ntmu

fine. everyone's done a great & helpful job helping me. thank you.

i've even gotten very positive PMs that were great.

i still don't know how so many people are so feeling good and polite all the time, yes i'd like that to an extent, but as seen on the needs chart, politeness go suck it for a while.

i'm going to have to knuckle this thing for a bit.

i bring this album out only in emergency circumstance & barely listen to it

i love puppies, cuteness & sweetness a ton.

but this album may help me initially more, cuz i'm a wreck right now & they really get it

Neurosis To Crawl Under One's Skin - YouTube

there could be many people on this site waiting until they can be 'polite' enough to post

post now, f it, grab the hands you need to get out of your hole.

ntmu

i'm about 30 mins from my last drink. my sleeping schedule has gotten so bad. i tried to fix that problem yesterday. i intended to go to bed at normal time and wake up now.

i am still up.

i sleep now or get more beer or suffer the day. i don't know the best choice, but they all suck.

ntmu

ugh, most of this is i thought sure i'll tough it out get out of bed at normal time and try normal things.

i need sleep or drinks, this hurts, i need normal people, at least day light living to get to feel normal & productive.

damn

not asking you to solve my problems

just saying...

Hanna

Ok, without sleep you are just screwed. Seriously- the brain patterns of the sleep deprived mimic those of someone suffering from serious mental illness. 3 days of little or no sleep looks like schizophrenia, I read. Sure feels like it, doesn't it?

So if you haven't already, put yourself to bed dammit. Now! Beer cannot substitute for sleep. Your body needs sleep to start the healing process. Your mind needs it to think straight.

TrixMixer

Edited for space by TrixMixer:

Well I know I have waited long enough, and still cannot be polite. I agree with you and don't know how so many people here can talk to you and be patient with you when you are obviously drunk.

No one is coming over to talk to you, so forget that.The ONLY one that can help you is YOU!!!! Get to an AA meeting or an emergency room or doctor---but get out of your house and seek help, cause it is not going to knock on your door.

All the talk in the world (especially when you are drunk) is going nowhere. You are not even comprehending what good advice you are getting. Stop with the posting, dry up, and get out of your comfort zone and seek out help.

Wake up buddy--your just running around yourself in circles--this cannot go on. Sorry if I seem like a b---h, but being kind to you has gotten you no where, you are still home, un showered, drunk, feeling sorry for yourself, with no sleep--you are an accident waiting to happen. Don't ask these kind people to watch.

Come back when you can listen to the wonderfully patient people here . You yourself must know this is just a waste of time. It is all on you--nobody else can do this for you.

Believe it or not I will be your biggest supporter when you come back SOBER, let's try it, eh?

ntmu

i went to a meeting today. i couldn't really focus on much, but could see/feel what horrible condition i am in. i am not drinking today. i need to just refuse to do so.

it's been almost 14 hours since my last sip.

i have a lot of cleaning up to do and really feel like a garbage pail because not only from all of the drinking, but excessive cigarette smoking & not eating.

i really need to do these things one step at a time right now and get my health in order.

also i apologize for the drunk ramblings, but i was just trying to get help.

i need to keep reporting in on here to help keep me from totally being in my headspace.

even just feeling that i documented here that i will not drink tonight helps,

though i am also aware i've documented a lot of dumb things here, that part doesn't help
it can be overwhelmingly embarrassing to think about sometimes, but if it will help get me out of this mess then so be it.
please try not to give some of the dumber things i've said too much thought
i want to focus on getting sober and getting my health in order

thanks everyone

Hanna

That is awesome news. I know these were big steps for you today.

Hope you can force yourself into bed at some kind of decent hour tonight. It will help, even though it might take a few nights of that to actually get to sleep when you want.

Kat60

Good for you ntmu
Try to get some sleep...
Keep us posted!

SophieB

Yes ntmu... put down the drink and try and get a shower some food and some rest. Trixmixer got it right you have to do this!! People used to say things to me and i would be like Wow that was rude and wrong! Now I think of those things and go Wow they were so right on!!

Take care of yourself now. Let us know how you are doing.

ScottFromWI

So glad to hear you put down the drink...hopefully you are getting some rest now. It will be a tough road but we are here to help

artsoul

Good job, ntmu....
Before I got sober, I would think about it all the time..... I would come here and read posts and drink - I even made a few attempts/promises. When it came down to it, though, it just felt too hard. Now, looking back, I see why: it's because when we're drinking, everything is hard. Taking a shower is hard, getting out of bed is hard (until we have another drink)...... it's just a vicious cycle.

That's why it's so scary to think about getting sober: we imagine things will only get worse and we're already living on the edge. It's not true, though - it only seems that way right now. I hope you go for it - just keep taking those little steps, get to a hospital if you need to, read/post here, go to meetings - it really is worth it, ntmu.....

TrixMixer

NTMU,

Look we all sound like idiots when we are drunk. I would tape my ramblings just to understand what a mess I was. So NO need for embarrassment--when we are drunk we all sound the same.

Point is we waste the time of very caring polite posters. They could be working with someone who is willing to put the drink down and LISTEN to what they have to say.

I was actually making a blank statement that --no use in posting to you when you were in the state you were. Conversation with a drunk is useless---and I say that because everyone of us knows we had NO idea what someone was trying to tell us when we were in that state.

