FeenixxRising

Time to start believing. Denial won't help you or you daughter. You have to face this head on.

I'd bet a million dollars your oldest daughter is way beyond "trying" drugs. She sounds like an active user. I don't know how deep it goes, but from what you've described it's deep enough for you and you husband to start taking serious action.

I'm sorry for this. I don't have a family so I can't offer much help, but the Friends and Family section is a good place for support and information. Al Anon may help. If it were me, I would talk with a criminal attorney, to find out what legal options you and your children have. But that will cost money.

I wish you the best, you will probably have a long journey, so stay strong.

Twofish

Hi wolfpackfan45, Boy this group sure knows what they are talking about. I'm starting to get physically sick, with no or little sleep, I can't eat, the worry and anxiety is totally killing me, if I call my Dr., he would just give me Xanax, another drug in the house. I worry about insignificant things, I worry about the future. The younger girls txt my boy just to tell him how I ruined the family, so now he won't talk to me, except yes or no. I didn't mention my husband, whom I love, lives in another state, because of work, so I find myself talking to myself all day, mostly negative stuff. My mom dislikes me, we don't talk anymore. So I'm alone except for you guys, SR. I am such a sob story yet I realize that others have it much worse than me, atleast my girls are still alive. The pain is so thick in my mind, I will Asa's seek out the group you call alanon. I did confide in my Pastor yesterday, that helped spiritually, but I'm getting/becoming sick, mentally, physically with the guilt. Why did this happen to my family, why did this demon enter my little world???

cbsmith

I'm really sorry for all the pain you're feeling, and know how horrible drug addiction can be for a family - I was lost to drugs and totally blinded from reality. Have faith that your daughters are still in there, beneath this horrible addiction, and that they can and will emerge from it. You have to do the hardest thing a mom can do: ignore your children, at least for a little while, and let the chips fall where they may. I'm sending prayers for strength and serenity. Brian

Mizzuno

I am so sorry that you are hurting so bad. I want you to know that you are not alone. All of this stuff is really scary. It is important that you are able to continue taking care of yourself in this process. Please eat, and try to sleep. Breathe in and out. You will be alright. I like the suggestion that was given for a one on one therapist. If you are willing to go and talk with someone, I think this may relieve some of your anxiousness. If anything you have the space to vent, and get out all your emotions. Once again, we are here for you.

Twofish

Thank you everyone, I'm gonna try to sleep or atleast lay down and rest my pounding mind. I feel like a mom who needs her mom who is being hated for being a mom, does that make sense?? Good night friends...twofish

Mizzuno

Yes, it makes sense. Goodnight Twofish. I hope that you sleep well tonight.

Twofish

Sleep was horrible, nightmares were so scary and why are my tears flowing uncontrollably? Not another day of painful heartache missing my children. I feel like I'm the one addicted to my girls, I need them, I need to see them, touch them. I can't imagine what they are going thru, if its anything like this, they are in pain too. Or maybe they don't care and just want me to hurt. I checked out the friends and family of addicts, wow, that's too painful to read right now. I followed blue chair my heart was bleeding for her and my mind was dead for me...I mean is it gonna get that bad?? Two fish

Twofish

It's now 9am day 5 of my nightmare. I want so much to call the girls just to check on them. I can't turn this mother instinct off. I really appreciate all of you who have followed my nightmare, I just didn't know where to turn to. I think I belong in the family forum but I feel bonded where I am, I have read some of their stories and felt their pain. It's too raw right now for me to start over and burden them with my crisis and annoyance. Who wants to listen to my ranting over and over whilst their pain and worry are just as strong and painful as mine is. I didn't know a person could cry so much and so often, where are these tears coming from? How much can my heart take, this is just the beginning. My girls, are they hurting? I have never been away or not talked to them this long in my whole life. Yes, I can't let go, I can't abandon them. What if it's not true, what if I'm mistaken and I've ruined their lives? I know the cell phone convos are incriminating and tell a different story, it's just a cell phone it's not my girls telling me they need help or tell me lies that I always believe? I guess but don't want to, spend another day in constant worry, wondering. I don't want sympathy or someone to tell me get over it and yourself. I need peace, I need a friend. Take care everyone, two fish

Shining~Again

I rarely say anything as black and white as I'm going to but after reading these posts by you, being a mom myself, and nearly feeling the pain through the screen, I'll say this:
Get thee over to the Friends and Family Forums. If you think the support you have gotten here is great, you ain't seen nothing yet. (((hugs)))

Save the girls lives - turn the cell phone in. You're going to be the hated mom either way. For now. That's ok.
That better than them dead. Jail is better than them dead.
Them not talking to you? BETTER THAN THEM DEAD.

So you might be wrong?(doubt it!) So what. Don't take a chance. This is your babies, your daughters. Protect them in the only way you can....even if that means being "the bad guy", even if it means jail.

You need, you must, start taking care of yourself. You're not going to be able to help them if you are sick.

awuh1

I like the advice from Lethe above. What it comes down to is for you to support the good choices your daughters may decide to make in the future (treatment, Narcotics Anonymous, detox etc.) and not to support the bad choices (spending the money that you give them for legitimate expenses on drugs). The fact is you are going to be viewed as the bad guy for this in the short run. As hard as this may seem, you can take comfort in this, because it will serve to make their suffering that much shorter.

