Midlifecrisis

Thanks cleo and Venus


Coraltint, no because I'm stopping. He couldn't take the kids really, he has to work (so do I but the kids come with me when I do.)

Michael66

Great to hear you are stopping MLC.

But have you accepted that's got to be today? A promise to yourself that you'll stop another day, after your drugs have run out, is probably worth little if you won't commit to stopping today. Nothing is going to change otherwise - running out of drugs won't help you because there will always be more drugs available sometime soon and if you won't stop while you have access to drugs now then you'll unlikely stop the next time you have access to them.

Thoughts and prayers with you, but I'm still worried that you're still planning another drug binge while you still have access to the drugs. That's simply not the path that leads to recovery.

Sorry to be harsh.

Midlifecrisis

That's not harsh, no worries. I can't do it my way. I keep falling.

I'm not sure...

venuscat

I am an addict too hun; sometimes the most empowering thing you can do is to turf the dang things...tell 'em who's boss.

Hugs and love,

V xx

ImperfectlyMe

MLC you know you're my girl so I'm shooting you straight....

Fresh pie and salad waiting at home. I have it altogether. It will fall apart again soon.

You don't have it all together!... Your house can be clean dinner made children impeccable, but your dying inside physically and mentally. I wish I had the answer I'd give it to you! Saturday will never come! If there's a will there's a way and if your will is opiates you will find a way. I know you have real physical pain. But you have to look at the pain you'd feel if your ever supportive hubby decided he's just tried to long. It wouldn't just be him leaving..... It be all 5 if your beautiful babies!

I know resources are scarce where you live, and you've done rehab and detox. Nothing has worked because your not WORKING! I'm not being harsh. I really care about you. You could have a team if the best addiction drs councilers nutritionist working with you. But it will never work if you don't work!

You still have fight left in you, I know you do. If you could stop the pills today in three months your world would be different. Your husbands fighting for you your kids are fighting for you SR is tghting for you!........ Missing piece.... You're NOT fighting for you!!!!!

You know I'm always here if you need a talk

Seren

Hello Midlifecrisis,

I hope you don't mind that I am chiming in, but I have been reading your story--the ups and downs of your struggle--for some time now. I am really pulling for you, like so many others here, and hope that you can do whatever it takes to beat this.

Sadly, I did not take coraltint's statement to mean the possibility of your husband leaving and taking your children with him.

This, I think, bears repeating.

Please know that you are in my prayers. I hope you will soon realize that you are worth the effort it will take to beat this!

ersatzmatriarch

mid...

there's a lot of great, caring words here already, so i just want to let you know i'm sending thoughts of strength (to put down the drugs right now today) and healing (for your pain and your journey of recovery, and for your family.)

please don't let the addiction take you down any farther...

Cleopatra1

some great advice here for u huni,,mlc,,you can do this,,you can,,,keep on keepin on huni,,,keep us posted xx cleo xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

drunkyjules

I'm praying for you midlife! You can do this but you need a plan. For me in the beginning I needed a lot of structure. Like a discipline to practice day by day and something that is forced in the beginning but eventually just becomes the way of life.

Midlifecrisis

Thank you all. Yeah I've never done it for myself, always for someone else, the kids, hubby...I honestly have no drive it desire to do it for me. I'll do it again for them, I will. I know I will. Art myself back again but I won't keep doing it. Need to move on.

I crave meetings/groups with other addicts so much

Thanks for being great guys.

Oh and we are not even close to being on the hold protection radar, I can guarantee it.

Anna

The reason we are strongly suggesting you be truthful with your husband, is because we see that your children are in danger. For me, that's a huge concern.

Your addiction is in control right now and that's the reason you are making the statements you're making. You may have a nice supper prepared at home, but your addiction is running the show. In my opinion, you didn't give sobriety enough time to find out if you liked it or not. Please get the help that you need.

MeSoSober

I hope I'm not overstepping here, but MLC there is something that to me is just fundamentally and incredibly attention-seeking about your behavior -- the addiction, the eating disorder, the amount of posting you do here. That's not meant as a criticism but a theory. Have your counselors or therapists addressed this in the past?

