Omnom

I actually a new user. I starting king lines with a guy friend about late 2011. Have no problems there. Whatever take it or leave it. It's great. Safer but then I was introduced to crack. At first my friend didn't want me to smoke it and when it was offered my way he would snatch it back. I was paying for his habit so I wanted to see what I was throwing all of my money way for. Didn't care for it much at first. I actually used to say that it tasted like I put my mouth on a muffler and sucked all the air out. Not quite sure WHY I would try it again. I guess love does that right? I Love the guy so much ill do it to make him happy. Yeah so I started supporting his habit and have in. Started loving that RUSH. Your head literally yells weeeeeeeeeeee. Now I have a serious problem and I'm scared ********. I can not use. That's not the problem. He's not the problem he's battling with the addiction himself in his own way. He's been using a hell of a lot longer than me and its different for him. Anyways, with me it's like a can of Pringles once you pop you can't stop. I catch the bug in the ear and if I have the cashim on a mission. For the past 3 weeks I have done a once a week binge and they are not pretty. I'd never sell myself or anything but I won't stop till every resource and penny is spent. I'm scared out of mind I don't want this to progress more and I don't want to lose my dear friend. He would be heart broken if he knew what I'm feeling inside. I don't blame him but I'm scared because its not just occasional anymore like it was with him. I want him in my life but none of the others.
This is extremely embarrassing to me. I'm scared and feel alone and like the bigge piece of crap. I'm ashamed of myself. I even think sometimes that my friend who introduced me pushes me away. Please someone give me some advice

Omnom

Excuse the typos I'm on a tablet. Words were just flowing

coraltint

good that you're here, om. it sounds like the drug has you pretty hooked. that was how I was with coke & booze - once I started, I would do it all. I would ignore things I knew were more important if they got in the way of me doing a bit more.

I'm a bit confused about the whole friend thing, but you will think a LOT more clearly about your relationship with him if you get some help putting the drugs away for awhile.

Lyoness

Hey Omnom, welcome to SR! It's great that you are reaching out for help and this is a great place to receive it.

healin

Hi Omnom, I have been on crack for 12 years and decided last saturday that I had had enough. I tried and relapsed countless times but am making good progress this time. Do you want to quit or are you scared of quitting? For me it was both but I picked up a book and i'm learning a technique called AVRT. It teaches you about the addictive voice (AV) in your head, to recognize all of its tricks and emotions and guess what, it works. Google it -rational recovery and AVRT. Simply arguing with yourself will reinforce the addiction, you need to remove it from your thoughts of being you and refer to it as 'it'. For example, when you have cravings you must say 'it' wants drugs not 'I' want drugs. Please learn the technique and I promise it'll help. I was a prolific user, daily 24hrs, sold everything I owned, lived to smoke crack and now my thoughts are on recovery. I have been in your position and felt lonely, abandoned, neglected, confused, lost, helpless and doomed for failure but there is a cure, you just have to find what works for you and want to be clean more than anything. Heed this advice, stick around and visit this site as often as you can, there are so many fantastic people here and many have been clean for years from crack. As for your embarrassment, its what is giving you the drive to be here and to get clean. Would you be here if you weren't ashamed? I doubt it! You are welcomed here by all unlike the people who surround you now who do not understand what you are going through. Welcome to SR

hamabi

Hope that you do try the suggestion you've been given. If it works as well for you, then this time next Wednesday you can be the one recommending the cure to others.

Omnom

I don't want to do it ever again. I will not answering phone calls giving me te bug. I'm scared of getting worse, of losing more than I already have and I'm scared to lose him. I started out as his enabler and then he got me in to it. Now I use without him. Was never the case until I had to leave my apartment due to unemployment. Was either the car or the apartment. I get bored easily, and it ended up being something to do to pass time. I start a new job Monday so hopefully that will nip in the butt being that I'm not so free anymore?

