Twofish

Hey! I told my neighbor ALL the facts and happenings that happened July 5th, she told me that her brother was removed from her home for meth use, she knows what my son feels and is going thru. She suggested showing him the phone, the evidence so he can believe it and that I'm not really the bad mom. He refuses to believe his sister has a drug issue. I will think about this. The neighbor said she will be here for me, she had a hard time believing this, but does and will be supportive and said I did right by calling the police and also said don't monetarily support them, just let them be to figure out what to do next. The younger one did contact my son today, she needed a small amt of money to take an entrance exam for the fall semester at school, this had been arranged prior to them getting into trouble, so I believed her and put the money in her acct. she does have a trust fund, it is her money to be used for school. Her grandfather gave it to her so I did give her $50 to take the test. I have decided not to give her the whole amt in the trust for fear it will be used for drugs. I did take another drive today, in the rental car, did I mention it will cost $1630.00 to fix the damage my older girl did to the car? But the bumper and other scratches and parts can be replaced and repaired. Now, how do I repair my broken, crushed heart, racing paranoid mind and water logged eyes from the tears? Drama get outta my life. Bye my friend, two fish

cbsmith

I'm so sorry, I wish your girls could see how much pain they're causing their mom. I agree with earlier posters, the safest place for them may in fact be jail. please god don't give them access to a trust fund. that's the absolute last thing they need. a broke drug addict is a safer drug addict. i really wish you well and hope you're taking care of yourself. could you reach out to anyone while your husband and son are gone? best not to be alone for weeks right now, is my guess. take care. brian

Lyoness

That's great that you have found an ally in your neighbor. Addiction is much more common than we pretend in this culture and people wind up walking alone with unnecessary shame. It is a bad disease that can afflict anyone no matter what their life has been like.

I agree with not giving them any money at all and if you need to do something like an entrance exam, which is a bit unusual, pay directly to the school. It is vital your daughters not be given any money because they will use it for their addictions.

Keep trying to take care of yourself, eat something, sleep when you can, and just remember to breathe. I know it is painful but crying is healing and will help you move through what you are experiencing.

Twofish

Ok Lyoness, I will keep a very tight grip on this trust fund, which I believe still has $23,000 plus in it. It's an EdFest fund and she has no right to remove a penny without her dads verbal and written request. I can't even get funds from it, so I believe the money is safe and sound. I seriously dread the next two weeks, being alone with my heart and mind. I do thank all of you, I have you, trust you with my fragile emotions. Alanon contacted me, they said that Naralon (I think narcotics support group) would be more appropriate, but I could still go to alanon meetings if I want. The closest meeting is two hours away so a road trip is in order. If I didn't believe that my husband and son would gain some peace I would ask them not to leave me alone for such a long time, they need the break the peace. I need it also, but I don't scuba dive and there's too much to look after here in the village, dogs for one. Ha, I have 7 fish tanks, hence the name two fish. They leave less than 36 hours from now. Think the hell is gonna get worse? Ya I think it will, but I have 7 days under my belt since. I discovered the drug use. I am stronger and wiser then before this nightmare started. It's so strange that my dogs know something is wrong, very wrong. They are so innocent, their hearts are breaking and they don't know why. The comfort I give them does help me, that's so strange for me to believe. But lately many things I don't want to believe, slowly, fightingly, I do believe these awful drug demons have entered my little sweet family. We were almost normal, almost, now we are so abnormal that I don't know if and when things will be better. Gosh, I'm babbling, going on and on, I'm sorry, just someone anyone who reads this is listening and that oddly gives me comfort! Friends have a glorious sober, fun day. The sun is out, birds are singing and flowers are blooming. Enjoy life, you are alive. Twofish

cbsmith

Normal is overrated.

Twofish

Ok, I get it, but as a mom in a family who's drug involvement is so new, I don't know what normal and abnormal really mean anymore. I'm sorry if I offended you by the word normal, but my family one week ago felt a lot different than it does now. I think I struggle with the younger generations words and phrases, hell I just found out what " hooked up" oops meant! I will attempt to be more clear with my words!

cbsmith

You certainly didn't offend me, dear. I was hoping to ease your mind a bit, as one of the things I have had to adjust is my own perception of what's "good" and "healthy." I've found that he word "normal" and the yearning to achieve normalcy is at the center of a lot of horrible things - substance abuse, eating disorders, hypertension - and that embracing abnormality, and dealing with it as needed in healthy ways, is really important. I believe your family is going to be stronger than ever once you get through this.