It seems to me that the other things may stem from some deeper psychological issue that has to be addressed before you'll be able to work through the other stuff. Are you currently in therapy? Disclaimer: I am NOT a mental health professional either by education or training or anything else.

Apologies if you've already addressed this. Wishing you strength!!

quitforme79

It takes time to heal & truly feel good again after getting sober. If you don't give in, the cravings will get less & less. The one thing you seem to be lacking however is the willingness to live a clean & sober life. And unfortunately only you can work on that. There is no amount or type of love that can keep us clean... Not lovers, family, children, spouses etc. I pray you find the willingness to change for the better.

Michael66

Hi MLC

I would like to add my voice to those saying please talk to your husband. This is the most important struggle of your life and I think that you must benefit from having him knowing fully what is going on. He's bound to find out at some point anyway (very possibly when you run out of meds this weekend), and it's better coming from you as early as possible. It must be better for the children as well if their father is fully aware of your struggles.

Perhaps together, and with your doctor, you can work out a home detox and rehab plan?

LetG0

MLC, I'm new here, Sober since June 1, and I also have abused opiates and benzos in the past. I have since kicked that to the curb, but the drinking lingered. My wife was the tipping point that led me to this road to recovery. She is an angel.

Some great support in this thread, lean on us all you need.

You mentioned that you want to do it for your husband and your kids, but if you aren't ready to do this for YOU, it will be a much steeper mountain to climb. One that likely will be full of avalanches that will only bring you back to the bottom.

We are pulling for you. God bless.

Midlifecrisis

I didn't realise I was an attention seeker. I just am finally taking about stuff after keeping my life and feelings and past hidden away from everyone. I'm quite embarrassed.. I Um and ahh everytjme
I post here because I'm worried what people will think and that I post too much.

I'm seeing a counsellor. My children are looked after and loves and I'm stopping using. Do not worry. I have put my whole life into them. Never to me.

Thank you all.

venuscat

Keep talking MLC..... please.

Again, love you.

V xx

ImperfectlyMe

. Do not worry. I have put my whole life into them. Never to me.

I think that's part if the problem!!! I drank because I put everything into EVERYONE but me. Drinking was my escape. There is NO DOUBT you are a good mom and love those kids! But you're not taking care of them if you are abusing their mom!!!!!!!!!!

MeSoSober

I don't know that you are an attention seeker, but your behavior seems suggestive of it and I just wondered if any of your counselors had ever mentioned it. Again I am NOT a mental health professional. And I truly do NOT want to discourage you from posting! As has been said, anyone who doesn't want to read your posts doesn't have to!

Hang in there.

ScottFromWI

MLC I've followed your threads from the beginning here as well and i'm really pulling for you as are just about everyone else here. One of the observations I've made is that your threads follow a very clear pattern. You come here with an issue, you receive a ton of support, but also some tough love. At that point you generally then resort to the "sorry i'm such attentions seeker/hassle" and insinuate that you will quit posting. Not sure if that's out of self pity or spite or what, but if you go back and read each of these threads you can't deny that it's a pattern.

The bottom line is that you need to quit this thing for yourself. Yes, you need to do it for your kids and your husband, but you will never, ever get better until you can somehow find the strength within yourself to WANT to be sober. Until that happens, things are going to continue to deteriorate. You have to quit making up excuses as to why you are putting off quitting ( I'm waiting for my currenty supply to run out....I'm waiting for my next doctor visit...It's too hard....I feel so bad ). You have to be honest with yourself and everyone around you.

And regarding your family situation, it's been insinuated that you could lose everything. I don't think you realized that this IS possible. It really doesn't matter how much you love your kids or how much they love you, if it actually comes down to a battle for custody - you are a drug addict who is actively using drugs, and your husband is not. He would most likely be the person granted custody of your children.

Let's hope it never gets to that point. You, and only you hold the keys to fix all this. Please seek whatever help you can find and take action NOW.