It is too hard .....just like a bad dream
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Join Date: Nov 2003
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thanks all
thanks all.i really appreciate it all ur replies.I was just so lost and confused to the xtent that I was finally sick of everything and was ready to give up.i just hated life and nothing meant anything to me.but this place is amazing.U guys actually changed my whole perspective and gave me hope back.All the replies touched me to the bottom.I needed to hear it.I need to believ again in myself and love "me".I know its not gonna be easy but no im starting to believe i myself and that Im gonna reach out 4 my dreams.so thanks
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Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Texas
Posts: 21
Jane I am so proud of you!
I can tell you are going to be just fine. You have shown such good judgement dealing with your situation and I am confident that you will always come out on top.
Much Love, Cinn.
I can tell you are going to be just fine. You have shown such good judgement dealing with your situation and I am confident that you will always come out on top.
Much Love, Cinn.
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hey,
u know i promised myself that i wont take coke but certain events occured that were more than I can handle.I feel now that I want coke .I donn know if its anormal thing to hate something one day and than want it the other day.there are certain things in my life that are painful and thats why i feel now that i want coke ,at least this single time.I havent taken yet and I have been giving myself reasons not to take but I really feel down.Today I had an exam but I handled my paper empty.I just couldnt focus on anythings not because of drugs but something.Idonn know what to feel anymore..and actually im too shy to tell what Im realy feeling..............
u know i promised myself that i wont take coke but certain events occured that were more than I can handle.I feel now that I want coke .I donn know if its anormal thing to hate something one day and than want it the other day.there are certain things in my life that are painful and thats why i feel now that i want coke ,at least this single time.I havent taken yet and I have been giving myself reasons not to take but I really feel down.Today I had an exam but I handled my paper empty.I just couldnt focus on anythings not because of drugs but something.Idonn know what to feel anymore..and actually im too shy to tell what Im realy feeling..............
No expectations!
Join Date: Apr 2004
Posts: 8,732
certain events occured that were more than I can handle.
About handing in a blank exam. I have done that myself. Just totally blanked in an exam situation. Well, it turns out I probably have ADHD and other learning disabilities. I had to have lots of extra help to get through college. I would encourage you to seek whatever help you might possibly need...with the drugs, with studying, whatever. There's no reason to try to do it all by yourself.
Wish you well!!
Love,
Eddie
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Join Date: Nov 2003
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thanks eddie.I donn need cocaine but I feel that I want it, I just feel too down.Do u think its because I havent taken coke for a while.i donn know cause I have mixed feeling about everything.I never had amom and that makes everything so painful cause I had to rely on myself in everything and I feel tired of that............it sucks............I just wanted drugs too feel good ,not more than that.I jsut feel to tired and miss the high .............but Im trying not to take
No expectations!
Join Date: Apr 2004
Posts: 8,732
Jane,
You're always welcome! I know what you mean about feeling like you have to rely on yourself. I quit trusting my parents very young and felt like you do. But it's a lie! You don't have to rely solely on yourself. There is help available to you. You just have to reach out and ask for it. You may be suffering from post-acute withdrawal syndrome (PAWS) or possibly depression, but in any case, I think you could use some help. I'm still strongly suggesting that you try going to an NA meeting and/or to your student health service or counseling center. And of course I'm still wishing the best for you, too!
Love, Eddie
You're always welcome! I know what you mean about feeling like you have to rely on yourself. I quit trusting my parents very young and felt like you do. But it's a lie! You don't have to rely solely on yourself. There is help available to you. You just have to reach out and ask for it. You may be suffering from post-acute withdrawal syndrome (PAWS) or possibly depression, but in any case, I think you could use some help. I'm still strongly suggesting that you try going to an NA meeting and/or to your student health service or counseling center. And of course I'm still wishing the best for you, too!
Love, Eddie
wondering how you're doing?
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hey,
U know eddie, I just went to a councelling center and things went better than I expected.They were very understanding and caring.At first I was too shy but things went ok. He said that before I can deal with the drug problem I have to bild a strong self esteem.Ya whatever, but at least I did something.I just wanna ask u about PAWS.What does that mean
U know eddie, I just went to a councelling center and things went better than I expected.They were very understanding and caring.At first I was too shy but things went ok. He said that before I can deal with the drug problem I have to bild a strong self esteem.Ya whatever, but at least I did something.I just wanna ask u about PAWS.What does that mean
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Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Washington
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Jane,
PAWS stands for post acute withdrawal syndrome. Here is a link that better explains it. I hope this answers any questions.
www.tlctx.com/ar_pages/paw_part1.htm
Good luck Jane...glad to see your seeking help,
Talia
PAWS stands for post acute withdrawal syndrome. Here is a link that better explains it. I hope this answers any questions.
www.tlctx.com/ar_pages/paw_part1.htm
Good luck Jane...glad to see your seeking help,
Talia
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hi, u know I felt really good when I went to the councelling center but something happned that really annoyed me and I feel that I want to take cpke .I feel that I just want it now nad for the last time.I just can't focus.I donn know why. It's been a month since I last done any drugs.I just need it for today. I'm sorry for that.But I just feel too upset.Even if I take it doesn't mean that I don't wanna quit or maybe I'm just giving myself execuses.I donn know .In the last 2 weeks i forgot all about it but today is different.......................Sometimes u fight against the winds and u feel happy for that but then u reach a point were u just can't take it anymore.U just need some extra push for the day.