I'm extremely confused. I was talking to a person I have used with and they agreed that te only person you can really talk to about smoking crack is a crack head or a former user. No one else will get it. It's like nothing I've ever experienced yet the comedown is awful enough to make you wanna kill yourself. Why do we do these things to ourselves? How is this enjoyable. How can blowing smoke out of my mouth after spending 200 on crack be a happy place? For some reason it is when your on it. Pure devil.

healin

You don't want to do 'it' again or won't do it again? Right now make your choice, you have the power and the power your addiction has is only what you given it therefore you CAN take it away from 'it'. Remember this quote "man made it, man can fix it".

I lost my job on January 4th this year because of my addiction and I went right off the rails spending every penny of everyday gettin high, getting worse. My job gave me some control over my addiction as I swore I would never use at work and I never did but the day I got that phone call to say "don't come back" I got real bad. The control had been taken away from me!!

Talking to users/ex users is the way forward as they know first hand what emotions and thoughts you have. How can someone be taught how a user feels and what they think? They can't and will never understand you fully but everyone has something to learn from everyone. The negative thoughts of the 'come down' are normal but please igore them. It is your AV talking to you but learn of its presence, mentally and physically, once you are consciencely aware of it's existence you WILL destroy it. You have to, for now but not for much longer ( could be tomorrow if you want it that much), acknowledge every single time your AV awakens. It will disguise itself in mental and emotion form but everytime you think of anything that will lead to drugs you must say "IT wants drugs or IT wants to ME to go and score. Whatever IT is diing to you refer to it as 'IT' followed by whatever IT is doing to you or telling you. You will destroy its power once you separate you and IT from being I or ME.

You do not use drugs, the AV is using you to feed its desire. It is overwhelming at times but only because you did not have the tools to cope with it, now you do. I'am no expert on this but if it works for me it WILL work for you.

The questions you have asked are fantastic. When you question something over and over you WILL begin to doubt it. You are saying that you are ready or willing to recover

Omnom

I don't want to use it at all. One blast and I'm on a mission. I need more and more. I can go days and weeks without it. it's when it's in front of me. Think it's time to eliminate the riff raff and maybe try and help myself and my friend avoid the urge to score or saying no to each other.
I have a rule that I have no dealer numbers etc. I made this promise to myself in the beginning. But as some know people you use with are looking to score and I'm just a money source. They don't care about me and Twyla are only calling me for the money help to get high. I've never bought it myself. Always hand money to someone else and they purchase. I tryed from the get go to keep it under control. I've come to the conclusion that under this drug there is no control there is no "recreational use" about it. It Is progressive. That first blast just requires the Brain.

Omnom

Rewires* not requires. I think it's just ridding the riff raff not taking the calls etc. I can do this right!!! I don't like waking up broke for one night of partying. I can say this my bills are payed first though. But if this don't stop I can see that changing quickly.

healin

Saying no to each other is a good thing but it will not stop you using, it will more than likely feed your addiction. As I said you need to take away its power, its only a mental power. You are right about your money too, you can only pay the bills for so long but if you don't start your recovery now it WILL get worse. Crack sucks in anyone whos foolish enough to try it even professionals and religious people. We all start off recreationally with so called friends but eventually you will ditch them and use alone and from there it will not get any better. I'm not encouraging you in way to use crack but instead i'm trying to show you the cycle that it will take you through ( I have the T-shirts and medals to prove this) unless you commit to recovery NOW. Please understand this- you are not yet a fully fledged member of the crack world, you have no phone numbers and rely on others to get it for you, you do not use alone and are influenced by others not your own thoughts. What i'm saying is that you are not in too deep so get out now before you are. Read my words again with absolute conviction Omnom and if you still doubt me speak to some other members on here - impurrfect, larrylive to name a few. You are in a perfect position to stop RIGHT NOW TODAY. Best wishes

Omnom

That's why I'm here. I'm reading stories and advice and it rings true. Your right about getting out now before I get in to deep. I can say no to a beer a joint food etc. this drug is so powerful on the mind it needed to be talked about. Talking to a family member is not good in this case. They wouldn't understand. I have the will power. If I didn't I wouldn't have googled stuff about crack and found this board. I am a professional who makes over 50k a year. I'm sweet and kinda blind to drugs. I'm 32 years old and I'm gonna start them now? Why.whats the point? I worked hard to get where I am in life. Thank you for listening and giving me advice it's helping and all makes sense. Please keep it coming I wanna hear stories too.

