2ofme, I finally admitted my alcoholism by trying to imagine life without. I couldn't. I would convince myself to give up for a while (as you say, to 'prove' I didn't have a problem) but it was just license to begin again at some point. Not every abuser suffers withdrawals, I didn't, but the fact I hid bottles of brandy in the kitchen to slurp from while cooking Sunday dinner kinda gave me a subtle hint!
So now I am dry and on the road to recovery. Use whatever tools work for you, AA AVRT SR ,, just own the fact you became dependent on alcohol and aim towards a better future.
Good luck my friend