It's great to meet you eliza. I'm so glad you've reached out for a better life. You can do this, and we will help.
I know the feelings you describe very well - being at work and panicking. (My solution was to take some with me to ward of the shakes...brilliant.
) When I came here I was drinking all day - and much older than you. In my 20's I was still insisting I could control my drinking, but in my heart I knew it wasn't possible. Finding SR helped me to not feel alone anymore - and that meant everything. I found the courage to get free. It's such a relief to have it out of our lives.