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Memories of the liquor store cashier

Old 08-17-2015, 02:55 PM
  # 101 (permalink)  
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Thanks bexxed, excellent post.

And yes, like nearly everyone, I always did the rotation thing too. I also have probably a 2 year supply of cleaning products saved up now too. I always felt guilty buying alcohol only, so would always throw in some laundry detergent, dishwashing soap, or whatever...
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Old 08-17-2015, 03:12 PM
  # 102 (permalink)  
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Wonderful post. I remember my hands would shake a little as I held the liter bottle of Fleischman's vodka in line. I had three different stores on my rotation.
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Old 08-17-2015, 03:17 PM
  # 103 (permalink)  
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This is one of my all time favorite SR threads (right behind you know you are an alcoholic if... and Jaynie's ice cream flavors). It didn't occur to me I had changed they way they ordered. I remember thinking to myself "there are pints of Windsor backing up on the shelves of a few liquor stores in my town."
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Old 08-17-2015, 04:36 PM
  # 104 (permalink)  
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Oh my gosh ! Guys I'm new here and so far I never spoke to anyone about my problem until today . I just can't believe what I read , this feeling like those posts were made by me . I thought I was the smart one to go to the different shops, buy things that I don't need with my booze, lying about amounts I drank , hiding empty bottles deep in a bin . I would even do my makeup quickly if I look too drunk so maybe nobody will notice . Couldn't look cashier to his eyes anymore and felt so awkward. I would even pretend to make a call on my phone so the cashier wouldn't talk to me while I check out . How low I was I cant believe it . I know I'm only on my first days of being sober , but I'm determined to change my life and quit drinking for good. Thank you for this post .
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Old 08-17-2015, 04:59 PM
  # 105 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Gjess View Post
Oh my gosh ! Guys I'm new here and so far I never spoke to anyone about my problem until today . I just can't believe what I read , this feeling like those posts were made by me . I thought I was the smart one to go to the different shops, buy things that I don't need with my booze, lying about amounts I drank , hiding empty bottles deep in a bin . I would even do my makeup quickly if I look too drunk so maybe nobody will notice . Couldn't look cashier to his eyes anymore and felt so awkward. I would even pretend to make a call on my phone so the cashier wouldn't talk to me while I check out . How low I was I cant believe it . I know I'm only on my first days of being sober , but I'm determined to change my life and quit drinking for good. Thank you for this post .
lots of us here just like you! Keep coming - if you do, you will find the support so helpful!
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Old 08-17-2015, 05:04 PM
  # 106 (permalink)  
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I'm glad this thread got unearthed; thanks for sharing that sad story, Bexxed. Until I found SR I hadn't realized this was a characteristic behavior, the shame and the rotation. I was sure as hell deep in it too, and it feels so good to be free now.
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Old 08-17-2015, 05:23 PM
  # 107 (permalink)  
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That is a great OP, so vivid, so ACCURATE. Its really sad when the alcohol has its hooks into you and its like a neon sign on your face. The shame and guilt are palpable.
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Old 08-17-2015, 05:37 PM
  # 108 (permalink)  
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I actually remember when I started rotating stores. Then I started wearing my sunglasses on rotations so the cashier couldn't see my eyes and I wouldn't have look directly at them. At the end I'd only go to drive-thru liquor stores because my car acted like a sort of barrier between me and the clerk. I knew it was pathetic even then.
Never again. I'm unchained and free and I'll never go back.
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Old 08-17-2015, 05:39 PM
  # 109 (permalink)  
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Hi Bexxed.
This is a home run post! Thanks from all of us for the effort.
We seem to all collectively cringe at these reminders of our lives while also breathing huge sighs of relief that it is/can be over now.
Just what I needed to remember today.
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Old 08-17-2015, 06:13 PM
  # 110 (permalink)  
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What I don't miss is the anxiety of having enough for the night. Buying a 6 pack or should I try and cut down and get a 4 pack of tall boys? Plus a special bottle or two and I can save one for tomorrow if I don't drink it tonight. Do I have enough???!!! Ugly.
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Old 08-17-2015, 06:59 PM
  # 111 (permalink)  
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Great Thread! Let me turn it around a bit.