PS I don't know what " hooked up oops " means, either, and I'm kind of a young person.

Twofish

The young girl is requesting I pay to refill her meds, which are prescribed by a psychiatrist but powerfully addicting IMO, Xanax, antidepressant and her sleeping pill. I don't know the legal rules in refusing to pay, she is on our insurance still. This is so new to me, I did speak with the pharmacist, I don't want her to go nuts in the pharmacy and do something she will regret, I can only learn minimal confidential info, but she said the meds(3) of the will cost $30. So I put $35 in her acct, asked the pharmacist to encourage her to get some milk and tell her that I love her and she agreed to do this for me. I know everyone is just shaking their heads in disgust, but I didn't know what to do, you can't just stop taking these kinds of meds, I believe they need to be tapered down. So, yell, schold and hate me. Seems like everyone else does. Come Saturday, I'm on my own. Oh, I forgot, I did go talk to a former friend of the girls, who is a drug addict, recovering, did the 60 day inpatient treatment, he confirmed much of what I have been denying also he looked at the phone texts from the older girl and he "thinks" it's either meth or heroin that both girls are into. Another stab in my heart. Am I gonna die from a broken heart? I can hardly remember to breath. He said the girls started taking Percocet and progressed to morphine along with Ritalin they. Snorted it then started injecting it. He admitted to stealing from me with them before he got sober, also told me a few more things I really didn't want to hear. He said he would call them encourage them to seek treatment. He also said I should clean out their apartment when the lease is up if I ever want to see some of my stuff back. Lying, stealing, selling is nothing to an addict. He said there's a lot of possessions of mine in that apartment. How can I be soooo blind for so long? Addicts are excellent at hiding, stealing,lying. Turning facts totally around and make me look like the bad mom, you see, according to this addict I spoke with, a majority of the drugs and money were coming from my home. Pour some more guilt on me.....ah yes, hooking up, I am told is some sort of sex or sex act. Oh God, why? I really want to go to sleep and never wake up, no I'm not suicidal, just very disappointed in my parenting skills. Please stay with me....two fish

Mizzuno

Two Fish.
We are not going to scold you. This statement should be removed from your vocabulary
I am sorry that everyone else is scolding you.
Why did you not pay the pharmacy for these meds?
I mean, its easy to call the pharmacy and make the payment. Is this money going to the meds? She needs all 3 at once?

Twofish

I took both girls off the Walgreens charge card cause they were buying other stuff besides their meds, like $300 more stuff, make up, candy, food, cigs etc. I am not a rich mom in fact I'm on ss disability. The overdrafts were killing me and ruining my credit. I never once refused to pay the co-pay for any member of my family's medical need, meds included. So that's why I preferred to put the copayment on her debit card, that way I'm only out $30 bucks vs much more. My girls think money grows on trees if you know what I mean. So, it's her choice to spend the money on legal or illegal drugs. Does she need these pills, frankly, yes, I do believe she is anxious and has always been a chronic insomniac since she was a little girl, and as far as the antidepressant, I would be depressed if I were in her shoes and have the legal troubles she has and that I can't help but feel guilty for. I indeed was the one who called the police on her and her sister, everybody go back 40 posts I can't bear to go over the nightmare again. At times I wish I never did it, but I know it was going to come out eventually, I was going to find out eventually. An addict can't hide forever, or so I've been told. Thanks, Mizzuno, you've been a true cyber friend, for listening, reading and responding to my rants, emotions and the tears. Two fish