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Jane if you give in to the cravings, you'll get a push alright. Pushed down and ran over again and again. Fight it, don't let it talk you into using. Your heading
towards a viscous cycle. I hope you give it a hard fight. Good luck...there is help out there. Reach out and grab it.
Talia
towards a viscous cycle. I hope you give it a hard fight. Good luck...there is help out there. Reach out and grab it.
Talia
"Never give up on your dreams"
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: TX
Posts: 17
Jane,
I don't really think "coke" is your answer? It is not really what you're looking for? What you're searching for you will not find in snorting up your nose, or shooting up your arm. I can even tell you it can't be found at the "bottom" of an empty liquor glass either! Peace is only found in one place and that is in "God," Jane. My journey of running didn't stop until I found out "who" I was in "God". Then with that "I" knew, that "through "his" strength I didn't ever have to do things alone again. It is a lot to understand, but it is why it is called a "faith" walk! Jane, you must simply open your heart up to Jesus and ask him in, it is as simple as that. Jane then there is the open door to the understanding of God's word. Jane, you can't stand against this addiction alone! Greater is God in you than the "enemy" is in the word! Jesus paid a dear price for us, he came to earth and died for our sins so that we might live eternally. The awesome thing is he came that we might live our life "now" in "victory." Jane, when you understand who you are in Christ it is there that you "gleen" from the well of peace, love, joy, contentment, and forgiveness. It is a place that you will understand mercy and grace as never before.
Jane, getting into the "fullness" of Christ sometimes takes a while. I will tell you our emotional lives are like and onion, it is one layer at a time, it gets pulled back until we get to the core. Exposure is never comfortable, Jane. The most rewarding thing about exposure is the "finish" line you will see a difference, if you stick with it long enough!
Jane, I believe in you. I know you can fulfill you "highest" dreams. Here is my email [email protected] if you wish to chat with me OK?
I don't really think "coke" is your answer? It is not really what you're looking for? What you're searching for you will not find in snorting up your nose, or shooting up your arm. I can even tell you it can't be found at the "bottom" of an empty liquor glass either! Peace is only found in one place and that is in "God," Jane. My journey of running didn't stop until I found out "who" I was in "God". Then with that "I" knew, that "through "his" strength I didn't ever have to do things alone again. It is a lot to understand, but it is why it is called a "faith" walk! Jane, you must simply open your heart up to Jesus and ask him in, it is as simple as that. Jane then there is the open door to the understanding of God's word. Jane, you can't stand against this addiction alone! Greater is God in you than the "enemy" is in the word! Jesus paid a dear price for us, he came to earth and died for our sins so that we might live eternally. The awesome thing is he came that we might live our life "now" in "victory." Jane, when you understand who you are in Christ it is there that you "gleen" from the well of peace, love, joy, contentment, and forgiveness. It is a place that you will understand mercy and grace as never before.
Jane, getting into the "fullness" of Christ sometimes takes a while. I will tell you our emotional lives are like and onion, it is one layer at a time, it gets pulled back until we get to the core. Exposure is never comfortable, Jane. The most rewarding thing about exposure is the "finish" line you will see a difference, if you stick with it long enough!
Jane, I believe in you. I know you can fulfill you "highest" dreams. Here is my email [email protected] if you wish to chat with me OK?
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ummmmmmmm,i donn know what to say.I just did some coke.I know that im supposed to say that Im sorry and things like that but frankly Im not.Actually i enjoyed it and I really needed it.I was feeling so low .It doesnot mean that i donn wanna quit.i want but i just to have find the right time.I faced so many problems and I didnt know what else to do.ya i feel guilty but not sorry.I just needed the high at least this time.Thanks all for being there 4 me.............u know my dad noticed that sthg was wrong but he was 2 busy with his work.he just lectured me on how a girl should behave.ya as if I care.Nothing means to mee anymore.I used to care and I was nearly miss perfect but i dont wanna be like that anymore.im just too tired and sick of that.to me life and death are the same **** so why should I bother.............sorry to disappoint ya but.................
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Join Date: Jun 2004
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(((Jane))) 
I'm not dissapointed, but concerned. I'm not sure if you realize, how dangerous the path is that you're taking. Things could spiral so far out of control, you won't even know what hit you. It's sounds like you're really hurting inside. Be careful Jane. I know your reaching out for help, but coke isn't the answer. It is a dangerous, dangerous path. It won't solve anything, and will surely make matters worse. My thoughts are with you. I hope you make it back safe.
Take care,
Talia
I'm not dissapointed, but concerned. I'm not sure if you realize, how dangerous the path is that you're taking. Things could spiral so far out of control, you won't even know what hit you. It's sounds like you're really hurting inside. Be careful Jane. I know your reaching out for help, but coke isn't the answer. It is a dangerous, dangerous path. It won't solve anything, and will surely make matters worse. My thoughts are with you. I hope you make it back safe.
