So It Begins
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 5,700
So It Begins
I originally wrote this a few hours ago while dealing with an urge to drink in the afternoon. Fortunately, I didn't. Some registration problems kept me from posting earlier.
I joined SR today and am typing this is to establish myself in a place where I can come to find support when needed and hopefully help others along the way.
Before I start, I need to disclose that I'm not sure I want to never drink again, but I am sure that I want to significantly reduce my consumption. As an example, we were at a BBQ for seven hours on Saturday and I had two beers. For now I'm fine with that as I know those situations are not my problem, it's the drinking alone and concealing the extent of my consumption. If I can modify my behavior so that I'm only having very moderate amounts of alcohol during social situations, such as I did Saturday, and completely eliminate weekday drinks while alone I believe I will be fine. Whether or not that is achievable remains to be seen.
As this is my first post here's some info about me. I am:
In my late 50's;
The father of two wonderful college age children who I have a great relationship with;
Married for almost 30 years to a fantastic woman who is my best friend;
Own a very successful sole proprietorship business;
In the gym three times a week to lift weights;
An endurance athlete who runs two marathons and usually a 100 mile bicycle race each year;
Someone who eats a healthy diet consisting of mainly homemade from scratch food;
A large time and money contributor to my community, mostly the school system;
Either on the verge of becoming or already an alcoholic.
Nobody knows about the last entry. Everyone knows I don't mind a glass of wine, a beer, or some scotch, but nobody knows the the drinking I do alone everyday. The hiding is one of the behaviors that scares me. I intellectually know what's happening is wrong and every day I strive to do better, but the end result is far too often far from what my desire is. I can't remember the last time I didn't have a drink for an entire day and, even worse, my consumption is increasing.
A couple of other things:
I have never been in trouble with the law;
I have never been in any type of altercation.
I'm functioning, but I know I'm not doing my body any favors. Even as I type this at 2 PM I'm fighting the urge to drink something that has more octane than the seltzer presently beside me. That's another thing that scares me. It's not that I'm staying out late and drinking, just starting earlier which leads to the aforementioned increased consumption. Having the first one in the early to mid afternoon is not unheard of. Not everyday, but it shouldn't be happening at all and right now my goal is to make it through the next hour. I'll deal with the one after that when it's here. Writing this has helped.
Sorry about the length of this first post and thanks in advance to all who took the time to read. Any advice, criticisms, or questions are appreciated.
I joined SR today and am typing this is to establish myself in a place where I can come to find support when needed and hopefully help others along the way.
Before I start, I need to disclose that I'm not sure I want to never drink again, but I am sure that I want to significantly reduce my consumption. As an example, we were at a BBQ for seven hours on Saturday and I had two beers. For now I'm fine with that as I know those situations are not my problem, it's the drinking alone and concealing the extent of my consumption. If I can modify my behavior so that I'm only having very moderate amounts of alcohol during social situations, such as I did Saturday, and completely eliminate weekday drinks while alone I believe I will be fine. Whether or not that is achievable remains to be seen.
As this is my first post here's some info about me. I am:
In my late 50's;
The father of two wonderful college age children who I have a great relationship with;
Married for almost 30 years to a fantastic woman who is my best friend;
Own a very successful sole proprietorship business;
In the gym three times a week to lift weights;
An endurance athlete who runs two marathons and usually a 100 mile bicycle race each year;
Someone who eats a healthy diet consisting of mainly homemade from scratch food;
A large time and money contributor to my community, mostly the school system;
Either on the verge of becoming or already an alcoholic.
Nobody knows about the last entry. Everyone knows I don't mind a glass of wine, a beer, or some scotch, but nobody knows the the drinking I do alone everyday. The hiding is one of the behaviors that scares me. I intellectually know what's happening is wrong and every day I strive to do better, but the end result is far too often far from what my desire is. I can't remember the last time I didn't have a drink for an entire day and, even worse, my consumption is increasing.
