Write your letter starting with: Dear Alcohol: ____________
Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 133
Dear Alcohol:
We've been together so long, haven't we. I still remember the first day we met. I was just a naive 14 year old girl at my grandparents 50th Wedding Anniversary and you whispered coyly in my ear...."have a sip of your Uncle's drink". I took a tentative sip and then I spent the rest of evening bringing many drinks to my Uncle (it was a free bar) - I'd get two at a time. I remember waking up the following morning and being so ill - I was vomitting for 2 days. My mother realized what I'd done and told me - well, maybe you'll be more careful next time.
The next time we met, I was going to a highschool dance. I was an awkward teen, kind of fat and not at all popular like the other girls, but you were there to give me some confidence and so I drank down a half litre of vodka straight and went into the dance (we were always searched prior to entering so we had to chug before getting in the doors). You gave me courage to dance and talk to boys and maybe even kiss them.
This cycle continued through my teens and then off to college you were by my side, giving me more and more courage and I found myself more and more kissing boys and then waking up beside complete strangers. They never called me of course, but you were always there to console me when I cried.
WE went on for years together - mostly just a weekend relationship - you my constant companion. 30 years later, I find you've become my daily companion and you've become so jealous of anything else in my life that you've tried to destroy everything, including me. How could you do this to me? I loved you!!!! I'd do anything for you!
After all these years I've finally seen how much you really hate me. You never loved me - you only ever wanted to destroy me. Well - I am done with you. I don't want you in my life anymore. I don't need you.
Good-bye forever.
Genie
We've been together so long, haven't we. I still remember the first day we met. I was just a naive 14 year old girl at my grandparents 50th Wedding Anniversary and you whispered coyly in my ear...."have a sip of your Uncle's drink". I took a tentative sip and then I spent the rest of evening bringing many drinks to my Uncle (it was a free bar) - I'd get two at a time. I remember waking up the following morning and being so ill - I was vomitting for 2 days. My mother realized what I'd done and told me - well, maybe you'll be more careful next time.
The next time we met, I was going to a highschool dance. I was an awkward teen, kind of fat and not at all popular like the other girls, but you were there to give me some confidence and so I drank down a half litre of vodka straight and went into the dance (we were always searched prior to entering so we had to chug before getting in the doors). You gave me courage to dance and talk to boys and maybe even kiss them.
This cycle continued through my teens and then off to college you were by my side, giving me more and more courage and I found myself more and more kissing boys and then waking up beside complete strangers. They never called me of course, but you were always there to console me when I cried.
WE went on for years together - mostly just a weekend relationship - you my constant companion. 30 years later, I find you've become my daily companion and you've become so jealous of anything else in my life that you've tried to destroy everything, including me. How could you do this to me? I loved you!!!! I'd do anything for you!
After all these years I've finally seen how much you really hate me. You never loved me - you only ever wanted to destroy me. Well - I am done with you. I don't want you in my life anymore. I don't need you.
Good-bye forever.
Genie
Saved By Grace
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Oop North, Furtlin' me Ferrets
Posts: 410
Dear Alcohol and Drugs:
I remember when I found you alcohol I rejoiced and felt such wonderful. And how nervous your made me feel marijuana, you made me feel quite like crap to be honest. But I continued with you both and you got me through isolation in high school and I loved using the computer and playing video games or just anything entertainment.
But you came with a cost I sort of realized even at the time when I was sneaking my Dads beers into the bathroom to chug them real quick. I knew I was on borrowed time, and the reckoning would come and I would reap what I sowed. Well to make a long story short, 2 dui's, doing every mind altering drug there is including IV heroin which I never thought I'd do if you would have asked me that as a kid.
In the end drugs and alcohol damn I sure ran the wheels off you didn't I? And then you stopped working. And then all of sudden I was 25 with still 1 year left of college back living with my parents and that was because I couldn't get sober no matter how many times I tried, and I tried a lot, hundreds, maybe even thousands, especially with pot it was such a love/hate relationship. It made life so interesting and strange/epic but also gave me some psuedo near death experiences which I can only say traumatized me pretty bad.
