Memories of the liquor store cashier
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Big City
Posts: 3,895
Originally Posted by ClearLight 
I was a bartender for about 12 years and I'll never forget Hank. Not because he was a good guy - he wasn't really.
He was one of the regulars and had heart problems. He tried to clean up but eventually went back to drinking.
I remember one evening I started my shift and there was Hank - in the midst of his regular buddies. However he literally looked grey. And terrified. His alchy friends were completely oblivious to his condition.
I turned around to put the shift money into my register. While doing that I figured I better check with Hank and see if he was alright because he looked so terrible.
When I turned back around Hank was gone.
Nine days later they found him dead in his apartment. He'd died that night. His alchy friends never even noticed how terrified and sick he was.
I hate bars.
He was one of the regulars and had heart problems. He tried to clean up but eventually went back to drinking.
I remember one evening I started my shift and there was Hank - in the midst of his regular buddies. However he literally looked grey. And terrified. His alchy friends were completely oblivious to his condition.
I turned around to put the shift money into my register. While doing that I figured I better check with Hank and see if he was alright because he looked so terrible.
When I turned back around Hank was gone.
Nine days later they found him dead in his apartment. He'd died that night. His alchy friends never even noticed how terrified and sick he was.
I hate bars.
When did you last work in a bar?
Sober Today
Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 779
Good thread.
I felt so guilty inside that, even if it was a new cashier and I was buying a lot of beer, I'd get nervous and worry that they'd somehow know by the guilt on my face that it was all for me so I'd make jokes and say stuff like, "Gotta stock up for company!" or "Husband sent me for some beer!" or "Need supplies for our barbecue!." UGH.
I felt so guilty inside that, even if it was a new cashier and I was buying a lot of beer, I'd get nervous and worry that they'd somehow know by the guilt on my face that it was all for me so I'd make jokes and say stuff like, "Gotta stock up for company!" or "Husband sent me for some beer!" or "Need supplies for our barbecue!." UGH.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Big City
Posts: 3,895
Originally Posted by GreenEggsAndHam
Good thread.
I felt so guilty inside that, even if it was a new cashier and I was buying a lot of beer, I'd get nervous and worry that they'd somehow know by the guilt on my face that it was all for me so I'd make jokes and say stuff like, "Gotta stock up for company!" or "Husband sent me for some beer!" or "Need supplies for our barbecue!." UGH.
I felt so guilty inside that, even if it was a new cashier and I was buying a lot of beer, I'd get nervous and worry that they'd somehow know by the guilt on my face that it was all for me so I'd make jokes and say stuff like, "Gotta stock up for company!" or "Husband sent me for some beer!" or "Need supplies for our barbecue!." UGH.
Sober Today
Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 779
Originally Posted by Bensmammy
Great thread - yip only last week I was sitting in my car waiting for 10:30am to come so I could get my fix - thought it was 10am the started sell
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Eire
Posts: 211
yea Bensmammy, I'm a Dub too. And Sunday mornings the worst - had to wait till 12 midday or is it 12:30pm. I've done that sitting in car too, waiting for it to open, uck (and buying bread and milk, even if not needed, to make it look eh normal (ish)! )
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Colorado
Posts: 11
Like many of you, rotating stores is what I've done - two stores across town from each other. Luckily, they both have several employees and it's been rare that I run into the same one twice in one week - except for one girl who doesn't card me anymore and I of course always get annoyed and defensive about it.
The worst though is when I'm drunk and I walk to the overpriced liquor store nearby and decide to get some food while I'm out and try to hide the giant bottle of rum in my coat while I order. Ugh, makes me sick just thinking about it.
Hands shaking when I'm signing a receipt is never fun either.
The worst though is when I'm drunk and I walk to the overpriced liquor store nearby and decide to get some food while I'm out and try to hide the giant bottle of rum in my coat while I order. Ugh, makes me sick just thinking about it.
Hands shaking when I'm signing a receipt is never fun either.
