Makrellen

Day 12 sober

Need venting

I'm so very stressed these days

Yesterday I saw the movie BarFly. It's romanticizing drinking bigtime, in the low-life kind of way
A part of me could see the destructive pathetic truth about it..
But I also kept thinking.. why can't I just drink and be like them again. I can't deal with this. I don't feel free now
Constantly using will power is not a way of living
Drinking would unstress me, relax me, make me feel good, set me free. Well, for some hours anyway

I will not give in.. but the dark force is strong now

Help

theupsides92

The media can be a real awful place when it comes to the romanticism of things like drinking. Just try to remember the bad mornings after and everyone else around you, sometimes that helps me. Stay strong

FeelingGreat

I sympathise because I know that feeling so well. It looks glamorous and relaxing on the screen, but it's not YOUR reality.
For the stress, try taking 5 deep breaths really concentrating on your body's sensations. I found it got rid of the craving by helping me relax and turn my mind elsewhere.

Croissant

Good on you for posting so honestly when you are feeling like this, Makrellan.

Wanting to rejoin that romance led to my first slip. I clearly remember walking past a bar, the sun was shining, Spring was in full force. Instead of thinking how great I felt and how good my life was, all I could feel was resentment and envy that that wasn't me in that bar.

I don't feel that resentment any more. Sure, the AV comes up as a memory...but I don't resent others able to drink. I hate thinking that alcohol is an option that pops up when I am stressed, very occasionally.

But you can work through those feelings. If we didn't, we'd never learn how or why we drink in the first place.

The reality is, you aren't missing out on anything. Truly. You only miss out when you think drinking is an option. You miss trusting yourself to get through life without a drink. You miss out on finding out what a good and deserving person you are.

Be strong. Hold on.

MidnightBlue

Hi, Makrellen)

12 days sober is great, but still way too early in sobriety.

Alcohol is like invisible prison we are carrying with us - it gives a moment's relief, but we are paying for this moment by expanding the prison more and more, until, finally, the whole world becomes the prison for us.

A lot of moovies romanticize drinking, and a lot of other things that have little to do with reality. In movies all the characters who drink like there's no tomorrow, somehow, magically, wake up next morning all hot and sexy, and they are rarely shown , pardon me, puking all day long, looking like hell frozen, and unable to leave bed for the whole weekend. No, they are good to go and save the world after a shower and a cup of coffee.

In reality we have to be our own heroes and main characters. It, may be, not so movie-like-romantic, as saving the world after drinking 5 cocktails the night before, but it takes lots of guts and courage. And, the journey turns out quite interesting, after all.

Give sobriety a chance - it will pay you off big time. Take my word.

And movies...I've seen some series where the main character is crazy about yougurts. Pretty hot though too.

Best wishes to you. Keep you faith up. Take care.

Makrellen

Thanks for your whole response, but
This. I will try and use this

Nonsensical

Congrats on 12 days, that's fantastic!

I started feeling free around 6 weeks. At 12 weeks I knew I was free.

Forcing yourself not to drink is like negative reinforcement. It can be done, but it's not much fun. Living sober is positive reinforcement, and feels SO MUCH BETTER.

What are your plans for a sober life? What will you do now that you're sober that you weren't doing because alcohol interfered? Those are the things that make sobriety fun!

Hang on, Friend. True Freedom awaits!

Dee74

Barfly is just a movie - Bukowski liked to talk up the myth of the noble alcoholic - he was a great storyteller...but the reality of his life was a little less grand and cinematic, I think. Ask anyone who got close to him.

Just read around here Makrellen - remember the stories here are the reality of alcoholism and drug abuse - it's not pretty, it's not noble and it's not in CinemaScope.

D

afloatsober

Mak,
12 days yes!!!!!!
The movies don't show the ER room crisis and the despair and heartbreak of those that care for us when the end comes if we don't find a way to stop.
Men and women bleeding from every orifice including there eyes.
This is a horror film too far for most to stomach.
Midnight
Great observations.
In a world lacking in heroes, among mine is the recovering alcoholic that chooses to live well and help their fellows.
Another day sober.........

FreeOwl

I remember feeling like that.

