Midlifecrisis

Of course it's not the life I want for my kids. At the moment it's only been a couple of days. I'm still functioning the same. I'm sitting watching them at soccer right now. I have still got the chance to quit before it gets too bad. If I stop the day after tomorrow I won't have any withdrawals or anything and I won't have lost too much time.

I have to do it. The last week or so my hubby has relaxed heaps, I've been super organised and thjngs were good. That's what I want. I love and appreciate him and my kids so much. Why do I always stuff up so badly?

Nuudawn

I realize you don't want this life for your kids..what I meant is, keeping something life threatening from your husband well that troubles me. I have no doubt you love your family...its yourself you have no regard for (that seems to be the ugly roots of our addiction). I don't know the history obviously of your addiction and how it has affected your marriage. Has he threatened to leave previously? I would guess it the continuing he has issue with..not you asking for help. If you told him you were struggling and you needed help, you honestly believe the cry for help would make him leave?

Midlifecrisis

I got out of detox for Benzos, alcohol and opiates around a month ago.

My husband is amazing, he has been so supportive but I have really put him through the ringer. He deals with troubled people at work all day and then me. I want his home to be a sanctuary for him to come home to. The last week or so I've been achieving that. I want to get back there.

He said I nearly came home from detox to an empty house. He wasn't sure if he could do it anymore. He nearly left with the kids and said if I do it again he is gone .

I have no choice but to just quit. How stupid am I?????

Grungehead

Sorry MLC but I found this funny. Not haha funny but more along the lines of "I think I've said something like that before" kind of funny. I think I usually said it to myself when planning on quitting when my current supply of pills ran out.

Midlifecrisis

Yeah...

Nuudawn

Sweetie..sweetie..sweetie! You are NOT stupid...intellect has NOTHING to do with this. You are simply at the mercy of your addictive mind. Addiction is a formidable foe...one that has killed millions. Do you think those people were all stupid or untalented or unloved..NO. Your addiction is an ugly beast that has you under its control. Do not underestimate its power over you. Are you a spiritual woman?

Midlifecrisis

Thanks. Yeah I'm a Christian. Once super passionate. Have lost it. We go to church every week but yeah, I'm being slack.

Michael66

If I understand that correctly MLC, you are actually planning another day's abuse.

That might be worth re-thinking.

I remember doing the same with alcohol. "I'll just have one last day of good drinking". Or "one last weekend". I had several years of one last days and one last weekends.

To commit to sobriety, the tough thing is we have to commit today. Promises for tomorrow are generally pretty worthless for an addict. The only time we have any control over is now.

I remember you saying before that you didn't feel like you were ready for recovery. This last post feels the same. But I think it's so obvious to those of us on the outside that your life is crying out for recovery, but that has to happen in the now, and not in the tomorrow or some time soon.

Midlifecrisis

The thing is, I can't get anymore until mid next week anyway.

Michael66

But if you are not committed to controlling your consumption today (or even tomorrow) why will things be different the next time you get a prescription next week?

We addicts are the masters of procrastination.

Nuudawn

You have mail

Midlifecrisis

I know(

Midlifecrisis

Thank you! Replied

venuscat

Please remember how much you wanted this....

Time for new beginnings MLC ~ start again. Don't wait until Saturday. Now. Today.

We are all here for you, and there is a ton of support out there even if you cannot get to rehab...

Look into your heart; you know that this person snorting oxy and tramadol is not you. Not at all. Not who you want to be hun.

Venus xx

Midlifecrisis

Thanks.


Still at soccer waiting for the kids. They are gojng over time.

7 kids. That's who I am, soccer mum.

Not drug addict.

Fresh pie and salad waiting at home. I have it altogether. It will fall apart again soon.

I can't let it

Marcher13

MLC right now would be a very good time to reach out to your husband and tell him you are not coping, he deserves it, he has given you so much support. If you reach out to him with honesty things will go much better than if you wait for him to discover that you are snorting meds. Give him a chance, give yourself a chance.

Midlifecrisis

I'm not telling him, i would appreciate it if people would stop saying that, i say this with love and respect and i really appreciate so many of you posting. I'm not sure if anyone else has been faced with the very real prospect of becoming a single mum of five children . I'm going to stop and put everything into my recovery and my family. And I'm going to put god first. It's the only way I can do it.

Cleopatra1

mlc,,ive read thru all the posts above,,and well,,i feel for you huni ,,but you have to really WANT this,,,and i mean really,,,really.
i came to the brink last oct,,halloween to be precise,,id put my hubby and kids thru hell for ten yrs of my drinking,,and well,,,i knew i was on the verge of losing it all too,,,,so,,on a friday nite,,yes a blumming friday nite,,i chose to stop,,,completely,,,just stopped,,,i procrastinated oh so many times,,,but if you really want it to stop,,then stop now,,not tomorrow,,or saturday ,,nxt wk ,whatever,,,i wanted to stop ,,NOW,,,so i did.
the fact that i did it on a wknd ,,meant to me i was serious,,and i was,,so can you be huni,,,just stop now,,,tomorrow will always be there,,,it will huni,,,stop today,,stop now.
im rooting for ya,,and hope with all my heart you get to the point in yr life where you are happy again,,you know that feeling,,you been there before,,just tapp back into that memory and go for it,,,..
do it for yr hubby,,yr kids,,god,,but most of all for you sweetie pie ,,,for YOU
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx cleo xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

venuscat

hear you MLC.... here for you love.

V xx

coraltint

Really not trying to be a jerk, but has it occurred to you that it's more likely that he will be the single Father of 5 kids?

Praying & pulling for you, SR friend. xxoo