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Moderation???

Old 05-23-2014, 11:30 AM
  # 41 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Isaidyesyesyes View Post
It just keeps getting worse. You have two options. Death and surrender. Sorry for being so morbid.
yup, that's about right
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Old 05-23-2014, 12:10 PM
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Originally Posted by Josafe View Post
I am confident I can remain sober to my first check point of Sept 2014. Has anyone ever managed to drink again in moderation?

Has anyone thought like I am about the purpose and value alcohol brings If they started again.
No, I haven't and wouldn't even try again because I know deep down I am not interested in just a few drinks. I would be right back where I ended, if not worse.

This post should be a red flag for you because those who can drink in moderation don't obsess over it. Which is something I did when I did try to moderate.

At the end of the day alcohol brings no value or purpose to me other than just getting drunk. And that is what I had to accept. I had to mourn the loss of it and move on.
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Old 05-23-2014, 05:34 PM
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Moderation to the alcoholic is a Myth.
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Old 05-23-2014, 05:36 PM
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Welcome to SR rainmanjw

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Old 05-23-2014, 06:45 PM
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Happy to be here and blessed with another day of sobriety.
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Old 05-24-2014, 12:46 AM
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I went to an addiction place on Monday. They asked whether I was looking to moderate or, as they advise, total abstinence. I went with the second option.

I know myself too well. It's never one drink. Once I start I don't stop and so I know moderation isn't going to be possible.

We've got a wedding next month and I'm going to be driving. A few years ago I'd have been able to go and have a glass of wine. Not possible now - I would start and not stop, probably make a fool of myself.

I'm aiming for teetotal. I can't think about it long term yet as I'm only a week in but the aim is for alcohol never to pass my lips again.
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Old 05-24-2014, 01:38 AM
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I've quit for a few weeks/months before and then drank again. I had a few glasses of wine. I CAN moderate if I put my mind to it but I don't want to. Once I have that first sip,then glass I just want to keep on drinking.Then all bets are off.

What's the point of 1 or 2 glasses-I want to drink more. Yes, sometimes I do stop and don't get blotto every time but it takes effort and I don't really want to. If it takes so much to think about it and control it then I know I have a problem.

It's just easier to not drink at all. Now 18 months on I see the benefits of being sober and prefer my life that way rather than thinking I'm missing something by not drinking
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Old 05-24-2014, 01:46 AM
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Originally Posted by ReadyAtLast View Post

What's the point of 1 or 2 glasses-I want to drink more. Yes, sometimes I do stop and don't get blotto every time but it takes effort and I don't really want to. If it takes so much to think about it and control it then I know I have a problem.
I would love to be able to have two glasses and stop. I can't though, I always had the mindset of drink to get drunk. I need to stop completely, I don't trust myself otherwise
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Old 05-24-2014, 02:04 AM
  # 49 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Josafe View Post
Has anyone ever managed to drink again in moderation?
No. I was sober once for 5 months. Had one drink and continued to drink like the alcoholic that I am for ten more years.

Originally Posted by Josafe View Post
Has anyone thought like I am about the purpose and value alcohol brings If they started again.
No.
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Old 05-24-2014, 03:04 AM
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Thank you everyone. I read everyone's post and whilst it stirred all sorts of emotions, memories, tears and pain I can see what I must do.

I realise the hard and sad reality that I starting drinking excessively at University because everyone else did. It then occurred to me that I starting to drink more and more over the years to deal with the pain, guilt and shame of not being about to save people from death.

Silly really, the alcohol helped me either blot it all out or let me cry it out.
Over time the alcohol became a status symbol of 'making it' because of new jobs or more money and the females etc. Further down the line it became a cocoon or protective bubble of not dealing with the inner pain.

I actually had some near scares and then all the anxiety started. Well you lovely people know the restand the pattern.....

I have not been sober long. But I see how my relapses happen. My friends and family say moderation is key but as you clever people have said, but to our brains what is moderation? Some hidden process or short circuit kick starts the downward spiral.