A couple of other things:
I have never been in trouble with the law;
I have never been in any type of altercation.
I'm functioning, but I know I'm not doing my body any favors. Even as I type this at 2 PM I'm fighting the urge to drink something that has more octane than the seltzer presently beside me. That's another thing that scares me. It's not that I'm staying out late and drinking, just starting earlier which leads to the aforementioned increased consumption. Having the first one in the early to mid afternoon is not unheard of. Not everyday, but it shouldn't be happening at all and right now my goal is to make it through the next hour. I'll deal with the one after that when it's here. Writing this has helped.
Sorry about the length of this first post and thanks in advance to all who took the time to read. Any advice, criticisms, or questions are appreciated.
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Yorkshire, UK
Posts: 129
Hi gonna change, welcome to SR. I'm fairly new here too.
My problem is similar to yours-I can moderate my drinking but regularly and in particular when I'm alone, I binge to the point of losing gaps in my mind the day after. I don't want to spend my life regretting last night.
At first I thought I could cut down, but increasingly I'm now afraid of drinking because I don't want to go back to how I was with an unhealthy relationship with alcohol. I'm taking each day at a time and am now 3 weeks alcohol free!
Good luck with your journey-you'll find great support here.
My problem is similar to yours-I can moderate my drinking but regularly and in particular when I'm alone, I binge to the point of losing gaps in my mind the day after. I don't want to spend my life regretting last night.
At first I thought I could cut down, but increasingly I'm now afraid of drinking because I don't want to go back to how I was with an unhealthy relationship with alcohol. I'm taking each day at a time and am now 3 weeks alcohol free!
Good luck with your journey-you'll find great support here.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 5,700
Flossy, thanks for your reply. Although I just joined today, I've done a fair amount of reading on the site and know that the moderation approach doesn't often work. I may find myself in the same boat, only time will tell. As I tried to articulate earlier, there are two "things" going on. I don't have a social drinking problem, but I certainly have a problem when I'm home. Maybe it's not having to get behind the wheel of a car that's a contributory factor, I truly don't know, but I have so little self control when at home that it's definitely a problem.
Thanks for your response and support.
Thanks for your response and support.
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Yorkshire, UK
Posts: 129
I did a lot of reading before I posted first aswell. I agree that only time will tell-I didn't begin with the intention of being teetotal, and I'm still on the fence a little as to what will happen long term-however I know for now that being sober is working for me. There's all sorts on here-different attitudes and approaches-as the saying goes it takes a village!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 5,700
Honestly, I felt a little hesitant stating in my first post that total sobriety is not my goal for now, but in order for me to benefit fully from my participation here it's imperative that I always give full disclosure about what I'm thinking and my actions.
Realising my life
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Dorset, England
Posts: 3,656
Originally Posted by Gonnachange 
Honestly, I felt a little hesitant stating in my first post that total sobriety is not my goal for now, but in order for me to benefit fully from my participation here it's imperative that I always give full disclosure about what I'm thinking and my actions.
It's good to have you with us.When I first gave up drinking, I really don't think that in my heart I was ready to let it go for good. It wasn't until I read the posts on here from others who'd tried to moderate and failed that I thought I might have to condider staying sober for ever. But at 16 months, the changes, both physical and psychological have been so immense that I don't have the slightest desire now to ever drink again
For now, just take it day by day. You may be able to moderate or you may not, but I hope you have a good crack at sobriety first - it can be absolutely amazing!
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,536
It's great to meet you Gonnachange. I'm glad you wanted to join us & discuss your situation. You're among friends who care.
When I came to SR I was drinking all day, completely dependent on it. That hadn't always been the case. I went through many stages with my drinking. At one point I only drank on weekends & had some control. Over time my drinking habits changed - my tolerance increased - & it took more and more to achieve the same result. I'm sure you've heard that 'Alcoholism is a progressive disease'. I never dreamed my life would fall apart the way it did. Only you can know if you're an alcoholic - but I'm glad you're here to ask questions and get feedback. Welcome!
