jane_668

hey,

I never thought that i would ever say that i've been sober for 2 weeks. I never used coke before except the last two months.i guess things would have been worse withoout my exams wish forced me to make clear decisions.either i want to continue or end mydreams.It was the first time that i feel that i miss something that bad.i donn know if it's normal.i ended an exam today and i started thinking that it's been a while without it and that i need it.is it normal that feeling

sreynolds1977

It's normal if you are an addict.

You may be near the point of admitting that to yourself. It may be why you are here. The sooner you do this, the sooner you will allow yourself to ask for help.

Look at how your life is with drugs. Then look at how it is without them. Aside from how you feel, which looks better? If you felt ok, which would you choose?

Learning to be ok with yourself is the process of recovery. It's not just quitting drugs and then suffering without them. If that is all getting clean was, then no one would bother. Your dreams are in the life you will live clean. The only dream you have using is what life would be like clean...and happy.

It is possible to live clean and happy - people do it all the time. The only requirement is the desire to have that.

If you are new to recovery, you might want to locate some Narcotics Anonymous meetings in your area. If you require detox or a rehab, look under "Substance Abuse" in your local yellow pages. The college you are at probably also offers some sort of drug abuse counseling. Good luck and welcome.

eddie z.

Like sreynolds said, that feeling of need-it-want-it-gotta-have-it is perfectly normal in addiction. It's called craving, right? And I think most of us around here know exactly how it feels. I know I do.

I highly recommend you check out Narcotics Anonymous. It's a lifesaver, literally! Wish you all the best.

Love, Eddie

Jillychatchat

Jane....In life nothing worth gaining is easy...It always takes hard work and you have to make the choice to lay something down...In your case you are having to lay down a desire to fulfill an another dream...That dream is to be clean and live your life with out something running it or calling the shots...Freedom comes with a price...but it is so worth the cost...Jane if you will stay with the cause and keep yourself walking in the right path you will reap the benifits of a richer and happier life...One that will bring you ( the very desires of your heart)...Jane I encourage you to plug yourself into the A-alon programs here...they are wonderful here...Let them minister life to you...Knowledge is wisdom...and the use of it is golden....I love you Jilly

jane_668

Thanks all but i donn think that i'm addict and i donn cosider my self as an addict.i was jsut having some fun with my friends and i missed it that what i was trying to say. U know if i want I can stop forever but the thing is that I miss being around my friends .Yet, if i stay with them i'm gonna end shooting heroin like them.It's a very hard decision especially that they make things look very enjoyable. I donn know how do u define an addict but i guesss an addict should have been addicted for a long time on drugs .I was only trying it and I guess I've crossed abit the line. If a person thinks about coke doe it mean he's addicted or merely missing the excitment .I also feel so low without a reason and it's effecting my grades.I hate that .I was an A student.Is it related to drugs.I nver allowed myself to think about it before but I'm when i was reading some threds here, i strted wondering about it.I donn think that i will lose control.I'm not of that type.i guess i've jsut made it a habbit to think about my friends .I really feel lost .can anyone jsut help and make some sense out of what i'm writting.

2dayzmuse

Is it worth taking the chance?


How enjoyable can sticking a needle in your arm be? You don't need friends like that. You don't choose to be an addict. It chooses you.

It sound's like you still have alot of questions to be answered yet Jane. The fact that you keep coming back here, tells me that you have some real concerns. Stick around and keep posting. You've come to the right place. Your friends and their drug use spells nothing, but trouble, pain and misery to me. You've only tried it a couple of times and look how it has already effected your life.

Think about it. Is it worth it? Only you can make that decision.

Talia

eddie z.

http://www.na.org/ips/eng/IP7.htm

"I donn know how do u define an addict but i guesss an addict should have been addicted for a long time on drugs ."

For me, it took ONE hit to become addicted! Like Talia said, is it worth the risk?
Love, Eddie

KelKel

Jane
I am glad you have been hanging around SR.

Talia put it right on the money..........

"The fact that you keep coming back here, tells me that you have some real concerns. Stick around and keep posting. You've come to the right place. Your friends and their drug use spells nothing, but trouble, pain and misery to me. You've only tried it a couple of times and look how it has already effected your life.-Talia"

[

((srreynolds)) ((Jillychatchat)) ((2dayzmuse)) ((eddie z.))

This is a beautiful thread, I am totally impressed with the level of support you so willingly shared. I am proud to be a part of SR's ESH. Glad I did not miss seeing this thread.

[/FONT]

squirrelly77

I agree with Kellie! You guys are doing an AWESOME job!

Danielle

sreynolds1977

What you are writing is the preamble to your recovery. No one likes to be called an addict if they have not yet decided that for them selves. You are talking around the reality of your situation, looking for every tiny reason to deny all evidence to the contrary.

Do you think that we just think you are at least a potential addict just because you are on this forum?

No. It is in your words and their message.

It sounds like you are depressed to some degree. You could simply start by seeing some kind of therapist for this. It's results will be far better than the course you are now on.

I wish I had the magic words to make you understand the tragedy that awaits you if you continue to use.

But you are the same as the rest of us, you will not hear those words until they come from your own mouth: One day you will talk yourself into a corner while you are defending your addiction.