Newly sober, I would look at who was buying what in the express lane. One summer day a very young and very attractive scantilly dressed young lady is in line.
20oz. bottle of Coke, Fifth of Jack Daniels, and one red cup from the deli-soda dispenser...
My heart fell, I could so relate, felt so sad... what awaited her as she goes down that path to her bottom? I still think of that, probably happened 3 summers ago
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Old 08-17-2015, 07:45 PM
  # 112 (permalink)  
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I had a rotation mapped out in all the different neighbourhoods I have lived in over the years. I never gave a thought about whether the store clerks recognized me until one day I when I was refused service. I had bought a fifth of vodka on a Saturday morning at 11am or so and I had finished it by 5pm. So, not wanting to end the party, I walked back over to buy more. The clerk remembered me from the morning and I was denied in front of a long line of customers. I would have been embarrassed if I wasn't already drunk.

After that day, I started paying attention to which clerks were serving me. I didn't want to be known as a drunk because that brought extra scrutiny and I was often buying booze already drunk. So the rotations began.

It also dawned on me that my mother did the same thing when I was growing up. I remember being in the car with her and asking her why we are going to the liquor store on the other side of town when there was one right by the house. She said something about wanting to go the bakery for some type of bread that no one ate. now I realize that she didn't want to be seen buying another 60 ounce bottle of vodka since she bought one a couple days before.

Madness....
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Old 08-17-2015, 07:58 PM
  # 113 (permalink)  
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I recently found more drinks when i woke up and did not know how they got there or where I got them from. Checked my credit card statements online, no answers. Must have used cash. Did not recognize the bag, wasn't from my usual rotation? Unless they changed up the bags on me... I have never found out where I got them. I was alone. This terrifies me. Did I drive or walk? Who in their right mind would have sold it to me in the condition I was in? Who saw me buy it? I'm on day 4 of sobriety. This happened about a month ago.
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Old 08-17-2015, 08:09 PM
  # 114 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Jemma44 View Post
I recently found more drinks when i woke up and did not know how they got there or where I got them from. Checked my credit card statements online, no answers. Must have used cash. Did not recognize the bag, wasn't from my usual rotation? Unless they changed up the bags on me... I have never found out where I got them. I was alone. This terrifies me. Did I drive or walk? Who in their right mind would have sold it to me in the condition I was in? Who saw me buy it? I'm on day 4 of sobriety. This happened about a month ago.
Wow, that is scary. I've been there. Finding weird stuff in my purse, phone numbers of people I don't recall meeting, etc. There was a time I clearly remember being still drunk in the morning and going to the store to get more at 6:00am. I'll never forget the look of disdain on the casheirs face. I thought she was going to refuse selling it to me. I never bought alcohol from that store again.
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Old 08-17-2015, 08:53 PM
  # 115 (permalink)  
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I just read the entire thread and it was like a punch in the gut. I see myself in so many of the stories. I rotated liquor shops and those wine mini-bottles, yup, that was me. But it's in the past now. It isn't my present and will not be my future.

The one thing I am very grateful for is that I was able to stop drinking completely during my pregnancy. The thought of that baby born with FAS breaks my heart.

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Old 08-17-2015, 10:56 PM
  # 116 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by MelindaFlowers View Post
Wonderful post. I remember my hands would shake a little as I held the liter bottle of Fleischman's vodka in line. I had three different stores on my rotation.
Exactly, except mine was SKOL or Dmitri. And, when in the car, I'd have to use two hands to lift the half pint to my lips and i'd instantly feel relief. I would take one drink and then drive the block back home to have more.

I really like posts like this, even if the OP has disappeared. It helps you relive it in a way that is both light, and at the same time, reflective.

Hmm. At the end, I didn't really care. On my last quit, I participated in threads like this, and I was one of the ones who rotated and was somewhat careful. Then I read posts where people said they didn't care and went to the same place. That was me at the end. I really didn't care if it was 7 am or 10 pm. I went to the closest store and could not be bothered to rotate because that would mean going out of my way and possibly, depending on the time of day, driving drunk and as stupid as I was, I didn't really want to risk that. Small town, cops crawling everywhere with nothing better to do than to pull people over for small offenses. I guess that's good but the drunk in me was careful.

