Notices

Lonely

Old 04-15-2014, 07:00 PM
  # 21 (permalink)  
Member
 
LBrain's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: PA
Posts: 12,000
How ya doin up there weasle?
I think it was in a song by Warren Zevon, "I'd rather feel bad than feel nothing at all..."

Keep it all in perspective my friend. How's that puzzle going?
LBrain is offline  
Old 04-15-2014, 10:00 PM
  # 22 (permalink)  
That bell or bike person
 
mecanix's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: london
Posts: 4,978
K,
Am i going to live alone and die alone ? … this question is a MASSIVE projection into the future from today . Sobriety has tought me that life is a one day at a time affair .. you and i , we just don't know . If you think you might ..you don't ..

What have i always wanted ? that alcohol seemed to offer briefly , pleasure without having to experience one moment of pain … Which frankly as we all know, is a nonsense ..
in the end it causes more pain than it blots out .

So you might be lonely , not much to be done about it in the early hours of the morning anywhere in the world . So what is the plan ? you're going to have to give to receive , invest without knowing for sure you'll get a return .

Who you going to phone ? which church you going to visit ? which alcoholic are you going to reach out to ? Which alcoholics are you going to let reach out to you ?

You'll probably get hurt , you'll probably get let down but that doesn't mean that it's not worthwhile doing .

If life is a twinkling light on the edge of a dark eternity of entropy , a small flash in the cold cosmic night . Then this guy is for dancing and laughing in the glory of it , the pleasure and the pain of an exquisite experience .

Take care my friend , m
mecanix is offline  
Old 04-15-2014, 10:46 PM
  # 23 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Alberta, Canada
Posts: 556
I am one of those people with the revolving social door, youngest of seven children, and I have been lonely my entire life. When I allow God into my soul, the pain decipitates, when I put up my character defences, loneliness returns. I am conditioned by my family of origin, and yet it is my bond family who teaches me my worth. And my faith in my purpose; that propells me forward.
StormiNormi is offline  
Old 04-16-2014, 02:08 AM
  # 24 (permalink)  
Member
 
MythOfSisyphus's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 5,937
Hang in there, Ken, and you too, StormiNormi. Loneliness is such a complex thing, and such a simple thing. I think that deep down it's just not seeing your connection to the Universe. It's a manifestation of the absurd. Everyone is alone but not everyone knows it. Everyone is also intricately woven into the larger tapestry of life but not everyone can feel it.

I don't know how [normal] humans deal with loneliness. I'm sure that I've felt lonely, in an existential sense. For the most part I live a self contained life; there are people in my life, and I'm not really closed off, but parts of my mind have walls with no doors in. I dunno how to describe it. My job requires working closely with people all day, and for the most part that's enough human contact for me. The rest of the time I'm kind of detached, observing. Humans fascinate me in the abstract.

Hmmm...this might be the most unhelpful post I've ever posted. Just want you to know that someone is out there, in the ether, trying to understand. I hope that helps!
MythOfSisyphus is offline  
Old 04-16-2014, 03:51 AM
  # 25 (permalink)  
Member
 
Looking4Help123's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Australia
Posts: 385
I hear ya Weasel. Loneliness is the biggest threat to my sobriety by a long shot. Been so lonely for so long its now a constant ache in my heart. A dull relentless soul destroying ache. It is hard to resolve as well, how does one become "un" lonely? It is not so easy as 'just dont drink today'... SR helps, kinda, but its not enough. I'm sure it begins from within...
Looking4Help123 is offline  
Old 04-16-2014, 06:02 AM
  # 26 (permalink)  
Member
 
Amazingglazier's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Island Park , NY
Posts: 373
Weasel, You are not alone here! I have my SO and a few friends but SR has given me more than all the AA meetings and outpatient programs combined, it has given me a strenghth I never thought I had , and a compassion for others I never thought I had, Keep Coming here, Friend! Stay Strong and Well ! Bobby
Amazingglazier is offline  
Old 04-16-2014, 10:12 AM
  # 27 (permalink)  
A simple guy making his way
Thread Starter
 
Weasel1966's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Maine
Posts: 7,867
I can certainly see I am not alone in feeling alone. Wish I could fix that for all of us but coming here helps me a great deal.

