Anna

Bill, your post made me laugh. You really have a great sense of humor.

And, that's one of my favourite poems, truly a way to live one's life.

Are you able to move around much at all, or go to an outdoor area of the hospital. I know your from Mass and I'm not sure if you're having much Spring-like weather there yet. I'm in Ontario and we had snow two days ago. Today was blue sky and sunny, but very cool, so I'm hopeful that Spring will come.

Jillian2563

Hello! I hope everything goes well for you!

LDT

Hi wpainterw . I'm late to this thread, but wanted to send love and hugs from the swamps of South Louisiana. I hope you've had a good day and are resting easy . I wish they would let you visit with your dog for a few minutes. That would surely lift my spirits !

wpainterw

Thanks Anna: I agree that that's a wonderful poem of Kipling. I'm up here on Cape Cod year round. I didn't know you were in Canada. As you may know Toronto is a place where agnostics groups are having a tough time getting recognized by AA. This is a great concern of me even though I am not an agnostic or atheist. I do a lot of internet work on this issue, trying to make things better
In this cardiac rehab on Cape Cod just fifteen minutes away from my year round home the flowers and bushes are starting to bloom. Soon the big cherry tree in front of our house will be blooming. I'm confined to this rehab and my wife does not visit me because of her childhood fear of hospitals and medicine. I'm lonely and I look to SR for companionship.I can make one or two brief visits to our house Saturday and/or Sunday but I don't know when I will be released from here to go home. I haven't been told and I haven't seen the doctor here for more than seven minutes in over a week. They said he would see me today but now they say they don't know whether he will be free to see me. I don't want to violate any rules. Obviously I'm not drinking and I have no inclination to drink. I want to sleep but it took them a week to figure out how to help me do this. I didn't have this problem at home under the care of my regular physician. I haven't seen him because they don't want him to interfere with the rehab physician who hardly ever sees me. I feel isolated, lonely and trapped. My two sons live far away. I have decided to spend my time on the internet and look at operas and other movies on my computer. That will be my little world until I am released from captivity, can go home, be with my wife, my dog, my flowers, my plants, my trees, all those things which I believe give me access to what I believe is an alternate spiritual reality. I am not a Christian in the normally accepted sense of the term. I do not go to Church, but I do believe in what I call the original teachings of Christ, untouched by the overlay of priestly dogma. I believe in this alternate spiritual reality and in the presence of those who have gone before me and whom I have loved, my grandfather, my sister, dead since 1968, my dad, dead since 1956, my cousin, the first girl I ever loved and I love her still, dead since 1946. I sense they are there to help me, guide me and keep me from harm. I feel them here somehow. I believe that this alternate spiritual reality manifests itself to our world through figures like Christ, the Buddha, Lao Tse, who wrote the i Ching. And that there are ways we can access the spiritual realm by music and by poetry. These are wormholes to another realm. Mine are the music of Chopin and the poetry of Keats and early Wordsworth.
I can't go on. My back hurts badly from something they did to me in the emergency room a week ago. I can't check this Email now and I must call for the doctor. I am lonely, trapped, isolated. Today is Good Friday. Although many would believe that I am not a Christian, I can just say this. Help me. I am sorry for whatever I have may have done. I want to live but often I feel like I can't go on and must leave all this which I love. I don't know whether there is a heaven or whether I shall see those I loved and who loved me, whether I shall see my dogs, gone before me and who may be waiting for me. If there is nothing, if I am nothing. If it is like some dreamless sleep then there will no suffering since there will be no one to suffer. If that be so then so be it. There will be no loneliness, no sadness, nothing.

Bill.

Dee74

I know how lonely and frightening hospital can be. I also know how my mind can trip along when there's nothing else to do.

I once made an attempted midnight hospital breakout One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest style.

I don't know if you've read the book or seen the movie but suffice to say thankfully I did not get near the water cooler

I was nabbed and shepherded back to bed.

I had a severe concussion.
Hospital was not where I wanted to be, but it's where I needed to be.

I expect the same is true for you too Bill, unpalatable as that may be right now.

Just console yourself with the thought, as I did, that every day was one day closer to home and the familiar things I loved and missed.

