Memories of the liquor store cashier
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: BC
Posts: 410
Can totally relate, had a 5 store rotation (and the exact minutes it would take me to drive there from my house so I could time being there just after opening). Most of the ones I frequented usually had the manager on by themselves early so yeah I'm sure I became familiar. Mostly not judgemental, hell even a few of them would call me 'hon' or such, ask what the plan for the day was ("oh heading up fishing later, getting all my running around out of the way" etc.). Played all the games, tried to go to the checkout line with the one I saw less often if it was busy, would pretend to be talking on my phone as I walked in, just loudly enough for them to notice ("yeah well I'm at the store now, I'll just get 'us' a 24 pack then and we'll meet up later."). Would be times I would be so unaware of my hypocritical self where I would be at the store a few minutes before opening, sit in my vehicle and feel disgust at 'all those losers' lined up at the door waiting for it to open.
Worst time by far was going to one within minutes of opening, to one where the manager was friendly, and being in withdrawls to the point where I was shaking too much to use the PIN pad and being told "I'm sorry but you appear to have been drinking and I can't serve you". Some were friendly, some were just doing their job, but the one thing they all have in common is I don't miss seeing any of them.
Worst time by far was going to one within minutes of opening, to one where the manager was friendly, and being in withdrawls to the point where I was shaking too much to use the PIN pad and being told "I'm sorry but you appear to have been drinking and I can't serve you". Some were friendly, some were just doing their job, but the one thing they all have in common is I don't miss seeing any of them.
Nothing Left to do but Smile.
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Upstate NY
Posts: 808
I worked a night job at a liquor store for a few years. Not exactly a good career move for an alcoholic. We had tons of regulars. For the most part, we rarely paid attention to how much they drank or what they drank. Of course, we all drank too, so why should we point fingers.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: The Emerald City
Posts: 434
Wow Bexxed, you really described it so well. I certainly made my rounds too, for that daily bottle of wine. There's a local, organic, healthy pizza place that all too conveniently delivers wine with their orders, ...and that was included into my "must have" weekly rounds. My uglier moments were at 11pm/12am after I woke up from my first bottle pass-out and needed another to get me through the night. So I would head out alone into the dark to the local convenience store to get my 2nd bottle of wine for the day. That always made me feel like I had hit rock bottom, I had become "that" person. (Big sigh.) And now flash forward to present day, those daily rounds no longer happen, and no longer will! Whew! 
Hears The Voice
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Unshackled
Posts: 7,901
Great post - not a wonderful story, but wonderful story telling.
I would rotate around stores, but there was one closest to my house, so it was the most frequented. About 3 years ago I was in that liquor store and a woman pulled up in a Cadillac and hit a brick column in the front of the building. Noisy enough to get all of our attention. The cashier just said, "At least she didn't hit another car this time," as if she has hit more than one car previously. I raised my eyebrows as if to say "Holy Moly!" and he said, "That's nothing, yesterday a man walked in here, went over to the shelf, opened a bottle of liquor and gulped half of it down and then walked out."
Sadly, at the time, this fed my delusion that I still had control because I was not as bad as the crasher and the guzzler.
I would rotate around stores, but there was one closest to my house, so it was the most frequented. About 3 years ago I was in that liquor store and a woman pulled up in a Cadillac and hit a brick column in the front of the building. Noisy enough to get all of our attention. The cashier just said, "At least she didn't hit another car this time," as if she has hit more than one car previously. I raised my eyebrows as if to say "Holy Moly!" and he said, "That's nothing, yesterday a man walked in here, went over to the shelf, opened a bottle of liquor and gulped half of it down and then walked out."
Sadly, at the time, this fed my delusion that I still had control because I was not as bad as the crasher and the guzzler.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Eire
Posts: 211
I frequented my local wine shop 3 or 4 times a week, buying 2 wines at a time. One night the shop lady said, "oh hi, all my locals are in tonight"
That lady never saw me again.
(like most, I went on to find 4 to 5 rotates)
That lady never saw me again.