On work days, I kind of rotated because those stores were on the way. I know the people pitied me but they acted so casual and friendly. The whole thing was weird. The CVS lady used to get the bottle tag opener ready for me before I would come up in the early am. The Walgreen's man couldn't really work that thing, so I avoided that store. I learned the hard way when it took me about 15 minutes to get a bottle because he kept trying and had to call someone else up to do it. I was only embarrassed because I was holding up the line before 7. He was obviously a morning shift worker and not used to selling alcohol that early. I've told this story before, but I learned to avoid the places that weren't with my game. One of my stores did not open the liquor aisle on time probably because no one buys that early, but I was too embarrassed to ask her to open it, even though it was selling time. all the hops I jumped to remain in that stupid game. So much time and frustration wasted on idiotic efforts.
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Old 08-17-2015, 11:09 PM
  # 117 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Soberella66 View Post
Wow, that is scary. I've been there. Finding weird stuff in my purse, phone numbers of people I don't recall meeting, etc. There was a time I clearly remember being still drunk in the morning and going to the store to get more at 6:00am. I'll never forget the look of disdain on the casheirs face. I thought she was going to refuse selling it to me. I never bought alcohol from that store again.



A couple of things. I don't know whether it's worse to rotate or to bother not to rotate. I don't know which signals that things have really gotten out of control. As I mentioned above, I stopped caring what anyone thought and really got to the point where the quick fix was more important than any shred of dignity.

Another thing: I didn't know they could refuse to serve. I went back to the same place multiple times a day for pints or half pints. I was always careful to act coherent. I know many people will tell me I just thought I was coherent, but sadly, I've been told by a lot of people, post-drunk days, that I they would have never, ever guessed. It's because my tolerance was high and alcohol was no longer fun. I was just using it to function.

I think at the end I was losing it in terms of how meticulous I was in terms of hiding and calculating how much I had. i know this because I only bought in small quantities, hoping to trick myself, but would carefully finish every drop in the bottle because I loved it so much. I almost never lost track of what I had and when. When I was finally cleaning up all the empties, I was surprised to find a few unpolished off bottles here and there. I tossed them.

My biggest thing was being notified that someone posted a comment under something I'd posted under on FB. something innocuous like "nice picture", but when I'd get the notification, I wouldn't remember posting it the night before.
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Old 08-18-2015, 03:17 AM
  # 118 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Wastinglife View Post
It also dawned on me that my mother did the same thing when I was growing up. I remember being in the car with her and asking her why we are going to the liquor store on the other side of town when there was one right by the house. She said something about wanting to go the bakery for some type of bread that no one ate. now I realize that she didn't want to be seen buying another 60 ounce bottle of vodka since she bought one a couple days before. Madness....
This is why I quit drinking! I don't want my sons memories of me like this! But I feel like I've already made his childhood hell. I'm
changing that now! Thank you.
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Old 08-18-2015, 03:23 AM
  # 119 (permalink)  
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It was only recently when I decided to delete my Facebook account. I would go there and post pictures I don't even remember, I would friend request people I almost don't know in real life and the next day deleting them 😔 I would call my friends on the phone and wouldn't remember what we talked about . I would go home after seeing my friends and fall asleep on trains or buses and miss my stops. The was one time someone woke me up on a train and said I was on the last stop . I couldn't understand where I am even so I needed stranger to help me 😓
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Old 08-18-2015, 09:07 AM
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Originally Posted by Gjess View Post
It was only recently when I decided to delete my Facebook account. I would go there and post pictures I don't even remember, I would friend request people I almost don't know in real life and the next day deleting them 😔 I would call my friends on the phone and wouldn't remember what we talked about . I would go home after seeing my friends and fall asleep on trains or buses and miss my stops. The was one time someone woke me up on a train and said I was on the last stop . I couldn't understand where I am even so I needed stranger to help me 😓

I mentioned this before. I would friend request people I barely new. sometimes they would accept, other times they would not!! It was embarrassing because I would have never requested them when sober. Now when I see certain people that I know well enough to request (but I'm not certain they would accept), I don't ask because maybe I asked in my drunken state. I did go back some mornings and delete the requests because I felt stupid.

I hated soberly telling a story and people looking at me like, um, you said that last night. my husband was so puzzled.
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