When I came to SR I was drinking all day, completely dependent on it. That hadn't always been the case. I went through many stages with my drinking. At one point I only drank on weekends & had some control. Over time my drinking habits changed - my tolerance increased - & it took more and more to achieve the same result. I'm sure you've heard that 'Alcoholism is a progressive disease'. I never dreamed my life would fall apart the way it did. Only you can know if you're an alcoholic - but I'm glad you're here to ask questions and get feedback. Welcome!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 3,293
I think quitting alcohol is a process. It rarely happens overnight IMO. Most people try different and oftentimes, very creative ways of cutting down on their drinking. I think it's just natural for most of us to want to find a way to keep drinking without it causing any problems in our lives. I tried all kinds of ways to moderate my drinking, but nothing worked. I always ended up back to where I started. I'm the kind of person that hates losing anything, but I eventually realized that this was a battle I could not win. Had to be honest and accept the fact that if I drink today, I'll quickly be back living in h**l. Hope everything works out for you.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: SE USA
Posts: 941
Welcome Gonnachange,
I think many of us have the same or similar story as you. I would also start drinking earlier in the day and drinking alone was my problem. I actually didn't like drinking socially. Forever is a long time to contemplate (or it is for me). Instead, I focus on taking one day at a time. I was ruining my mind, body (I am runner) and relationship with my kids (teenagers) and spent considerable amounts of time internally debating why I needed to quit and why I needed to/could drink - I wish that I could have those hours back now.
As other have said, the SR community is a great place to read, reflect and share.
Take care,
Pan
I think many of us have the same or similar story as you. I would also start drinking earlier in the day and drinking alone was my problem. I actually didn't like drinking socially. Forever is a long time to contemplate (or it is for me). Instead, I focus on taking one day at a time. I was ruining my mind, body (I am runner) and relationship with my kids (teenagers) and spent considerable amounts of time internally debating why I needed to quit and why I needed to/could drink - I wish that I could have those hours back now.
As other have said, the SR community is a great place to read, reflect and share.
Take care,
Pan
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Bay Area, California
Posts: 314
It wasn't until I tried to quit for 30 days, and couldn't make it past 3 weeks that I began to acknowledge this might be a more extensive problem than I thought. I think the best thing to do is quit entirely (for a period of reasonable length) and evaluate how you feel without it, how hard it is to quit, what you need to do to replace it, why you are doing it. Check out some sobriety resources, maybe a counselor that specializes in addiction, maybe some meetings. You are taking the first step here by reaching out and telling your story. Drinking problems are often hidden and therefore hard to entangle from the rest of our more productive lives.
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Canada
Posts: 4,580
Thank you for sharing your story. I'm a real big fan of this place and glad you are making it part of your process. Trying to figure out our alcohol issue via tapering or moderating or giving abstinence a go for a good while and figuring we got it licked and trying again...is all part of the process. It's apparent you are a logical soul and quite capable of drawing conclusions based on the evidence you have thus far. You will find lots of good caring souls here, similar stories and experiences, support tools and wisdom. The whole "never again" issue ain't an easy pill to swallow and I find it easier to look at it one situation...one day at a time.
The whole thing about moderation is....when is actually appropriate or necessary to drink? Do you drink to ease social anxiety? Feel like one of the group? Lessen the tension after a hard day? Tolerate an irritating situation or person? As an easy habit? Why are we drinking and are we able to stop at one or two...and do we actually want to?
Whatever questions you have...I hope you find all your answers and draw the conclusions best for you.
Welcome.
The whole thing about moderation is....when is actually appropriate or necessary to drink? Do you drink to ease social anxiety? Feel like one of the group? Lessen the tension after a hard day? Tolerate an irritating situation or person? As an easy habit? Why are we drinking and are we able to stop at one or two...and do we actually want to?
Whatever questions you have...I hope you find all your answers and draw the conclusions best for you.
