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Moderation???

Old 05-23-2014, 06:30 AM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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I tried and failed too many times to moderate my drinking. It was easier to give it up completely than to try to moderate. Besides, I'm happier sober.
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Old 05-23-2014, 06:31 AM
  # 22 (permalink)  
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Well, I had my 2 longest sober periods while pregnant with my 2 children. I would have called my drinking "heavy social drinking" at that time. I knew it was too much to be healthy, but not dependancy. It was no issue to give it up for the pregnancies.

After my second child, I really noticed how quickly, once I returned to drinking wine, that 2 glasses did not give me the buzz I wanted. My tolerance was right up there very quickly. So, we chase the feeling of the buzz, even if only a light one, which is my preferred feeling. Our bodies just do not get anything from moderation.

I see very clearly now I can never stop at 1-2 drinks. I have made that deal with my self time and again in the past couple of *years* and only succeeded a few times, typically when I had something going on and had to limit myself and went to bed early or something. Not like I ever had one and went on with my evening as usual. Once the bottle was uncorked, it was going to be empty, and that happened faster and faster of late as well.

If you get to September, why start drinking again? You will have gotten it out of your system and regained so much health. I deeply regret thinking moderation was a good idea after I had almost 5 months sober. I was very happy and comfortable with the sobriety, enjoying my best heath in years. Now, I have been fighting the fight for the last 3 years trying to get back total sobriety. I get a week, a month, a few days, rinse repeat.

Moderation does not work for me. My tolerance has gotten so high that a whole bottle of wine feels just right, or not quite enough, and that is absolutely very unhealthy drinking for one's body.
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Old 05-23-2014, 06:34 AM
  # 23 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by anewpage View Post
If I could moderate, I wouldn't be an alcoholic and I wouldn't be on this forum right now.
Yep - says it all. Interestingly I was chatting with my elderly dad yesterday. I told him I am 'on the wagon' without going into details. He reminded me when I was a kid and how heavy a drinker he was. We lived in Hong Kong - a very boozy expat culture (and where I got a taste for it at a very early age!). I suspect he drank 'problematically' out there and then a bit later in life he drank three two four pints of homemade beer every night. It didn't seem to do him much hard back then and now he has a double whiskey and water every night at the age of 88! So I guess he 'moderated' after a fashion, but I also have a memory of him not drinking at all when he didn't have the opportunity. I think he could take it or leave it, which most of us here can't.
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Old 05-23-2014, 06:55 AM
  # 24 (permalink)  
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My father was a healthy, moderate drinker. My mother was an alcoholic drinker.

Dad had exactly 2 beers every Saturday night, one or two whiskey and gingerales on Christmas Eve. He would have a couple of beers at a BBQ, or on Thanksgiving. That was really it. And he could not understand alcoholics. He was even able to moderate cigarrette smoking! Late in life, we all chuckled at his big Saturday night. 2 beers, 1-2 hot dogs for dinner, and 1-2 cigarrettes. Just not an addictive personality at all. Being very addicitve to food as well as alcohol, and even relationships when younger, it boggles my mind how easy that was for him.

Moderate, "normal" drinkers, just do not think much about it at all. I just don't think we can do that.
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Old 05-23-2014, 06:55 AM
  # 25 (permalink)  
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"Has anyone ever managed to drink again in moderation?"

Just asking this question on this board shows that you already know the answer. Without exception - every single answer you get here will be a resounding "NO". Just look at your audience? We're a bunch of alcoholics hanging out on a sober recovery forum - crikey.

If you were really wanted someone to answer "Yes" you'd be asking this question at a bar.

And yes, we all can feel without purpose during recovery. I admit that even with two years sober I still feel lacking in motivation at times. But drinking won't make it better, and while I don't want that to be so, even trying to tell myself I might be wrong and could drink again in moderation, deep down I know that I've got to work on myself and not look for the answer in a bottle.

Well done on the time you have and keep asking questions.
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Old 05-23-2014, 07:01 AM
  # 26 (permalink)  
 
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Originally Posted by Josafe
Has anyone thought like I am about the purpose and value alcohol brings If they started again.
It's like that big nasty biker I dated with all the swastika and hate tattoos. At the time, I thought it was love. It wasn't until I got away and stayed away for a while that I was honestly like "What is the hell was I thinking??!!" Where I thought there had been redeeming qualities, there were none. Where I thought there had something good for me, truth was there was nothing at all good for me. Much of what I thought was good had been completely fabricated in my mind. I would not dream of going back there now that I see clearly.

Distance brings clarity.