Diez de Mayan
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: The Hinterlands
Posts: 109
I was a bar drinker so I didn't care who saw me or who thought I was an alkie. Everyone there was a ''partier'' like me. I had no idea I was an alcoholic and I rarely went to stores back then.
Then I sobered up and joined AA. I've had many many slips over the years. I stopped going to bars. So my issue was not running into any AA members while I was buying me booze. Once I was headed to the wine section and I ended up being apprehended by an AA person who took me to a meeting. So to avoid that, I tried not to ever go to a store right around the time an AA meeting started or ended so I wouldnt run into anyone going to , or coming home from a meeting. When I went to the store, I would also scan around to make sure there were no AA members around! LOL.
Then I sobered up and joined AA. I've had many many slips over the years. I stopped going to bars. So my issue was not running into any AA members while I was buying me booze. Once I was headed to the wine section and I ended up being apprehended by an AA person who took me to a meeting. So to avoid that, I tried not to ever go to a store right around the time an AA meeting started or ended so I wouldnt run into anyone going to , or coming home from a meeting. When I went to the store, I would also scan around to make sure there were no AA members around! LOL.
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Location: Texas
Posts: 224
I never really gave a turd what anyone thought...life's too long to care.i live in a pretty conservative community. It's funny on recycle day...no beer cans or bottles in the recycling bins, but you know they all drink (it's Texas after all and those rows and rows of beer in the two nearby grocery stores and the three nearby liquor stores aren't there for nothing). They just hide it deep in their trash cans.
The checkout people always asked me if I needed a bag...nope six packs come with a hole for a reason.
Keep up the good work! I like this thread.
The checkout people always asked me if I needed a bag...nope six packs come with a hole for a reason.
Keep up the good work! I like this thread.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: New York
Posts: 103
I rotated two stores for beer and always frequented one wine store - but I travel for my job so I ws able to supplement in several different bars where people never knew me. So it was easy. One shop up the street - I always bought beer there. I would also add stuff to it so they wouldn't notice that I had a 'problem', but lets be real, they know. Last time I was in, I bought coconut juice and fruit and they said nothing, but you just know what they are thinking. I think I could get away with it - buying the beer and wine and whisky because I do travel for my job. Now, being sober, its interesting to see people at the bar area (where I just had dinner). I was the only non drinker in the place - had my meal at the bar with water and a virgin bloody mary (the taste cuts cravings for me) and I observed and watched. You know what? I like being sober 
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 28
That was one of the reasons I came here last week; one of the cashiers at the general store. I had a few groceries, a box of cereal (don't even eat it) strategically placed so the people in line behind me couldn't see the bottle of gin. She didn't say anything really, but she sort of sighed when she asked, "Smokes?"
That sigh spoke volumes. That's when I knew I wasn't getting away with anything. Thought I'd been so clever, keeping it all together on the surface. People know.
That sigh spoke volumes. That's when I knew I wasn't getting away with anything. Thought I'd been so clever, keeping it all together on the surface. People know.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Sydney, NSW
Posts: 104
Gee every one of these brings back some appalling memories.
I had 3 preferred bottle stores on my list. To make my list of preferred stores the criteria was that it had to be "open". That was pretty much it. One of the stores I went to most they would see me coming and before I had even stepped in the door they would reach for the bottle of vodka behind them.
I used to buy half bottles, or 375mm of vodka because they were easy to hide. I could buy 2 or 3 and plan to "sacrifice"one. That meant make it easy-ish to find. So if my partner was suspicious I would offer it up or have it conveniently found, make my apologies and know that I had tucked away exactly what I needed for the day.
Bottle shop workers would constantly say to me "you know this is a very expensive way to buy vodka, why don't you just buy a bottle?". I used to come up with all sorts of excuses. The one I used most was that I had a boat and because they were made of plastic they wouldn't break when they fell....you know, if the water gets a little choppy.
