Moderate is a word I no longer can use as I have tried very hard in the last few years and each time I have given up, 8 months 6 months 3 months a month , I forget I cant drink I feel strong yippee Im normal I can drink like everyone else So the vicious circle continues. I now know i cant moderate I start off really good Im even proud of myself and want praise for being in control, but little by little it creeps up and before you know it your drunk every day have a hangover every day and look and feel yuk, its clever stuff this booze . So moderation is no longer in my vocabulary it doesn't exist its gone, from now and Ive just began yet again another new start my new sentence is i dont drink .. Your mind plays tricks on you I expect it was just doing that when you posted , dont worry we all have had thoughts like this just tell them to go away ..