Osakis

I didn't say you weren't a decent person. I said you are making bad, bad decisions that are likely to hurt not only you, but those who care about you. Addiction is a disease that infects even those whose only "problem" is loving someone who has this problem. And they don't deserve it any more than you do.

Self-pity isn't going to help you, either. This is a place to be encouraging and supportive, but it is also a place to be HONEST. It's not that I'm not compassionate to your struggle, but I think you need to hear some tough words to wake you up. You still have a chance, but that window of opportunity will close very quickly. You may believe that your family situation and whatever else is going on in your life gives you a reason to use, but you need to learn that there will ALWAYS be pain in life. If you don't learn to deal with it in a healthy way, your life will only get worse.

I really don't think you grasp the seriousness of this situation. THIS WILL KILL YOU. You may not believe this, but it hurts and frustrates me to see someone who has so much to live for going down this road. If I didn't think you were a decent person, I wouldn't care that you're throwing your life away.

Phinneas

I agree with Osakis and Jilly. Jane, you are heading for a major crash and burn. Where does the road lead for an addict? Jails, Instituations and Death. Jane, we are addicts and alcoholics, not some holier than thou people. We know because we've all BEEN THERE.

How does one talk someone down when they are in self-destruct mode? Maybe they can't...

I'll be praying for you.

jojo

Jillychatchat

So jilly if that eighteen wheeler fixin' to run over me it won't matter much.I have laready lived a full 20 years. Sorry for bothering u...........
Jane, this is what happens when you go back to using again. The body goes into a depressed state of mind. The high it wonderful when it is there, but the mind can't stay in that place forever! Then comes the lows, and before you know it you are unable to maintain your own high naturally. The lows are what you feel all the time. Jane, things become numb and out of sorts, hopelessness sets in filled with darkness! If this is what you want for yourself then you go ahead! I am hear to tell you it is a lonely road, one filled with torture, deceit and self hatered. The road leads to death! I am fortunate that I listened to the person that was reaching out to me, as I am reaching out to you. Jane, this is a safe place for you to come and post, but it is also a place where you need to expect to hear the truth. Jane, deep down inside you know that you really want the truth. I think you are worth the truth, I don't feel you are a "bother." Jane, I am 45 I have not lived long enough yet, so you at 20 are definetly not old enough to "die."
Jane, I speak to you as if you are my daughter, I do know in my heart that you have the potiential to succeed as well as the strength to also. It is just a matter of getting your "priorities" in the right place. Jane, you have to see yourself "worthy". Jane, you are not what every one has said about you. Jane you're smart, sweet and have a full destiny a head of you! It is up to you to walk out of this place into the shoes that fit you, and leave the shoes that others have said that you should wear! Jane, stop and look at yourself, do you really know yourself? Do you really read what you post in here? I want to encourage you to go back and read your own words, and see the cry of your own heart! Then you will see the Jane we have seen and come to want to see succeed.
Jane, chemical dependancy is so much more than just "Help me now, I am on something and I can't quit." It is a life long problem that must be seen as a challenge to the person that deals with the issue. It is a situation that can be overcome with support and determination, but it is not done without "work," and "pain." I have seen some addicts walk away without any pain they are the blessed ones, but they have other issues to deal with.
We all have emotional baggage to deal with due to the useage. Jane, using keeps our emotions behind. It allows us to remain in a state of escape where we don't know reality from truth.
Jane, I have told you many times," I BELIEVE IN YOU," and that is still the case. Now I so want to see you begin to "believe in yourself! Jane, will you begin to take that step? ..."You're Special"...
Love Jilly
[email protected] use this anytime...

jane_668

Hi Jilly.I'm really appreciate everything u said.i needed to hear them .Well guess what,I just started again.I've thought carefully about it and decided that I decide my life and I donn wanna end up being an addict all my life.U know i've been sober for 14 days.I told my bf what happened and he was upset but very supportive.he told me that we only live this life once so its better to live it the right way.he said that no matter what happens he's not gonna leave me.we went together to a NA meeting.he said he walk every single step with me.He loves me so much.I guess I owe him to fight or at least to try.i know things may go very bad but life is worth fighting for epecially for those who believe in me.This is my last collage year and i'm gonna do it.I'm goin to pass and achieve all my dreams..................thanks all

Ama

Thank you for this post. It brought alot home to me. We do all need to focus on the fullness that life has to offer if we stay on the road to recovery. Such hope lies ahead but only if we can remain sober. I do wish that college will go well for you and that you will graduate.......ACHIEVE all your dreams.....know that others wish this for you too and how good to have someone so supportive. Life can be sooooo good! but only when we guide it through Sobriety and Recovery....

Go for it and be Great! Luvs Ama

Jillychatchat

Jane, I am so proud of you for loving yourself enough to walk out of the shoes of distruction. I am even more proud of you for going to the NA meeting. I really feel that will help you hold yourself accountable. It is important to stay intouch with who we are Jane, and how we are feeling. I think these meetings help us to gain the tools to do this! People perish because of lack of "knowledge." If we have the knowledge to succeed in an area than we do so much better at fulfulling our dreams. It is a wonderful thing to "gleen" from others "experience" this allows you to see how to walk better in your own life! Jane, please keep in touch I so want to know how you are doing? I have come to think of you as a daughter in many ways! I want to see you be the happiest you can be. I am believing in you!
Love, Jilly
[email protected]

eddie z.

You go, Jane!! Congrats on 3 weeks!! I'm SO gald you finally tried a meeting. How'd it go? Love and (((hugs))), Eddie

dixielove

Jane, congrats on 15 days. Dont give up no matter what. The meetings will help a whole lot. Take care of yourself and keep in touch.

Dixie

jane_668

hi all! Things are getting pretty much better now. I was reading a book called "fear the feal and do it anyway".It really inspired me.I guess now I can see what I've done.i threw away 2 years of my life in self -pitty. I was acting in a very self-destructive manner. No matter what i was doin, no boddy eventually will get hurt but me.I've been sober now for 23 days .It was not easy but I did it.The most important thing is that now I know that I do wanna change.I'm even seeing a therapist whi is really helping me to deal better with the matter.My bf is also a great help 2 me but it's not a big deal any more 2 me .now I've changed the way I think.I know that life is gonna be tough and bad situations won't just vanish but I will deal with it in aconstructive way.I was simply walking in a dark tunnel waiting for the train to come.I was even becoming very suicidal due to drugs.Nothin mattered 2 me anymore.Now I know that I could have been actually got myself killed with all the drugs I was doin.Thank u all for bein there.I've finally corrected my path and i do wanna continue.I'm not gonna wait for circumstances to change cause they won't.However, I will change.I feel as if I'm alive again.now I know that evrybody was hurt with my behaviour.I'm still having very depressive though due to the come down of coke but I'll make it...........at least i hope so.

eddie z.

Of course you will! You already sound much better. Sometimes I wish I had "woken up" when I was close to your age instead of wasting 20 years of my life. I am starting over in my late 30s. I may not even have the opportunity to have children because of all that wasted time. So, hang in there, Jane. Keep going to meetings and, above all, DON'T USE!
Love and hugs, Eddie