Alcohol is a smokescreen...for me, it's my fat nasty biker. No thank you.
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Old 05-23-2014, 07:05 AM
  # 27 (permalink)  
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Before I came to SR, I spent a lot of time trying to count drinks, searching for how much a moderate drinker could drink, how to moderate, etc. Needless to say, I was never successful for any extended period of time. Maybe for a day or two, but anyone can moderate for one day. Eventually I always lose control. Some people can moderate, but they don't need a support network to do it, they just moderate naturally and don't want to drink every day and don't have more than one or two drinks. That's not me, and I knew I was getting into trouble the first time I drank alone many years ago. As soon as the booze hits my brain, it changes I want.

"the purpose and value alcohol brings"... It brings a lot of pain. There's nothing I can't do without alcohol, though my brain tries to trick me into thinking I need it.

For me, I'm tired of not knowing when the next time will be that I will get out of control drunk. I'm tired of obsessing over alcohol, trying to count drinks, and feeling like hell when I lose control. I worry about what could happen the next time I drive and that I will ruin relationships and my health. For me, that is what moderation is. I can stay in control for a short period of time, but inevitably all hell breaks loose. I want off that roller coaster.

One of the things I found searching for tips on moderation a while back was this guys blog: An Alcoholic's daily Struggle | Just another WordPress.com weblog 5 years worth of journal, and a desperate attempt to moderate and control drinking. As Dee pointed out, there is a lot of those stories here as well. I don't think it's worth it.
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Old 05-23-2014, 07:09 AM
  # 28 (permalink)  
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this topic is really baffling.....

Having spent decades in various (many unconscious) attempts to 'moderate' and then a couple years directly trying to 'moderate' and then getting totally sober for almost six months then going back out and trying to 'moderate' and failing miserably and looking back on a 25+ year history of rich and stunning examples of just how NOT MODERATE my drinking has been.....

Here I sit, at nearly 5 months sober, still having thoughts about "MAYBE BEING ABLE TO MODERATE".

This is the most ridiculous and puzzling thing about drinking's effect on the minds of we who have the addiction gene.. or whatever it is. This stubbornly-persistent thought that we might somehow be able to do it NEXT TIME.

We share common traits; we're strong, we're smart, we're creative, we're emotional, we're caring, we're committed and persistent..... and maybe it's all those traits that play right into our thinking that somehow, one day, if only we're just strong enough, smart enough, creative enough, emotional enough, caring enough, committed and persistent enough.... MAYBE WE CAN JUST DRINK LIKE OTHER PEOPLE.....

it's madness. that's what it is. madness.

(and yes, even as I was typing that a small echo of that voice in my head was saying; 'well, maybe.....')

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Old 05-23-2014, 07:13 AM
  # 29 (permalink)  
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Sadly, Freeowl, I identify very strongly with your post.
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Old 05-23-2014, 07:16 AM
  # 30 (permalink)  
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I'm really not a fan of the thinking "Normal people moderate, alcoholics cannot".
It gives an impression that moderation is good and there is something inherently different between us and "normal people".

Guess what folks, I am an alcoholic, and I was able to successfully moderate my drinking for years. I even wrote a blog about how how having a drink or two a day can be healthy for you. It's a crock, a golden goose, a fairy tale! Alcohol is a poison, your body and mind doesn't need it or want it. I can confidently say that nothing good comes from moderation. You're just walking on the edge inviting a fall over the side of the cliff. This goes for all "alcoholics" and "normal people".
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Old 05-23-2014, 07:19 AM
  # 31 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by rochele View Post
Sadly, Freeowl, I identify very strongly with your post.
well... the not-so-sad part is recognizing it. because in recognizing we are on our way to accepting and in accepting lies our freedom from struggle....

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Old 05-23-2014, 07:21 AM
  # 32 (permalink)  
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Lots of good advice here. I started 3 months ago thinking that if I could abstain for awhile, then I might be able to come back and achieve that 'moderate drinking' holy grail. What I'm starting to understand, thanks to some of the folks here, is that abstinence does not equal control. In other words, even if by sheer strength of will you abstain for a long time, you still have that alcohol-shaped hole in your life (forgot who said that but it's brilliant) just waiting to be filled again. Managing a healthy, sustainable recovery means working to fill that void.

Biding your time until it's time to drink again will just bring you back to square one, or worse. For me, anyway - ymmv.
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Old 05-23-2014, 07:23 AM
  # 33 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Cahabr View Post
I'm really not a fan of the thinking "Normal people moderate, alcoholics cannot".
It gives an impression that moderation is good and there is something inherently different between us and "normal people".