Take care,
Talia
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hi,I just took a vacation for a week or so.I guess deep inside me i always remind myself that I dont want to end up addicted to drugs.I want to fish college especially that I only have 1 year to go.Its just that I currently face too many problems that really hurt me from inside.and whenver things pile up ,I just give up and satart thinking about drugs.Its just that with problems u lose any sense of logic.how can I keep my decision to quite coke at times of problems...............how can u keep a promise when every thing blocks.I promised my friends that I wont do any more coke and it did it for a while but when I a face a problem I immediately start thinking about drugs.Maybe because its an easy path.I dont know.but I do know that I want to quite .It may take a while but I guess everyday is a new day and a new start.Thats how I must think......................I will not give up.U know my friends begged me to quit coke.I couldnot forget that in my whole life.They love me so much ,its not fair that I act this way.but somethings are just too strong.
"Never give up on your dreams"
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: TX
Posts: 17
Hi Jane,
I am glad you took some time to gather your thoughts. It is good to look back where you have been and, think things through, make some decisions on where to begin again from? Jane, it is never to late to start over. Jane,when you fall off the horse, of "recovery" you must hop back up,"dust" yourself off and continue on. This is an important part of the learning experience of recovery. Jane, the most important thing to remember in "life" is one must not walk by "emotion" totally, but you have to walk by "faith." Jane, that is why it is important to have faith in a higher power than ourselves. I think you know by now that "people" let you down, drugs don't keep you high, and you can't fix things on your own! It is simple, we are human we need to have direction, and we are going to fail. We all need "people" or just that special "one" to believe in us! So, we look for it in all the wrong places, drugs, boozes, food, bad choices in love, gambling, and porn. I am sure there are many more I could add to the list. Jane, this answer does not lie in the natural it is in the spiritual. The peace that passes all other peace is not found "in" or "on" this earth. It is only found with in the goodness of knowing and finding "who you are in the Lord."
Jane, you are not a failure. Jane, yes your friends don't want you to do "drugs", but what does "Jane" want for herself? That will be the determining factor, and will turn this whole thing around? I believe in you Jane, keep walking forward, it is one stepping stone to another. Keep focused by "looking" at the prize that is laid out before you, the goal of success of freedom and your dreams. Jane, you are a dreamer, and a beautiful dancer so begin to move again listen to the beat within your heart, not bad emotions in your head. Jane, you can reach for the top and you can finish! Jane, now "believe in yourself."
I love you, Jilly
[email protected] if you need me I am always here.
I am glad you took some time to gather your thoughts. It is good to look back where you have been and, think things through, make some decisions on where to begin again from? Jane, it is never to late to start over. Jane,when you fall off the horse, of "recovery" you must hop back up,"dust" yourself off and continue on. This is an important part of the learning experience of recovery. Jane, the most important thing to remember in "life" is one must not walk by "emotion" totally, but you have to walk by "faith." Jane, that is why it is important to have faith in a higher power than ourselves. I think you know by now that "people" let you down, drugs don't keep you high, and you can't fix things on your own! It is simple, we are human we need to have direction, and we are going to fail. We all need "people" or just that special "one" to believe in us! So, we look for it in all the wrong places, drugs, boozes, food, bad choices in love, gambling, and porn. I am sure there are many more I could add to the list. Jane, this answer does not lie in the natural it is in the spiritual. The peace that passes all other peace is not found "in" or "on" this earth. It is only found with in the goodness of knowing and finding "who you are in the Lord."
Jane, you are not a failure. Jane, yes your friends don't want you to do "drugs", but what does "Jane" want for herself? That will be the determining factor, and will turn this whole thing around? I believe in you Jane, keep walking forward, it is one stepping stone to another. Keep focused by "looking" at the prize that is laid out before you, the goal of success of freedom and your dreams. Jane, you are a dreamer, and a beautiful dancer so begin to move again listen to the beat within your heart, not bad emotions in your head. Jane, you can reach for the top and you can finish! Jane, now "believe in yourself."
I love you, Jilly
[email protected] if you need me I am always here.
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hi,
u know I havent done any coke for the last 10 days.Things are going really good or at least i hope so.Ive decided to quit .idonn want any more drugs. Im feeling really down but I guess its something expected so Im preparing myself to deal with bad situations.I have a new bf.he knows everythings and hes really understandful.He said that he dont care about my previous drug use as long as I stop immediately.He said that hes so much in love with me that hes gonna do everything to keep me safe.i donn know but aleast Ive changed my mood
u know I havent done any coke for the last 10 days.Things are going really good or at least i hope so.Ive decided to quit .idonn want any more drugs. Im feeling really down but I guess its something expected so Im preparing myself to deal with bad situations.I have a new bf.he knows everythings and hes really understandful.He said that he dont care about my previous drug use as long as I stop immediately.He said that hes so much in love with me that hes gonna do everything to keep me safe.i donn know but aleast Ive changed my mood
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