Twofish

Another neighbor came over with a million question, gosh, you'd thunk we were murderers or something worse. Because she is the most gossipy person I know and I'm still in denial and I want to preserve my daughters reputation I told here the older daughter had a breakdown, well, she kinda did. I just left out the drugs part. If only I could talk to her, ask her, get it from the horses mouth, this would help, it would hurt at first, but it's a step forward instead of a step in limbo. I wish I was a fortune teller, to get some glimpse of what's to come, but I'm not. I'm just a worried silly mom wanting, needing to make this better, moms are suppose to fix things. I can't fix this, I don't know how. She has to ask and accept help, right? Am I missing something? Oh yes, this boyfriend of hers (3 yrs) who is a wrestler and beat her up physically and most certainly verbally and mentally, I saw the evidence on her cell phone plus atleast 3 of her college friends have told me, anyway, I text him, asked him to stay away from her, how dare he hurt her, called him a bully and a pric$! I know what you're thinking that I shouldn't of done that, but I will do ANYTHING to protect my child. As far as I'm told he is a mean drunk, on a wrestling scholarship and is frequently drug tested. I did wrong didn't I? I just couldn't help myself. I hope all the young lovers read my post this post, and realize how fierce and protective a parent can be to protect their child, that goes for drug suppliers too. We are out there, watching and waiting for them to mess up, then, they will have legal consequences to deal with. Oh we'll, got it off my chest, another rant. I'm starting to think I am going crazy. I always thought toddlers were hard to handle, running around the house, making messes, talking back...I would trade that any day for what I'm going thru now. Be kind to me, please? Two fish PS I know what you want to say, leave that girls cell phone alone, I just might do that...

Lyoness

You don't need to worry about being scolded, like Mizzuno said, take this sentence out of your vocabulary. You are doing the very best you can in a horrible situation. A situation that was thrust upon you and for which you have no experience or training to deal with. So....

First, remember to breathe! Second, know that you can come here day or night and someone will always be on to talk to. You might also check out the nightly chat where you know people will be on.

The most important thing you can do right now is to keep taking care of yourself as best you can. Eat whenever you can, even if it's just a tiny bit like a banana or some yoghurt. You need to keep your body strong enough to deal with all the stress. Try and get as much sleep as you can. And if you feel up to it, go for a walk or do some small physical exercise just to keep yourself moving. Moving the body can often help move the mind/thoughts.

I think you did right by making sure your daughter has her meds. Some medicines, including tranquilizers and antidepressants do need to be tapered rather than gone off cold turkey. If this comes up again, could you pay the pharmacy directly for the copays? That way you would know that the medicines were paid for and that she didn't use the money for anything else.

Also, try to stay away from nosy, gossipy neighbors and those who don't have your best interests at heart. It's okay to not answer their questions or not give details, it's not their business, it's yours. Can you reach out to the neighbor who was so understanding yesterday or the day before? Do you have any other family or friends that you can trust and can confide in? You need face to face help as well as what you receive here.

You mentioned NarAnon, but if Alanon is closer and you can get there sooner, then by all means go. It doesn't really matter what drugs they are on, it matters that it is affecting you and them and you are in turmoil. You need the support of people who've been there and understand.

Twofish

Ok, Lyoness,Mizzuno! That clears up a few questions I have regarding alanon vs narcanon. Because not one of her friends ever mentioned alcohol, I was feeling uncomfortable in a alanon meeting, thank you! More sob stories to hear, I have no family to confide in, my dad is in a hospice situation, very ill and it would do more damage to tell him I'm hurting because his first grandchild is drugging it up, it would be bad, you think I cry, he cries far more often and easily provoked. My mom...don't want to get into that, we don't talk. My in laws would be besides themselves, cause them way too much unnessesary pain, too old schooled. I have my Pastor, whom I DO trust, but mostly I have SR cyber friends, whom I trust completely and can speak frankly and freely. I do not trust my children's druggy friends, even tho they seem sincere and want to help, I find it very difficult to trust someone who has stolen and lied so many lies, to me for so long. I can talk limited to them, but not freely and confidentially. I never thought I was such a recluse! Back up two years ago, I had tons and tons of friends. Then I had two car accidents, crushed a vertabrae, lost my job, many months of horrible back pain, and the friends dropped like flies. I could no longer go out to lunch, birthday parties, wedding, baby showers, etc. found out I have osteoporosis(kinda like fragile bones, breaks happen easily) so poor me, no close friends. I have my church lady friends, whom I worship freely at church, but, they are old schooled too and would be horrified and judge me, I need to keep this drug business, under my hat for now. Let me get stronger, outta the denial and guilt stage I'm in. I'm positive they have skeletons like me too. Or shall I call this a disease, like my girls have, too. So, you got me, my tears, my rankings, my denials my secrets mostly my trust in SR, my cyber friends, will this be ok. I will try to shorten my posts, and do more listening. Thank you again, Totally Fondly, two fish

Eve13

Twofish, you have been thrust into a crisis of magnitude proportions with little support. In addition to the wise words and comfort you're receiving here, you may want to find a nearby therapist to support you with the acute crisis, to help you find ground under your feet, who can give you 1:1 attention to the matters of your heart.