Once I was asked "what sort of boat do you have?" Which then led into a conversation on yachts and concluded with me claiming to own a specifically numbered limited edition. The guy that owned the store was himself a sailor and knew the specific line of New Zealand built Farr 10-20s that I was claiming to own. Mine was number 18 of the last 20 built by the shipbuilder before retiring the line. He informed me that number 18 had sunk off Tasmania in 1998 to his knowledge, to which I answered that I had had it raised from the ocean floor, salvaged and claimed it and had it rebuilt.
Suffice to say that we both knew I was talking s*#t. All for a half bottle of vodka.
People know. They all know. Everyone knew accept us. Once I was stopped by an old woman one morning as I was making my morning pilgrimage to the local Hotel which opened at 9:30. She was walking a small dog. She asked me out of the blue if I was ok. I answered that I was. She then said, and bear in mind that I had never laid eyes on this woman before, "you know you drink too much?". Dumbfounded I asked her why she said that and she told me that she often saw me walking past her house drinking for a bottle of wine in the mornings. That was me on the way back from my morning trip to the Hotel after it opened.
The insanity is just astounding when I look back. And yet when I was there it all seemed so unobvious and subtle. So skilfully hidden and managed.
I had 3 preferred bottle stores on my list. To make my list of preferred stores the criteria was that it had to be "open". That was pretty much it. One of the stores I went to most they would see me coming and before I had even stepped in the door they would reach for the bottle of vodka behind them.
I used to buy half bottles, or 375mm of vodka because they were easy to hide. I could buy 2 or 3 and plan to "sacrifice"one. That meant make it easy-ish to find. So if my partner was suspicious I would offer it up or have it conveniently found, make my apologies and know that I had tucked away exactly what I needed for the day.
Bottle shop workers would constantly say to me "you know this is a very expensive way to buy vodka, why don't you just buy a bottle?". I used to come up with all sorts of excuses. The one I used most was that I had a boat and because they were made of plastic they wouldn't break when they fell....you know, if the water gets a little choppy.
Once I was asked "what sort of boat do you have?" Which then led into a conversation on yachts and concluded with me claiming to own a specifically numbered limited edition. The guy that owned the store was himself a sailor and knew the specific line of New Zealand built Farr 10-20s that I was claiming to own. Mine was number 18 of the last 20 built by the shipbuilder before retiring the line. He informed me that number 18 had sunk off Tasmania in 1998 to his knowledge, to which I answered that I had had it raised from the ocean floor, salvaged and claimed it and had it rebuilt.
Suffice to say that we both knew I was talking s*#t. All for a half bottle of vodka.
People know. They all know. Everyone knew accept us. Once I was stopped by an old woman one morning as I was making my morning pilgrimage to the local Hotel which opened at 9:30. She was walking a small dog. She asked me out of the blue if I was ok. I answered that I was. She then said, and bear in mind that I had never laid eyes on this woman before, "you know you drink too much?". Dumbfounded I asked her why she said that and she told me that she often saw me walking past her house drinking for a bottle of wine in the mornings. That was me on the way back from my morning trip to the Hotel after it opened.
The insanity is just astounding when I look back. And yet when I was there it all seemed so unobvious and subtle. So skilfully hidden and managed.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Getting there
Posts: 216
Originally Posted by ClearLight
I was a bartender for about 12 years and I'll never forget Hank. Not because he was a good guy - he wasn't really.
He was one of the regulars and had heart problems. He tried to clean up but eventually went back to drinking.
I remember one evening I started my shift and there was Hank - in the midst of his regular buddies. However he literally looked grey. And terrified. His alchy friends were completely oblivious to his condition.
I turned around to put the shift money into my register. While doing that I figured I better check with Hank and see if he was alright because he looked so terrible.
When I turned back around Hank was gone.
Nine days later they found him dead in his apartment. He'd died that night. His alchy friends never even noticed how terrified and sick he was.
I hate bars.
