4 days in.

Old 05-22-2013, 11:07 PM
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4 days in.

Hi all,

I have been sober for four days. I have gone four days before without alcohol, have actually gone weeks and occasionally the a 30 day period or so. The times I went 30 days without it was usually because I did something stupid and embarrassing I regretted and wanted to "prove to myself" and to others that I could stop drinking and be fine. Never had the intention to quit drinking completely however, and of course I have done plenty of stupid things since while drunk.

The cravings aren't unbearable and I'm not really having withdrawal effects, I suppose my body hadn't developed quite the dependence on it yet that my mind had...I am managing okay...but it is all still very surreal.

It's like I haven't really convinced myself this is happening or what I'm going to do, but so far i keep doing it, so that is good. I have been to two AA meetings so far and have felt good at both and wanted to leave and immediately go to another one. Even got a woman's info today...feel positive about meeting people in this way.

But even as I say the words "I'm an alcoholic" out loud, it is like inside I don't have myself fully convinced I believe that is true. Even though another part of me inside knows I am supposed to be on this sober journey. I keep telling myself in my head "i have an unhealthy relationship with alcohol" to keep myself on track because I have such a problem with labels and am afraid that word is going to take me off the path by causing resistance in me.

I haven't had the guts to tell anyone but my ex-boyfriend that I started AA (Him leaving for rehab and having been gone for 3 months has been what made it sink in that I too had a problem). It is less about shame that I started going and more about the shame I'd feel if I told people and then don't keep going...probably because i haven't been able to accept I'm an alcoholic...I tell my sister and mom everything (or so i thought, clearly I haven't because I wasn't even telling myself the truth about everything) and I feel guilty not sharing this part of my life with them.

Not sure if what advice I'm looking for...I guess maybe just wondering how others told people they were choosing to change their lifestyle path and if/when they actually resonated with the word "Alcoholic."

Oh and I didn't have anything tragically obvious happen to me like a dui, accident, overdose, or anything; haven't left for rehab, so there'd be no way for people to know I joined AA without me telling them.
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Old 05-22-2013, 11:21 PM
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Hi 2ofme

for me I was in a bad way - I had to cut it down to basics.
Don't drink.

I'm glad in a way I had to do that because all of that other stuff - should I tell people, am I really an alcoholic, what happens now, what happens in the future...

all of that had to take second place to not drinking.
and you know? It all worked out

there's no need to have all the answers now - and there's a lot of wisdom and support here to call upon.

welcome aboard

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Old 05-23-2013, 01:54 AM
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I'm more of an AVRT guy so I don't really "identify" with being or label myself as "an alcoholic." If the label helps you, fine. If not, fine. Like you my decision to stop wasn't due to a big, boozy blowout...more like I was seeing my future death by a thousand tiny cuts. Drinking was slowly bleeding the lifesblood out of me, and I knew there would come a day when I'd have to quit or die. I decided to quit while I was behind!
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Old 05-23-2013, 02:48 AM
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Whether or not you're an 'alcoholic' is not the point - is drinking causing you problems? If so, you're better off not drinking at all.

to the family!
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Old 05-23-2013, 03:07 AM
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2ofme, I finally admitted my alcoholism by trying to imagine life without. I couldn't. I would convince myself to give up for a while (as you say, to 'prove' I didn't have a problem) but it was just license to begin again at some point. Not every abuser suffers withdrawals, I didn't, but the fact I hid bottles of brandy in the kitchen to slurp from while cooking Sunday dinner kinda gave me a subtle hint!

So now I am dry and on the road to recovery. Use whatever tools work for you, AA AVRT SR ,, just own the fact you became dependent on alcohol and aim towards a better future.

Good luck my friend
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Old 05-23-2013, 03:34 AM
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I too am on day 4 and haven't labelled myself because I'm not sure if I am or not your story rings so so true to me tho. I don't believe in labels (maybe because I'm scared of them) but I agree with the first caller it's more important for now just not to drink the rest will fall in place. Time waits for no man as they say so ill follow your progress and draw from your strength. I haven't told ANYONE what I'm doing or about SR ect. Good luck
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Old 05-23-2013, 03:35 AM
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It does sort of seem like we live in a fog for awhile. Sort of like you are standing on the outside looking in at ourselves.

I also had no DUI, treatment, rehab, detox or legal issues. I never lost a car, house or job.

The only people I have told is my mother, she lives with me so can't really hide it and an ex-BF that I have remained friends with. I would not have told him either but he lives a couple trailers from me and he sees all my comings and goings and I was tired of him guessing where I was going. I have not told my children.

I don't feel I need to tell anyone. It is a private thing for me. That is why there is that second "A" in AA.

AA has helped me a lot. I go to at least five meetings a week. I have a sponsor and I joined a home group last week.

My advice is if you go with AA as your recovery option then try and accept the help they offer. For me asking for help was a step but accepting that help and being open to suggestions was another issue. It is a matter of trust for me.

When I quit nine years ago I jumped in, went to meetings, bought all the books but I did not work the program as I did not trust anyone. Not like they are going to steal from me trust. But more I can trust their suggestions and their help. I can trust they are not going to let me down and they are not going to through things in my face. They do not have an ulterior motive other than to help and by doing that they stay sober themselves.
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Old 05-23-2013, 04:07 AM
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Welcome 2offMe
For me it was like mentioned above, that not drinking came first, but for the telling to others, i needed to do that, since all my life i never ever said anything to anyone, and when a came to AA i learned that keeping Things to myself was not good, so i chose to play With open Cards about me beeing an Alcoholic, but no one at all was supprised when i told them, he he.. :-) i need to practise ABSOLUTE HONESTY as my New way of living..I got a sponsor to show me the basic way of living trough the Big Book..Hope you get the answers you are looking for and it Works out for you:-)
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