You also got me so wrapped up in myself I didn't notice how I wasn't the same guy anymore, Evan had changed, and not for the better. Both my younger siblings saw the path I took or was destined to take and went the exact other way God bless em. But I chose a hard road, and I'm only 28, but I've got war stories and you put me around places and people I would never have associated with sober.
I am haunted by my past now. I will never be the same, I now have chosen to work AA rigorously to fight you because I know I can never beat you without a force greater than myself. Because you don't work anymore, sometimes I wish you did, but if that were the case my life would still be in chaos.
You kicked my ass for the last decade basically drugs/alcohol now it's time for my higher power to kick yours. Thats not really the half of it, I could get into the wasted thousands of dollars, getting thrown out of places with nowhere to go, dropping out of college, having very toxic sick relationships. And how you left me a sick sick young man unable to cope with reality and manage his own life. Thats how you left me in the end, and I kind of always knew thats how it would be so it's no wonder I've kept putting the fight with you off until next week, next month, next year, 5 years from now, etc. You are a force to wreckon with, but there is one greater than you, I have faith and hope I will put you in my past where you belong. And today I can say I will do ANYTHING to make that happen, I mean ANYTHING. At least thats how I feel, today. Your cunning, baffling, and powerful and I can never forget that I'll never be completely free of you or cured. But if I can find a happy way of living without/seperate with you the rest of my life that'd be good enough for me. A lot of people don't have the luxury of quiting before they are 30, and I'd love to be able to enjoy my 30's unlike my 20's which your totally DOMINATED.
So yeah, F*** you and thanks for all the crazy times, but then again, F*** you, NO MORE.
I remember when I found you alcohol I rejoiced and felt such wonderful. And how nervous your made me feel marijuana, you made me feel quite like crap to be honest. But I continued with you both and you got me through isolation in high school and I loved using the computer and playing video games or just anything entertainment.
But you came with a cost I sort of realized even at the time when I was sneaking my Dads beers into the bathroom to chug them real quick. I knew I was on borrowed time, and the reckoning would come and I would reap what I sowed. Well to make a long story short, 2 dui's, doing every mind altering drug there is including IV heroin which I never thought I'd do if you would have asked me that as a kid.
In the end drugs and alcohol damn I sure ran the wheels off you didn't I? And then you stopped working. And then all of sudden I was 25 with still 1 year left of college back living with my parents and that was because I couldn't get sober no matter how many times I tried, and I tried a lot, hundreds, maybe even thousands, especially with pot it was such a love/hate relationship. It made life so interesting and strange/epic but also gave me some psuedo near death experiences which I can only say traumatized me pretty bad.
You also got me so wrapped up in myself I didn't notice how I wasn't the same guy anymore, Evan had changed, and not for the better. Both my younger siblings saw the path I took or was destined to take and went the exact other way God bless em. But I chose a hard road, and I'm only 28, but I've got war stories and you put me around places and people I would never have associated with sober.
I am haunted by my past now. I will never be the same, I now have chosen to work AA rigorously to fight you because I know I can never beat you without a force greater than myself. Because you don't work anymore, sometimes I wish you did, but if that were the case my life would still be in chaos.
You kicked my ass for the last decade basically drugs/alcohol now it's time for my higher power to kick yours. Thats not really the half of it, I could get into the wasted thousands of dollars, getting thrown out of places with nowhere to go, dropping out of college, having very toxic sick relationships. And how you left me a sick sick young man unable to cope with reality and manage his own life. Thats how you left me in the end, and I kind of always knew thats how it would be so it's no wonder I've kept putting the fight with you off until next week, next month, next year, 5 years from now, etc. You are a force to wreckon with, but there is one greater than you, I have faith and hope I will put you in my past where you belong. And today I can say I will do ANYTHING to make that happen, I mean ANYTHING. At least thats how I feel, today. Your cunning, baffling, and powerful and I can never forget that I'll never be completely free of you or cured. But if I can find a happy way of living without/seperate with you the rest of my life that'd be good enough for me. A lot of people don't have the luxury of quiting before they are 30, and I'd love to be able to enjoy my 30's unlike my 20's which your totally DOMINATED.