You're in my prayers and good thoughts today

D

Marcher13

Hey wpainterw, I see you are up early as your green light is on here at SR. It's Friday night here in eastern Australia, I'd like to send you a rose out of my garden. Thinking of you and hoping you'll keep us updated, you have a lot of fond friends here -- I'm just one of them.

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MythOfSisyphus

Hang in there, Bill! It can be demoralizing to be in the hospital but I'm optimistic that things are better than they feel to you know. The pain will pass, and with a bit of luck soon you'll be out and back to your life.

Thinking of you and wishing you well.

MythOfSisyphus

BTW, I'm not religious in any conventional sense. But occasionally I speak to the Universe, and this morning I'll say a few words on your behalf.

MythOfSisyphus

How are things? Just checking in.

Carlotta

Hi William,
You could also be suffering from a case of the Easter blues, this puppy sure seems to be

If you have your laptop with you, I know of some good sites where you can watch recent movies. Let me know if you are interested and I ll pm them to you.

Carlotta

Ps: We have that funny thread going on for a while right now http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...rt-3-a-14.html
While the majority of the protagonists are cats, there are some dogs involved too in this long dysfunctional crazy story including a codependent bulldog named Big Bubba and his overbearing older sister Bella
I hope you will join us for a good chuckle

wpainterw

Things going on pretty good. May be released from the cardiac rehab next week. Feeling a little fragile but it's getting better quickly. People doing all these tests on me to make sure I don't fall when I get home. Feeling like a little kid again being pushed around. Have become somewhat indifferent and passive. Just following orders. They've pushed and prodded this old body for two weeks, keep inspecting my privates, and now I just remain somewhat apathetic and sometimes make wisecracks. Tactless. Talk about "character defects"! I've been sober for over 25 years and still have lots of "character defects". Dry drunk? If they say so. I haven't thought of booze in all this two week struggle, only occasionally that they might give me something to make the pain stop. Just make it stop. Depressed, as you see.

wpainterw

Thanks. I'll watch it. Just what I need. I've got a codependent thing going with my dog

W.

LBrain

hello Mr. wpainterw,
Your spirit is amazing. I really liked the poem. - thanks.
Glad you are feeling at least a little better. Hang in there. Wishing you well this day.
Brian

Amazingglazier

Hope you are better wpainter! Enjoy your posts. Stay Strong and Well ! Bobby

Live

Someone mentioned TED talks, they are amazing and have something for everyone's interest. Really fascinating.

I was bored and not feeling well the other day so, because my partner kept mentioning it, I researched everything about this Bundy situation, starting at the 14th amendment, going thro all treaties, laws and court rulings. But, I am a nerd. I like researching and finding new information on a variety of things as they capture my interest, but I can get lost in it for hours at a time.

DVD concerts (or you tube) are another fave for me.

Lots of great stuff on netflix too.

I know it isn't the same as having an in person visitor, maybe call someone from your AA group?

Anna

Bill, I've had the pleasure of visiting Cape Cod many times over the past thirty years. I fell in love with it the first time I saw it. I grew up on the west coast of Canada so the ocean was at my door and I seek it out whenever I can. The ocean is bliss.

I love the feeling I get crossing the Bourne bridge onto the Cape, I just love it. I usually stay in the Hyannisport/Yarmouth area but have driven around to many of the beaches on the Cape. I always visit in early May or September and by doing so, I have the beaches mostly to myself. And, I walk for hours.

I'm glad it looks somewhat optimistic for you to get home next week. I will keep my fingers crossed for you. And, it's good that the hospital staff want to make sure you're stready on your feet when you do get home.

Hugs to you Bill.

heath480

Stay strong Bill,sending you love and hugs.

neferkamichael

Wpainterw, yes, please stay strong, we are all rootin for ya.

wpainterw

The great beach facing the Atlantic Ocean, beginning at Monomoy and Chatham, running north to Nauset and then to Eastham, Wellfleet, Truro and, finally, to Provincetown is, as Jack Kennedy said, one of the wonders of the East Coast. It is at its best in October, after the tourists have gone, when it reassumes its lonely beauty. A savage place in Winter, a coast where many a vessel has wrecked. Sublime at times.

W.