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Memories of the liquor store cashier

Old 02-28-2018, 03:52 AM
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The post was amazing. A real eye opener!
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Old 02-28-2018, 09:02 AM
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Fascinating thread, glad you reposted Less. I can relate to all these posts.

I have had conversations with friends or family and not remembered what we talked about. I have made facebook posts and not recalled doing so. I lost a relationship with one nephew I adored because (drunk and on FB) I chewed him out for his political beliefs (standing up for mine) when I am usually not one to argue.

My insanity is that I will have bought a fifth of vodka and drank most of it that night but upon waking in the morning with guilt and shame, I'd dump what remained. Then find myself buying another fifth for that night. Talk about pouring money down the drain....

If I had vodka bottles in my trash after pickup for the week but knew I would be having company, I'd pick them out of my trash, re-bag, and pull into a car wash to their vacuum stand and dump my extra bottles in their can. I mean, who would look in my trash bin? Just in case I wanted to hide the evidence of my problem.
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Old 02-28-2018, 09:19 AM
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Originally Posted by Ladysadie View Post
If I had vodka bottles in my trash after pickup for the week but knew I would be having company, I'd pick them out of my trash, re-bag, and pull into a car wash to their vacuum stand and dump my extra bottles in their can. I mean, who would look in my trash bin? Just in case I wanted to hide the evidence of my problem.
I have done this very thing, except it was empty boxed wines that I would throw away in front the grocery store at 6am before I purchased more.
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Old 02-28-2018, 06:20 PM
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The boat story from Deluxe on page 4 is priceless. I have not laughed so hard in a long while - the insanity of it all! Thanks for bringing this back!
What a reminder to stay sober...
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Old 02-28-2018, 07:22 PM
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Great read!!! So many similarities and embarrassing memories (none I wish to repeat).
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Old 02-28-2018, 07:28 PM
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I really didn't care in the end. in fact, I was pretty boldfaced about it since I knew that in any iteration, it would be obvious. Why? Because I drank the cheap stuff: Skol, McCormick, etc. So, why bother hiding behind falsities.

I did play the mental game with myself and often ended up getting too little, so the next morning, I would need to restock to make it through the day.

I live in a state where they don't sell on sundays, so I was in the checkout line at 7. I think I win the prize for most shameful: I would ask the cashier to open the liquor aisle cuz in this stupid puritan state, it would be shut off at 7, the time of sales, and no one is usually there to buy. One time, fully sober, I argued with them--not so much because I needed a drink (I could have gone next door) but because I was aggravated that she just was trying to put me on the spot. I googled it on my phone and showed her. I'm sure she wanted to tell me I was alcoholic. whatever, lady. I know that already.
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Old 02-28-2018, 07:43 PM
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How could I forget the well-deserved snark of the cashiers who had their hands tied, but had big enough mouths that they couldn't let it go.

And, I guess I get it.

One time, I had my son and his friend with. I was not drunk (yet). I was careful when driving him and never drove drunk with him. Wow. I deserve mom of the year. NOT. but, news came that they had a snowday the next day. I was watching the other kid for a fellow deadbeat mom (I have to say I was highly functioning and very protective of my kid--I know that seems off, but it's true).

Anyway, I was out in an awful snowstorm (was on the way home and 2 min from home). The clerk (who knew me and hated me for all my buying) was so annoyed, like usual, and said, "OH DO THEY HAVE SCHOOL OFF TOMORROW?" Really rudely. I mean, it didn't make sense since I'd be drinking and buying regardless of their schedule. She wanted to say something about buying cheap vodka while caring for two kids and that's the closest thing, I guess, she could shame me with. it did work. I felt guilty til I got that first glug down, i suppose.
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Old 02-28-2018, 10:04 PM
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I have no idea what the people serving at my local liquor store look like.

That's a pretty great thing

D
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Old 03-04-2018, 08:22 AM
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Thanks to the OP and everyone for sharing. What fascinating, harrowing memories, and I certainly have a few of my own!

I would cringe a little inside when it became obvious that the cashiers at a certain liquor store knew me, or would say something like "getting ready for [x sports event or something]?!" and I would just say, sure!, as if I were buying all this for a party. The last several years I had switched to just wine and beer, so I could pretty easily stock up at different grocery stores, gas stations, Target, etc, but still, I'm sure some of the regular cashiers would think, here's Mr. Box of Wine again.
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Old 07-02-2018, 01:57 PM
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Just today I ran into a guy who works at a deli I used to buy beers from. Haven't seen him in a couple months. He would always have the most condescending comments when I would buy my late-night, last-couple-beers-to-chug-on-the-corner-before-going-up-to-my-family, "you sure just 3? you might be coming back for more." That kind of thing.

Now I think he was just being funny, or trying to in his way. Those comments used to enflame the shame I felt every time. Never would stop me though.

