Makrellen

Good idea

biminiblue

The "poor me" thing? No one could be more Poor Me than me.

I started drinking after an 18 year sobriety. I started drinking because my entire family has died (they were older, it was just their time.) Then I found out I had a life threatening disease. Then I lost my job. Then the economic crash took half my savings. Then my cat died. All in just a few years. I never got a chance to recover from one death before another happened. Then I lost my boyfriend and my best friend of 20 years. (It was way past time on both, but still big losses.) All of this in four or five years time. I'm single with no kids and it can suck at times.

So when I went to AA it was all I could do to keep from crying all the way through every single meeting. I have cried through two entire meetings - one of them my first meeting. I still cry two months later. I haven't gotten it all out yet, and it may take more time.

At one meeting I cried - loudly - for about five minutes, with my head in my lap. I got a lot of well-wishers coming up to me afterwards. I was mortified, "I don't want people to feel sorry for me."

One woman said, "It's compassion." Wow. I had not felt compassion from anyone in years. YEARS. That was the start of me looking at things differently. People want to help. It makes them feel better and it makes me feel better. I still fight the tears, I'm afraid to really let them start. I don't know if that will stop at some point when I find someone I trust or if I'll always keep some of this inside. Seems unhealthy to not talk about it and not cry about it, but I guess it will work itself out in God's time.

Stoogy

Don't put too much pressure on yourself, every day is progress. During my earliest days I had many dark thoughts but it does pass it really does.
Just focus on today and tomorrow will take care of itself.

Makrellen

biminiblue

Sorry for your losses. Warm hug

I also have a list of things that happened in my life, all in a row.. and have been crying a lot too, but perhaps not enough, and not enough to others
Lost a child to late abortion, lost that girlfriend after living together, friend died of cancer, far too much lifestress and more

You (we) will rebuild SOMETHING
But without alcohol. Alcohol does'nt help build anything

biminiblue

That's it, Mak. The alcohol prevented me from healing. Sitting alone in my house drinking away my sorrows didn't get me one step closer to getting over my stuff, and it created more problems health wise and mental health wise.

In the rooms of AA, my problems are small ones. Everyone is fighting a huge battle - some of them caused by alcohol, some of them exacerbated by alcohol, but everyone is fighting a huge battle. It helps to lean on them, or even just to listen to their stories. It's been said that if everyone threw their problems in a pile and were given the opportunity to choose, we would take our own problems back instead of another's.

Every thing that happens is an opportunity to learn something. Someday I may have words of hope for someone who is hurting. I hope so. Then my pain has not been for nothing. I will not have that chance if I'm sitting drunk in front of a TV. I have a much better chance of being of service out in the world instead of isolated with a bottle of tequila.

Dee74

SR is all about peer support Mak. Some days we need the help, some days we give. Don't sweat it

D