(like most, I went on to find 4 to 5 rotates)
Guest
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: The Deep South
Posts: 14,636
I used to buy sometimes at a Rite-Aid store because it was so close to my house. There was a cashier and a manager who tried to buddy up to me... I'm not sure why. One used to ask me about wine, what did I recommend, differences in red, white, sweet, dry, just general wine questions... I thought, wow... so here I am buying a bottle of $6 cheap crap wine, and this woman wants my suggestions... lol!! I was terribly embarrassed to even be buying in that range. I knew what crap I was drinking, and why. She seemed to want to "talk wine" with me... I'm thinking they wanted to befriend me because they felt sorry for me. Maybe they saw the loneliness in my face? The cashier tried many times to have conversation at the checkout... I was mortified most times.
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Location: London
Posts: 369
Yeah, I can totally relate to this . During the my last two week binge when I was buying a bottle of vodka per day I later found out that the store on my university campus had reported to the welfare office that "there is a young man coming in every morning to buy vodka looking very distressed". That hit like a ton of bricks. I returned to that store when I was sober and got a bottle of coke put it on the counter and the lady who'd served me many times before looked at me and said "and the vodka...?" And I looked her with an expression of feigned confusion and disbelief and said "what?! At this time?! No thanks!" That felt pretty damn good !
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
For the most part I really didn't care what people thought. I stopped at a microbrew pub on my way home every day and actually only had 1 or 2 at the most, so it was expected and welcomed to be there every day. I'd usually buy my beer for home consumption ( all I drank ) in large quantities like 18 or even 30 packs so it would last several days.
The child story does bother me though because I seen things along that line all the time now that I never noticed before. Like a dad with one of his kids in tow scavenging pockets to buy a bunch of mini-bottles of vodka. Or just last night even i was at a baseball game and really watched closesly how some of the parents around me easily drank enough during the few hours we were there to be well over the legal limit to drive their families home. And the scariest part is that I was that guy at times - i know for a fact i drove not only myself but my family when I was over the legal limit.
No more though, thanks to all the good folks here at SR and my family! My hope is that anyone else here struggling can somehow get over the hump and see what alcohol and drugs really do to us.
The child story does bother me though because I seen things along that line all the time now that I never noticed before. Like a dad with one of his kids in tow scavenging pockets to buy a bunch of mini-bottles of vodka. Or just last night even i was at a baseball game and really watched closesly how some of the parents around me easily drank enough during the few hours we were there to be well over the legal limit to drive their families home. And the scariest part is that I was that guy at times - i know for a fact i drove not only myself but my family when I was over the legal limit.
No more though, thanks to all the good folks here at SR and my family! My hope is that anyone else here struggling can somehow get over the hump and see what alcohol and drugs really do to us.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: here, now.
Posts: 1,236
Originally Posted by Mizzuno 
You have written something wonderful here. Great job relating and thinking about alcoholism. The struggles that we go through! Keep on Keeping on!
I don't think there's very often a negative judgment from others, not that it matters. When we're standing at the counter counting our change (yup, been there! sometimes had to go put something back and get a cheaper one, or forgo a food item for a six pack) or shaking over the PIN pad, we're so vulnerable. And the more it matters to get that booze, like Dee said, the desperation... the more any human being will pick up on it. I would walk around all day thinking I felt great- I was a (barely) high functioning alcoholic. Put me in front of the 22 year old cashier with the blonde hair and the rose tattoo though, on Friday night, who I saw on Sunday, Tuesday, and Thursday, and my denial has a little slap in the face. Because she's seen me every day she's worked this week. She doesn't know I went to the other stores on Monday and Wednesday. And somehow, because she only sees me in this vulnerable space, where I am about to get my fix, it's like she has just whispered to me "bexxed, you are powerless over alcohol" "you are powerless you are powerless you are powerless". She's just doing her job, and being friendly, because that's her job, and she has no idea what my story is... but her constancy delivers the obvious to me. "Bexxed. You are powerless over alcohol."
It all happened so fast, preceded and followed with so much other activity that I never thought about it until yesterday. I really can't believe that I never thought about Reverend 2 4packs of minis lady when it happened, either. Let's all think positive things for that lady and her family. I hope wherever she is, she's doing well. I'm on my way there. To well, I mean.
Its a cold and its a broken hallelujah.