Today is better. I think I am missing my relationship and the time shared.

Hope you will post when in need of a hello or an ear rather than sit in the dark. It may not be a solution for everything but it's better than sitting in it alone.

K
Weasel1966 is offline  
Old 04-16-2014, 10:20 AM
  # 28 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: UK
Posts: 4,682
Wow you have reminded me of how it felt, with drink or without!

Glad to report that once I did the work suggested in AA I have never had that feeling again, not once and I don't want it back!

Hope you find a way to change that suits you!
yeahgr8 is offline  
Old 04-16-2014, 11:21 AM
  # 29 (permalink)  
Member
 
Olive1's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 2,443
Your post is beautiful, Weasel.
But it made me a little sad.
I am alone, single, no kids. My immediate family lives nearby, but we only see one another a couple of times a month. Sometimes I wonder what it will be like when I am old and no one to take care of me.
I think one of the most basic needs in life is to be loved, wanted.
I know that since I have stopped drinking, I have the (mostly) unconditional love of my family. Even though I donít see that daily, I can keep it tucked in the back of myself for future needs.
So, I will feel sad for myself for a minute and then I will start thinking about all the things I am grateful for.
I hope you donít stay lonely for long, Weasel, you deserve to be happy.
Thank you for your thoughtfulness.
Olive1 is offline  
Old 04-16-2014, 03:12 PM
  # 30 (permalink)  
Clear Eyes Full Heart
 
FreeFall's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 1,272
Ken, Sometimes I think early recovery is meant to be a lonely process. We are all working so hard to change old patterns, and fight the demons that it's emotionally exhausting. It's something you have to do alone because no one can do it for you, so by nature it's lonely. I think it flares up at times and we haven't really developed the skills to deal with the tough emotions yet-we used to just drown them.

I also feel if asked the majority of people probably feel lonely a lot of the time. It's more rare to find someone that doesn't in my experience. People feel "lonely in a crowd" all the time.

It's normal to feel lonely and miss your relationship. I'm sorry you're going through it. I'm sure new friends and new relationships are on your horizon. Maybe you can find some kind of volunteer work where you get to know new people naturally and get some company at the same time...
FreeFall is offline  
Old 04-16-2014, 04:03 PM
  # 31 (permalink)  
A simple guy making his way
Thread Starter
 
Weasel1966's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Maine
Posts: 7,867
Free fall!!! So good to see you!

I was thinking about that this morning. I am looking for volunteer work.

Thanks for your input. I am doing well being sober but still getting my normal living legs. As each season passes I need to adjust. All good in the end.

Be well!

Ken
Weasel1966 is offline  
Old 04-16-2014, 04:24 PM
  # 32 (permalink)  
Member
 
jenny11785's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 134
Ken I feel the same way. I started a thread awhile back

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...tlessness.html

You are not alone.
jenny11785 is offline  
Old 04-16-2014, 04:42 PM
  # 33 (permalink)  
Member
 
Venecia's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 4,860
The title of this thread caught my eye. Thank you, Weasel1966, for courageously giving voice to what seems to be such a common thread running through many of our lives.

Helpful and poignant responses. Thanks, SR.
Venecia is offline  
Old 04-16-2014, 09:31 PM
  # 34 (permalink)  
Clear Eyes Full Heart
 
FreeFall's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 1,272
Ken, I think there will be lots of opportunities for you...

VolunteerMaine.org - volunteer opportunities in Maine

Portland Volunteer Opportunities

Hands On Greater Portland

These organizations would be lucky to have you. Sometimes it's easier to meet people on a "real" level when you're participating in an activity or job-you just naturally gravitate towards those people who you "click" with.






