ImperfectlyMe

Tomorrow will be 45 days sober. In the last 45 days I have run the gamut of emotions unbelievable highs and lows and every point in between. I have spent a lot if time in my head trying to figure out where I went wrong how did I get here?

I didn't have alcoholic parents, in fact they very rarely drank. I didn't have a traumatic childhood. Of course I had many sad and unfortunate events but who hasn't. I earned double degrees in psych and bio. Married had two children.

But I still end up here trying to put my life back together. Why did I stumble and fall down the hole of alcohol abuse?

Is it even neccesary to try and figure out why? Do we need to know why or how we got here to keep from going back.

This is the first time I've quit drinking and will it to be my last.
Thank you all for helping me each and every day!

quitforme79

I don't think the why is important. You said you had a problem with drinking and to action to get better. Congrats on 45 days, thats awesome I remember feeling very emotional the first couple of months. I still do at times but much less often. You're right where you are supposed to be!

Dollyangel17

I ask myself similar questions. Although I did have alcoholic parents, both were (and remain) sober by the time I was only three years old. I have no memory of their drinking...unlike my 3 older siblings, yet I am the only one with a problem with alcohol.

I too had a very happy childhood and graduated from college and graduate school, and have always had a very happy marriage. Hard to grasp, but you are right...at this point it doesn't much matter.

Glad we can all be here for each other.

ImperfectlyMe

Thanks dolly you're the best see we have more in common then just drinking

tomsteve

its early in recovery for ya and yer gonna be on a roller coaster. them hills and valleys will get closer as time goes on.

i questioned every friggin thing in early reacovery. took a firend with a hammer and chisel to get it through my head that i dont need the answer to all the "whys." what i had to do is just accept it. and funny thing is, that when i accepted that i didnt have an answer for question, many times the answers just came.
then theres the questions i didnt( and still dont) get the answers for. those are the ones i dont need the answer to.

is it necessary to figure out why? welp, is it doin ya any good trying to figger it out? i am sure you can find 1,328,592 reasons why if ya look hard enough. or ya can just accept it. it will be a lot easier on ya and give ya more time to focus on more important things.

Bruce292

For me, understanding the progression that brought me to alcoholism isn't important. What is important is solving my ongoing emotional issues and depression. Instead of burying my emotions I'm trying to examine them to understand how they can be resolved. Reliving my mistakes isn't necessary unless I think it can help me solve my ongoing problems. Can't change the past.

45 Days!! Wonderful!!

bdnb74

Are you doing it alone or did you go to AA or another program?

Dee74

I spent 15 years trying to figure out the why, and kept drinking while I figured.
never found out.

I stopped drinking - and the why ceased to be important

D

ImperfectlyMe

Still doing it alone husband is supportive but other then SR that's it. AA freaks me out. It's almost like the second I walk in its concrete its finite IAM AN ALCOHOLIC. Not going to meeting means the same thing only no one knows

Hevyn

Hi Inperfectly. I also didn't have any reason to anesthetize myself against the world. The only thing I can use as a possible reason was shyness. Drinking seemed to help long ago. That can't be the only reason though - and I agree that it doesn't really matter - but it's an interesting thing to wonder about.

Congratulations on your 45 days of sobriety. Great job!

soberlicious

I know that there are many stories about people having had alcoholic parents, or abuse, or other trauma, and they become addicted...
but there are equally as many stories like yours. No family history, no significant trauma, many successes in life by all accounts.
and there are stories from everywhere in between.

I think anyone can become addicted to alcohol. and I think anyone can quit.

I'm glad that you decided to take your life back!

Black Bird

Yay to 45 days!! I do the same thing. Ask myself over and over how in the heck did I get here!?! I have to tell myself to stop! I look at it this way. Something about me gets addicted to things quickly. It has nothing to do with my character, morals, who I am as a person. I started drinking like every normal drinker. I had no intention of being an alcoholic or hurting anyone. Something changed and I became addicted.
Good news, that person is 45 days behind you! I am so happy for you!

instant

Alcohol is addictive especially those who are vulnerable to develop cravings.

I knew early on that I was prone to chase a buzz.

I had no other " reason" to drink. Coversely i am sure it has impeded my personal adult development.

Walk away and just keep walking!!!

1newcreation

My dad is a functioning alki...he's never been in trouble w/ the law & was successful CPA & now retired is apt developer..on the other hand, all his sons including me just couldn't put the drink down after 2 or 3
U mentioned that AA "scares u"...I'm sitting here trying to undstd what u mean by that;i get the whole "bad label" in society but if it wasn't for this wonderful program, I would be if not miserable still thinkin I would be happy drinking, would be dead or locked up.
I would hate for u to miss out on the blessings that recovery gives u. Why not go to a meeting in a different part of town & start there? There's nthg to be ashamed about AA;its helped millions around the world & continues to this day
Best wishes

artsoul

I never got a satisfactory answer to that question either, so don't feel alone. Those who work with alcoholism/alcoholics don't know all the answers either - it seems to be a mixture of physical/emotional/mental/environmental factors. In other words, who knows?! (They refer to it as a "complex" disease)....

Grungehead

I've heard that working the steps may unlock some of the answers, and you don't have to be in AA to work the steps. There is another thread either here or in the "alcoholism" forum called something like "is it important to know WHY?" I thought there were some great posts in that thread as well as this one. I'm hoping to work the steps this time and in order lol (I used to skip around and just do the ones I thought were easy).

ImperfectlyMe

Thank you thank you all so much the power of not feeling alone is an amazing thing! If the AA room is filled with peopl like all of you maybe I will give it a try!

GracieLou

I go to AA and at least the meetings I go to they are. I never feel alone there.

They also keep me honest. I heard at a meeting yesterday. This is real. There are no imposters here. There may be people that don't work the program and there may be people that seem to sit on the same rock forever but no matter where they are in their recovery, they are alcoholics.

This is true. You are not alone there. The stories, history and what step you are on my all be different. But in the end, we all have one thing in common.

Fandy

I couldn't agree more...sometimes i think being addicted to alcohol is almost as common as catching poison ivy..only we make it more dramatic.
I avoid poison ivy at all costs....i get such a severe reaction and need steroids....i wish booze gave me the same symptoms.

ImperfectlyMe

Hahaha I love your analogy fandy I too get horrific reactions to poison ivy! Great way to think of alcohol why would I go roll around in something that is only going to hurt me!