The hardest part of my journey to being sober is to now deal with my pain and inner anger.

The realisation that life is not fair, people can hurt you, people cheat and will trick you, being nice isnt always a good thing. Then comes the anger. How did I end up so off course? How much money have I wasted? How did I let people use me? Where is the life I recognise.

No amount of alcohol is gonna help me, protect me, of give me a safe alternative reality.

Whilst I can't speak for everyone but maybe my drinking is like taking a pill to mask the problem rather than dealing with the inner route cause. Maybe alcohol is the devils advocate. Maybe it is an easier and readily available way to deal with life's problems rather than setting proper goals.

Hey remember a song someone played for me years ago lol

The Beautiful South - Old Red Eyes Is Back - YouTube
The Beautiful South Album Cover Photos - List of The Beautiful South album covers - Page 5

I think part of my need to drink is also culture. Everything is a success or achievement if there is a beer at the finish line. You have haven't done well unless you have had a drink or wrecked off your face. You ain't married unless the champagne cork has popped. I know I have a long way to deal with my demons, but in the meantime you good folks have helped me realise I am not on my OWN. I know that we are all smart, clever, intelligent etc people and yet we can drink too much and some of us can't talk ourselves out of it on our own and some of us will never make it.


I think these scene from the film Flight sums up the turmoil and realisation of admitting being an alcohol:

First part:
Flight Courtroom Scene Denzel Washington "I'm an Alcoholic" in Court - YouTube

Second part:
Denzel Washington's Emotional Speech - YouTube

You people are right, the only way to deal with drinking is to accept it is OVER. No more target dates, NO more when I reach such and such a point.....JUST NO. That voice will always cattle prod and taught me but if I ignore it long enough, it will be minimised. To say WHEN and MODERATION is to give the voice of alcohol the hope of a return with a vengeance.

The alcohol is OUT of SIGHT and OUT of MIND for me now.

I am more engaged in long distance sports. So far my reward is that I am getting fitter, building stamina, endurance, and calming the mind. I go faster when I think about all the things and dreams I didnt achieve because of drink.

I hope I have time to turn things around.
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Old 05-24-2014, 03:40 AM
  # 51 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Josafe View Post

Since I have given up the alcohol, I have lost purpose of why I needed it.
then why consider moderation?
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Old 05-24-2014, 03:44 AM
  # 52 (permalink)  
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Thats exactly it. Friends and family can't decide for you, only you know how alcohol has impacyed you, you have to live it. Personally, i love being sober, it just takes time to realize all of the traps that drag us back into drinking.
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Old 05-24-2014, 05:55 AM
  # 53 (permalink)  
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Can people abstain from heavy drinking for a time then return to drinking in moderation -Yes

Can alcoholics abstain from heavy drinking for a time and then return to drinking in moderation -No

Maybe it would be a good idea to see where you sat by educating yourself on the differences between heavy drinkers and alcoholics before making a decision to drink again.
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Old 05-24-2014, 06:48 AM
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Originally Posted by yeahgr8 View Post
Can people abstain from heavy drinking for a time then return to drinking in moderation -Yes

Can alcoholics abstain from heavy drinking for a time and then return to drinking in moderation -No

Maybe it would be a good idea to see where you sat by educating yourself on the differences between heavy drinkers and alcoholics before making a decision to drink again.
Please stop with this advise. People may think they might fall into the "heavy drinker" category and can go back to moderation. I don't care if you're an alcoholic or not, if you're drinking in moderation you're tempting fate to become one. There is no value in educating oneself in the difference between alcoholics and "heavy drinkers", just as there is no value in drinking in moderation. Just don't do it.
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Old 05-24-2014, 08:10 AM
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Originally Posted by Cahabr View Post
Please stop with this advise. People may think they might fall into the "heavy drinker" category and can go back to moderation. I don't care if you're an alcoholic or not, if you're drinking in moderation you're tempting fate to become one. There is no value in educating oneself in the difference between alcoholics and "heavy drinkers", just as there is no value in drinking in moderation. Just don't do it.
No i wont stop giving that advice, the sooner a person figures out what is wrong the sooner they can get help and treatment for it. I have known heavy drinkers who drank as much as me who had some time away then drink in moderation. I have known alcoholics who drank again and died.