Today he said "you look good man, maybe because you don't come see me anymore" Doesn't know how correct he was.
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Old 07-02-2018, 02:48 PM
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I rotated shops too if I was too sloshed to get to the supermarket, but I doubt I fooled anyone.

I popped into my local corner shop this afternoon to buy some vape liquid and he asked "No wine or beer today?" Ditto the little offie by my work when I went into buy a bottle of pop yesterday: "No beer today?"

I cringed inwardly because they all knew I was a total pisshead. But it felt SO GOOD to say "No thank you!" and mean it
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Old 07-02-2018, 06:01 PM
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Originally Posted by bexxed View Post
It's funny how years can sneak up on you, how memories work. I was thinking about something I read on this site this morning. I was driving, from one site to another for work. Someone had written something about what people thought, and it got me thinking as I left for my day. I thought about how I'd buy wine at different grocery stores, but always seemed to see the same cashiers. It actually never failed. I'd go to a few different stores- I had 4 on my beat, with a 5th one for "in a pinch". After awhile, I started to feel that recognition... that.... sense. Every time I came to the store, I bought alcohol. In fact, I bought alcohol every day. There was not a day that passed that I did not go to some store, one of the 4 sometimes 5, and purchase alcohol. I bought wine 2 or 3 at a time, with a six pack and a couple talls. Sometimes more, sometimes less. Unlike many people here, I could and did go to sleep with alcohol still in the house, but that didn't change that I seriously bought it every day. And I felt something from the cashiers... I know they knew me as the woman who comes in and gets a six pack of some IPA and a bottle or two of red wine every time she comes in. I could hear their minds working. "Oh, there's 7:30 PM IPA and red wine lady. I wonder if she'll get tortilla chips too. Sometimes she does that."

I told myself that they didn't notice, or care.

Today, suddenly, in traffic, I suddenly remembered "8 pack of wine lady".

A long time ago, I didn't drink like I ended up drinking. I could take it or leave it, and often left it. I was acutely aware of habitual anything and saw in people what looked to be painful or desperate. It was odd to me. I didn't have judgment but I am and have always been very astute with seeing details. I worked in a general store- that sold gas, food, groceries, gifts, tobacco, odds and ends, videos, and a full array of liquor. There was a lady who came in every day around 5 PM and bought 2 little four packs of wine. She struck me because I thought (as a very low income 20 year old person living off my minimum wage job while going to school and emancipated from my family) "wow, what a waste of money. She could get two bottles of wine instead and it would be half the price. I don't understand!" Once I asked her about it. She got really, and I mean really, flustered and said she just liked the little bottles and it kept the wine from going south. There was an awkward moment where I was thinking, "But, you drink 8 of them every day." and you could tell she was thinking that I was thinking that. She didn't come in for a few days. I felt really bad because I hadn't meant to make her uncomfortable. It truly hadn't occurred to me that she would feel uncomfortable. I mean, she was a member of the clergy! (Her checks said "reverend" next to her name) Members of the clergy, adult women who smile and seem put together are not alcoholics, and only alcoholics worry about their drinking. If it's not worrisome there's nothing wrong.

About a year later, she'd moved on to little nips of vodka with her 8 mini bottles. A year after that, it was a small bottle of vodka every day with just 4 mini bottles of wine. This had an effect on the store. We all of a sudden had to change our orders for the minis of chardonnay. At that point I was involved with ordering the booze, and acquiring a taste for it. Not drinking alcoholically by any means (except once or twice getting drunk, but it was more by accident and I hated hangovers.) Then, she suddenly stopped buying the vodka. Then, she stopped buying wine altogether and stopped being a regular customer. A couple weeks went by, and she came in for bread and milk. I asked how she was, and she told me she was expecting. I congratulated her, actually gave her a hug across the counter.

A week or so later, she was back to the wine. A mini or two at a time, then a four pack. Our interactions got really, really tense. It was so hard for me to not ask her if she needed help. I knew that she must, somewhere in her heart, really care. She never looked me in the eye anymore. When that baby came, his eyes were INCHES apart on his face. I'd see her husband with her after that sometimes. I wondered about their life. I felt for all three of them.

It hit me in the car today. Yeah, people know. People in your daily life KNOW. It's strange for me to remember that all of a sudden. It's like I completely forgot that I was a cashier in a glorified liquor store for years of my life, in a totally different chapter. There were lots of people who bought booze every day, now that I think about it. Lots and lots of regular customers. I never thought anything of it, until they started acting weird. And me? I started acting weird at a certain point, just like Reverend 2- 4 packs of minis. When I started acting weird with cashiers, I had stopped enjoying alcohol. Only an alcoholic knows how LONG 30 seconds of swiping your card and waiting for the receipt can take. Or waiting for the cashier to count the change and wish you a nice day. GRUELING.