I have friends in Maine who really enjoy the live music in house concerts and small festivals, etc. you might like things like that too. They follow local bands and meet other fans, etc.
FreeFall is offline  
Old 04-17-2014, 12:06 AM
  # 35 (permalink)  
Member
 
MythOfSisyphus's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 5,937
Originally Posted by Olive1 View Post
Your post is beautiful, Weasel.
But it made me a little sad.
I am alone, single, no kids. My immediate family lives nearby, but we only see one another a couple of times a month. Sometimes I wonder what it will be like when I am old and no one to take care of me.
I think one of the most basic needs in life is to be loved, wanted.
I know that since I have stopped drinking, I have the (mostly) unconditional love of my family. Even though I don’t see that daily, I can keep it tucked in the back of myself for future needs.
So, I will feel sad for myself for a minute and then I will start thinking about all the things I am grateful for.
I hope you don’t stay lonely for long, Weasel, you deserve to be happy.
Thank you for your thoughtfulness.
I know what you mean, and I understand you and Ken. I too am single (divorced actually) with no kids. My dad has passed on but I have one brother and one sister and my mom. At 44 it's possible that I might get married again someday, I haven't ruled it out. But I'm not really counting on it. I too sometimes project myself into the future, imaging myself sitting alone on some park bench throwing crumbs to the bird. Will I be lonely then? Will I die in the hospital, with no one to sit with me at the end? Hard to say. Right now the present gives me enough work without dealing with the future, too. Selfishly I hope I die before the rest of my family so I don't have be completely alone, and I would miss them if they died before me.

After a long time of not talking to my ex we have rekindled a friendship. I guess she'd been trying to get ahold of me for ten years but I'm kind of "under the radar". For the last few years we've chatted on the phone once in awhile and kept in touch by email. Her life since me has not been a happy one, sadly. I know she would really like to have me in her life again, and that's kind of sad, too. We're so different; we were married so young. I'm probably the only man, save her father, that ever showed her any respect and kindness. She was everything I ever wanted, back when I didn't know what the hell I wanted.

As I get older, I contemplate the "other" life I could have had, the one I didn't want then. She and I could be together, living on her parents farm, a few kids, etc. The simple life. I fled that simple life wanting nothing to do it it, wanting to see the world, etc. Overall I know myself and I know I wouldn't have been happy there. But there it is, the road not taken. Would I have grown to be satisfied with that, with a wife and family? I don't know.

I'm rambling, I know...sorry about that! I guess I just want to say that the life you've had isn't all the life you're ever going to have. I probably would have been lonely but I filled that hole with booze...which also drove people away. Sober I know more is possible.

Most of us here are still somewhat new to sobriety. Speaking for myself I'm just a year and a half into it, still feeling my way forward. I'm still figuring it out. Maybe loneliness can be used as inspiration to change your life into something that has room for other people, a life that other people will want to be a part of.
MythOfSisyphus is offline  
Old 04-17-2014, 03:03 AM
  # 36 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: NJ
Posts: 20,458
Good morning dear Weasey! What are you going to do for the 3 day weekend?
Have you found any new project that holds your interest or a class to take for fun?
Big hugs to you, I worry that you have been back to the previous relationship too often.
Fandy is offline  
Old 04-17-2014, 03:38 AM
  # 37 (permalink)  
A simple guy making his way
Thread Starter
 
Weasel1966's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Maine
Posts: 7,867
Myth... Thanks for sharing. Perhaps the guys sitting with those birds in the park are the happiest? Won't know because I don't think that will be either of us. But we will always wonder.

Miss Fandy! I am fine. No worries. I am just writing the weekender thread and will post in a bit for the long weekend.

I have plans to cook and bring the food to some people I know could use it. I plan to get some exercise in. And yes... Circumstance has brought me back a bit. But not back a bit.

K
Weasel1966 is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 06:37 PM.