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 2,887
Thank you for this gift. Funny, I was so far gone I couldn't even care less who knew me or saw me buying. I was the girl who would get paranoid that people would see my recycling bin (always the environmentalist even while sauced to the moon).
Another known alkie in the neighborhood would often jar at me in regards to the bin. Isn't it curious how my drinking somehow made his addiction less horrible even though my bin was full of wine bottles and his bourbon bottles were hidden at the bottom of his garbage can ?
I wonder how he will feel when he sees the bin this week and all it has in it is Perrier and Pellegrino bottles. It sure would be nice if it motivated him to stop.
Another known alkie in the neighborhood would often jar at me in regards to the bin. Isn't it curious how my drinking somehow made his addiction less horrible even though my bin was full of wine bottles and his bourbon bottles were hidden at the bottom of his garbage can ?
I wonder how he will feel when he sees the bin this week and all it has in it is Perrier and Pellegrino bottles. It sure would be nice if it motivated him to stop.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 144
great post! I used to do the mini wine bottle thing. My thinking (every night) was that I could just drink a little....you know, one or two mini bottles....and save the rest for the next few days. Work about as well as buying a six pack and drinking one or two. I went back to beer after I realized how useless my moderation "trick" was.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: wednesfield
Posts: 8
Thank you for this post made me take time to remember time's l would get comment's from the cashier ," you in here again " stopped going in there . choose to go somewhere else until l get known .
That was 15 year's ago drinking heavy way too much , moved away from area stopped drinking . Then back to it a year later, looking back l see a pattern can sit at home will have a bottle nearly every night . Then out with friends try get has much down my neck has l can hubby and his friend buy the drink's lam off my head cant remember most of the night . taking up to 2 days to sober up .
That was 15 year's ago drinking heavy way too much , moved away from area stopped drinking . Then back to it a year later, looking back l see a pattern can sit at home will have a bottle nearly every night . Then out with friends try get has much down my neck has l can hubby and his friend buy the drink's lam off my head cant remember most of the night . taking up to 2 days to sober up .
Pure Radio Rental
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Off course, of course.
Posts: 952
I used to do the deliveries for my friends store also. That was tough. Lonely senior citizens who were unable to leave their homes. People too drunk to make it to the store in person.
I remember one guy who lived in a penthouse and I would deliver a case of cheap vodka magnums at least once a week. He was an obvious recluse.
One time he invited me in... he insisted... needless to say I was pretty uneasy.
I had a drink with him, and he told me he used to fly private planes for a living.
Then one time he went up with his brother, drunk. He crashed the plane, killing his brother and severely injuring himself.
Man that was an unbelievable day, that one.
I remember one guy who lived in a penthouse and I would deliver a case of cheap vodka magnums at least once a week. He was an obvious recluse.
One time he invited me in... he insisted... needless to say I was pretty uneasy.
I had a drink with him, and he told me he used to fly private planes for a living.
Then one time he went up with his brother, drunk. He crashed the plane, killing his brother and severely injuring himself.
Man that was an unbelievable day, that one.
Guest
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: The Deep South
Posts: 14,636
Originally Posted by Dan Dare
I used to do the deliveries for my friends store also. That was tough. Lonely senior citizens who were unable to leave their homes. People too drunk to make it to the store in person.
I remember one guy who lived in a penthouse and I would deliver a case of cheap vodka magnums at least once a week. He was an obvious recluse.
One time he invited me in... he insisted... needless to say I was pretty uneasy.
I had a drink with him, and he told me he used to fly private planes for a living.
Then one time he went up with his brother, drunk. He crashed the plane, killing his brother and severely injuring himself.
Man that was an unbelievable day, that one.
I remember one guy who lived in a penthouse and I would deliver a case of cheap vodka magnums at least once a week. He was an obvious recluse.
One time he invited me in... he insisted... needless to say I was pretty uneasy.
I had a drink with him, and he told me he used to fly private planes for a living.
Then one time he went up with his brother, drunk. He crashed the plane, killing his brother and severely injuring himself.
Man that was an unbelievable day, that one.
Wow!!!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Ohio
Posts: 3,785
Very good post. I used to rotate until I did not care any more. I also never really hid the empties. I just threw them in the trash like everything else. I live in a trailer park and we have a dumpster for trash so not like I had to wait for trash day or use a recycle bin.