So yeah, F*** you and thanks for all the crazy times, but then again, F*** you, NO MORE.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Scandinavia
Posts: 1,344
Dear Alcohol,
We have a long history.
I watched how my father self destroyed in your company. Saw grown men act without any self control, pee in their pants and worse, become violent, aggressive and out of control. How they were depressed and afraid trying to escape you, unable to stay within their own skin.
I could smell it when coming home from school – I could just sense it.
Saw kids cry and throw up in fear - in all this chaos, violence and unpredictability.
Some of those scenes are so stuck with me I can play them in memory more than 30 years later.
I did hate him and you dear alcohol, I even entertained the idea whether I could put him down and get away with it.
Caused me a lot of crying and fleeing. Experiencing things – I had no business in experiencing at that age.
I promised myself I would never be a evil person when I grew up.
Happily we left that scene when I was twelve and I had years where I could recover.
I did not meet my father for 9 years, met him in Paris with lot of resentment and anger and to some extent with the intention to challenge him for what he had done. He was sober; struggling to be in his skin. I could see the pain and fear. He kept sober the first night. We walked early next morning through the streets of Paris and he found an excuse to sit at a cafe, yelled after a beer with so much panic it stunned the waiter – it did not surprise me I understood what was going on. There was nothing to challenge, what I saw was just sad – I could not understand that I ever had been afraid of this person.
We meet a couple of times after that, he saw my children once – we never got close. He never understood how much I felt he had hurt me and I had no wish to support him in his misery. He died some years ago, I did not visit him when he was sick even though I knew he as dying some of my siblings did, I did not attend his funeral and I have never visited his grave.
I did drink a lot as a youngster, lot of partying and always to the end.
I did not drink much when I got kids, I have been a single parent most of the time– there was in reality not much time. But there was always a couple of beers to relax on when the kids were in bed, and there was at times some hangovers in the week-end – but also years of abstinence. My youngest son has a picture of me, him and his brother on his iphone, that is from one of these years of abstinence where we were traveling together – great vacation.
First time this came out of control in my addult live was when my kids were in their early teens, there were to many evenings that I sat and drank a sixpack. Maybe I was not all over the place drunk, but I was not a good parent either. You got self absored and distant – I was not keeping a home together. I was not supportive enough – I was not pressent. I saw my youngest son was not functioning well, I was not that distant I could not see that. I tried to address it, but not sufficiently sensitive or insightfull.
On day I found some mj in his trouses, he was 14. That broke me down and waked me up. Eventhough it was not alcohol it was addiction – and in my view even worse than alcohol.
You can take my father, and me for that sake – you are not getting my kids.
That was the first time I cried since I was twelve.
Tels about the numbing effect of alcohol – I have a lot of personal experience with addiction and when I saw this bag, I could see all the signals I had ignored, I would have seen and understood this much quicker without the numbing effect of alcohol – and he would in reality not have been in this situaiton without my drinking.
That kept alcohol away from me for a year and a half.
He is fine today I have no worries with him regarding this – it was a hard year to get this straightened out, and it has in reality costed him a year of his youth. He is a great kid, he was even a support person for one of the neighborhoods young mj addicts his last year in middle school. That is the flip coin of missery you sometime understand other people better.
How I did manage to engange with you dear alchol again after this – is a mistery to me – or maybe not. It is always the thought I can control it – use it sensible.
I would have done better without ever have met you and so would my children.
I do only blame myself for this – but that is in reality not the strongest feeling.
My strongest feeling is that I am not wasting another second in your company dear alcohol – you are so totaly unworthy of it.
We have a long history.
I watched how my father self destroyed in your company. Saw grown men act without any self control, pee in their pants and worse, become violent, aggressive and out of control. How they were depressed and afraid trying to escape you, unable to stay within their own skin.
