I would suggest praying that God will lead you to the right meeting and help keep you sober till you get started and He will! This has been my experience!
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Old 06-16-2014, 08:15 AM
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Welcome eliza! As you can already see you will find plenty of people here you can relate with. You will also find tons of support! Good luck on your journey!
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Old 06-16-2014, 08:25 AM
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Welcome, eliza. Many of us drink to help feel less anxious. For me the irony is that the drinking ultimately leads to me waking up in the middle of the night feeling even MORE anxious, or waking up the following morning feeling sick, guilty and embarrassed.

I still rely on the occasional Xanax, under a doctor's watchful eye, but my anxiety is 1/10th what it was when I was drinking. While drinking, I had the dry heaves almost every morning as I drove to work.

Anyway, good luck. I am glad you are here with us.
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Old 06-16-2014, 08:30 AM
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Welcome Eliza!

I drank like that as well.. I could go for days without it but once I decided that I would drink, I had to stock up because there was no such thing as 1. Ever. I wish I had quit when my son was younger (he's 14 now) but I hadn't really started to drink until he was in kindergarten.

I am also extremely shy and uncomfortable around people that I don't know and AA has helped me tons. I still feel shy there, but I found a group that I liked and I see them all the time and I'm comfortable with them.

Again, welcome and congrats on 7 days!

Also, to update your details, it should just be under User CP and Edit Your Details, maybe try doing it in a new tab?
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Old 06-16-2014, 09:51 AM
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Welcome to the Forum Eliza!! Great to have you onboard!!
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Old 06-16-2014, 11:12 AM
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Originally Posted by firstymer View Post
Welcome, eliza. Many of us drink to help feel less anxious. For me the irony is that the drinking ultimately leads to me waking up in the middle of the night feeling even MORE anxious, or waking up the following morning feeling sick, guilty and embarrassed. I still rely on the occasional Xanax, under a doctor's watchful eye, but my anxiety is 1/10th what it was when I was drinking. While drinking, I had the dry heaves almost every morning as I drove to work. Anyway, good luck. I am glad you are here with us.


Thank you! And I totally agree with you on those feelings, it's crazy how many times I'd tell myself I'm just gonna drink and not embarrass myself but it never worked out that way, I remember driving to work in the morning after a night of horrible decisions and I couldn't even communicate with my customers because my brain felt like it was shutting down, I ended up having a full on panic attack and having to leave without permission, I was a manager so I got in a ton of trouble but I honestly felt like my heart was going to explode.

Thank you to all of you, I'm so glad I found this app and it's really surprising to me how many of you have and are going through the same exact thing as I am, I always thought everyone else was capable of drinking socially and being the cool collective person and I was just this insane person. I still cringe at the thought of some of the foolish nights in my past so my first goal after the overall sobriety is to learn to move on from those mistakes and finally try to forgive myself. Any thoughts on how to go about that?
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Old 06-16-2014, 11:22 AM
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It's great to meet you eliza. I'm so glad you've reached out for a better life. You can do this, and we will help.

I know the feelings you describe very well - being at work and panicking. (My solution was to take some with me to ward of the shakes...brilliant. ) When I came here I was drinking all day - and much older than you. In my 20's I was still insisting I could control my drinking, but in my heart I knew it wasn't possible. Finding SR helped me to not feel alone anymore - and that meant everything. I found the courage to get free. It's such a relief to have it out of our lives.
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Old 06-16-2014, 11:27 AM
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As for the cringing over past events - just use them as a reminder - but please don't dwell on them. You aren't going to be that person anymore. Guilt and remorse can lead us back to trouble if we let it overwhelm us. I decided to forgive myself and rise above the past. Be kind & patient with yourself.
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Old 06-16-2014, 11:50 AM
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Welcome to SR Eliza.I'ma mum too and that was my main reason for getting sober. Like you, I didn't drink when pregnant but then started again. It does get worse .I wish I had quit when I was your age and not wasted my 20s and most of my 30s before finally quitting at 38. Your sobriety can be one of the best things you do for your son andfor you.
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Old 06-16-2014, 12:12 PM
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I'm new here,too. Day 1 for me. Eliza24 and GirlInTrouble14, I am right there with you. Never have I had just one and oh the phone! (facepalm) I'm tired of waking up and checking my phone just to see what my evening was like. MORTIFYING!!!!! And my poor neighbors! I'm usually quite a happy drunk but I'm sure they're tired of dealing with me. I know how annoying drunk people are when you're sober. UGH! So embarrassing! I'm mostly tired of having to forgive myself for doing/saying something stupid or inappropriate IF I remember at all. The worst part is not knowing who I need to apologize to and for what. (shaking my head)

I'm going to be checking this forum often if for nothing else than to read my own posts to remind myself why I'm here and why I'm doing this.

Thanks to all of you and Good luck to all of us!
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Old 06-16-2014, 07:44 PM
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Originally Posted by NewMePlease View Post
I'm new here,too. Day 1 for me. Eliza24 and GirlInTrouble14, I am right there with you. Never have I had just one and oh the phone! (facepalm) I'm tired of waking up and checking my phone just to see what my evening was like. MORTIFYING!!!!! And my poor neighbors! I'm usually quite a happy drunk but I'm sure they're tired of dealing with me. I know how annoying drunk people are when you're sober. UGH! So embarrassing! I'm mostly tired of having to forgive myself for doing/saying something stupid or inappropriate IF I remember at all. The worst part is not knowing who I need to apologize to and for what. (shaking my head) I'm going to be checking this forum often if for nothing else than to read my own posts to remind myself why I'm here and why I'm doing this. Thanks to all of you and Good luck to all of us!

I couldn't agree more!. I used to turn my phone off in the morning and keep it off for days because I was too terrified to read any stupid messages or even worse, read the replies of people obviously knowing I was drunk. I'm sorry that you are feeling what you're feeling but I'm really glad to know I'm not alone in this!. Good luck to you and thank you for sharing!
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