Twofish

Thanks again, another issue is added, the neighbors will no longer let their kids come over to play/hangout with my 14 yr old son who had NOTHING to do with the girls! I do live in a neighborhood who everyone thinks their kids are perfect and never have any type of problems, ha ya I thought my kids were perfect too. So now he is lonely, friendless, sad and angry. Gossip hits you like addiction does, stings hard. Doesn't help me to feel more guilty either. I did tell one of the kids who's parents refuse to let their boy come over, that it is safe, there is no danger and to tell their mom not to punish My son for something he had no control over. What else am I going to deal with, do I get a 5 minute break from life? Now I have to move over to a different forum, one that suits the issues. How much more rejection can one women take? I'm venting and taking up the Newbies time and wisdom. But, thank you everyone for the past few days of precious help you have given to me. I will move on to where I belong...two fish

Lyoness

Twofish, you are welcome to post anywhere you feel comfortable, safe and welcome! No one is telling you that you have to move to a different forum, everyone here only wants for you to have the best support, advice and help you can get. And if that is here, stay here by all means.

I am so sorry for what you are going through, I know the pain feels neverending. But you are doing good things. You are reaching out, posting here and crying. Crying is painful but ultimately powerfully healing.

I agree with above posters that turning over their phones will help them in the long run. I've encountered many stories where people on all sides of the equation say that it was getting in legal trouble that helped start the addicted person down the path of recovery and started the needed changes in the family.

I know this is pain almost beyond enduring. But you will make it. You must take care of yourself now too, though. Eat something, anything, just rest if you cannot sleep. And keep reaching out here at SR.

You and your family are in my healing thoughts and prayers.

Lyoness

Twofish, here are websites for Alanon and Nar-Anon in central Wisconsin.

www.soarwithafg.org/index.htm

Al-Anon Family Groups of Southeastern Wisconsin - Serving Milwaukee, Waukesha, Ozaukee, Washington, Dodge, Jefferson, Walworth, Racine, and Kenosha Counties

www.usrecoveryinfo/Nar-Anon/wisconsin.htm

If you call the hotlines for either one you will find people willing to help. Blessings.

Twofish

Thanks lyoness I appreciate that I can stay here and listen and listen and listen. We are having tornados outside now so I'm forced to sit here and watch over my son. But I'm planning on contacting alanon ASAP and find a meeting to go to to seek the support I so desperately need. I chose to ignore my neighbors who throw rocks at me and my situation. Who knows, what happens behind one of their doors in a closet in their glass houses, if you get my drift...two fish

Lyoness

You're welcome! Sometimes it takes these kinds of hardships to find out who our true friends are. Whenever I have chosen to grow and heal I've lost people. But by letting go of those who aren't true friends, you are opening doors to those who are/will be.

Hope you get through the tornado okay!

Twofish

Thanks again I took the step and contacted alanon, they are closed tonite at 6pm so I sent them a message from my iPad to see if there's a meeting in the Fox Cities (Appleton/Oshkosh) area. Her phone keeps going off and it's one of her sorority sisters whom I believe is clean, so, please forgive me, I txt the girl to reach my daughter thru her sister and that we love her very much...that's all I said nothing else. The caller txt that she got wind of some of the situation and just wanted to help, maybe to get her a lawyer. I didn't respond to the details, she panickly responded that no one answered the sisters cell, but that's not my problem and I'm not going to let this keep me up with worry all night. It's best I just turn her cell phone off and let what will happen, happen. Please don't scold me for this, I thought I was doing right by her college sorority sister. I plan on NOT responding to any more calls/texts. The phone remains in limbo. Two fish Ahh yes, the tornado skipped our home and village, touched down in Redgranite, thanks for asking

Mizzuno

No one will scold you for anything You are very much safe here. I know how hard this is. Its good to see that you called ALANON. There is a lot of information in those rooms. All kinds of Family members trying to heal and learn. You are doing well. Take care of you Two Fish. When will the no contact order get lifted?

Lyoness

Definitely no scolding. We just want to help you in getting through a tough situation and a lot of people have been where you are and want to help. I haven't been on your side of the equation but I can imagine how painful it must be.

That is great you contacted Alanon, you will find people who've been where you are and that can share resources and ideas to help with your situation.

So glad tornado missed you. I hope the other area is all right.

Twofish

Sleep was welcomed last night, I am sooo exhausted with worry. My husband is calling the DA this morning to see where the chips are gonna fall, what the next step is going to be. I have decided to contact this one neighbor and confide in her, she used to be my friend, to see if her boy can come hang out with my son. I think if she knows the hell my girls are putting me and them thru, she may understand and tell me it's gonna be alright. All she knows is, that the cop cars were at my house, the girls in handcuffs. That's all, oh and my wrecked car and torn out trees and bushes when they took my car, seems like a lifetime ago when it's been only 6 days. I miss them, their smiles, voices, laughter and mostly hugs. I never in a million years, thought this would happen to my precious, sweet family, but it did and the sooner I accept this the better I might feel. Keep you posted my cyber friends, you are all I have right at this moment...two fish

Twofish

No news yet, oh how I wish my husband lived with me, in Wisconsin. No news yet, I guess that is good. My neighbor is still at work, my son won't look at me, in fact seems to be spiraling into depression. Won't get out of bed. Good thing he is going on holiday with my husband for 10 days, going far away to scuba dive. They have been planning this vaca for over a year now. So I will be alone for 10 days, poor me, I don't want to feel sorry for myself, snap out of this two fish!