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Lonely

Old 04-15-2014, 02:14 PM
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Lonely

It's the unspoken between me and the world that makes me feel lonely.

I mean if I heard the inner voices of others as I went through life, I would think I might just figure out how much less alone I really am... Or sadly the opposite.

Either way the silence is deafening at times.

It's in the quiet of myself I found my drinking amplified. Like yet another whiskey shot would somehow give sound to my silent screams. Nope. Instead a nod and smile when another arrived. Certainly no sound then. Just a sob.

Being lonely is not a problem to solve. Its not a condition of my person. It's not a representation of what I am not.

It's a lot like many of the other "problems" I faced with a drink.

Being sober lets me see these problems were... Are ... simply how life is. I have not always been as lonely as this day.

Instead ... today I will remain sober. Take the time to work on things about myself. Maybe read a little. Do a puzzle. Shuffle around an empty apartment looking at things.

No... Those " busy" things don't take the pain of the want away. Not even close.

But I look at it like as if I just learn to keep steady... Even when being steady calls for sadness or uncomfortableness then I actually have something to work with. Some way to see when my sobriety in the good happy times is in balance.

So long story short. I am lonely today. A little sad on a rainy day. But getting in some good sober practice for when I need a boost. And the puzzle is coming alone nicely! A few more pieces in place tonight.

Ken
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Old 04-15-2014, 02:20 PM
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I know this emptiness feeling and feeling alone.

I have not made sober real life friends as of yet. My first meeting with a therapist yesterday and it was an action item on my plan. Get out of the house, go to sober places and meet people.

Thanks for the always inspiring post :-)
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Old 04-15-2014, 02:23 PM
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Hey sir! Mr patman! I have not made friends yet either. But I won't beat myself up for feeling lonely. Normally I say being alone over lonly but today is lonly.

Glad to be here on SR though!!!

Thanks buddy.
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Old 04-15-2014, 02:29 PM
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Loneliness is so complicated. I am constantly surrounded by husband, kids, colleagues and a few friends, and I am lonely. What is with that?

Weasel, when I saw that YOU posted this, I was even more surprised. Maybe I am not alone...

...you get where I am going here?
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Old 04-15-2014, 02:30 PM
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Hi Ken dear. Don't forget your SR friends are all around you. I'm glad you wanted to share what you were feeling with us, and hope it takes the edge off the loneliness a bit.

I've been feeling off lately - a bit lonely myself - even when there are people around. We go through many phases as we heal I guess. We are complex beings.
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Old 04-15-2014, 02:31 PM
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Holli - We were posting at the same time - & you said almost the same thing I did. Yes, what is up with that?
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Old 04-15-2014, 02:33 PM
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Holli.... No we are not alone. But I needed to reach out tonight for a reminder.

I have been a lonely person from a very young age. So much so it was painful. Filled with why's. But now I have accepted the emotions that come along with it but still wish I had more people. A family. Someone that knows me. Not many know who I am in my life. They see me but I feel like that's it.

thank you!

Ken
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Old 04-15-2014, 02:35 PM
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Hevyn! Thank you so much!

I do have my SR friends! And that means so much to me!
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Old 04-15-2014, 02:37 PM
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We love you.
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Old 04-15-2014, 02:38 PM
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Loneliness is such an ache! It's not the absence of having people around. It's the absence of feeling part of something bigger then yourself. And you are certainly a huge part of this group here.

Brighter days ahead
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Old 04-15-2014, 02:39 PM
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Originally Posted by Weasel1966 View Post
Hey sir! Mr patman! I have not made friends yet either. But I won't beat myself up for feeling lonely. Normally I say being alone over lonly but today is lonly. Glad to be here on SR though!!! Thanks buddy.
I feel lonely too quite a lot Weasel because I'm the youngest at my AA group by 15 years. But I'm so grateful for my SR friends. Isolation is the worst thing I can do and it's took me a long time to work that one out.
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Old 04-15-2014, 02:42 PM
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Weasel, that was beautifully expressed. For some reason it reminded me of "Dover Beach" by Matthew Arnold
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Old 04-15-2014, 02:47 PM
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Ken do you know how many people you've helped get through their first sober weekend... Countless. How many people you've rallied around when they felt all alone being the only person they knew not drinking on a Saturday night?