I could smell it when coming home from school – I could just sense it.
Saw kids cry and throw up in fear - in all this chaos, violence and unpredictability.
Some of those scenes are so stuck with me I can play them in memory more than 30 years later.
I did hate him and you dear alcohol, I even entertained the idea whether I could put him down and get away with it.
Caused me a lot of crying and fleeing. Experiencing things – I had no business in experiencing at that age.
I promised myself I would never be a evil person when I grew up.
Happily we left that scene when I was twelve and I had years where I could recover.
I did not meet my father for 9 years, met him in Paris with lot of resentment and anger and to some extent with the intention to challenge him for what he had done. He was sober; struggling to be in his skin. I could see the pain and fear. He kept sober the first night. We walked early next morning through the streets of Paris and he found an excuse to sit at a cafe, yelled after a beer with so much panic it stunned the waiter – it did not surprise me I understood what was going on. There was nothing to challenge, what I saw was just sad – I could not understand that I ever had been afraid of this person.
We meet a couple of times after that, he saw my children once – we never got close. He never understood how much I felt he had hurt me and I had no wish to support him in his misery. He died some years ago, I did not visit him when he was sick even though I knew he as dying some of my siblings did, I did not attend his funeral and I have never visited his grave.
I did drink a lot as a youngster, lot of partying and always to the end.
I did not drink much when I got kids, I have been a single parent most of the time– there was in reality not much time. But there was always a couple of beers to relax on when the kids were in bed, and there was at times some hangovers in the week-end – but also years of abstinence. My youngest son has a picture of me, him and his brother on his iphone, that is from one of these years of abstinence where we were traveling together – great vacation.
First time this came out of control in my addult live was when my kids were in their early teens, there were to many evenings that I sat and drank a sixpack. Maybe I was not all over the place drunk, but I was not a good parent either. You got self absored and distant – I was not keeping a home together. I was not supportive enough – I was not pressent. I saw my youngest son was not functioning well, I was not that distant I could not see that. I tried to address it, but not sufficiently sensitive or insightfull.
On day I found some mj in his trouses, he was 14. That broke me down and waked me up. Eventhough it was not alcohol it was addiction – and in my view even worse than alcohol.
You can take my father, and me for that sake – you are not getting my kids.
That was the first time I cried since I was twelve.
Tels about the numbing effect of alcohol – I have a lot of personal experience with addiction and when I saw this bag, I could see all the signals I had ignored, I would have seen and understood this much quicker without the numbing effect of alcohol – and he would in reality not have been in this situaiton without my drinking.
That kept alcohol away from me for a year and a half.
He is fine today I have no worries with him regarding this – it was a hard year to get this straightened out, and it has in reality costed him a year of his youth. He is a great kid, he was even a support person for one of the neighborhoods young mj addicts his last year in middle school. That is the flip coin of missery you sometime understand other people better.
How I did manage to engange with you dear alchol again after this – is a mistery to me – or maybe not. It is always the thought I can control it – use it sensible.
I would have done better without ever have met you and so would my children.
I do only blame myself for this – but that is in reality not the strongest feeling.
My strongest feeling is that I am not wasting another second in your company dear alcohol – you are so totaly unworthy of it.
Grateful
Join Date: May 2013
Location: NC
Posts: 1,763
Dear Alcohol,
As my previous letter stated, as of April 17, 2013 you have been evicted from the body of one Grung E. Head. You chose to appeal this decision. In the meantime I spoke with a higher power about what recourse I could take since you are dragging the proceedings out by appealing the decision. He advised I take certain steps to ensure that you will not be returning, either to my body or my mind. After taking the 12 steps he suggested to completely end our relationship, your appeal has been denied. I wrote out a list of all of your s**t and discussed what to do with it with a close advisor. He suggested giving all of your s**t to the higher power I discussed this matter with earlier. I have followed his advice, and after going around and apologizing to others for your past actions they all agreed that I am making the right decision. The original eviction date of April 17, 2013 has been upheld, and you and your s**t have been removed from me permanently.