Twofish

Good morning Eve13, yes, I had a dream about that...thank you for turning it into a real idea, one, fortunately of many good ideas and advice I have been given these past 7 days from my friends at SR. Wow, a week now that I have been separated from my girls, still fresh and just as painful, but not as "raw" does that make any scence? My husband comes home late tonight, and they leave(our son) to go on vacation. I hope they get some relief and special men bonding time. I hope they don't talk toooo much about this nightmare, they need to heal, but also need to concentrate on scuba diving. That's such a dangerous sport/activity Im relieved that they both are certified in diving. This will be a long 10 days for me to be alone with my mind and tears. I have SR cyber friends, precious friends, who have stayed with me, cried with me, most importantly, supported and advised me that I'm not the only one who has addiction disease in their families. Thanks X a millions times! Fondly, Twofish

Twofish

Oh the F bombs started today, just an hour ago in fact. It was the younger one this time. Horrible language, that this is all my fault, my problem, that I have no right taking her sisters phone away(excuse me, who pays the cell phone bills around here?) how we are invading there privacy, that they are old enough to make their own decisions, that I'm just creepy, pathetic and that I obsess over them. I'm not strong anymore, my child's rejection I take it personally, painfully. My child, all three hate me. My son keeps pestering me to "see" the phone I took away from his sister. Strange, he hasn't said five words to me this past week, then I get a 3page F bomb covered text from my daughter, then now he wants to see the phone. I said no, I'm sure his sisters want that phone back. How am I ever going to be strong? I did text my younger girl to seek out professional help before its too late, clearly she has violated the no contact order, and so have I. I feel so betrayed, my family is in shambles, there is no family at the moment. I'm sad again. This is day 8 of my nightmare.

Twofish

Three hours since my daughter chewed me out, do you think this is going to be a daily thing, I seriously thought she was txting me to ask for help, or to say she loves me or to say hi mom, but nooooooo, quite the opposite couldn't of been more negative and her words stung my heart. I want to just give them back this stupid cell phone that contains all their druggie friends and many dark shocking places. Why didn't my daughter delete most of the texts, why leave that crap on her phone, was it meant for me to see?

Twofish

Two more hours have gone by, my mind feels numb right now. I do have a headache. I dread to admit this, but I don't know who my children are. Where are they, do they hurt too? Do they miss me just a tiny little bit? Do they even think about me, remember me, I'm mom, you know, the one who rocked you to sleep, held your hand when you hut and hugged you, taught you how to love yourself and family. Feels like a distant memory, a record player stuck in a skipping sound. Was I a good mom, was I ever a mom? The nightmare continues

Twofish

Ok, my son is now having a meltdown, right before his much anticipated vaca. Why you ask? I'll give ya a hint, 1st word starts with a D 2nd word starts with a A. Got it! Drug Addiction! My girls are texting my son on how I ruined their lives, the family their future. Wrong. They chose to take drugs, steal from everyone, lie like crazy and now want to blame their legal and family disasters on ME and my husband, but mostly me. Great. So I'm just gonna shut their phones off, atleast the older ones. It rings still, maybe it's a creep with unhealthy intentions...that was my last solid link before I cut the ties I truly had with her. So now what? Anybody feel free to tell me what to do now. Yup, I'm crying again and I'm sad, very sad but mostly I'm worried now, very concerned one additional thought, I'm scared now...not for myself, but for my children. I guess it's a waiting time, for the brick wall to fall and for them to decide what they want to do. Is this still only day 8 of my nightmare? Goodnight SR it's been a long day for me

Twofish

sleep just won't come, I'm just so worried about the girls