I hope you will be listening.

jane_668

hey guys,thank u for the support.it feels good to know that no matter what happens u r accepted and that someone can understand what i'm going through.It might have been easier if i simply said yes from the begining and snorted coke without even thinking.sometimes being stupid is a bless because it spares u lots of headaches.but i'm not that kind.i still have some dreams and i donn wanna throw them away.yesterday i got some of my grades they were average passinng grades before i used to get As.I felt so sad.it seems i can't even do a stupid thing such as passing. then i saw my friends and one of the guys said, well girl if reality aches then create ur own reality .I felt i really wanted to take with them but then i said no and te same thing happened at a party.I was so upset but i jsut left the part and went home.i started cryin for no reason.i just felt i need to tell someone what's happening.someone who can make sense out of taht.i can't go to any NA meeting because i'm too shy and scared.i guess here is the only place were i cann talk frankly.i never had a mom.she's a sick person and my dad is so strict and tough.so i felt kinda lonely.i thought that bein g with my friends can earse some of the pain caused by mom but no.they introduced another headache.i hate life cause all choices suck.i wanted to be a good girl just as they like but i can't. i'm not perfect.'the worst thing is that my friends r always in my way at my weakest times.i could have simply said yes from the beginiong without even thinking

Anna

Jane,

I'm glad you're still posting and I'm sorry you're having a tough time. One thing you said just jumps out at me. You say "and I think I've crossed a bit the line". That's like being pregnant - either you are or you aren't. Once you cross the line, you can't go back.

If you feel that your friends are leading you astray then you need to rethink the situation. It seems like you think that having your friends means using drugs or losing the friends and those choices both seem bad to you. It's very tough to go to a NA meeting the first time, but it might give you a chance to meet people who are trying to get through life drug-free.

Keep posting and let us know how you are doing.

Love,Anna

godsonmyside

Most of us did not consider ourselves addicted before coming to the Narcotics Anonymous Program. The imformation available to us came from misimformed people. As long as we could stop using for a while, we thought we were alright. We looked at the stopping, not the using. As our addiction progressed, we thought of stopping less and less. Only in desperation did we ask ourselves, "Could it be the drugs?" Pg.3 NA basic text chapter one " Who Is An Addict"[INDENT]It's not what or how much, its what has it done to my life. Why wait for the bad to come, it doesn't matter how long you used for, and you dont have to lose eveything before you do something about your problem. Stick around here, go to a Na meeting if you can, ask some questions, what do you have to lose. Doing some coke will take you down that long road, sounds like you have some friends slamming dope, first hand experience, IT IS NOT FUN!!

eddie z.

You could just go and listen; you don't have to speak. But that's where you'll find new friends who don't use and who understand! I really do encourage you to give it a try. Wish you the best whatever you decide.
Love, Eddie

sreynolds1977

Stupid people get addicted to drugs too. Being intellegent will make your recovery easier though. But perhaps what you meant by doing drugs without thinking about it was that you knew it would be a problem for you, but you did them anyway. Well, they are bringing you to the place they are designed to bring you to. After all, isn't that why you did them?

Who's idea was it for you to get A's all the time - yours or someone elses?

Are you trying to say something else by not passing?
Or do you just like the feeling you get when you don't?

jane_668

thanks all for ur support.u know i haven't used coke for 3 weeks but now i feel that i want to use it .i donn know why'cause everything is ok with me.i've got my grades and they were good. i'd still have only 1 year to go.i jsut feel so bored and want some.the worst is that yesterday i met a guy who wanted to show me how to shoot coke.iw as curious but i said no.yet now i donn what to do.i decided not to see my friends cause they will encourage me in one way or another. i'm not addicted to it but i jsut missed the high with my friends.......................are these feelings normal ,or they related to addiction.can't a person take coke for once and then stop.

eddie z.

Maybe a "normal" person can, but I know for me, and I think I said it before, I was hooked with the first hit of my drug of choice. And that was shooting up!
IV is a whole different ballgame!! Please don't try shooting coke. If you think you want it bad now, you can't imagine how you'll feel once you've used IV.
The difference between snorting a drug and shooting it is incredible. If you're not hooked now, you almost certainly would be if you used IV. I wouldn't chance it.

What are your thoughts these days on trying an NA meeting? I really think you'd find answers to your questions there. Wish you the best and congrats on your good grades!
Love, Eddie

Chy

It's only normal if your addicted. I'm glad your here, and are begining to think about the consequences of what your doc is doing to you. Congrats on the 2 weeks, it's a great start. Don't let the people in your circle convince you otherwise, if this is a choice you want to make. The only person in life you have to be accepting of is yourself.

Osakis

It sounds like you are put in temptation's way a lot by your social contacts. You speak now of meeting someone new who wants to take you to yet another level of dangerous behavior. I know you said you are shy, which is why you don't go to meetings, but if you can continue to meet and form relationships with people who are likely to mess up your life in a big way, perhaps you can also put yourself in environments that are healthier and where your "friends" aren't in that kind of lifestyle.

kgm

jane_668

thanks eddie ,chy and osakis.'u know I didn't shoot coke but i smoked pot cause they were taking and I was scared to use coke again.I know that my friends are bad but i'm trying to leave them.at least I didn't do what they were doin.but i feel so down,i donn know if these feelings r related to not using coke for almost 3 weeks.I feel that i'm so nervous and sleepless for no reason.how can i overcome these feelings.i passed my exams with high grades so supposedly i should be feeling proud and not sad.u know my friend who loves me said that i'm commiting suicide when i'm hanging out with them