Sincerely,
Grung E. Head
As my previous letter stated, as of April 17, 2013 you have been evicted from the body of one Grung E. Head. You chose to appeal this decision. In the meantime I spoke with a higher power about what recourse I could take since you are dragging the proceedings out by appealing the decision. He advised I take certain steps to ensure that you will not be returning, either to my body or my mind. After taking the 12 steps he suggested to completely end our relationship, your appeal has been denied. I wrote out a list of all of your s**t and discussed what to do with it with a close advisor. He suggested giving all of your s**t to the higher power I discussed this matter with earlier. I have followed his advice, and after going around and apologizing to others for your past actions they all agreed that I am making the right decision. The original eviction date of April 17, 2013 has been upheld, and you and your s**t have been removed from me permanently.
Sincerely,
Grung E. Head
Lost
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 32
Dear Alcohol,
I hate you for ever loving you.
I don't know how it happened, but you turned our fun loving friendship into a horrible addiction and I hate you for it.
I hope that I never see you again.
Don't call me...ever.
Kiter
I hate you for ever loving you.
I don't know how it happened, but you turned our fun loving friendship into a horrible addiction and I hate you for it.
I hope that I never see you again.
Don't call me...ever.
Kiter
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Okc
Posts: 22
Dear Alcohol,
We grew up together. I watched what you did to my grandfather and grandmother. I watched as you twisted my father's love into hatred. I vowed to never let you in my life the way you consumed my family's. somehow, like a disfunctional relationship always starts, I thought I could change you and control you. The military made you so acceptable. Being a man made you necessary to fit in. I fell in love with everything you brought out in me. Mainly because I stopped remembering those events. And that absense of thought, emotion, and control started feeling amazing. You gradually took control over me, the way I thought I could control you. You helped me lose jobs, relationships, and power over my life. Alcohol, we're just not good together. I know you'll find some one else that can handle you. Me? I'm not looking for some one else. I'm looking for myself. A self I lost so long ago. Perhaps I've never had a life without you, and that makes my journey more difficult but I know it will be more rewarding because I deserve it. I deserve to have the life my family never did.
Grant
We grew up together. I watched what you did to my grandfather and grandmother. I watched as you twisted my father's love into hatred. I vowed to never let you in my life the way you consumed my family's. somehow, like a disfunctional relationship always starts, I thought I could change you and control you. The military made you so acceptable. Being a man made you necessary to fit in. I fell in love with everything you brought out in me. Mainly because I stopped remembering those events. And that absense of thought, emotion, and control started feeling amazing. You gradually took control over me, the way I thought I could control you. You helped me lose jobs, relationships, and power over my life. Alcohol, we're just not good together. I know you'll find some one else that can handle you. Me? I'm not looking for some one else. I'm looking for myself. A self I lost so long ago. Perhaps I've never had a life without you, and that makes my journey more difficult but I know it will be more rewarding because I deserve it. I deserve to have the life my family never did.
Grant
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: East Coast, The States
Posts: 12,162
Dear Alcohol-
The further down the road I get away from you, the more I can see you're not a monster.You're a mouse.
The more I ignore you, the faster you shrink. And the more I grow.
I can't wait till you are a tiny blip on the horizon of my past. And I shall set my compass so I never head back in your direction again.
Goodbye....
The further down the road I get away from you, the more I can see you're not a monster.You're a mouse.
The more I ignore you, the faster you shrink. And the more I grow.
I can't wait till you are a tiny blip on the horizon of my past. And I shall set my compass so I never head back in your direction again.
Goodbye....
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Uk
Posts: 1,190
Originally Posted by EternalQ 
This is a thread to inspire you to write your letter to alcohol, or any drug of choice.
Here is mine:
Dear Alcohol:
I am writing this note to return some things to you. I am giving you back the self pity you brought. Also included is the low motivation and poor self worth that you left here. I don't want those any more. I found a little more shame still left behind and am sending that special delivery. I have instated a no~contact order between me and the shame. It can never come near me or threaten me again.