Omnom

Maybe I'm the naive one that allows them to use me cause I have the money? I'm only hurting myself.

sugarbear1

"Safer but then I was introduced to crack"

There is no "safe" recreational cocaine use. It's all a heart attack waiting to happen.

Can you get to a rehab?

Omnom

I honestly don't think I'm that deep that rehab is needed. I don't have medical insurance and I start a new job Monday. I'm hoping this new job will allow me to focus my energy in more positive areas and then I won't have time to see these people I would use with.

Omnom

I really feel I'm strong enough to do this on my own. I'm also afraid of na and aa meetings. I've heard horror stories of just meeting up with new buddies to use with. I wanna fight this alone. It's my battle. I hope that makes sense?

john1967

I was a meth-head for 14 years until I bottomed out -- and then I became a drunk. Just swapped addictions. And I can relate to the change between snorting it and smoking it. My habit doubled overnight. And that went on for 13 years. And though I thought I was a "functioning addict," I wasn't. I was a mess, secretly hoping that I would bottom out. And it happened. It's taken me 5 years to climb back up -- career-wise. And now, I'm a recovering drunk (42 days today). I've been an addict -- of various substances --- since I was a teenager.

And FYI, I am familiar with crack as well. The most discouraging part of crack is you WILL NEVER feel the way you do after that first hit. You're just chasing dragons after that.

Unfortunately, you need to change your life in more ways than just stopping. You need to remove negative people and influences. I walked away from a serious relationship in December because she had no intention of quitting drinking. I can't be around her anymore. End of story. Do I miss her? Less and less everyday. But my life is on the line. Everything else in my life is positive except for the booze. Seek help now. Walk away from those who tempt you. Cause your life is on the line, too. And stick around here. These people here care and have wisdom. Take care.

LadyinBC

It does make sense, I felt the same way as I wanted to be "in control" so to speak. Make sure this isn't about your ego. My ego was big when it came to my addiction. I come from a family of alcoholics and swore I would never become one! The joke was on me.

Just be aware if this isn't working for you. We need to change the way we think and do things. We can't just quit and keeping going as if nothing has happened.

We also need to be opened minded and be willing to try things if what we are doing isn't working.

I personally have no will power when it comes to alcohol. Once I take that first drink I am done. So I had to learn how not to take that first drink. And I couldn't do it by myself. I had to learn different ways of coping and doing things.

Good luck, I hope you find something that works for you.

healin

Get rid of all the bad people in your life and surround yourself with influential people. Would your current crowd visit you if you didn't have dollars? You just answered this didn't you lol. Users will ALWAYS befriend people who have what they desire, we call them grifters or to you they're conmen. He is not your 'dear' friend. Omnom you have the correct mind set and attitude and from what you said to us I truly believe you can quit right now. Get away from those people, DO NOT tell them you are in recovery or they will use that as your weakness to get to YOUR money, instead tell them you're broke.

You are a sweet person and they will prey on that so don't let them. Be mean and say "i'm broke" and through consistent persistence they will leave you alone. Be strong and please keep talking to us

legna

I'm a recovered addict and crack was my drug of choice. I smoked an ounce a day, every day and did for years. I've been clean now for over twenty years and have met hundreds of crackheads who have successfully quit and thousands who have died unable to. Here's my experience:

If you are addicted and live long enough you will absolutely sell yourself. You may not see yourself as a resource today - but you will. I've know dozens of women who went so far as to sell their babies, and a hundred more who would have if I could have thought well enough to have come up with the idea.

There is no such thing (imo) as a social crack user and so, addiction is either here or on the horizon for you as well as every person who smokes crack. Once addicted, you'll learn you have no boundaries as your addiction goes through them one at a time till you've done everything you knew you never would.