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Lost!!

Old 10-16-2013, 12:42 PM
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Lost!!

Good evening!!

I'm the girlfriend of an ex heroine addict!! I say ex... Lately he's been using something again!! I think it's mkat but I know he's injecting!! I know he's ha a bad year and when we got back together 3 month ago he was snorting it but it has progressed since then!! He hasn't lied to me about it and has said he's scared and worried but hasn't expressed a desire to stop!!

I know he has to stop for him so I haven't given any ultimatums or anything but I'm lost!! Other websites just say to leave him he's not worth it... But I know this man sober and he is worth it to me!!

But I'm scared because I feel if I leave we'll both get hurt and he may get worse, I feel if I give him an ultimatum he'll start lying to me!! And I feel like if I stay I'm saying its OK!!

I don't know what to do for the best!! I don't give him money anymore but my health is starting to suffer because of stress!! As one who turns to drink in times of stress I've already made the decision to stop drinking and I've told him hoping it will spur him to make the right choice!!

I'd like to get advice from anyone else in this situation!! Is it possible to stay with him or am I supposed to go like everyone keeps saying - I can't see either situation suddenly making him get back to NA! Should I suggest NA!! It is not at a point yet where he's on it all the time but t is getting there. I'm sat here now and can see in his eyes he's on something!!

My heart is breaking for this man, he lost his job recently evaluate he failed his driving test! his mum had cancer, he's suddenly had a daughter move in with him, his ex (between us) was severely anorexic! Things between us last year didn't help!! He is a fantastic man and he seems to not be able to see it anymore!!

Advice needed please!! I'm so lost!! He's using it for emotional purposes!!
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Old 10-16-2013, 01:20 PM
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Just wanted to welcome you to Sober Recovery. Sorry for what brings you here.

I can only give you the addict's perspective. NOTHING anybody did was going to make me quit until I wanted to recovery. I can't imagine your boyfriend is any different.

You aren't powerful to make him quit, and you aren't powerful enough to have anything to do with it getting worse. It's all on him...the use, the progression of his addiction, the consequences of his use and ultimately his recovery. All on him. Staying or leaving won't change him, but it will have a big impact on you.

Lastly, as for him using for "emotional" reasons, because yes, his life is so tough, I don't agree. By the time he's injecting, it's past needing a reason. He just needs it.

Good luck.
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Old 10-16-2013, 01:32 PM
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Originally Posted by doggonecarl View Post
Just wanted to welcome you to Sober Recovery. Sorry for what brings you here.

I can only give you the addict's perspective. NOTHING anybody did was going to make me quit until I wanted to recovery. I can't imagine your boyfriend is any different.

You aren't powerful to make him quit, and you aren't powerful enough to have anything to do with it getting worse. It's all on him...the use, the progression of his addiction, the consequences of his use and ultimately his recovery. All on him. Staying or leaving won't change him, but it will have a big impact on you.

Lastly, as for him using for "emotional" reasons, because yes, his life is so tough, I don't agree. By the time he's injecting, it's past needing a reason. He just needs it.

Good luck.
Thanks!! :-)

You're right... I meant he started for emotional reasons!! Now he's fooling himself into thinking if life gets better he'll get better!!

I know I'm going to end up heart broken either way!! Am I fighting a losing battle?!
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Old 10-16-2013, 01:38 PM
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Originally Posted by Nelsky View Post
Am I fighting a losing battle?!
If you mean the battle to get him clean, I'd say yes. It's not your battle to fight. The only person you can change is you.

We have a forum for the friends and loved ones of addict. Lots of experience and support there:

Friends and Family of Substance Abusers - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
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Old 10-16-2013, 01:43 PM
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to SR! I can only agree with Carl that this is your boyfriend's battle to fight, not yours. It all depends on how much you can tolerate from him whether you stay or go.
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Old 10-16-2013, 01:53 PM
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Yeah I know I can't do it for him!! I haven't even suggested it... Just listened to him speak!! I just feel like now he's opening up it would be a ****** time to go!! Thing is my feelings for him will not allow me to be there if we're not together because I can't cope seeing him!!

Thanks I will look at the other thread too!!

:-)
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