This is the nature of the beast, and posting while drunk is a part of it. Your not the first and God knows won't be the last. Forget it , today's a new day, and hopefully the day you begin your new life without drinking--we can only hope, right?

NTMU, I listen to so many big hearted people here, who are so wonderful to take the time and share even when someone isn't in the condition to listen, that is how caring and polite they are. I just find it disrespectful for ANYONE to come on here and blatantly tell us they are a mess and are drunk and are dirty and aren't listening......and I am just snarky enough to get fed up and jump in with my 2 cents. 2 cents I might add that no one here finds particularly compelling.

Forgive me--I never mean to embarrass, only to point out the futility of trying to get thru to someone (anyone) while they are drunk.

I sincerely wish you the best NTMU.
TrixMixer

Hanna

I played a minute of it and the cat glared at me and walked away.

Not the most uplifting. Actually the opposite but whatever works for you.

Hanna

I get where you are coming from... On the other hand, in AA all that is required is the desire to stop drinking. That's it.

Had a good conversation with my bro recently that also applies. Trix, I saw you are sober for many years but not through AA. The 12th Step is helping others, which helps a person stay sober. Many people here are here at SR for that reason. So don't worry about the time of a helpful poster being better used somewhere else. Folks are good at managing that themselves and hey! That thought is a little co-dependent anyway, no?

All to say you can be irritated by the tone, and tough love is warranted at time for sure, but please don't ever discourage anyone from posting no matter their state. It's a tenuous connection, this Internet thing and as you know many go away leaving no reason or way to reach out.

Also tough to say who else is reading this and not reaching out or posting their own thread out of fear.

Namaste,
Hanna

TrixMixer

Hanna,

You are absolutely right ----I should not have spoken for the other posters. I do apologize for that, and hope no one was offended. I actually mentioned the posters because I have a great deal if respect for them and their ability to help others .

I do speak for myself though and even with years of sobriety guess you can still be too direct and prickly. Yep that's me!

You are also right about me not going thru AA. I am not quit sure what the reference to that and the 12th step was. Hopefully it was not meant to underestimate my ability and willingness to help others in my daily life.
I assure you there are many who would come to my defense if that was your intent.

Other than the 12th step thing, I get what your saying, agree, and apologize if I overstepped my bounds.

....and my intent was NEVER to discourage posting, I sincerely hope that was not the message I sent.

Sincerely,
TRIXMIXER

ntmu

so, yes i've been drink free for over 27 hours now.

the post i made during my last few drinks, i have been regretting very much and has been distressing me; the one quoted.
prior to that i was moving in a much more positive direction in making changes and need to continue with that.

i asked to have it deleted, but it was too late.

anyway, to be honest though, i am listening to what you are saying and i think we may continue to have some disagreements going further. i don't want to get into that any time soon.

this process of being on here has been very helpful for my recovery.
i'm not the most conventional person and won't expect or demand much understanding, but i will continue to use this place to help me stay sober and assist my recovery.

i am in very early recovery. some people may find me helpful, some people may not, but i will have to express myself with my own understanding during this time and can't spend all day trying to word a post.

i know there's other options of expression and will get to that when i can.

ntmu

jaysus, i just spend like 2 hours on & off trying to respond to trix's post and after i hit send i see there's 3 others below this that i haven't even read yet. i need to get on with my day of scraping myself back together. i have to go. i will not know when i will be able to read or respond to the above posts. i'm trying to get sober here. i have one day after months of straight daily binging. i don't now what is said i am not looking, i'm sure it's harmless, but i'm being triggered to drink to respond already. i have to go.

Hanna

Trix - Oh sorry, no I didn't mean it that way at all! you are obviously here to help and doing a good job of it, too! Just wasn't sure if you or anyone else reading knows what the 12th step was since that everyone has a different path. and wanted to give a gentle reminder not to worry about us!

Also because NMTU has mentioned a few times, hoping that anyone that stumbles across this thread and is struggling will realize one big important thing. We are all in this world together. Asking for and receiving help doesn't come naturally to most of us. Once you realize that allowing someone to help you may be a great gift to them, it becomes a little easier. It's not weakness but strength that allows us to ask for help.

I figure anyone posting on this forum and drinking at the same time absolutely needs help and it's good they are thinking about it.

Peace,
Hanna

MyTimeNow

Nooooo!!! You do not have to drink to respond! Nothing was that bad.

Trimixer (as I've always mistakenly called her, so Trimixer she will stay) is blunt. Sometimes a little too blunt, and can come across as frustrated, but she means well... I've grown to quite like her in an OMG kind of way

Stay strong NTMU, you've done so well and I am so glad to read it. Keep on at it. It's very early days, you've had a huge binge and a lot to deal with. I'd sleep as much as possible if I were you. If not read, eat some, just try not to worry and carry on bit by bit through what must be some pretty bad withdrawals.

You can do this!

TrixMixer

AWWWWWWW! Thanks MTN! You Do understand my uppidy-ness!!!!

I am going to try and change though--I think I am a little too B----y!

But, Hey I treated myself that way too. Think of what I am like to live with, LOL

Thanks again, Girlfriend
Trix