Now more and more I realize how that thought and behaviour pattern led to more and more and ever-more stress.

Have you considered running?

It's an incredible stress management tool.

hang in there!

Congrats on 12 days.

Makrellen

Yes, I just started exercising again, 2 times this week so far
And I feel somewhat more stressed now, than before I started that. hmm
I often feel so stressed that the only thing to do is totally collapse
Will keep up though, let's see how it goes. Exercise also makes me feel good

Croissant

I also think romanticising alcohol keeps us locked in it's lie, also. Thinking that my drinking was social, fun and ok, pushed me over the line to extreme denial in alcoholism.

tim68

This world is just becoming more and more a harder place to live in. In my area the big push is for wine in grocery stores. Not only that but now smaller towns are pushing to change laws to allow distilleries. Then you have states trying to legalize pot. I mean...what the hell is this world coming to? Why the sudden drive to legalize things that harm so many people?

Makrellen

Let's not argue this and go completely off topic, but on this point I actually think legalizing pot won't make a bad difference. It will be more controlled (pharmacy, advice, help to stop, etc.), and it will reduce much of the crime involved

You know when they made alcohol illegal back in the days? It went completely wrong

Changing the world helps, not making laws and prohibitions

Just my opinion

But yes, we would be better off without all these drugs

biminiblue

Mak, just take care of yourself right now. You are the most important thing. If you feel you need to just collapse, then do it. In my first month of sobriety my sleep was all over the map. One day I would sleep five hours and the next 14. Sleep disturbance is part and parcel of alcohol withdrawal, and so is feeling overwhelmed.

I agree to keep exercising, maybe not running, but at least walk every day for 30 minutes or so. I try to eat healthy meals of lean protein, fruit, vegetables, nuts, dairy, and whole grains. I ate a lot of sugary treats in the first month, but they tend to make me have a sugar hangover, so I've cut way back. Sugar also makes me crash and sleep in the middle of the day - not that great for a solid night's sleep. I only have one cup of coffee a day, too. I'm high-strung enough without more mood altering stuff like sugar and caffeine.

Received

I went back and read some of the threads you started since you joined almost year ago, and I immediately noticed stress, anxiety and depression have been a constant concern, running theme, for you and not drinking.

As I only briefly looked at the threads, let me ask you. Aside from a short stint with an antidepressant and exercise, a bit of posting here, are you doing anything else to address these problems?

For me, I quit drinking and immediately got my doctor involved. I also started seeing a therapist who helped me deal with the stress, anxiety and other life stuff.

Makrellen

Thanks for looking
I am finally starting to realize that I must get better at not pushing myself too hard, as I have done over and over. Listen to myself more. That's a tough one. I'm really sensitive to too much stress. I keep stressing myself, and thinking I can do everything, solve all my life issues at once, here and now, when in fact I must slow down and do one thing at a time, and not tip over in "megalomania"
And I'm getting better at asking for help when things are just too much. Today I called my psychiatric nurse and had a good talk, because I was really not feeling well. In the old days I tried to ride it all out, ignoring all alerts. Stupid pride, stubbornness and "other people's opinions are more important than my wellbeing" crap

I'm going to start therapy someday soon (health care provided psychologist as I cant get or afford a psychotherapist). She won't start sessions before at least one month of sobriety

ElleDee

TV and movies are horrible when it comes to the drinking stuff. Argh! I think one of the many times I went back to drinking was while watching The Sopranos. Tony Soprano was a lover of Johnny Walker which was always my favorite Scotch. So I'd be like yeah, I want some JW too! Stupid me.

Received

Understandably, most of us have a heck of a time with stress when we first stop drinking and some of that has to do with getting more time between us and the bottle.

How about you post more here? Get all that junk out of your head and into posts. After 30 days you can see your psychologist.

And, yeah, maybe try not to solve the problems of the universe right now, lol. It helps me to get plenty of sleep, eat regularly and not put myself unnecessarily into situations that may upset me.

You absolutely CAN do this. Really. You can!

Makrellen

I am touched by all the responses, compassion and wise thoughts here
Thank you all

And at the same time I feel ashamed for attracting attention to "poor little me" and "being a burden to others", talking about my stupid little problems. I'm so mental, lol