He was one of the regulars and had heart problems. He tried to clean up but eventually went back to drinking.
I remember one evening I started my shift and there was Hank - in the midst of his regular buddies. However he literally looked grey. And terrified. His alchy friends were completely oblivious to his condition.
I turned around to put the shift money into my register. While doing that I figured I better check with Hank and see if he was alright because he looked so terrible.
When I turned back around Hank was gone.
Nine days later they found him dead in his apartment. He'd died that night. His alchy friends never even noticed how terrified and sick he was.
I hate bars.
I used to rotate bars. Sometimes could hit two in one day....that was on Friday or a Saturday.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 34
Amazing post. Thank you!
I am only 5 days sober but I can relate so well. I used to do all those tricks - buying wine for "the party" and rotating stores - so my addiction won't seem too obvious. Very fresh memories from last week indeed.
Funny, when I was younger, even in my late twenties, I was incredible naive about my alcohol consumption. My motto was: Let's have a bottle! ..I openly advertised my love of wine to whomever crossed my path. I was deeply convinced that everyone loves to have a drink and if someone didn't drink more than 2 glasses I had a hard time understanding it. I've never dreamt that I was drinking too much because I didn't drink every day. I was a binge drinker who could go a few days without alcohol and then drink a bottle in less than 20 minutes. On the weekends I drank with friends, then continued at home. It has never ever occured to me that I might have a problem. . Hiding empty bottles? Or drinking only one glass of wine or prosecco in a restaurant or at a party, (to hide my disease) and of course drink massive amounts later at home? Never.
If someone would've said back then that I had a problem I would have just laughed..until...my 31st. birthday came. I invited some party friends and my birtday present was 6 bottles of red wine tied with a purple ribon together with a card "If you don't slow down your liver will be very sorry" The irony of that card made me think but it still didn't hit home. It took me another decade to learn all those tricks.
But now a new chapter is opening up in my life and that's because of you SR community!
I am only 5 days sober but I can relate so well. I used to do all those tricks - buying wine for "the party" and rotating stores - so my addiction won't seem too obvious. Very fresh memories from last week indeed.
Funny, when I was younger, even in my late twenties, I was incredible naive about my alcohol consumption. My motto was: Let's have a bottle! ..I openly advertised my love of wine to whomever crossed my path. I was deeply convinced that everyone loves to have a drink and if someone didn't drink more than 2 glasses I had a hard time understanding it. I've never dreamt that I was drinking too much because I didn't drink every day. I was a binge drinker who could go a few days without alcohol and then drink a bottle in less than 20 minutes. On the weekends I drank with friends, then continued at home. It has never ever occured to me that I might have a problem. . Hiding empty bottles? Or drinking only one glass of wine or prosecco in a restaurant or at a party, (to hide my disease) and of course drink massive amounts later at home? Never.
If someone would've said back then that I had a problem I would have just laughed..until...my 31st. birthday came. I invited some party friends and my birtday present was 6 bottles of red wine tied with a purple ribon together with a card "If you don't slow down your liver will be very sorry" The irony of that card made me think but it still didn't hit home. It took me another decade to learn all those tricks.
But now a new chapter is opening up in my life and that's because of you SR community!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 39
What a great thread--thanks for bumping it, LG. I just moved to a new place recently and within just a few weeks the clerks at the local liquor store know me very well and have clearly altered their inventory on my behalf. And of course like everyone else I've felt it necessary to explain to them how "we" keep running out at home because "we" all like the same beer...I have even mixed up paying with my card and cash with different cashiers (and kept quiet track of which one was which) to create some kind of illusion of multiple purchasers of the same beer. The only "we," of course, is just me and my AV. It's incredible how we all did the exact same things and all thought we were a) the only person in the world doing those things b) beyond clever to have devised such brilliant strategies. It's so appalling how much intellectual and emotional energy we waste on all the hiding and evasion, and all the subsequent guilt and shame, let alone all of the other forms of destruction it causes in our lives.
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