Guess what folks, I am an alcoholic, and I was able to successfully moderate my drinking for years. I even wrote a blog about how how having a drink or two a day can be healthy for you. It's a crock, a golden goose, a fairy tale! Alcohol is a poison, your body and mind doesn't need it or want it. I can confidently say that nothing good comes from moderation. You're just walking on the edge inviting a fall over the side of the cliff. This goes for all "alcoholics" and "normal people".
As an alcoholic - I've 'moderated' for significant periods also. But in the end it always wound up going past that. That's the difference, I think, between alcoholoic and moderate drinking. (I also dislike the term 'normal').

Frankly, even 'moderate' is kind of a silly thing. It is taking in a toxic substance to alter one's perception of reality and one's behavior within that reality. Why even do it? I ask that question more and more. Though I know that it's for the sensation of it, to relax, to be more 'free' or whatever. I mean, even so-called "normal' people really only drink to have that feeling - or else what would be the point?

Why not simply drink water - something the body actually needs and is nurtured by - if not seeking that sensation?

But some people are just hard wired to be zero-or-a-thousand people.... if we're gonna have that feeling, we are after ALL of that feeling.... right to the edge.....
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Old 05-23-2014, 07:25 AM
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Originally Posted by cahabr
I'm really not a fan of the thinking "Normal people moderate, alcoholics cannot".
It gives an impression that moderation is good and there is something inherently different between us and "normal people".

Guess what folks, I am an alcoholic, and I was able to successfully moderate my drinking for years. I even wrote a blog about how how having a drink or two a day can be healthy for you. It's a crock, a golden goose, a fairy tale! Alcohol is a poison, your body and mind doesn't need it or want it. I can confidently say that nothing good comes from moderation. You're just walking on the edge inviting a fall over the side of the cliff. This goes for all "alcoholics" and "normal people".
THIS!
There is nothing truly good about alcohol for anyone.
At times people here at SR will post a hypothetical along the lines of "If scientists came up with a pill that would enable you to drink "normally", would you take it?" I would not drink again even if it caused me no problems, because it is all negatives with no positives.
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Old 05-23-2014, 07:39 AM
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Moderate is a word I no longer can use as I have tried very hard in the last few years and each time I have given up, 8 months 6 months 3 months a month , I forget I cant drink I feel strong yippee Im normal I can drink like everyone else So the vicious circle continues. I now know i cant moderate I start off really good Im even proud of myself and want praise for being in control, but little by little it creeps up and before you know it your drunk every day have a hangover every day and look and feel yuk, its clever stuff this booze . So moderation is no longer in my vocabulary it doesn't exist its gone, from now and Ive just began yet again another new start my new sentence is i dont drink .. Your mind plays tricks on you I expect it was just doing that when you posted , dont worry we all have had thoughts like this just tell them to go away ..
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Old 05-23-2014, 08:51 AM
  # 36 (permalink)  
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Being a confirmed alcoholic, I could never
return to drinking socially or moderately.
Within a very short time, my moderate
drinking would progress to almost constant
drinking. The beauty is that I now understand
that.
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Old 05-23-2014, 09:16 AM
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In my above post, substitute the word "progress" to
"progress and return". I had reached that point.
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Old 05-23-2014, 11:09 AM
  # 38 (permalink)  
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Never had or even wanted moderation. ...why bother? It's not in my vocabulary.
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Old 05-23-2014, 11:13 AM
  # 39 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Josafe View Post
Hey

I am confident I can remain sober to my first check point of Sept 2014. Has anyone ever managed to drink again in moderation?

Has anyone thought like I am about the purpose and value alcohol brings If they started again.

Since I have given up the alcohol, I have lost purpose of why I needed it.

Kind regards

JO
I can say with no hesitation that moderation does not work for me. Even if I limited my drinking days to weekends.. I'd more than make up for it on the weekends and I'd spend the weekdays thinking (obsessing, more like it) over it. It's just not worth it. You'll never have control until you stop completely.
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Old 05-23-2014, 11:16 AM
  # 40 (permalink)  
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When previously asked why I relapsed, this was my reply.

Stupidity. I couldn't handle it the first time. I don't know why I thought I could the second. I was actually at a point where saying no was quite easy. But I love the taste of beer and I missed it. Surely one won't hurt, right? I thought I was in control. And I did control it....for a little while. But one beer doesn't cut it for very long and gradually over time, my drinking esculated. And I was as bad as I ever was, popping the top as soon as I made it through the door from work....or as soon as I got out of bed on the weekends.

So no. I can't moderate.
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