Originally Posted by Gottalife

You mention functioning. When people say this they usually mean that externally, they appear to be functioning. I heard a functioning alcoholic describe his circumstances the other day.

Great job, lovely wife and family, no days off work, nice house and car, no criminal convictions, no duis , no problems at work, good social life, lots of friends etc.
functioning to all intents and purpose, except he was so unhappy he was contemplating suicide. He could not stop drinking.

The externals are not an indicator of alcoholism, nor are they a cause. The problem is internal, and can be summed up as being about how we drank and how we felt. All the rest is window dressing.

Originally Posted by EJ43

Hi there gonna change! I hope the stories and people here help you in your journey. All over the globe, all walks of life, but united in helping one another. Pretty cool. Hang in and I hope you have success tonight And I am curious how you will feel about your morning. Welcome!

Originally Posted by zeroptzero

I appreciate your honesty. I don't think you will get much in the way of '"criticisms" here. Certainly many people will tell you candidly that they tried (and failed) to reduce alcohol consumption to a minimal level, at least not with any consistency.
I am not much of an amateur psychologist, but there must be a reason why you included so much about your success and health in your introduction. Just who are you trying to convince that alcohol has not caused you any problems? Is a part of you already pleading your case as to why it's ok for you to keep some alcohol in your life? I don't fault you for your current goal. I could not deal with "forever" in the beginning. The mind so quickly fills with a thousand occasions when drinking will be required. Abstinence seems unnecessary and unattainable. Take it one day at a time. I wish you all the best.

Originally Posted by Gonnachange

I originally wrote this a few hours ago while dealing with an urge to drink in the afternoon. Fortunately, I didn't. Some registration problems kept me from posting earlier.

I joined SR today and am typing this is to establish myself in a place where I can come to find support when needed and hopefully help others along the way.

Before I start, I need to disclose that I'm not sure I want to never drink again, but I am sure that I want to significantly reduce my consumption. As an example, we were at a BBQ for seven hours on Saturday and I had two beers. For now I'm fine with that as I know those situations are not my problem, it's the drinking alone and concealing the extent of my consumption. If I can modify my behavior so that I'm only having very moderate amounts of alcohol during social situations, such as I did Saturday, and completely eliminate weekday drinks while alone I believe I will be fine. Whether or not that is achievable remains to be seen.

As this is my first post here's some info about me. I am:

In my late 50's;
The father of two wonderful college age children who I have a great relationship with;
Married for almost 30 years to a fantastic woman who is my best friend;
Own a very successful sole proprietorship business;
In the gym three times a week to lift weights;
An endurance athlete who runs two marathons and usually a 100 mile bicycle race each year;
Someone who eats a healthy diet consisting of mainly homemade from scratch food;
A large time and money contributor to my community, mostly the school system;
Either on the verge of becoming or already an alcoholic.

Nobody knows about the last entry. Everyone knows I don't mind a glass of wine, a beer, or some scotch, but nobody knows the the drinking I do alone everyday. The hiding is one of the behaviors that scares me. I intellectually know what's happening is wrong and every day I strive to do better, but the end result is far too often far from what my desire is. I can't remember the last time I didn't have a drink for an entire day and, even worse, my consumption is increasing.

A couple of other things:

I have never been in trouble with the law;
I have never been in any type of altercation.

I'm functioning, but I know I'm not doing my body any favors. Even as I type this at 2 PM I'm fighting the urge to drink something that has more octane than the seltzer presently beside me. That's another thing that scares me. It's not that I'm staying out late and drinking, just starting earlier which leads to the aforementioned increased consumption. Having the first one in the early to mid afternoon is not unheard of. Not everyday, but it shouldn't be happening at all and right now my goal is to make it through the next hour. I'll deal with the one after that when it's here. Writing this has helped.

Sorry about the length of this first post and thanks in advance to all who took the time to read. Any advice, criticisms, or questions are appreciated.

Originally Posted by hokey

Really glad you're back Carl ...

Originally Posted by Stoogy

Thanks for an excellent and honest assessment of your drinking patterns, it's always best to be completely honest and not bury your head in the sand for so many years like I did, I was "nagged" to quit in my eyes for so long but the honest truth is you will not quit until YOU want too, you seem to be at that stage which is great, welcome aboard and thank you for joining us.

Originally Posted by hokey

So sorry ... that post was supposed to be on another thread. I don't know how it ended up here! :o

Welcome to the forum, and I wish you luck on your journey!

Originally Posted by firstymer

Gonnachange, when I joined SR 9 months ago, I could have written a first post almost identical to yours. I am only a few years younger than you, and I am divorced, but the rest of our circumstances are virtually identical, right down to the marathon-running and bike riding.

It took me a few days after joining SR before I recognized myself as an alcoholic. And I have admitted to no one other than the good people here at SR (and myself) that I am an alcoholic. I haven't gone to AA or used any other methods, other than SR, to maintain my sobriety. But, so far, SR has been enough. I am almost 9 months sober.

I won't repeat what you have already read about moderation. For me, and for every alcoholic that I have met, moderation doesn't work. Our "on/off" button is broken when it comes to drinking. We just need to deal with that.

Anyway, welcome to SR. I am glad you are here with us. Having been where you are, I can tell you that my life is much, much, better without alcohol than it was before. I wish the same for you.

Good luck.

Originally Posted by MandalayVA

Welcome, Gonnachange.

Like you and others around here, I also don't really have a problem with alcohol in social situations. I can have a beer at a ball game or a glass of wine at a function and not have my mind screaming GIMME MORE. However, left along with hard liquor? As my elderly aunt says, Katie bar the door. I can drink truly obscene amounts when left to my own devices, to the point that I've actually feared a couple of times that I wouldn't live to see the hangover (obviously I did and OH DID I PAY).

Leave the booze alone just for today. There's what's called the 24 Hour Club thread here where you can sign up to not drink for 24 hours. That's all the commitment you have to make. Don't think about moderation, don't think about the future. Just commit for a day, okay?

Originally Posted by Gonnachange

snipped for relevance:

I rarely have a problem when out socially. Odd. The two beer seven hour BBQ I wrote about is a perfect example of how I behave socially. On the other end of the spectrum is what happens when I'm home.

Originally Posted by Received

I never drank when out socially. All my drinking was at home. Beer. Lots of it. Every evening/night. Sometimes afternoon/evening/night.

I don't find it particularly odd that you can "moderate" when out socially. I don't find it surprising you are acutely aware you had "two beer" and you know that it was in a span of "seven hours".

Originally Posted by EJ43

Good luck!!! Keep it up today and keep posting!!! Even if you don't succeed, people are always here. Just keep coming!

Originally Posted by Gonnachange

All I can write is that I'll strive to make today better.

Originally Posted by Gonnachange

I know moderation is frowned upon at SR for good reasons and I may find that it doesn't work for me.

Originally Posted by flossyfressia

Pleased for you gonnachange! Hope it's not been too difficult. Keep posting-it helps I find.

Originally Posted by GracieLou

Thanks for posting that. That is all any of us can do.

It reminded me to take it one day at a time and also that change does not happen over night. It is a process. Thanks!

Originally Posted by Nuudawn

Yeah...nothing gets us all hot bothered like a "moderation" thread...and that's only because probably 98.7 of us have tried it...painfully unsuccessfully and yup...some die trying.

But there is no doubt about the fact, to me anyway, that is ABSOLUTELY part of process. Although I am not a member of AA, I appreciate ole Bill W.'s sentiment that if you believe you can moderate...go the heck out there and do it!
If you figure it out...bright envious blessings..
but if you don't.
It's pretty much an open door policy in places like this. You can come in or out at any time.