Welcome.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 5,700
Originally Posted by Panacea
Welcome Gonnachange,
I think many of us have the same or similar story as you. I would also start drinking earlier in the day and drinking alone was my problem. I actually didn't like drinking socially. Forever is a long time to contemplate (or it is for me). Instead, I focus on taking one day at a time. I was ruining my mind, body (I am runner) and relationship with my kids (teenagers) and spent considerable amounts of time internally debating why I needed to quit and why I needed to/could drink - I wish that I could have those hours back now.
As other have said, the SR community is a great place to read, reflect and share.
Take care,
Pan
I think many of us have the same or similar story as you. I would also start drinking earlier in the day and drinking alone was my problem. I actually didn't like drinking socially. Forever is a long time to contemplate (or it is for me). Instead, I focus on taking one day at a time. I was ruining my mind, body (I am runner) and relationship with my kids (teenagers) and spent considerable amounts of time internally debating why I needed to quit and why I needed to/could drink - I wish that I could have those hours back now.
As other have said, the SR community is a great place to read, reflect and share.
Take care,
Pan
I'm a (slow) marathoner and while I'm currently injured so have not done a spring marathon I'm looking at a couple of fall ones. One day at a time....this afternoon I was taking it one hour at a time. And prevailed.
Originally Posted by hokey
Really glad you're back Carl ...
Originally Posted by SonomaGal
It wasn't until I tried to quit for 30 days, and couldn't make it past 3 weeks that I began to acknowledge this might be a more extensive problem than I thought. I think the best thing to do is quit entirely (for a period of reasonable length) and evaluate how you feel without it, how hard it is to quit, what you need to do to replace it, why you are doing it. Check out some sobriety resources, maybe a counselor that specializes in addiction, maybe some meetings. You are taking the first step here by reaching out and telling your story. Drinking problems are often hidden and therefore hard to entangle from the rest of our more productive lives.
I've only been a member for a few hours and it's paying big dividends. My original post, which I wrote offline before my membership was approved stopped me from drinking this afternoon and coming here now will have a similar effect tonight. Right now I'm in that danger zone. My wife is at the gym and neither kids are home; ordinarily I'd grab my book and have multiple martinis while reading. Not tonight. Multiple waters maybe.
Thanks everyone for the warm welcome.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Virginia
Posts: 436
Welcome gonnachange. As you can see from my join date, I've been around here for awhile and struggled at whether or not I could drink in moderation. It wasn't until this past February that I gave it up totally for good.
Like you I found myself drinking earlier and earlier in the day. Years back it started with dinner and as my children grew I found that first glass of wine was coming earlier and earlier to the point at the very end that I was starting to drink around noon every day. I almost always drank at home alone. I was never a nasty drunk, never a sloppy drunk, always had my pulse on what was going on with the kids, had a great relationship with my husband and had dinner on the table every night. I knew I had a problem and needed to stop but it just wasn't important enough for me to do so.
Fast forward to this past February 22 -- the months prior were pretty much pure hell every morning with panic attacks and hands shaking and I couldn't function without forcing that first glass of wine in me. On February 22 I woke up and realized I just couldn't do this anymore. I had had enough.
The scariest part of all of this is that I had functioned well (or so I thought) for so many years and then one day everything changed. I have no idea why - I was drinking the same amount - but the physical symptoms started outweighing the psychological ones and it went from craving a drink to actually NEEDING that drink.
The good news is that you're here. I hope you're able to find the support and encouragement that has been so very helpful to me.
Always remember you're not alone in this!!
Like you I found myself drinking earlier and earlier in the day. Years back it started with dinner and as my children grew I found that first glass of wine was coming earlier and earlier to the point at the very end that I was starting to drink around noon every day. I almost always drank at home alone. I was never a nasty drunk, never a sloppy drunk, always had my pulse on what was going on with the kids, had a great relationship with my husband and had dinner on the table every night. I knew I had a problem and needed to stop but it just wasn't important enough for me to do so.