I remember once going to the store and there was an elderly lady in front of me with two 1/2 gallon bottles. I thought dang. I assumed she gets her check once a month and buys it all at once. It made sense to me. She paid and then almost walked out and forgot her bag on the counter. I called to her and she came back. She smiled and said "You would have like that huh?" meaning I would have snagged her forgotten booze.
At the time I thought nothing of it but now I can see that she knew. I was not hiding anything and yes I would have taken the free booze even though it was not what I drank. It was not long after that I was buying two 1/2 gallons and it was not for one month, not even one week.
The child story does bother me. I never drank when I was pregnant. That does not make me a better person. My alcoholism at that time of my life was not full blown. I did want to drink though and did right after they were born.
I knew a lady that drank in a bar I used to go to. She was pregnant and drank the entire time. Watching a women get drunk while she is 9 months pregnant is not a scene I ever want to see again. After she had the baby she would bring it to the bar and place it behind the counter. While the baby slept her and her BF would get drunk all afternoon. That was her 4th child.
I am sure the baby had fetal alcohol syndrome. I heard, but of course you hear lots of things, that when the baby was born the baby and the afterbirth reeked of alcohol.
I want to say something to end that story but there are no words.
I remember once going to the store and there was an elderly lady in front of me with two 1/2 gallon bottles. I thought dang. I assumed she gets her check once a month and buys it all at once. It made sense to me. She paid and then almost walked out and forgot her bag on the counter. I called to her and she came back. She smiled and said "You would have like that huh?" meaning I would have snagged her forgotten booze.
At the time I thought nothing of it but now I can see that she knew. I was not hiding anything and yes I would have taken the free booze even though it was not what I drank. It was not long after that I was buying two 1/2 gallons and it was not for one month, not even one week.
The child story does bother me. I never drank when I was pregnant. That does not make me a better person. My alcoholism at that time of my life was not full blown. I did want to drink though and did right after they were born.
I knew a lady that drank in a bar I used to go to. She was pregnant and drank the entire time. Watching a women get drunk while she is 9 months pregnant is not a scene I ever want to see again. After she had the baby she would bring it to the bar and place it behind the counter. While the baby slept her and her BF would get drunk all afternoon. That was her 4th child.
I am sure the baby had fetal alcohol syndrome. I heard, but of course you hear lots of things, that when the baby was born the baby and the afterbirth reeked of alcohol.
I want to say something to end that story but there are no words.
Clear Eyes Full Heart
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 1,272
Great post! I hope things turned around for the Reverend and her family.
I rarely bought booze at home, always drank at our little local bar. The little local bar where everyone in there was probably an alcoholic. Birds of a feather. You're not an alcoholic if you're a "social drinker" and don't drink alone right? You know it's bad when the tourists that visit each year are so happy to see you and are so glad "you're always there". Embarrassing. No longer true.
I also have been a bartender for more years than I care to admit. Even as a youngster I could spot the people right off that were different than the normal drinkers. The signs show up no matter how old you are, or where you go. The person that drinks faster than everyone else. The one who orders extras when their friend goes to the bathroom. The one who suggests the shots. The generous one who's always buying one more round, even when their friends are crying uncle. The ones who want you to use the same glass for all their drinks so they don't miss out on any booze. The ones who arrive early and leave late. The ones that never want anything to eat. So many signs and so many people just like us that think they're the only one...
I rarely bought booze at home, always drank at our little local bar. The little local bar where everyone in there was probably an alcoholic. Birds of a feather. You're not an alcoholic if you're a "social drinker" and don't drink alone right? You know it's bad when the tourists that visit each year are so happy to see you and are so glad "you're always there". Embarrassing. No longer true.
I also have been a bartender for more years than I care to admit. Even as a youngster I could spot the people right off that were different than the normal drinkers. The signs show up no matter how old you are, or where you go. The person that drinks faster than everyone else. The one who orders extras when their friend goes to the bathroom. The one who suggests the shots. The generous one who's always buying one more round, even when their friends are crying uncle. The ones who want you to use the same glass for all their drinks so they don't miss out on any booze. The ones who arrive early and leave late. The ones that never want anything to eat. So many signs and so many people just like us that think they're the only one...
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