So that's what happened in my mind today thanks to reading SR this morning. I might be (sort of) anonymous now, but I sure wasn't then. My pain was bursting out of the seams. It's no less unmanageable at 20 days in, but I think I can see some places to start creating a little bit of order.

Thanks for listening.
Wow...wow...wow is all I can say. I hate it when they see me coming through the door and in nanoseconds are pulling my usual off the shelf. And, I can't walk back out the door without it
So humiliating.
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Old 07-02-2018, 08:18 PM
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Wow. What a great threadline.

I’m very tired, and your closing my eyes but wanted to share something with you .

And the last day that I drink booze in May, I drink 2/3 of a 1.5 L bottle while fishing on a private lake. And then I said I had to go home which was 20 miles away, of course I had driven over the limit and thought I would stop by the grocery store to buy another 1.5 L bottle . I took a nice glass out of that, and dillydallied in my garden… Favorite pastime of mine .

I then went back to my boyfriends house and we had another 750 mill bottle of wine that we split . My speech was slurred, I could not find my keys easily, and I felt ashamed and dirty because I did not tell him, my boyfriend, that I had bought another bottle in between our drinking .

I felt ashamed that I was such an addict and I needed more, and I knew my speech was slurred when I bought the bottle from the grocery store .

When I drove home that night, I had an epiphany about how just effing pathetic I had become.

I do not miss going to the grocery store Already buzzed to buy more, or driving to the next town to get liquor at 2 AM because my town cutseveryone off at midnight

I so needed to hear all of your stories and I appreciate them and your time. It makes me sad 😥 this horrible poison can do to the human brain .

More stories are good please.....
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Old 07-02-2018, 08:49 PM
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Gawt damn! Good post and shows the insanity of this disease.

When my drinking progressed to alcoholic levels, I too would rotate stores. During that time I would drink non stop for 5 to 14 days straight and then snap out of it.
On one of those sober days I walked to one of my stores and bought a coke and told the cashier "don't sell me any beer before noon again".

She said "Oh you mean drinking all day every day isn't good for you?" The way she said it wasn't mean, it was funny and I just laughed and then when it was time to drink at 7am I went somewhere else for my beer. Insanity!
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Old 07-02-2018, 08:54 PM
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I really appreciate this post and I relate on so many levels. I too had my rotation of liquor/grocery stores, and at one particular store, would always glance to see who was working before I bought multiple bottles of wine yet again after having just been there the other day, praying that the timing would work out and I’d end up in the other one’s line. I also knew I live in a small town, so I couldn’t be the only “regular”, so it was okay. But there were times those 2 minutes at the register were agonizing because I felt like the whole store was just silently judging me.

I’ve also been in Reverend mini-bottle’s shoes. I used to buy those same things because I felt like I had more control. I didn’t trust myself to buy a whole bottle of wine and just have a glass out of it. Instead, I could have one mini bottle and be okay with that. I think psychologically, if I finished it off, no matter how much “it” was...a mini bottle or a 1.5....i could be done enough to call it a night. I just couldn’t leave anything un-drank. I used to feel weird buying those mini bottles too. Felt like they screamed my alcoholism. Like buying the airplane bottles of liquor. I always felt like the cashier was thinking...why not just buy a whole bottle? Obviously this person MUST be going to chug these real quick, somewhere/sometime where it’s not appropriate to be drinking, otherwise they’d buy a whole bottle. It wasn’t about that for me, though...it was for the control and a psychological limit.

I went off on a tangent here, but thank you again for this post.
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Old 07-02-2018, 09:19 PM
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Originally Posted by Hawk07 View Post
About 3-4 of them were grocery stores and for some reason if I was at one of those I always felt like I had to buy groceries too even if I was just there for liquor so they wouldn't 'know'I was an alcoholic. My pantries were well stocked with tons of food I didn't need.
Wow, I thought I was the only one who did this!! I always thought that 3-4 bottles of wine was totally normal and acceptable to buy at once, so long as I bought paper towels and spaghetti sauce and a bag or two of chips at the same time. I rarely ran out of household essentials, that’s for sure.
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Old 07-03-2018, 03:15 AM
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That original post was epic, and obviously brings up a lot of memories for many of us. I always bought my booze at the same little corner store here in my little village; all the clerks knew me well, and never gave me grief. Many times I'd come back late in the evening for more, when it was obvious I didn't need any more, and they would say quietly, out of the corner of their mouths, "Be careful," as I slipped another half pint into my pocket...they knew I was primed for a DUI if I got pulled over.

Then there was the time we had a terrible blizzard, and my driveway was completely impassable, so I called my favorite clerk and asked if she could leave work in her 4 wheel drive pickup and bring me a fifth of Smirnoff at 10am, before they got busy. I put on boots and met her at the road and gave her $20...

I still love that store, and the few long-time clerks know I'm sober; none of the new employees know me as "that guy!"
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