Fast forward to this past February 22 -- the months prior were pretty much pure hell every morning with panic attacks and hands shaking and I couldn't function without forcing that first glass of wine in me. On February 22 I woke up and realized I just couldn't do this anymore. I had had enough.
The scariest part of all of this is that I had functioned well (or so I thought) for so many years and then one day everything changed. I have no idea why - I was drinking the same amount - but the physical symptoms started outweighing the psychological ones and it went from craving a drink to actually NEEDING that drink.
The good news is that you're here.
I hope you're able to find the support and encouragement that has been so very helpful to me.Always remember you're not alone in this!!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 5,700
Originally Posted by casinva
Welcome gonnachange. As you can see from my join date, I've been around here for awhile and struggled at whether or not I could drink in moderation. It wasn't until this past February that I gave it up totally for good.
Like you I found myself drinking earlier and earlier in the day. Years back it started with dinner and as my children grew I found that first glass of wine was coming earlier and earlier to the point at the very end that I was starting to drink around noon every day. I almost always drank at home alone. I was never a nasty drunk, never a sloppy drunk, always had my pulse on what was going on with the kids, had a great relationship with my husband and had dinner on the table every night. I knew I had a problem and needed to stop but it just wasn't important enough for me to do so.
Fast forward to this past February 22 -- the months prior were pretty much pure hell every morning with panic attacks and hands shaking and I couldn't function without forcing that first glass of wine in me. On February 22 I woke up and realized I just couldn't do this anymore. I had had enough.
The scariest part of all of this is that I had functioned well (or so I thought) for so many years and then one day everything changed. I have no idea why - I was drinking the same amount - but the physical symptoms started outweighing the psychological ones and it went from craving a drink to actually NEEDING that drink.
The good news is that you're here. I hope you're able to find the support and encouragement that has been so very helpful to me.
Always remember you're not alone in this!!
Like you I found myself drinking earlier and earlier in the day. Years back it started with dinner and as my children grew I found that first glass of wine was coming earlier and earlier to the point at the very end that I was starting to drink around noon every day. I almost always drank at home alone. I was never a nasty drunk, never a sloppy drunk, always had my pulse on what was going on with the kids, had a great relationship with my husband and had dinner on the table every night. I knew I had a problem and needed to stop but it just wasn't important enough for me to do so.
Fast forward to this past February 22 -- the months prior were pretty much pure hell every morning with panic attacks and hands shaking and I couldn't function without forcing that first glass of wine in me. On February 22 I woke up and realized I just couldn't do this anymore. I had had enough.
The scariest part of all of this is that I had functioned well (or so I thought) for so many years and then one day everything changed. I have no idea why - I was drinking the same amount - but the physical symptoms started outweighing the psychological ones and it went from craving a drink to actually NEEDING that drink.
The good news is that you're here.
I hope you're able to find the support and encouragement that has been so very helpful to me.Always remember you're not alone in this!!
Going downstairs now to read and have a big glass or two of water. Probably won't be back here tonight, but will post in the morning.
Good night to all and thanks for the warm welcome.
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,613
You mention functioning. When people say this they usually mean that externally, they appear to be functioning. I heard a functioning alcoholic describe his circumstances the other day.
Great job, lovely wife and family, no days off work, nice house and car, no criminal convictions, no duis , no problems at work, good social life, lots of friends etc.
functioning to all intents and purpose, except he was so unhappy he was contemplating suicide. He could not stop drinking.
The externals are not an indicator of alcoholism, nor are they a cause. The problem is internal, and can be summed up as being about how we drank and how we felt. All the rest is window dressing.
Great job, lovely wife and family, no days off work, nice house and car, no criminal convictions, no duis , no problems at work, good social life, lots of friends etc.
functioning to all intents and purpose, except he was so unhappy he was contemplating suicide. He could not stop drinking.
The externals are not an indicator of alcoholism, nor are they a cause. The problem is internal, and can be summed up as being about how we drank and how we felt. All the rest is window dressing.
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