Oh and also included please find some gifts you used to bribe me with. These would include: the false sense of relaxation and confidence that you used to entice me, and used to keep me in our relationship. I examined them closely. Turns out they're a total sham.
I must say thank you for returning my self respect, health, money, energy, looks, hope, confidence, and all the other things you stole from me.
I am still fixing all the areas of my life that got wrecked during our abusive relationship. Thank goodness I now know that no more damage can be done to me from this toxic relationship.
I do wonder what I ever saw in you. You targeted me at one of the weakest moments of my life. I suppose I thought you could lessen my pain. How wrong I was. Eventually I believed I could not live without you. You had me where you wanted me. A prisoner. When I finally saw an escape route, something still alive in me said i had to take it. That was probably the God you almost stole from me too. Lucky for me, God knew better. He never left me.
Now I know better too. This letter formally settles all ties between us: past, present and future. Goodbye.
~EQ.
Here is mine:
Dear Alcohol:
I am writing this note to return some things to you. I am giving you back the self pity you brought. Also included is the low motivation and poor self worth that you left here. I don't want those any more. I found a little more shame still left behind and am sending that special delivery. I have instated a no~contact order between me and the shame. It can never come near me or threaten me again.
Oh and also included please find some gifts you used to bribe me with. These would include: the false sense of relaxation and confidence that you used to entice me, and used to keep me in our relationship. I examined them closely. Turns out they're a total sham.
I must say thank you for returning my self respect, health, money, energy, looks, hope, confidence, and all the other things you stole from me.
I am still fixing all the areas of my life that got wrecked during our abusive relationship. Thank goodness I now know that no more damage can be done to me from this toxic relationship.
I do wonder what I ever saw in you. You targeted me at one of the weakest moments of my life. I suppose I thought you could lessen my pain. How wrong I was. Eventually I believed I could not live without you. You had me where you wanted me. A prisoner. When I finally saw an escape route, something still alive in me said i had to take it. That was probably the God you almost stole from me too. Lucky for me, God knew better. He never left me.
Now I know better too. This letter formally settles all ties between us: past, present and future. Goodbye.
~EQ.
. Thank you for sharing with us and you should be very proud of this.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Uk
Posts: 1,190
I'm going to do a wee tiny few words as I'm still craving and I'm still at the 'I'm scared' - 'can I do this' - ' what if' stage - whatever stage that is lol all I can say is for now and today
Dear alcohol - for today I don't need you - today I'm not going to allow you to pass my lips - today - heck even the next ten minutes or an hour WE are not in this together. Your not my friend today so don't come knocking my door. Your not getting in. (I sound nuts lol) I still have a very deep emotional need for you but it's an unhealthy relationship we have. That's all I can say for now. I will continue this as my journey progresses
Dear alcohol - for today I don't need you - today I'm not going to allow you to pass my lips - today - heck even the next ten minutes or an hour WE are not in this together. Your not my friend today so don't come knocking my door. Your not getting in. (I sound nuts lol) I still have a very deep emotional need for you but it's an unhealthy relationship we have. That's all I can say for now. I will continue this as my journey progresses
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: East Coast, The States
Posts: 12,162
Dear Alcohol,
Thank you so much for being so bad for me.
Because, since I can never forget how bad it was, I can't pretend it didn't happen.
And since i can't pretend it didnt happen, I can never go back with you again.
Your evil sabotage is now my saving Grace. I have even turned your evil to good use!
Ah, you can work no more evil in my life without my coooeration.
And that ship has sailed..
Eq.
Thank you so much for being so bad for me.
Because, since I can never forget how bad it was, I can't pretend it didn't happen.
And since i can't pretend it didnt happen, I can never go back with you again.
Your evil sabotage is now my saving Grace. I have even turned your evil to good use!
Ah, you can work no more evil in my life without my coooeration.
And that ship has sailed..
Eq.
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