You're such a kind and selfless person and if anyone doesn't deserve to be lonely it you! Sending a big teddy bear hug to you you're never alone here!
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Old 04-15-2014, 02:58 PM
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Imperfectly... That's very kind. love the weekend thread because of what it has done for me. But the fact other get something from it means all the more!

I love what you said about being part of something bigger.... That truly is the case.

mrG ... Glad you are here... Being young in the rooms can be tough.

Courage... Looking that up now.
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Old 04-15-2014, 03:01 PM
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Hang in there Ken . . . as already mentioned you help so many people with your weekend threads!! . . . time for SR to repay the favour!!

You may feel alone, but you don't have to feel alone on your own!!
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Old 04-15-2014, 03:15 PM
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Announcing the 2014 Baconfest Chicago Poetry Contest : Baconfest Chicago

Did somebody say "Road Trip"?
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Old 04-15-2014, 03:21 PM
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"I wish someone knew me."

My friend, I so understand this and it made water come out of my eyes.

No worry, I do that a lot lately. Stoopid emotions.

I know someone who was a very good friend who is married and has two children at home. She has a brother and a sister and their four kids, her mom, an aunt and uncle and their kids, two sisters in law and their kids and she lives in a neighborhood that is one of those go-in-each-others'-houses and have weekends together type neighborhoods. From the outside you'd think she isn't lonely, but it is something she says on a regular basis, "I am so lonely."

I don't have any of those things and I have no family at all, and now no friend. Sometimes I want to scream I'm so lonely. It is my biggest albatross, by far.

I've been going to AA meetings and I hear it come up a couple times a week. I know we come in this world and go out alone, but I guess it's up to me to not spend the time alone here - alone. Wait. Does this mean I actually have to call someone? Ack. They are probably lonely too. Doesn't make reaching out any easier for me.

I think this is what brought me back to God, and why we have come up with the concept of God. It's a hole in our soul that is only filled by doing good for others. I need a lot of practice there, for sure.

Anyway, long way to say, "I feel you, man."
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Old 04-15-2014, 03:23 PM
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Courage... Mathew Arnold has some good stuff. Deep. Thanks for sharing!

Non... Rally? Hmmm... Can I come up with bacon verse? Maybe ode to BA cone...

Purple... Thanks! sR has giving me so much and continues. Gratitude goes beyond words.

K
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Old 04-15-2014, 03:28 PM
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Wow... Bimini.... You hit it right. Being lonely is something I have been since a young person. Is it learned? How does one feel lonely in a crowded room? Sometimes trying to figure it out is just not worth it as much as just the acceptance of it.

But I will say the people on SR made this day feel much more for me. Thanks.

Ken
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Old 04-15-2014, 03:40 PM
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Wink

Loneliness is killing me too... I lost the love of my life to my lies and mistrust. I still love her as much as I did when I first met her so this pain is terrible but deserving. Clean and sober over 30 days and reading self help book after book and after applying many of the teachings to my life im finding myself more and more everyday. Im praying she heals and we can start a new. im the same man now that she fell in love with so all I can do is give her space and if its meant to be it will happen. a prominent psychic told me i needed to leave her alone for 2 months which was the exact same thing her therapist told her. the psychic was dead on about everything and many things ive seen come true as of late. so if space will heal us then space it shall be... she told me she gave me all of her and im hoping for healing. Im staying strong and focused so i can be strong in my life and my choices. a women needs a strong and focused man. its just hard not seeing or talking to the one you love but i deserve this and if we figure things out then I know its forever. Keep yourself busy... i work out and eat good even though i find myself forcing food down my neck just to keep my protein levels high so i gain muscle. its working perfectly.. best of luck in all u do. this website is my salvation...
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