Educating yourself is key, i didnt bother doing that for 20 years, the advice given to me was just stop drinking and it didnt stop me or prevent me from starting again after some abstinence.

There are also lots if values to drink in moderation if you are not an alcoholic or have a good reason not to i.e. Health, religion etc.

Im not attacking you remember, just replying to the post. You have to get this straight in your own head, especially if you are away from drinking for a while or else a person will consider having another drink at some point.
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Old 05-24-2014, 08:16 AM
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I tried controlled drinking for a really long time....maybe a decade. I thought I was okay, but I wasn't. I kept having to restrict the alcohol more and more, until I only allowed myself to drink on 'girls nights'.

Even then, it was still a huge problem. For me, the addiction is either off or on, there's no in between. Once I had that one drink in my hand for the night, it was all over. There was no control. And then the shame came the next morning of course.

It's too exhausting, believe me.
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Old 05-24-2014, 08:30 AM
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I think that is the first question one asks when they quit. I tried it several times without success-everyone is different though.
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Old 05-24-2014, 09:58 AM
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Originally Posted by yeahgr8 View Post
No i wont stop giving that advice, the sooner a person figures out what is wrong the sooner they can get help and treatment for it. I have known heavy drinkers who drank as much as me who had some time away then drink in moderation. I have known alcoholics who drank again and died.

Educating yourself is key, i didnt bother doing that for 20 years, the advice given to me was just stop drinking and it didnt stop me or prevent me from starting again after some abstinence.

There are also lots if values to drink in moderation if you are not an alcoholic or have a good reason not to i.e. Health, religion etc.

Im not attacking you remember, just replying to the post. You have to get this straight in your own head, especially if you are away from drinking for a while or else a person will consider having another drink at some point.
Based on your advice I would be very tempted to categorize myself as a heavy drinker who can moderate if I want to. I actually did for over a year. What I learned however is that there is no value in moderation. Why put just small amounts of poison in your body? Don't do it at all. It's bad advice because it tempts people to try to moderate. Whether you're an alcoholic or not, it's not a good idea. This coming from somebody who used to preach moderation and self control.
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Old 05-24-2014, 12:15 PM
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Hi all.

A very good point about "heavy drinking" vs "alcoholic".

I think for me, when numerous things went wrong and the only person I was relying on was myself to fix it, matters go worse.

In fact, my doctor said many of us develop a coping mechanism under stress. It's a question of getting support and help right from the beginning to tackle unhealthy coping strategies. My mistake was I thought I could sort things out on my own. It actually took pains, anxiety, and organ issues for me to realise how off course I was.

My doc has been amazing. He said I could drinking but in moderation. When I asked him what should I really do off the record, he said to not drink at all. So we shook hands and made a promise to see what my body is like in Sept.

Now I found you lovely people to keep me in check just in case.
I was a heavy drinker. I wasn't always though. When I first started drinking it was because of others and the peer groups I have been in. Then I liked the "Peter Pan Euphoric Effect" I'm free and happy. But I recently stopped because of the negativity, hassles, anxiety, helplessness, bad peer groups, etc. I have stopped drinking because of a health scare but I am well again. I can stop drinking but the other mistake I was making was the hope it would help me deal with my anxiety etc.
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Old 05-24-2014, 12:47 PM
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watch out for health issues

My Lil bro died from drinking on memorial day a few years back.Dr told him he shouldn't drink anymore .On memorial day he thought he could just have a Lil wine.He died later that day. So be careful.
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