anyistoomuch

this is the sort of thing you need to tell that voice in your head that keeps rationalizing another drink-one last drink.

even if you havent done physical damage, you clearly have an obsession about alcohol which is a sign of alcoholism. is that what you want to be?

you are a single mom, but you also have to nurture yourself and be a mom to yourself. what would you tell your child? just have one more so it makes you feel better?

Mags1

Hiya Dippy, it was my only way of relaxing, picking up a drink, or two etc etc etc.

There are other ways, it is a learning curve, it's not always easy, it doesn't happen overnight.

So what does not drinking do.

It sets you free, not waiting for that drink time to come round, it puts you in control, it makes you think straight, no fogginess.

The plus side of no alcohol far outweighs drinking, though our av will argue different.

Who do you want to listen to.

Cheydinhal

Hey Dippy - Welcome! I'm new too. Check out a local AA meeting if there are any in your area. You'd be amazed at how good it can feel to just be in a room of people dealing with the same stuff you are.

Also, read the short book "Living Sober" - it has greatly helped me so far and opened my eyes to some of the excuses I have been making without realizing they're excuses.

Keep talking on here! I know we're all proud of each other for putting our feelings and struggles out there.

EndGameNYC

Most people don't know when their last drink is until they get sober.

ReadyAtLast

No one is going to say keep drinking or have a last one

I'm in Scotland too and have a young child. Since I quit it scares me that I used to drink 1-2 bottles of wine a night. If my child was ill I would have a 25 mile drive to local hospital. Not a good idea after 1-2 bottles of wine. Also we think we hide it but we can't. It only takes a doctor/nurse to smell alcohol and you'll have social services all over you.

Even on a day to day basis, nursery workers will smell it on you ,teachers too -no amount of mints, perfume can cover it. That's not even touching on car accidents ,police random stop,breathalysers etc

Trust me it will only get worse in terms of amounts drunk and effects on you. SR is full of mums whose children have been removed from their care because of alcohol. Your children deserve a sober mum and you deserve it too.

Hope you stick around SR

Carlotta

I personally think it would be more productive to put your energies into planning your successful recovery from alcoholism instead of planning a "last" hurray which probably won't be the last drunk or actually might be but in a very tragic way.

tomsteve

" I went to an AA meeting a while ago. I felt like a fledgling compared to the men in there'
those men and women have been in your shoes.

"I do hide it though"
a lil confused on this statement. are you referring to your drinking? if so, then this wouldn't be the case:
"not far off losing job"
"I've drank and driven and I've put myself in some very vulnerable and dangerous positions when drunk. "
" I could have had several DUI charges, Drunk and disorderly, and been the victim of a few assaults too from me putting myself vulnerable."

theres no better day than today to stop. tomorrow may be too late.
PLEASE don't wait.

Dippy

Thanks. I do hide it. I was honest at work as I needed help but I think it's put me in a vulnerable position now.
All those stupid things I've done, but not been caught. Though lost much respect through awful behaviour at works parties.
I've spoken to bosses, health visitors. I had drank a bottle of wine by mid afternoon when my support worker came round last week. Nothing was said. Nothing done. But then I don't want to be caught out. I've lost perspective, a bottle or so of wine at night, is it really that much? But you are right, it's the all consuming thoughts

suki44883

Well, yes...a bottle or two of wine at night IS a lot. What if something happened to one of your kids and you had to take them to the hospital? I know we never think these things will happen, but they do happen.

Have you considered inpatient detox? I did that and highly recommend it if at all possible.

Dippy

I have done a couple of community detoxes. Could not do an inpatient detox dud to children and also the fact I work for the organisation that sets up the inpatient detoxes in this part of Scotland..I know that sounds awful

ReadyAtLast

I'm not trying to scare you but I think you need to take this really seriously .You are having professional people visit you at home in the afternoon and you've been drinking. You have young children in your sole care and you're drinking in the day.

How do you know she hasn't referred this to social services? It was only last week. Just because she didn't say anything to you doesn't mean she didn't know or won't refer it on. You can stop this now but if you don't it really will only get worse. If you have professional people visiting you why take chances. Children are removed from their parents care inthe UK because of alcohol.

Dippy

Because I saw her again today and she said I seemed much worse than last week ( I had not been drinking today and was emotional) whereas as last week (when I had a bottle of wine) she said I wax really together and positive. She's not a naive woman either.
Functioning alcoholic, I think it's called. I would love to go to inpatient detox and rehab, but can't leave my young children.. Their dad has already walked out of their little lives.
I think I have wanted to be caught out, but it never happens

Dippy

I think I've lost my moral compass. I can hear how things I am doing and saying are wrong, but it don't totally feel it. It's all become normalised

Imabuleva

You can plan to drink.

But if you're like me, there is no such thing as a last drink until your body can't take it anymore. And if it gets that far, it'll scare the snot out of you at best.

Serotonin

I have had more planned "last drinks" than I can recall. Actually more like last binges, always followed by another drink until... well yesterday.

Serotonin

Sorry you are feeling lost. Stay sober, it will fall into place eventually.

Dippy

I see people lost I drink all around me. I need a map!!

Dippy

I meant to write 'lost in drink'. Only rehab seems to work, but I can't have that time away. How do people do this whilst facing all the hard bits that life throws at them?

jra55

I apologize if this seems harsh, but in my opinion you are just making excuses.

I know because I did the same thing, planning my last drink. I would pick a holiday, a random Sunday, any date. This was just an excuse to keep avoiding making a real decision not to drink.

All the responses before mine contain all the reasons for not drinking, including the fact you'll be a better parent. I have nothing to add on that end.

But, I need to be frank and state that you're just making excuses. Down deep you know you need to stop.

And trust me, I did the same thing. When my daughter was born I promised myself that I would quit drinking. And, two and a half years later I probably had twenty more planned days on which I was supposed to quit drinking.

Anyway, just quit. Stop making excuses.

Dee74

Hi Dippy

lots of great advice here.

I've read a lot about what you feel you can't do - fair enough.

But you want change - at least a part of you does - or you wouldn't be here.

what are you prepared to do to make that change?

post here daily?
check out something like AA?

D